DISCLAIMER: Don't own RE, Queer Eye, or GAP.

A/N: And thus CassSpaz and I continue the torture…

"Alright girls, pink is like, totally the new black!" Morpheus examined a pink shirt at arm's length.

Steve giggled in approval. Wesker felt incredibly sick. He wondered if he could find a Tyrant to release upon these fools. Of course, last time that happened, it hadn't worked out too well for him.

Morpheus strode over to the rack of clothes.

"You know," Alfred confided to Wesker. "There's a reason why we chose to shop at the Gap."

Wesker considered snapping his neck.

"'Cause we're Gay And Proud!, right girls?!"

"Ssssh!" Morpheus hissed. "I'm trying to find something with glitter!"

"Ohh!!! Billy!!! Ohh!!!" Steve appeared to be having a severe nervous breakdown over a pair of black dress pants he'd dug out of the 50% off bin. "OHH!!! These are simply perrrrfect!!"

Morpheus, Billy and Alfred all ran over, in a rather swishy manner, and proceeded to giggle like school girls over Steve's find. Wesker might have attempted escape at this point, but he was currently handcuffed to Steve. Not by choice mind you.

"I just had a wonderful thought!" Alfred screeched, shattering several windows. "The vampire look."

"Oh darling, I don't know." Morpheus pondered. "That look is so…well there is a lot of black in it."

"Black is good." Wesker mumbled. But as usual, was totally ignored.

"No sweetie." Alfred screeched again, shattering one poor elderly lady's pacemaker. "I mean with reds. The whole frilly shirt and all."

"Oh with Albie's build, that would be perrrrfect."

Wesker cringed as Steve ran a finger down his arm, giggling to himself. Meanwhile the old lady toppled to the floor, clutching her heart and gasping for help. Chris Redfield conveniently swung in through a rope, helped the old lady up, then darted off to the hospital with her.

Wesker wondered if this was some sort of cruel joke that karma was playing on him. Maybe he shouldn't have killed all those people. Or maybe he should kill these idiots. That seemed like a good idea. It was growing more attractive by the second.

"Alright, Albert!" Steve crowed joyously. "It's time to dress you!"

"I should have killed your girlfriend Redfield when I had the chance." he snarled.

"Girls?!" all five of the Queer Eye Guys exclaimed, looking as though they were about to faint.

"Ewww… girls have cooties." Steve looked ready to throw up. "Claire was just icky."

Wesker was good at down right evil expressions, but utterly confused looks were new to him. So basically he looked like the biggest idiot in the world right now. And his confused state is probably what ultimately lead to him being dragged into the changing room by Steve and Billy.

Morpheus and Alfred quickly handed clothing over the partition, as Wesker's old garments were thrown into the air, to land wherever they happened to fall.

"Hey! Get the hell away from me!!" Wesker screamed, his fist waving around wildly.

"Ah but Albie, you'll look simply gorgeous!" Steve crooned, trying to shove an frilly 18th century shirt over his head.

"Alfred!" Billy yelled, trying to get Wesker to put on a pair of pants. "We need plan B!"

Alfred squealed, killing several dogs in the area, and slid under the partition. Seconds later, Wesker was in a semi-comatose state.

"I still don't know why I couldn't do it." Steve pouted, buttoning up the blood red vest.

"Steve, sweetie, your kisses just don't have the same paralyzing effect as Alfred's do." Billy patted him gently on the shoulder and finished putting Wesker into a pair of black boots.

A/N: What have these strange men done to poor Wesker? Find out in the next installment!