Disclaimer: (looks around) hi (inches towards the ownership of Harry Potter and steals it) bwahahahahaaaa! (caught by cops and then arrested) maaan…
Starrarose: more H/D slash and a (gasp) DRAMATIC ENDING! to that chapter lol psyche nah
DemonRogue: I agree whole heartedly (high five)
Aelita E. Mlafoy: Drag Queen party? (thinks about it) I was thinking on one for my Doll fic XD so lovely XD (bear hug)
sexAy-iranian23: sorry sorry sorry! (whimpers and shrinks) although as a plea for forgiveness the characters are doing as they promised in the last minute rambles (cowars)
leftoversushi: lmao! XD ...Hello Kitty Spoon? (tears up) (sniff sniff) I ain't got one
Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares: I never get any emails from this site anymore (pouts) my stupid hotmail account doesn't let me accept them and I KNOW I didn't put a block on them. Sorry for not contacting you! I'm always on the other computer and it has NO internet connection T.T I'll try to IM you or email you as soon as possible (like after my shower, I smell like the pool X.X)
Kat Davi: really? (swells up) tell her The Dementors Kiss is MY favorite! X) I luv it! I guess she might have gotten the hint from my reviews XD
CrazyLake42: soz for the god long wait X.X so much in my life (I'll explain later in the Last Minute Rambles) got me preoccupied T.T
fifespice: and the plot thickens with the end of this chapter O.O OoooOOOoo...er...yeah XD soz about my slow ass! I never realized how busy life can be
Anon-a-miss: lol soz for my cliffhangers XD still a fan? (bear hug!) I never see you at school anymore T.T what's up?
woelfin-akhuna: PRAISE GOD I FOUND MY MUSE AGAIN! (bends down and kisses the floor) ah yes, Colin is a lovely little freak XD I love him (hugs plushie) he's so cute!
gray angel: and so they shall (snicker) more plot builds up after this chapter and so help me if I don't update faster, shoot me XD
moonlight-dragons: I've got my muse back and I'm going to update faster, even if it means putting some of my other fics on hold because in all do respect I STARTED THIS AND I WILL END IT! in a good way XD
A/N SPECIAL!: Ladies, Gentlemen, others...I'M BACK IN BUSINESS BABY! (dances) I should be able to update faster though I doubt the chapters will be long T.T BUT I WILL GET THE NEXT CHAPTER NOT IN THREE MONTHS NOT IN TWO MONTHS BUT MOST LIKELY A WEEK! (faints) ok you can read now heehee!
Chapter Fourteen: Once Again With the Beds!
Dumbledore strummed his guitar like a professional guitarist. "Liiiife," he sang, eyes closed peacefully, he strummed again, "is, like, totally aaawwesooome," he continued strumming while McGonagall, Lupin, and Snape watched with comically large and shocked eyes.
"The horror," Snape whispered dramatically.
"Where'd he get the guitar?" Remus looked around confusedly, "what the hell?"
"Ugh…" McGonagall shook her head and rubbed her temples.
"The piiiizzaaa is coooold!" Dumbledore sang on, strumming his guitar and bopping his head up and down, his white hair flailing up and down wildly, "and my pants are soiled! Oh yeah!"
"Oh god," McGonagall covered her mouth, the signature sign of 'oh my god I'm gonna barf real bad!'
Finished with his random song, Dumbledore raised his bony hands and made the peace and devil horns signs. "Thank you good night!"
Clearing his throat, Remus stepped up and pat the old man's shoulder, "Headmaster sir? Let me by the hundredth person to tell that, you're completely bonkers!" he said good naturally.
"Why thank you, honey," he pat the werewolf's hand, "so! What's on the agenda today?"
"Finding the murderer," McGonagall said through gritted teeth, "Albus there have been seventeen-"
A scream from outside caught their attention, McGonagall rushed to the window and watched as a Ravenclaw seventh year got a chest full of bullets by the cloaked and hooded murderer.
"Eighteen murders," McGonagall corrected herself, "Albus I think it's time to close the school."
"You know, you could have just hexed the murderer since he was right there," Remus said, crossing his arms.
Looking back out the window, McGonagall could only see the body of the Ravenclaw, the killer was gone. "Damn!"
"What the hell is our defense army doing?" growled Snape.
Dumbledore watched the professors while sucking on a blueberry flavored lollipop. Everyone slowly turned to him. He held up a jar full of lollipops, "want one?" he blinked innocently.
Ginny hummed softly when a soft breeze blew over her. She turned on her bed and hugged the source of warmth that kept her warm for the night. Her hand caressed the warmth and slipped under the sheets.
Her hand ran over something long, smooth, hard, and silky.
"Dick?" she peered an eye open…then commenced to let her jaw drop in a silent scream.
Neville stirred awake with a smile before opening his eyes. "Holy-" he sat up quickly only to realize that he was butt ass naked, "ah!" he covered himself with the sheets, causing them to slip off Ginny to reveal her whole chest.
Neville paused and stared non-stop at the redheads' chest. "Niiiiice," he said after a long minute.
"What happened?" Ginny asked, not bothering to cover herself. Hey, she was already revealed, what's the point of covering herself when Neville already saw her?
"Huh?" he looked up, "oh-I don't know!"
"Not again," she shook her head, "what do you last remember?"
"Coming here-I mean the school! We were going to the school after we were trapped in Honeydukes!"
"Something happened," Ginny frowned, tapping her chin, "you don't remember anything else?"
"Uh-no," he was back to staring at her boobs.
"We'll have to go to Dumbledore…" there was a pause before Ginny snatched the sheets from Neville and stared boldly at his cock, forcing herself not to gush she said, "niiiiice."
Neville truly was a beautiful boy.
Harry woke with a start, what the hell was poking his ass at such an ungodly hour? He glanced at the clock, it read one o'clock in the afternoon…ok so it wasn't so early…
Turning halfway he saw a familiar blond teen sleeping close behind, his arm lazily rapped around his waist. Oh…he was dreaming…Harry smirked and eased his low backside closer to Draco's need. From this position the raven head looked a lot like some sort of human cat.
"Mmph," Draco stirred but went back to sleep, bucking his hips forward so that his hard member brushed against Harry's entrance. The Gryffindor gasped quietly before carefully inching his entrance to Draco's tip, he could feel himself gradually growing hard.
The Slytherin bucked his hips forward again, this time reaching destination and getting his tip in Harry who hissed and closed his eyes tightly before forcing himself to relax and sink a little lower, getting Draco's size in him. Trust his super powers to make the pain go away quickly.
Breathing faster, lips parted, Harry closed his eyes and forced more of Draco in him. The tip brushed his prostate and his back arched in pleasure, he bit his lip to stifle his cry.
The blond's arm around his waist tightened as Draco began to pound him.
'Damn! That's one hell of a dream he's having!' Harry thought in awe, meeting in beat with his sleeping boyfriend.
"Ha-Harry," murmured Draco, his hand slipping down to stroke Harry. Suddenly, the Slytherin giggled and Harry knew at once that he was awake.
"Ah! You-god!-sod!" he blanched before crying in ecstasy as he came hard in Draco's pumping hand.
Blaise woke up smiling. Through the whole night he was contentedly sleeping under a nice warm comforter…that was strangely heavy.
"Morning, love," murmured Colin sleepily, kissing his neck before frenching the confused Slytherin.
"How'd we get here? Was there a party?" Blaise looked around the bedroom. Their clothes were all over the floor, but how the hell did they get there? "We'd better go to Dumbledore," he sat up and got out of bed, not minding in the least that he was nude.
"Aww," Colin pouted, he was also nude and considerably hard too, "can't we just stay for a little while longer," he sat up, the sheets on his shoulders slipping off and revealing his full nakedness.
Blaise turned to his boyfriend and let his eyes wander over the toned young body and the deliciously hard cock that lay between the two nice long legs. "Ok," he said immediately, dropping his shirt and jumping back on the bed earning a 'woot!' from Colin.
Pansy sat up abruptly by the sound of a door slamming and confused voices becoming loud and then fading away followed by another slam of a door. Figuring nothing was wrong; Pansy lay back in bed only to face a stunned Ron, she smiled.
"Oh. My. Gumball. God," he said slowly.
Pansy's smiled quickly wiped off. Oh no…not…no…
Ron's hair curled and elongated, turning brown, his freckles disappeared and his bare flat chest became rounder and slightly tanner.
"SHIT!" Pansy jumped out of bed, grabbing the sheets, she ran out of Hermione's room shouting, "I'VE BEEN RAPED BY A GUMBALL FREAK!"
She ran past the common room to her own room missing Ron sit up from the sofa and stare confusedly after her.
The door burst open and in thundered Ginny and Neville. "Professor it happened again!"
All four adults stared at the two students in surprise before Remus started to stifle is laughter.
"What is so funny?" Ginny twitched.
"You're-y-hahahahaa!" he fell into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.
"What?" Neville looked at the laughing teachers confusedly.
Dumbledore, who wasn't laughing, smiled and pat their shoulders, "children, did you have sex?"
"What?" they blushed.
"Oh it's no big dead, it's all about love," he laughed, putting on his round rimmed purple tinted sunglasses.
"We didn't have sex," Ginny said through gritted teeth, gradually blushing harder, "we didn't-did we?" she turned to Neville and found the reason why the professors were laughing. She looked at herself and gasped. They were wearing each other's uniforms, "NEVILLE!"
"I didn't do anything!" he gaped back at her. Ginny had to admit, for a guy who used to be round and then lost so much weight; he was really pretty in a skirt, especially since it was short, "…could this pass for a kilt?" he looked at his-Ginny's skirt thoughtfully.
"Yeah…if you're a man-whore," she raised an eyebrow at him, clearly liking what she was seeing.
"I am not a man-whore!" he stomped his foot, "and your shoes are painfully small," he winced.
Done with her laughing, McGonagall took in the seriousness of the situation, "did the others end up in each others beds too?"
"I don't know," Ginny pulled up her falling pants.
"We'd better go to the tower then, lead the way crossdressers."
Cho looked around the basement of Honeydukes for anything that could free her and spotted something shining out of one of the open crates.
Transfixed by the shiny thing, Cho wormed her across the floor and reached the crate. Flopping up and looking at the shiny thing, her eyes sparkled, it was a four foot sugar quill!
Then she started crying.
She was gagged so she couldn't eat the quill.
'WHY?' she cried in her head.
The door from upstairs opened again and Zani skipped downstairs, waking past Cho and grabbing the large quill. Ignoring the woman's whimpers, she walked happily back up the stairs and shut the door.
'She will die,' Cho thought furiously.
"How are you, darling?" giggled an echoing voice. Cho plopped to the floor grumpily only to yelp and jump back up when her ass hit the sharp end of the lid of a crate, "doing well, I see?"
The Asian woman shook her head pathetically and carefully sat back down. 'Fuck off,' was one thing she wanted to say, the second was, 'that bitch stole my sugar quill!'
"I think I have an idea for my plan to work, so you just sit there like a good little girl…and try not to squirm, the Honeydukes's keep mistaking you for a rodent, tata darling!"
A number of nasty little words were muffled from the gag as Cho sat up angrily, what she was trying to say was, "I'm not no stinky rodont! What plan are you talking about? Free me you insensitive ponce!"
And on and on and on… (cute little pink stuffed bunny in sunglasses suddenly strolls past Cho, banging rhythmically on his Engergizer drum).
"Pansy what's the matter? Come on, open the door and tell me everything, I promise I won't tell," Ron whined, banging on the girl's door, "open the door for Merlin's sake, woman!"
"Go away! The most horrid thing has happened to me and I do not wish to see anyone!"
"It can't be that bad!" the redhead continued to whine, "I'm sure having sex with Hermione couldn't have been that bad…" he paused, "…ok it could-but you still have me!"
"I've lost my virginity to a gumball whore!" she sobbed.
"No you didn't! I did you in the bathroom back at Honeydukes!" his ears went red at the injustice of not being remembered in having even a fling.
"That was really you?" the sobs momentarily sobbed.
"Yes!"
"RON!" the door opened and Pansy pulled him in, "THEN DO ME AGAIN!"
"What? Well ok," he eyed her still naked form.
"AHH!" Colin arched his back and came, spilling his seed on Blaise's stomach.
"Happy?" Blaise smiled, hugging his boyfriend tightlty. Colin nodded softly against his neck, "good," he darted his tongue at the tip of the younger boy's ear, "because you know what?" he kissed his neck softly.
"What?" breathed the Gryffindor.
"Now," he pushed him back to kiss him, "we have to get to the bottom of this case."
"Aw," Colin pouted cutely and Blaise giggled, "do we hafta?"
"Mhm."
"Ok…" he bowed his head sadly, then snapped it back up happily, "then it's more sex after that right?"
"Of course," he smirked.
"Yay!"
"Good, now," he sat up and got out of bed, dressing himself up, "we have to get to the professors."
"Already?" Colin's smiled dropped.
The doors opened and the two crossdressers stepped in, followed by the professors who looked around in surprise.
"Where's everyone else?" McGonagall asked, looking around bewilderedly.
"Harry and Draco are probably doing itlike bunnies-or dogs, Colin and Blaise…probably the same thing, I saw Ron on one the couches, Hermione and Pansy?" Ginny paled, "oh dear."
Neville snickered.
"That poor child," McGonagall shook her head.
"Which one?" everyone said in unison.
"Pans-CAN WE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND GENTLEMEN?" Ginny huffed angrily. "AND LADY?"
"Oh, you're already here," Blaise walked down the stairs and joined the group before spotting Ginny and Neville, he eyed the boy with a raised eyebrow, "nice skirt."
"I like the breeze."
"Oh my god!" Colin gaped, "you're in a skirt!"
"Yes, and she's in my uniform," Neville nodded to Ginny who forgot to hold up her pants, they fell down easily revealing a pair of boxers, "…are those mine?"
Everyone looked at Neville warily. Ginny lifted his skirt and everyone's eyes widened when they saw him wearing the Weaslette's silky pink panties.
"Wow," Remus eyed Neville's ass appreciatively, "nice arse."
All of the sudden Ginny wrenched the neckline of Neville's shirt revealing a strap that undoubtedly belonged to a bra.
"True crossdresser, you are a true crossdresser," clapped Colin. Neville blushed in embarrassment.
"I didn't realize I was wearing everything of hers," he mumbled uncomfortable, "but I did feel a strange tightening around my chest-"
"Enough!" McGonagall yelled, "we must get going with the plot of this story! POTTER! MALFOY! WEASLEY! PARKINSON! GRANGER! GET YOUR ARSES DOWN HERE THIS SECOND WE HAVE AND IMPORTANT MATTER TO DISCUSS!"
No reply, McGonagall fumed.
"I SAID GET DOWN HERE THIS MINUTE! NOW!" she yelled, stomping both her feet like a child, or wild rock star.
"Um…okay!" Ron yelled. There was a pause and then Ron and Pansy emerged from their room covering their privates with pillows. Harry and Draco came out, both wrapped together in a single bed sheet, and Hermione came out of her own room dressed in a black dress and hat with a veil.
"I have betrayed my love for gumballs, may their goodness rest in piece," she said, her head bowed and palms pressed against each other in prayer, "amen to the Gumball Lord."
Everyone stared at her for a good long minute. "Does this mean you're back to normal?" Harry asked curiously.
Hermione's snapped her head up, "shut it," she blew her nose with a handkerchief and wiped her tears, "now…what is it you sex addicts want to talk about?"
Before anyone could answer, the lights went out, the windows inked into blackness and everyone started screaming.
"What happened?"
"Who turned off the sun?
"Shut up!"
"Ah! Something's got me! Help!"
"What? Draco!"
"AHHHH!"
"BWAHAHA!"
"Who the fuck is that?"
"Oh my god…I'm the killer! I kill people! You know, with an ax?"
"…Oh."
"Help me!"
"No! Draco! Leave him alone you dirty old man!"
"Dumbledore's taking Draco?"
"Hey I'm not dirty!...I just don't believe in haircuts, that's all."
"Oh for god's sake, lumos!"
The room was lit for a split second but everyone could see that Draco was being pulled away from Harry by some cloaked figure. It was dark again.
"Get him!"
"I want my mummy…no wait, I want my teddy!"
"Weasley hush up, Draco where are you?"
"Here!"
"Where?"
"HERE!"
"BLOODY WHERE?"
"Let me go! Do that lumos thing again!"
Too late, the lights flickered on, the inked windows cleared up and after blinking at the sudden brightness, everyone looked at Harry and Draco's direction.
Except Harry was holding on to Ron, Draco was gone.
"Shit!" Ginny looked around while Blaise used his nifty X-Ray power to check the area.
"Nothing," he frowned, looking at the floor, checking for hidden passageways, "wait…" he squinted his eyes, "there!" he pointed to the fireplace, "he's headed for Hogsmeade!"
"Out of my way," Harry wrapped the bed sheet more securely to himself.
"You're going in a bed sheet?" Hermione said dully.
"I'm going as an ancient Roman!"
Before he reached the door however, the light went off again. More screams, more laughter, and then nothing. The lights flickered back on and Harry found himself fully clothed and standing in the empty Transfiguration room.
"The fuck?" he looked around confusedly.
Last Minute Rambles
"Well," Ron sipped his butterbeer and set it could with an audible 'ah' "we're doing as we promised."
"Yep," smiled Pansy, "we're torturing Wp."
Wp's bottom lip trembles. She's tied to her chair, unable to reach her cup of mango juice.
"Okeedoky," Colin crackled his knuckles and sniggered, the authoress looked at him with terrified eyes.
(Pause for suspense)
"BWAHAHAHAHAAA AHAHAA HAHA! AH!" Wp squirmed in her chair, thrashing her legs to push away the tickling boy, "st-hop! Can't breathe! AHAHAHAHA!"
"Apparently Wp is sensitive to tickles therefore, she's very ticklish," Hermione nodded assuredly, sipping on her green tea.
"Are you gonna stay normal?" Pansy asked curiously.
"Possibly not," she shrugged, "I'm an unpredictable girl, I might be goth in the next chapter," she drank more of her tea.
"HAHAHA! OK! OK! STOP! PLEASE!" Wp shook her head, her face turning bluer with every laugh.
Colin stepped back, satisfied with his little job, "now, explain."
Wp faced the readers guiltily. "Ok…let's see, there was Terra Nova testing, they were the biggest bitch of the year, um…me trying to pass my classes and failing miserably, sadly I only pass French, which is kind of cool since I don't speak French, haha!"
"And?" Colin eyed his fingers interestedly.
"Um!" Wp gulped, "there was also this weird thing, I just found out that my aunt's been suffering from depression for years so…I was a little down because I never knew and it didn't make me happy enough to write. There's also this thing with my Sweet Sixteen," she pretended to die, "oh my god…and it's a barbeque/garage thing, as shlumy as that sounds it'll actually be kind of cool, since my mom has my artistic ability to help her," she smirked smugly.
"Show off," muttered Harry.
"Anything else?" Pansy blinked innocently.
"Well…if anyone's reading any of my other fics, including Blue Blood, I'm so sorry for not updating, I really couldn't find the time, or feeling to write because of everything that's happening. Erhm…I do have an ending for all the fics-finally-so all I need are the fill-ins to get there! And don't worry about Draco, he'll hopefully be safe!"
"Good," Colin grabbed the mango juice and let Wp drink some, "now back to the torture."
"What? Oh come o-HAHAHAHAAA!"
"Review please," Ginny blew the readers a kiss.