Disclaimer: Gundam Wing, and it's characters, places, and mecha within do not belong to me. They belong to Bandai.
Short Hand Info:
Title: You Suck
Summary: This is Gundam Wing in a Nutshell
Rating: T for some language
"Ahem." The narrator guy says as he steps into his booth thing. "In the year after Colony 195, everyone is really pissed off. The United Earth Sphere Alliance is trying to be high and mighty, and oppress the people of the colonies, who just wanna chill out, and work. It started with a simple dispute."
"Heero." Relena sighs.
"Not yet." The narrator dude whispers.
Flashback to some conference, somewhere
"Okay, listen. We know what's best for you, so shut up and just sit under our rule." Said Alliance guy one.
"What! Screw that dude! You guys are gonna oppress us!"
"Wha? How the hell are we gonna oppress you? You're in space. Look, just chill and you wont even know we're there, 'kay?"
"Uhhh hold on," The colony dudes huddle, "okay still no. I don't trust you."
"Well too late! Muahahahahahahaha!"
"Heero." Relena sighs.
"Not yet!" The narrator guy whispers.
Before you know it, Mobile suits are on the colonies shooting down shuttles and frisking people. The people of the colonies are pissed (and who can blame them? Cavity searches from Land Leos can't be too fun). So they hire five kids who just finished puberty to solve all their problems.
"Heero." Relena sighs.
"Dear God with you!" The narrator guy cries.
Meanwhile, on Earth…
"Dude….you suck." Said OZ to the United Earth Sphere Alliance.
"Oh yeah! Well…who has the colonies?" They shout back.
"I will real damn soon." Says the abnormally sexy Milliardo Peacecraft.
"Dude, you're jumping ahead of the script." Triez whispers.
"Sorry." Milliardo whispers back, and skips away.
"Ahem- I WILL! Cause you guys suck." Triez sighs. "I'm gonna assassinate your leader and take over."
"Whatever."
"The Leader of the Alliance has just been assassinated!" Says the guy on T.V
"Oh fuck…" The Alliance sighs.
"Now?" Relena asked.
"Yes now." Narrator guy sighs.
"Heero."
Later in the Colonies:
"Dude! OZ sucks!" Says an old guy who knows EVERYTHING.
"No they don't old timer. We're goin' with OZ, screw you."
"Damn whipper snappers." He grunts as he drops dead.
"Dude…OZ sucks." The Gundam Pilots sigh.
"No shit! We've only been trying to stop them from coming to power!" Wufei screams.
"So what are we gonna do?" Duo asked.
"Kill Triez." Wufei scoffs.
"So try it."
"………YOU TRY IT!" Wufei screams, and storms off mumbling about his lover/gundam.
…….
"Where's Relena?" Trowa asks, "It's her line."
"Couldn't catch a flight out." Duo answers.
"Wanna do the honors?"
"Sure!" Duo clears his throat, gets a starry eyed look, folds his hands and whispers: "Heero."
Even later on the Earth:
"Dude, I could so rule this world." Triez smiles as he kicks back in a castle he doesn't deserve.
"Yeah you could." Lady Une drools.
"Lady Une, become a schizo and go to space for me."
"Okay."
So much later I can't use "later" anymore
"Romafeller sucks. I'm leaving." Triez pouts.
"What! We paid your bills! Disposed of your dead hookers! You can't leave!" Romafeller guy screams.
"Yes I can." Triez scoffs. "I'm sexy, and I have the abnormally sexy Milliardo Peacecraft on my side. What do you have? A grand daughter with creepy eyebrows? Pfft later."
"Dude…he sucks." Romafeller guy sighs.
"Wait dude, I'm in love with Triez!" A confused OZ soldier cries.
"Me too!" Says another.
"What should we do?" Says the first.
"Start the Triez Faction!" Another random officer cries.
"yeah!" They all cry in unison.
"They're gonna suck…" OZ says to Romafeller.
"Yeah man…" Romafeller sighs.
AAAAAnd back to the colonies!
"Romafeller sucks." Decrepit White Fang Leader sighs.
"Yeah…" Some listener says.
"OZ Sucks."
"Yeah…"
"So does the Triez Faction."
"Well no shit!" Wufei screams, and storms off again. Never to be heard from again for another ten episodes.
"We should start a war." Leader sighs.
"Yeah…" Moronic colony citizens sigh.
"Those bastards…" The Gundam Pilots sigh.
"Heero." Relena sighed.
"GO AWAY!" Heero screams, storms off in Wufei's general direction.
So much later that everyone is in Space, Milliardo is even more sexy than usual, and Triez is having a hissy fit
"You suck!" Romafeller screams.
"You suck!" White Fang screams.
"You suck more!" The United Earth Sphere Alliance screams.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Romafeller, OZ, and White Fang scream.
"………………………"
Quatre goes nuts again, Trowa steals Heero from Relena again, Wufei stays gone to do how the hell knows what to his gundam, Duo pulls out some popcorn and writes a really crapy fic called: "Gundam Wing in a Nutshell."
The End
Author's Note: I'm aware that it's VERY BAD. But it's supposed to be. The sheer audacity is supposed to be what makes it funny. Yes, I'm in love with Gundam Wing. Let me know what you think…yes you can flame. lol