17. A clear up talk?
"Well, here we are!" Isabell said.
"Hey! Who did ya bring with ya?" Natalie asked.
She came out of the factory, together with her sister.
"These are Pony and Dally, Johnny's friends! They wanna go to him..."
"Well, you're Johnny's friends? Johnny already told 'bout ya.
By the way, I'm Natalie and that's my sister Anna!
I just came from Johnny! He ain't in a good mood to ya, Isabell. What happened?
Patrick's with him at the moment..." Natalie replied and walked away without waiting for an answer.
"Ohoh, this doesn't sound very good at all!" Ricky scoffed sneering. "Aw, shut ya trap!" Isabell let out angry. "Come on." she turned at Dally and Pony.
They nodded and Pony said: "Well, let's go!"
The both friends followed Isabell into the building. Patrick sat on Johnny's mattress. Johnny's eyes were closed and he dragged at his cigarette every now and then. When Dally, Pony and Isabell entered Johnny opened his eyes. Patrick looked at the three coldly. Johnny looked at them without any emotions.
"How come ya bring 'em with into our camp? I didn't allow ya somethin' like that!" Patrick said extremely cool.
"I'm old enough to decide for myself what I do!" Isabell replied also cool.
"Johnny, we must talk together! Please..." Pony began.
"I don't know what we still have to talk 'bout! I already said everythin' for my part!" Johnny said and dragged at his cigarette.
"That ain't any use this way... Johnny! Listen to him once at least!" Isabell asked him.
"Ya better keep out of that! Ya don't have to tell absolutely nothin' here!"
"Um, we better should go now!" Isabell turned at Patrick. "I don't wanna listen to ya! I know it better!"
"Well, come on!" Isabell said, grabbed Patrick by his arm and pulled him outside with her.
"What's got into ya?" Patrick hissed but he even didn't defend himself against it.
"Well, now we're finally alone! Listen, Johnny... Oh, god! I already said very often in my thoughts how I should begin and now I don't get out any sound!"
"Then just leave it!" Johnny said; still not ready to talk with Pony or Dally.
Pony sat down the chair, where Patrick sat before and looked at his friend deep into the eyes.
Johnny lowered his eyes and said softly, "Please, don't look at me like that! I can't stand this glance!"
"I know why! Shall I tell ya? You're afraid I could see into ya and discover some things ya locked ya heart and forbade yourself to think 'bout it ever again! Am I right?"
Johnny looked at him thoughtful and asked slowly, "And what I locked my heart of?"
"Of yourself! Of us, ya friends! Although ya wanna make me believe that ya hate us and wanna forget us I can't and I don't wanna believe it! Just think 'bout the fun we always had together! Ya really don't wanna suppress this, huh?"
Johnny didn't reply anything to it. Pony breathed out.
"I... I don't demand from ya at all that ya should come back if it ya don't like it with us any more! But run away that easy and leave us behind in uncertainty ain't also just the best what ya could do!"
"I know... But... what... should I do instead?
Should I have come to ya at first and tell ya my problem?
Only that I've to find out then that ya also couldn't help me any further?
I still have to cope with the pain by myself; to handle it when the desire for freedom, independence and self-realization would be on the one hand, but the bond of the gang on the other.
But I couldn't do it, in no case! I couldn't come to ya...
I regarded it as the best, for all of us! And now I've to learn that it ain't the best at all! That it made everythin' much worse at the end! Can ya imagine how I feel with that?" Johnny said; even not quite unfriendly any more. He was close to tears.
Pony meant, "You're gonna make it yourself damned easy to think that ya could do everythin' better by runnin' away. The past catch up with ya, sometime or other. Always. Believe me!
And ya really could have come to me instead of disappearin' that simply.
Ya could have talk with me or anyone of the others. I thought ya trust us, me..."
"I do, but... I don't know... it seemed to me as if I'm burden to y'all!"
"Damn it, Johnnycake! Ya ain't a burden to us! You're our buddy!" Dally said, who also sat down on a chair.
"I just would talk with ya once more and clear up everythin' this way!
I could understand if ya would like to stay here!
They all seem to be very nice!
Above all this Patrick probably seems to take care of ya very well!
We all wanna that you're fine! And that you're happy! Also without us..." Pony finished, looked Johnny once more deep but also sad into the eyes and lowered his eyes.
"Oh, Pony... I didn't know that I mean such a lot to ya and that ya really would accept it when I'm gonna stay here and also be happy here; even if ya do it with a heavy heart! But I decided a few days ago and I hope so much that you're gonna accept my decision really and with a pure heart!
Yeah, you're right I wanna stay here!
I just got by these boys and girls what independence, friendship, stick together and trust really means! But I learnt and understood it not only by 'em but also by the fate they bear and unite us together somehow!
You're really gonna accept it?"
"Johnny! I and also the others never ever would that you're in a bad way or suffer from anythin'! That's why I wanna accept ya decision and the others probably as well although it's really damned hard for me to let ya go!
But if you're really happier here than with us, then there couldn't anythin' be in ya way!" said Pony quietly and suppressed some tears.
"Thanks, Pony! It's good to know that ya still stick to me and ya don't turn away from me as I did it with ya! That was stupid from me, I know! But I was so full of despair! Could ya forgive me?"
"Uh-huh, of course, ya fool! We still love ya in the same way as before!" Dally assured and sniffled, what sounded a bit strange at Dally.
In the meantime tears ran over Johnny's cheeks.
Pony still held himself back, but suddenly he sobbed and hugged Johnny. "Oh Johnny..."
This one returned his hug whole-heartedly.
Johnny repeated quietly again and again, "I'm so sorry that it came so far..."