A/N: This chapter took a lot longer than I wanted it to– so, sorry for the delay! Just a quick note in response to some reviews from the last chapter:

tezuka eiri - No, the captain's intentions are not good at all… and that part of the story will be revealed in the next chapter... ;)

Tora Macaw –It makes me smile that you caught that about Hideaki… His first name should also prove to be somewhat revealing…

yoshiko-chan – Don't worry, Fuji will pop his head into this story soon! ;)

So, thank you to the other readers and reviewers…and I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It's all Oishi's POV.

Chapter Three

The other end of the phone had been silent for a long time, and Oishi wondered for a second if Eiji had hung up. A moment later though, he felt his jaw clench in frustration as he reminded himself that he knew by now that Eiji hadn't hung up, and that he really should be used to this.

Their phone conversations had been one sided like this for a long time, with Oishi talking, and Eiji listening, usually without commenting on anything, or offering more than one word answers to Oishi's questions. Sometimes Oishi would barely get two sentences out of Eiji, during the entire conversation. Oishi wondered sometimes if Eiji was acting like this on purpose to upset him, or if maybe he just enjoyed hearing Oishi say his name over and over, like he invariably always did, even when he could hear Eiji breathing on the other end of the line.

The truth was, Oishi didn't mind playing along with anything that Eiji wanted, as long as he was sure that it was what Eiji wanted. If this was how Eiji wanted it to be, if for whatever reason this made it easier, or made Eiji happier, even just a little happier, Oishi would endure it a thousand times over, without question. The problem was that for the first time in his life, Oishi really had no idea what Eiji wanted from him.

In the entire time he had known Eiji, Oishi had never seen him act like this - to anyone. Even when Eiji was really, seriously mad he just wasn't the type to shut people out or cut them off. Oishi wanted to believe that if Eiji was acting like this because of something he had done, his boyfriend would just tell him, like he always did.

The only thing that made sense was that Eiji just didn't want to talk to him. So, even though it really, really hurt Oishi to say it, he asked Eiji at least once during every conversation if he wanted him to stop calling. But each time he asked this, Eiji would get upset, and insist that Oishi was wrong. So he kept calling.

Oishi didn't know if he should be angry, or worried, or if there was some obvious thing he was missing that would explain why Eiji was acting like this. He nearly drove himself crazy every day, trying to figure it out, but he could never come up with anything that made sense. More than anything though, Oishi was just sad. Because even though he called Eiji every day, Oishi still felt like he hadn't talked to his boyfriend in months.

Oishi knew that he probably always seemed fine to Eiji, like none of this bothered him at all. Or maybe it seemed like he just hadn't noticed that Eiji had suddenly stopped talking to him. But even if he never said a word about it, Oishi couldn't believe that Eiji would honestly think this wasn't hurting him.

He tried to be patient, but some days, he couldn't help feeling a little selfish. And today Oishi really, really just wanted Eiji to stop playing this game, or whatever it was, because he needed him. Oishi needed him to be there. He needed Eiji to tell him that he missed him, that he loved him.

Oishi wasn't sure if it was just the fact that he was really tired, or the fact that he really missed Eiji right now, but he just couldn't maintain his perpetual good mood while Eiji ignored him anymore. He took a deep breath, willing his voice to remain steady.

"Eiji…are you still there?"

"…hmm…" came Eiji's reply after a long pause.

Oishi knew how much it would hurt if Eiji didn't respond, but he just didn't feel capable of holding anything back anymore, even to protect himself from this silence. He was sure the desperation in his voice would be obvious, but it didn't seem to matter anymore.

"Eiji, will you please tell me what's going on?" Oishi stopped for a second, surprised at how hard his heart was pounding. When he spoke again, his voice was a little more determined, as he tried to push aside his nervousness.

"Eiji, I…I don't know whether you're doing this on purpose, or not, but… It really hurts my feelings, you know? If there's something I did, or something you want me to do, please just tell me. I just want you to talk to me. I miss you …" Oishi paused, taking another deep breath. "And if this is what you want, then it's ok, but…I just don't know what to do anymore."

Oishi stopped, listening through the phone to Eiji's breathing, reassuring himself that his boyfriend still existed. He realized now how hard it was for him to honestly show his feelings to someone he felt so far away from. Oishi just really wished Eiji would say something, anything… It seemed almost silly for him to keeping talking like this, but…

"Eiji, I really miss you. I miss your voice. Do you not want me to call anymore?" Oishi immediately regretted asking this, because somehow he found himself wondering if the answer might be different this time.

Then to Oishi's astonishment, he heard Eiji's voice, small and tentative, "Maybe…"

There was a long pause. Finally Oishi couldn't stand it anymore. "Maybe what, Eiji? Maybe you want me to stop calling?" Oishi could feel his body going cold. "Why?"

Eiji's voice was quiet. "Oishi, I know you don't understand, but… it makes me so sad, when I hear your voice. And then…then you're just gone again, and I can't move, and I need to, so maybe it would be better… Maybe I would feel better... I just…I don't know what to do either, Oishi. I'm sorry…"

Oishi couldn't think for a second, he was so surprised. This was the most Eiji had said to him in weeks. Then Oishi reminded himself to breathe, as a million questions and thoughts rushed to the surface.

Why had he kept telling himself that things were ok for so long when he knew that they weren't? Oishi wondered if he was just afraid of how he would react if he admitted there was something wrong. He felt so far away from Eiji all the time, and it scared him, because even if things weren't ok, Oishi knew he wouldn't be able to fix them like he always did. Oishi really had no idea if this was why he had allowed things to reach this point, but he knew that there was no way he could tell himself it was ok anymore.

And now? How would him not calling be any different than them just breaking up? Is that what Eiji was trying to say? Oishi allowed himself to think about this for a few seconds, until he thought he might be sick.

Then, to Oishi's surprise, Eiji's voice was there again. "I…I wrote you a letter."

Oishi listened to Eiji's voice, wondering how many times Eiji could possibly break his heart in one day before it stopped hurting this much. Oishi didn't want a letter from Eiji. He just wanted Eiji to talk to him, to reassure him that he still cared. Besides, Eiji never wrote letters. He couldn't imagine why he would do something like that that now, instead of just talking to him, when he was right here. Oishi was so confused, and he just really couldn't force himself to maintain his composure anymore.

"Great." He said bitterly. "Well, you have my address, right?"

Oishi forced a laugh, and when he heard Eiji's noise of surprise on the other end of the line, he felt a surge of anger. "Well, I guess it's a good thing I took the time to call you today. You know it's five o'clock in the morning here, Eiji. I was up until two studying, but I woke up early so I could catch you before-" Oishi took a deep breath, realizing that he was getting carried away, and tried his best to soften his voice. "Never mind, Eiji. I have to go. I'll read your letter when I get it, ok?"

"I love you," Oishi added without really thinking, like he always did, simply because it was true.

As soon as he said it though, he wondered if he shouldn't have. And then Oishi hung up, not wanting to wait for Eiji's silence again.

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Oishi didn't even realize that his hands were shaking until he had hung up the phone, almost dropping it as he flipped it closed.

He really wasn't sure what had just happened, or how he should feel, but Oishi knew that he was exhausted, and that his feelings were really hurt. Even though Oishi was sure that his reactions were purely emotional, and that he probably wasn't seeing things very clearly right now, he still couldn't help the fact that he suddenly felt completely alone. Oishi hadn't felt like this since before he met Eiji, and he had almost forgotten what it was like. He was angry too though, and Oishi was surprised at how strange it was to feel both of these things at the same time.

Finally, Oishi had to force himself to stop thinking. Because if he tried to analyze the situation any more in his current state of mind, he was going to punch a hole through the wall, or call Eiji back and say something that he would regret, or…or something worse, and Oishi really didn't want any of those things to happen.

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Later that day, when he was able to look at everything a little more rationally, Oishi realized that no matter how bad he felt, he would have to relax, because there was no way he would be able to figure out what to do if he was so upset. He also realized that it was possible that he might have overreacted a bit anyway. After all, he still trusted Eiji. He believed that if Eiji had wanted to break up with him, he would have just told him. This must be something different.

Oishi reminded himself that he really would do anything Eiji wanted him to do, if he thought it would make his boyfriend happy. Oishi would even give Eiji space, as ridiculous as that seemed when they were a thousand miles away already, if that's what he needed right now. Besides, Oishi told himself, it would be better to talk to Eiji once a week, or even once a month and have it be normal, than for it to be the way it had been. And if there were things that Eiji wanted to tell him in a letter instead of over the phone, Oishi would try to understand that too.

In the end, Oishi decided that he would wait a week, and that he wouldn't call until then, and that he would try to just trust Eiji, regardless of how much it hurt right now.

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The week was almost up, when Oishi received Eiji's letter. And suddenly, all of his logic seemed completely ridiculous, because the explanation for everything was immediately obvious.

It had nothing to do with space, or not wanting to talk to Oishi, or anything he had done. Eiji just really thought that Oishi was gone forever, and it was making him crazy. It was so illogical, but Oishi had seen how upset Eiji could make himself if he really believed that he was alone. Oishi understood how Eiji felt, and it scared him.

Because Oishi knew that if he believed in his heart that Eiji was gone, or if anything ever happened to Eiji, that he wouldn't be able to handle it either. Oishi already knew that this pain and absence would be the most horrible feeling in the world. He knew it was different that than just missing Eiji, or being sad. He couldn't imagine that emptiness lasting permanently, and he didn't want to. But Oishi knew how irrational Eiji's logic was sometimes; he knew that Eiji could never really look beyond what was right in front of him. Everything was so spontaneous, so immediate with Eiji, and Oishi loved that about him. He even envied his boyfriend sometimes, for not worrying about the future, or dwelling on things so much like he always did, but he suddenly found himself wishing that he could lend Eiji some of his pragmatism.

Because then Eiji would be able to see that in all the places that mattered, Oishi hadn't gone anywhere. He would be able to see that Oishi couldn't imagine one second of his future without Eiji, and that he never meant to hurt Eiji like this. Oishi had to make Eiji believe that everything would be ok.

It didn't take long for him to convince himself of what he had to do.

Winter break wasn't for a month, but Oishi needed to see Eiji now. It didn't matter how much it cost, or how little sense it made. It would just be for a few days, so that he could make sure Eiji was ok.

Eiji's birthday was coming up in less than a week, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Oishi immediately called Eiji's parents, asking if they thought it would be ok for him to be there for their son's birthday. He really hoped that he didn't seem too frantic on the phone.

Eiji's parents understood, and then surprised Oishi by telling him they had been worried about Eiji too and that they also thought it would be a really good idea for him to visit. It was strange, and a little scary to think of Eiji's usually laid-back parents worrying about him like this. Oishi was glad he had called though. Eiji's parents had always been supportive of their relationship, and it made Oishi feel a million times better to hear Eiji's mother tell him that she was sure her son would be really happy to see him.

The flight cost him more money than he could make in several months, but Oishi didn't care. He didn't even care about the exam he would be missing while he was gone. All Oishi could think about was how excited he was to see Eiji, though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he should probably be a little worried. Eiji's mother had encouraged him to keep his visit a surprise, and Oishi had agreed, but…part of him honestly had no idea how Eiji would react. Oishi knew Eiji was sad, but Oishi also knew from his letter that he was angry, and that in some ways he blamed Oishi for abandoning him. Even though Oishi knew that he couldn't fault Eiji for feeling like this, it still scared him a little. Oishi put it out of his mind though, not really wanting to think of anything except how happy he would be to see Eiji again. He could deal with everything else later.

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In the end, Oishi wasn't exactly sure how it had all happened, but he was sure that the night he arrived in Japan had been the worst night of his life, and that now it was Eiji's birthday, and he was staying at a friend's house in their hometown.

Oishi hadn't told his parents about his trip, knowing that they would have a fit, and since he had planned on staying with Eiji, and the trip had been so last minute, he hadn't made arrangements or even told any of his old friends who were still in the area that he would be in town. He had finally been able to get in touch with someone who he was really no more than acquaintances with, but who understood that he was desperate, and kindly agreed to take him in for the night, and drive him to the airport the next morning. He had arranged to fly out on the earliest flight he could the next morning, stand-by. Oishi honestly couldn't wait to leave.

He was embarrassed, furious at Eiji, upset, worried and confused, all at the same time. Of all the reactions he expected from Eiji, he would have never guessed that Eiji would just flat out refuse to see him, would refuse to even talk to him. But that was exactly how it had happened. Oishi had figured a surprise couldn't be a bad thing, especially since it was Eiji's birthday, but apparently he had been wrong.

It had happened so fast, Oishi didn't really have the chance to react, except in complete surprise. He had almost thought it had to be a joke at first, until Eiji started really screaming at him. Oishi couldn't even follow him, because his dorm had a strict security system, where all guests had to be signed in. The situation was so absurd that Oishi found that he wasn't even upset at first, just more confused than he had ever been about anything before. Eiji had always been a little unpredictable, but this was just…ridiculous.

That night, Oishi didn't know what else to do so he just waited. He waited outside Eiji's dorm for hours and hours. It was really cold. He thought Eiji would come out at some point that night, or that at the very least the next morning, Eiji would have to leave the dorm, since it was his birthday. But he didn't. Oishi waited, practically freezing to death until halfway through the next day when he just couldn't stand it anymore, and started making phone calls. He was angry, but found that it was hard to be too angry since he really had no idea what was happening, and there was no explanation that made any kind of sense to him.

It wasn't until Oishi boarded the plane the next day that he realized that there was probably no reason for him to be confused about what was happening anymore. Eiji had refused to see him, to even look him in the eye. Oishi tried to remember exactly what Eiji had said. All Oishi could really remember was that Eiji had said that Oishi had no right to be there, and that he never wanted to speak to him again. And then Eiji was just gone. And now everything just seemed completely wrong, and backwards and horrible. Oishi wondered what Eiji could possibly expect him to be thinking right now.

It was impossible for Oishi to believe that their relationship could just disintegrate like this.

Oishi would think about it logically later, and try to find some kind of explanation, like he always did, but right now, all Oishi could feel was the horrible, empty loneliness of Eiji being gone. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if Eiji was feeling the same way.

Oishi never cried around other people, especially not in public, but he was crying now, on the plane, and the person next to him was shifting uncomfortably away. Oishi was embarrassed, but he couldn't help it. He honestly wondered if he would ever be able to stop.

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A/N: So what did you think? This chapter was really hard for some reason! Oishi is just hard for me to write, I guess. So I hope it was believable? Please review and let me know! Please?And Chapter Four is on the way…Thanks for reading!