My Reasons

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA

Chapter 5 – Unanswered

Mustang sat quietly throughout Hawkeye's monologue, she was speaking like she was in a trance and he was partly afraid if he interrupted her she'd never tell him anything again. He didn't even interrupt her when she started talking about how she originally thought he was a jerk…she seemed to have forgotten that he was even in the room…her eyes looked as if she wasn't even in the room anymore…like her mind was somewhere else. This was a side of Riza Hawkeye he'd never seen. This was the first time she'd ever said anything about the war in Ishbal… and it was the first time she'd ever really revealed anything intimate about herself. He was surprised how little he knew about her. He'd asked a few times before, but when she gave him the run-a-round he gave up and tried not to pry…'Its for the best.' He often thought, 'The more I know about her the more likely I'll fall for her even more…if she wants to keep me at arms length…its probably for the best.'

Mustang felt an old tightness in his throat as when she started talking about Hughes. Hearing her talk about Hughes brought back so many memories for him…the way Maes smiled, his way of talking, that way of seeming to have his hand in everything... 'I never knew how much of a hand Hughes had in giving me Riza…maybe he wasn't kidding when he said he said he was going to get me to settle down…'

As Riza came up to the part in her story when she was finally reassigned to Mustang's squad, she jolted herself out of her trance. It was a good thing too…the entire story was hard to repeat for her, it had so many emotional ties to it, especially when it came to meeting Roy for the first time.

The first time she'd met him, she'd thought he was handsome, but of course, anyone with eyes could see that…but there was something else about him too. There was a spark there that she'd never expected. Riza wanted to end her explanation there, but looking into his onyx eyes she felt compelled to continue.

"Hughes told me that you'd win me over within two days, but he was wrong." She said. Roy looked at her inquisitively. "It only took two hours." When he didn't say anything she continued. "It was right after lunch…you went out on rounds with Kimbly. You'd told me to stay behind, but I ignored the order and followed you." A look of surprise flashed over Roy's features…he remembered what had happened next. "It wasn't long before you two found an Ishbalan…a little girl. Her leg was bleeding severely…I suppose she got caught in one of the explosions. I watched from behind some fallen debris. I heard Kimbly ask you if you minded if he got to kill the kid this time…it was right then that the girl's mother ran out from behind one of the buildings. Kimbly was ready to kill them both, but you stopped him. You told him that you hadn't killed anyone all day, and you were itching to incinerate someone." She paused as she watched his reaction. He didn't say anything, he was incased in the memory. "You shooed Kimbly away from them and back to camp…I thought for sure that you were going to incinerate them right there, and to tell you the truth, I started to get up to stop you—but then, you did something I didn't expect. You helped the woman pick up her child and you gave her directions on how to get to medical aid…you saved that child's life…That was when I really believed Hughes…it was that moment in time that makes me willing to go to hell and back for you…"

He was speechless. He had never told anyone about the little girl…not even Hughes. As he thought about her story, he realized that she really hadn't answered his question. He'd asked why she stayed but she never really specified 'why'. She'd told him that she'd been ordered to protect him, which explained how she got to be there…and she told him that his act of compassion had won her over, which explained why she didn't quit…but neither told him the reason she'd stayed this long. He looked at her, "So are you staying to protect me because you were ordered to…or because of my little act of kindness?"

Hawkeye rose from her chair. "Neither." She said as she turned toward the door.

"You didn't answer my question." He persisted.

Riza lowered her head, she refused to look back at her commanding officer, it was too painful. "You won't get an answer, sir." She started to walk out the door.

"Lieutenant." He said, trying to call her back.

She stopped once more, "Sir, I'd be willing to give you anything, but please…let me keep this reason to myself."

"Riza…" he started, but she was already gone.

Just outside the door Riza leaned against the wall, her head in her hands. 'How do you tell someone you've known forever that you love them? How do you tell someone you're supposed to keep at arm's length that you go too close?'

"What did I expect?" she heard Roy's voice say from inside the room. "Was I really stupid enough to hope that she was going to tell me that she loves me too?"

Well that's it. Yup, I'm leaving on a cliff. I hope you all had fun and enjoyed reading. Please comment/flame/whatever...it really makes my day :)