Chapter 9

Rhapsody awoke the next morning to once again find herself alone in the bed. This was something that she was completely unfamiliar with. When she and Ashe had been together, she was always the first to rise and would find great pleasure in preparing him breakfast for when he finally awoke. But now with Achmed, it seemed that he was more often than not the one to awake first and she didn't know quite what to make of it.

She continued lying in bed for a moment musing on these thoughts as she worked on completely rousing from her slumber. As she began to take in the room, she realized that Achmed was not present as he had been the day before when she had awaked. She was completely alone and this concerned her slightly. She began to think about where he might have gone to this early in the morning and the only place that she could think of was not very far. He must have gone to the Lortorium. This thought seemed to settle directly on her mind as if there was no other option for where he had gone to. In reality, he could be anywhere. After all, this was his kingdom, he could come and go where ever and when ever he pleased and no one was going to challenge him.

But Rhapsody knew that that was where he was and so she rose and dressed, planning on finding him after her morning aubades and hopefully be able to put words to the discussion that they had started the night before.

Quickly she was dressed and stole quietly down the corridors to the ledge that she and Achmed had stood on what seemed like a short time ago. After she had finished her song to greet the sun, she quickly returned to the king's chambers and set at undoing the complicated locks and traps that barred the entrance to the sleeping child's chamber.

Silently she descended down the passageway to the child's resting place. She could hear a faint humming that she was unfamiliar with that seemed to scratch at the back of her mind. It was reminiscent in vibration quality to the thrall ritual that she had heard Achmed use many times, but there was more tonality to it than there should be. It was like the song that she had now heard him sing to her twice but it was still very different in sound.

As she drew closer to the final turn in the tunnel before the entrance to the chamber, the sound suddenly ceased. This caused her to feel a sense of loss. Somehow she had felt a definite connection with that strange melody and it's absence made her feel more alone; it was as if a piece of her was missing that she had never realized was there in the first place.

It was then that she entered the chamber and was able to see by the light of the fire well that Achmed stood over the sleeping child, watching her as she slept on.

"What was that sound that I heard?" she asked him

Pausing for an uncomfortable moment, Achmed shifted his weight before answering with his back still turn to her, "the child seemed uneasy. Your songs always seem to help her and I thought that I might give it a try."

Slightly shocked that he would so frankly admit to singing, Rhapsody hung back for a moment to try and gage what might be going on. Finally, after coming up with nothing, she shrugged this new change off and continued on her approach to him.

Wrapping an arm around his back, she came to stand beside him, looking down at the peaceful child. "It seems that it worked, she is quite peaceful now."

Simply shrugging, Achmed pulled from the half embrace and walked a few paces away before turning back. He looked at her and she knew that he wanted to say something, but again words were failing him. As she looked into his eyes, she could see the same feeling that she had been having since they had agreed to be lovers. A part in the gloriousness of it all that seemed to be missing and demanded to be addressed. But neither of them truly knew what it was that was missing. Everything felt as if it were finally perfect and in place, except for this one nameless piece.

After a few moments of awkward silence and struggling, Achmed shook his head and turned to go. He knew that he needed to talk, that this evading of a problem was only going to make matters worse down the road. But he had no idea how to address this ethereal problem that hung between them.

"Wait," Rhapsody called. "I feel it too, but I don't know what it is either," she finished in a soft whisper.

But Achmed had heard her clearly and now he felt a little better that this was not just something that he was experiencing. She was with him on this and that alone made it easier to confront.

"I don't know what it is I have been feeling, but it is like there is a part missing that I didn't know needed to be there before," he said, turning back to face her.

"I know. I have the same feeling. It's as if there is a connection that has not been completed between us that should be. But I can think of nothing that should cause this feeling."

He nodded in response and continued to search for the right words. Coming up with nothing, he moved closer to her again and embraced her. He knew that physical connection was not what was bothering them, in fact the physical connection was tremendously strong now. But still, it helped to make things less uncomfortable just by holding her. It occurred to him that a position like this just a few months ago would have made him even more uncomfortable and uneasy. Strange how much things could change in such a short amount of time.

Rhapsody too could find no words but she knew that they could not leave until they figured this problem out to a more definitive concept. She held him in return for a moment before she pulled back enough to take his arm and guide him to a nearby stone bench.

"I know that neither of us really know what should be said, but we need to talk. Maybe if we just talk about the things in our relationship that can be describable, we can discover this indescribable issue."

Again silence settled upon them as Achmed struggled for words to say what he felt. It seemed like not long ago that he was in this same position in this same room, searching for words to say to her that would communicate the depth of his emotions without losing his pride. "I… I don't know where to begin," he said.

Rhapsody smiled. At least he was willing to talk. This was more than the old Achmed would ever have done. "How about what you thought about yesterday when you left," she suggested gently.

Achmed took another moment to collect his thoughts and recall exactly what it was that had bothered him the day before. "I still have these doubts that plague me, that say you should never have chosen to be with me. I cannot bring myself to believe that you would ever truly love me."

A great sadness welled inside her as she listened to him. She knew that sympathy would get her no where with him and so chose to give him no pity, just the love that she truly felt for him. "Achmed," she said gently as she used her hand to lift his bent face so that she could look him in the eye. "I love you," her voice rang with the truth that only a Namer could produce. "I have always loved you, and now that love has grown beyond measure in these few short months."

He looked into her eyes and heard the honesty that resounded there. It both soothed and hurt him. He knew that she did love him and his musing that she found him repugnant was unfounded and erroneous. But to face this honesty so purely and clearly, it meant that he was forced to strip off the self doubts and hatred that he had carried with him all of his life.

"I know that you are telling the truth, but this goes against everything that I have ever known to be true of myself. And I can't seem to feel that your love is guaranteed. Something seems to be warning me that we have forgotten something, missed some part that is needed to solidify our relationship."

"I feel the same," Rhapsody replied as she nodded slowly. "I too feel that there is something missing that should be there."

They sat in silence once again. Rhapsody knew that Achmed had something else to say, but something was holding him back.

"What? What is it?" she asked

"I think I might know what it is that we have missed," he began slowly, hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"We have had a friendship that we know will never break; and our love we now realize has been there almost as long as that friendship and is equally unbreakable. But what is the one thing that you value above all else that we have not yet committed to?"

She thought for a long moment. One thing came to her, but he couldn't possibly be considering it, could he? "Marriage?" she asked, almost frightened to say the word.

He nodded in reply. "Marriage… We have nothing binding us to one another. We are free to come and go as we please and this unsteady position that we have settled into is one that keeps our relationship unsteady."

"Wait, I can't believe I'm hearing this from you. Are you saying that you think that we should get married?"

"No, I am saying that I believe that is our problem. We have already discussed how a marriage between us would never work. Your people would begin to doubt you and not have near as much trust in you if you were to have a marriage to a monster like me… And don't say that I'm not because even you can't argue that the majority of your people see me as a monster," he said as she began to interrupt him.

Rhapsody paused and then nodded again, knowing that what he said was true. Both the Cymrians and the Lirin would doubt her intelligence and motives if she were to enter into a union with Achmed. Even just being his lover was already upsetting the Cymrian counsel. What would marriage do to that?

"So, what do we do then?" she asked.

"Right now, nothing. I see nothing that we can do but to try and continue on best we can as we are. It is possible with time and effort we will be able to exist together without this union."

"And if we find we cannot?" she asked, slightly afraid of what the answer would be.

Achmed shrugged before answering, "we will have to decide when that time comes, if ever."

Rhapsody nodded and sat for a moment, looking at her hands as she pondered what their future was leading to. Achmed too sat for a while in silence before he could stand it no longer. He leaned over and put his arm around her, pulling her against his shoulder while they continued their awkward silence for a while longer. Then he bent down and lightly kissed her forehead before rising and stealthily exiting the chamber, leaving Rhapsody alone on the cold stone bench, trying to figure out what her heart was telling her to do.