This is chapter 7B. And we finally return to Sevie's POV.
Disclaimer: You know the story by now.
A/N: This does not really have much to do with the story. I just thought some of you might want a little insight to how Severus is feeling. I decided it's hard to do his POV so about 90 of the story will be by Hermione.
Stupid, stupid, stupid idiot. Why was I so frigid and cruel to her? I supposed I had gotten what I deserved, a life of solitude and lonliness, doomed to be the Greasy Git of Hogwarts forever. I remembered the look on her face when I had told her why I had dumped her, my words had the effect of a slap in the face. Now she was gone forever...again.
Whenever I see her, even after we broke up, I want to grab her and throw her onto the nearest bed. Not only that, I want to steal a Time Turner and go straight back to the day that I dumped her, and completely forget making that huge mistake. But I did dump her, and we did sleep together, and she does hate me. I can't change that, I can only move on.
Yesterday's confrontation was horrible. It ended with her being in tears. It still tears my heart apart (AN: So BSB!) to see her cry. I still curse myself for leaving her for the reasons I did. Truthfully, I would have married her long ago had I not been so asinine. It felt like the nearly three years that we were together officially counted for nothing.
Watching her leave yesterday, I saw Finnigan ask her to go out with him, dancing or something equally foolish. I hid around the corner, to hear their little conversation and she bloody said yes. Odd as it may seem, that set my blood boiling. I felt almost as if she was cheating on me, even though we were very clearly not together, dating. We never 'dated' as such, we preferred to sit in the dungeons, or on a stone bench outside and talk. Much more entertaining then showing off our relationship by going to a bar or something along those lines. Of course we did much more than talk, those were my favorite 'dates' indeed.
Why do I obsess about the past like this? I suppose many people do this, and I am not immune to the odd hint of humanity, yet it can not be healthy to let these memories about her take over my present. Face it, Severus, I thought to myself. You fucked up. It's time to move on.
Move on I shall. Yet that means nothing. A forty-year-old, sour, pale, hooked-nosed, greasy-haired Potions Master was not exactly many women's idea of the perfect man. A long time before Hermione, I had come to the realization that I would indeed spend my adult life alone, both physically and romantically. I deign to think that if it was not for my job at Hogwarts, I would be something like a hermit, with a small cabin buried deep in the woods...No, no I take that back. I hate the woods and all things outdoors. That is rather irrelivant to my issue: Me. Love. Hermione. Or, in a coherent sentence, I am still in love with Hermione.
We really were the oddest couple. I was old, she was bursting with youthful innocence. I was dark and brooding, while she awoke every morning with her eyes shining, bright and chipper. I suppose that the only thing we had in common was our intellect. I had the highest score in recent history on the NEWTs...until Hermione tied me. I still reminisce about the hours we spent discussing history, culture, potions, the future in general. I suppose a topic that we both avoided was our future. I still stand by the fact that I would have married her, but I suppose it is a little late for that now.
There I went again, we were, we never...none of that matters! I am stuck in lurch at St. Mungo's for the next week and there is not a bloody thing I can do about it. Hermione hates me, yet again helpless. She and Seamus Finnigan are possibly dating, damn it I am still bloody helpless. I have never been so out of control. I am called a Potions Master for a reason, I can control anything there. If I choose to add but one flake of Mintwood to my Bone-Mending Potion, I have just changed it to a Hair-Growing Potion. Yet here, there is so much I do not control--a whole other person to be exact.
I suppose there is nothing else I can do. I shall simply sleep the next week away, hopefully things will be looking better when I am released from here...
A/N: I didn't really care for this, I simply decided to remind you all that Severus was still here. His POV will be making guest appearances throughout this story, I suspect...even though I have almost no plan after the next chapter, and I believe I will rely on your reviews and responses to figure out where I shall go. So...Review! --I will be asking for your input in the next chapter and it will be pivotalregarding how the story will continue and end!