Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm back from Maine, so I'll try to write chapters more often for all you eager fans! Thanks for all the great reviews, and keep them coming!
Chapter 6 Lamentable Birthday.
Tohru had arrived home with Momiji in the early evening, and without a moment to waste she began the evening work. Everyone seemed to be off doing their own independent things, even Momiji seemed to vanish within the many corridors of the house.
Tohru skimmed through a receipt book trying to decide on what she would cook tonight. Her hand still throbbed a little, but it was nothing she could not learn to deal with. Tohru finally decided on cooking some steaks and rich meats. Something they hadn't eaten in a while.
She slipped on her apron and began to mix a marinade for the meats. Tohru chopped at the vegetables and didn't realize she was humming. As time grew on, the kitchen was beginning to fill with lovely aromas.
Outside...
Haru sat outside on the front porch, and had seen Tohru run inside the house with Momiji behind her. He had noted the bandages upon her right hand, but made no motion to make himself noticeable. He listened to the clicking sound of the back door, and continued to sit on the swing that hung on the porch.
Haru had debated going out for a joyride on his motorcycle, or maybe pay a visit to Kei. Haru was just too lazy, and laid on the swing staring out at the sky. He felt so out of wack lately, and the only reason why would be Tohru, but that didn't make sense anyway.
Though, it did, and he could only deny it. Haru was still upset, about Shigure threatening to send her away. If he did send her away, she'd lose her memories of them forever, and then they'd never be noticed. She was the only one who cared about them, the only one who ever did, and he didn't want to lose that feeling. Tohru was the best thing that had happened to them in a long time, the best thing ever, she brought sunshine and smiles to the Sohmas and the curse didn't seem to be as great of a burden.
Haru saw Momiji run out the front door with a bag slung over his shoulder and he waved to Haru, knowing he was there.
"Tell Tohru I have to miss dinner. Save me something!" He replied running off.
Haru only grunted and rolled over on the swing, now staring at the living room's window through the wooden bars of the swing. He could hear a very faint sound....what was that sound? Was it humming? Haru felt compelled to find out what this enchanting sound was.
He wandered through the front door and the living room, quietly abandoning his shoes and putting on a pair of comfy slippers. For a moment or too, he stood in the doorsill, his eyes falling upon the voice he had heard. Tohru's back was to him as she flipped a skillet of food and he watched as they landed peacefully back into the pot. Tohru seemed so much perkier, almost as if yesterday had never happened to her. She had completely pushed out the unhappy thoughts, even if they might be part of her reality.
Tohru was cooking something good, and Haru took in a deep whiff of it. He could feel his mouth water and he smiled, everything about her in the kitchen was alluring. Haru, still remaining inconspicuous watched her set the table too. Haru had lost track of how long he was watching her, and he hadn't even realized why. But her singing, oh god her singing was so pure, he loved her voice.
((segment from the m2m song "don't say you love me" I don't own it either))
"Don't say you love me, You don't even know me, If you really want me ,Then give me some timeDon't go there baby , Not before I'm ready ,Don't say your heart's in a hurry , It's not like we're gonna get married ,Give me, give me some time"
Her words frightened Haru though, Was she in love? Who was she in love with?
Haru felt his heart sinking. But, the lyrics said she wasn't ready, but in a way it still made him worry that she would develop feelings for someone. But who? He thought about all that had been going on, and Kyo all alone with her. Haru thought about Momiji spending the day with her, and the damn Rat and his suave ways.
Haru tried to push this unbearable thought out of his mind, and he finally stepped into the kitchen. Tohru must have heard his soft footsteps, because she turned around smiling with the spatula still in her hand.
"Oh hi Haru! How was your day?"
"Same old same old really" Haru replied as he leaned against the counter. He then looked to the assortments of food Tohru had collected on the table "Special Occasion?"
"Oh no reason really!" she rubbed the back of her head embarrassed "I guess I just got into the mood to cook that's all...." Tohru turned back to her cooking, stirring some fried vegetables, but then stopped "Haru?"
Haru looked up, surprised to hear her whispering "Yeah?"
"Tomorrow would be my mother's birthday...."
"Oh..." he didn't really know what else to say. It must be a really awkward subject for her, because although she had lived here for a good few weeks, she never spoke of her mother actually being dead, but only spoke of how much she had really admired her.
"I was hoping you could do me a favor"
"Depends on what it is"
"Could you give me a lift to the cemetery tomorrow? I want to visit her...I haven't really... visited her for a long time...I never wanted to admit it, her being gone and all, because, well, I guess it only reminded me of how alone I felt..."
Haru had never really heard Tohru speak so honestly. I mean, she usually was filled with happy smiles and perky laughter, but, she never opened her heart so freely, the things that were really important.
"Of course I'll give you a ride Tohru."
Tohru turned back around her eyes sparkling. "Thanks so much Haru!"
Haru only laughed, happy to see her old perky self back again. He stood up and began to help Tohru serve the food.
"Momiji said he'll be out late tonight and Shigure got stuck with the weekend shift"
"How about everyone else?" She asked while maneuvering with three plates on her arm.
"Umm the Rat is out at some party, but I think the Cat is sulking around here somewhere"
"Sulking? Silly Kyo, he always seems to be melancholy doesn't he?"
Haru grimaced as his mind returned to thoughts of Kyo having Tohru all to himself. Haru growled lightly, but then set the remaining dishes on the table. He walked over to the threshold and took in a deep breath. "YO CAT IT'S TIME FOR DINNER"
"Alright you stupid cow I'm coming!" came Kyo's voice, where from Tohru could not understand. But she set up the utensils and still hummed to herself happily.
Kyo walked in sleepily, stretching and covering his mouth with a yawn. His nose twitched, taking in another whiff of food and he opened his eyes.
"What smells good?"
"Just dinner" Tohru replied innocently. The two boys sat down and instantly began to chow down. The two ate so much in such a short while. (Sorta like Goku and Vegeta on DBZ)
Tohru could only eat her food daintily and quietly, eating it grain for grain, enjoying it and trying to hold onto the flavors. Tohru was quite pleased with her meal, and apparently the boys loved it too.
Within a few moments, Tohru was already back up clearing away the wasteland called the table. Tohru had grown quiet after dinner, and Haru took note of it. He helped by placing the dishes in the sink, leaning over her as she continued washing other dishes. Haru lingered for a while, leaning over her, not meaning to seem seductive, but Tohru grew tense, and soon after he moved away, leaving for the next dishes that had to be washed.
Why am I doing this? Why am I so drawn to Tohru?
All this time though, Kyo had been sitting at the table, pretending to be asleep, but peeked his eye open every so often. He watched, as the two had their heated moment in silence, and he began to fume and growl. Kyo clenched his fists, and watched Haru fall into a trance. Tohru only remained still, trying to ignore it. Tohru...
To his relief, Haru left Tohru and came back to the table for Kyo's dishes. They both reached for the dish at the same time, and one stared in the other's eyes.
"What do you want with Tohru you stupid cow?"
"The same thing you want with her kitty"
Kyo then released his grasp from the dishes, and Haru walked back over leaving the dishes for Tohru to attend to. He did not linger, and then only casually walked back out onto the porch, leaving the two alone in the kitchen. "Tohru?"
"Hmm? Oh yes Kyo?" Tohru asked looking up only to smile at Kyo as she continued scrubbing.
"Did you ever really know, what made you faint yesterday"
This caused Tohru to drop a plate from her hand and have it sink back into the suds and bubbles in the sink.
"I told everyone...I cannot recall. It was probably because I did not eat breakfast. My own fault no doubt, but I did eat this morning, and I'm perfectly fine now. There is no need to worry"
"What happened to your hand?"
"Oh, nothing really, I spilled some hot grease on it, its only burned a little. Momiji took care of it, said he had loads of experience cleaning up after you and Yuki." she giggled
"Is tomorrow something important to you?"
"Why, yes it is, how did you know?"
"Your calender had tomorrow's date circled, but with nothing written in it. I thought it was peculiar, I'm sorry if I'm intruding."
"Kyo don't be silly. Tomorrow would be my mother's birthday" her last sentence quieter then her first
"Oh. I presume you're going to pay her a visit?"
"Why yes, Haru is going to give me a ride there" Haru...damn you Haru, you bastard, you're going to pull a stunt on her the day of morning to her. "You know, she died tomorrow too. We were driving to my grandparents house when....when it happened. They told me, she had died instantly, not feeling anything, and I had only just survived it.
"They say it was strongly luck that I lived but, they're called miracles because they don't happen, I wasn't supposed to survive, I was supposed to die, and leave with mother...sometimes even know, I feel like I'm already dead. Sometimes, I even wish I was dead, so I could see her again. Sometimes, I really wonder why I was spared. I should feel grateful, that I know, but I cannot feel that I have burdened so many people becauseof my survival."
Tohru was still washing the dishes, fully enveloped in the task. She did not look at Kyo, nor did her voice crack or change with tears. Tohru truly meant it, and this was probably the first time she had said it since the actual car crash.
Kyo too was silent, mouth agate. He could not believe Tohru thought so lowly of herself. He wanted to cry himself, why would she wish for her own death? How could she be so stupid to think she had burdened other's with her survival.
"Do you think, people's lives would be easier if you had died?" Kyo replied finally in an angry tone. "Do you think Ou and Hana's lives would be easier if you were dead! They would have lost their best friend! Do you think your grandparents and family would be happy to morn another death of an innocent loved on?
"If you had died, you would have never met us! Don't wish yourself dead, then it will only happen! Don't be so selfish Tohru! Leaving this world only to be reunited with one person, and leave behind this world filled with so many who truly care about you! I know you miss your mom, Tohru I can truly understand that, but don't think you're alone, you're never alone, you have us, you have Ou and Hana! Please...don't think your life is so worthless, if you were supposed to die then you would have, but you didn't, there is more to do with your life..."
Kyo's arms were shaking furiously, and he stood up from the table, unable to look at her, him holding back tears in his eyes. He slammed the table in frustration, he could not believe this stupid girl, she was so dumb, she could not ever realize it. This girl, who appeared so innocent and pure, held such a deep sorrow in her heart, she could not even open herself up freely to cry. She probably didn't even cry when her mother died, was she really in denial all this time?
"Please Tohru...don't leave...please don't leave" He cried out, still not looking at her, his breathing and words stuttered.
However, he did look up when he heard a dinner plate crash to the floor and break. He looked up, to find Tohru shaking and taking off through the back door, apron falling to the floor. Kyo quickly ran after her, and stepped outside to find her no where in sight.
"TOHRU! TOHRU" he called out looking for her. He couldn't find her, oh god where did she go? He prayed she wasn't doing something stupid, she wasn't that stupid was she? No, she couldn't believe what she kept telling herself. If she believed that dark suggestion she'd surely do the unimaginable. Kyo had no choice but to run to the front of the house to find Haru.
Before and Elsewhere....
Tohru had stopped mid-way in the middle of her cleaning, hearing Kyo's voice grow weaker and weaker stumbling after his words. She could hear the anger in his voice, and she grew tense and afraid.Do you think, people's lives would be easier if you had diedTohru's eyes were filling with tears, and she shook her head furiously. If you had died, you would have never met us!
Don't be so selfish Tohru! Tohru nearly screamed at that. But his final words...were so blurring. Please Tohru...don't leave...please don't leave.
Tohru couldn't bear it anymore. His words hit her heart worse then even the car wreck. That night was flying back into her mind, and she had tired to hard all these time to hide it away. She remembered seeing her mom being pried from the wreckage, and she remembered the doctors shouting, lots of shouting.Tohru remembered all the blood too, it was the only color she could see for a very long time.
The dinner plate slipped from her hand and down to the cold tiled floor bringing her back once again to cruel reality. She turned running, ripping the stupid apron from herself. She could hear Kyo run after her, his footsteps like thunder. Tohru ran faster and faster, her feet leading her to an terra incognita.
Tears flowed from her eyes without hesitation now. Her arms flailed at her side, and she did not feel the branches and brush prick at her skin and the blood scream from her flesh. The road seemed endless as well, and she doubt she even breathed throughout that long run to nowhere. Sorry Kyo but she had to leave. Maybe she should go Akito, and have her mind erased, and then the Sohmas should have their memories erased too, so they could never remember her. Tohru only brought pain, pain, the pain was overwhelming.
Dusk vanished into the deeper hours of night and the fall night soon began to grow cold and frosty. Tohru still ran, her skirt flying with her and her shoes buffeting against the concrete sidewalk. Tohru ran through the town, only seeing the flashing lights of the nighttime clubs and bars, and the brake lights of many cars, the heads of perplexed people, and the heavy screaming from car engines. She had not glanced at the town's clock, that had began its chimes for eleven, but Tohru kept running.
Tohru ran through the park, past the many happy couples, the moonlit sky, and the glowing fountain, still tearing as she ran aimlessly. No matter how far she ran, she felt as if she could not get away, she needed to fly, just to fly and reach the endless sky. She pushed her way through crowds of women and children, thugs, men, any sort of people, and they all could only bark back at her or call to her, or stare in wonder. No face looked familiar, and none who had names.
In her pocket, was her lucky stone, written upon the stone was the word CLARITY. It was custom legend that if one wished on the star, she'd get what was written on it, something her mother had given her. That stone was worn and the blue paint had chipped and faded, but that was all she had. That stone was a lie, nothing but a lie, and clarity was as blurry as the mist from early morning dew.
Tohru was growing weary and exhausted, but the pain could not compare to the excruciating one that pressured itself against her heart. The town soon vanished in to the past horizon, and she ran through the new countryside. But finally Tohru arrived upon an old abandoned cemetery. Big iron gates blocked onentrance, old and rustedTohru ran alongside the gate, until she came upon the steel box in the grass.She tugged at its lid, until it opened with a screech, and deep inside the dusty box revealed the key to the gate.
Tohru ran back to the gate, shoving the old key into the lock, furiously shaking the lock until she let out a relief sigh upon hearing the clicking sound. She pushed the gates open with all her might and listened to it moan as its arms finally open. She ran through the many rows of old cracked and broken head rests. She followed the rows and ran down an isle, until finally, after many hours, she stopped.
The graveyard's one and only clock chimed midnight, as Tohru stared at what she had searched for. She shivered uncontrollably, and palpitationfilled her. Tohru stared at her mother's resting place, and read the words the best she could with her blurry vision. The years of her mother's life, were not listed, due to the dates were too unbearable for her grandpa to write
((I actually couldn't think of proper years, cause I didn't want it to be in 2004))
KyokoHonda
40 years of age.
Single Mother, Daughter, Angel
"Oh who can tell. Save he whose heart hath tried?"
Tohru fell to her knees covering her eyes as she screamed in sorrow and cried for the first time about her mother. She had kept the ocean inside and now it fell. Tohru did not even feel the chilling breeze, she only sat before the grave on her knees hysterically crying.
Tohru lay down upon the grass before her mom's headstone, sleeping on the earth that separated her and her mom's resting body. Her tears hit the dampened earth, and she cried clutching onto that lonely star in her pocket. She pulled it out gently, and dropped it casually before her, leaning it up against the head stone whispering between her tears as the old clock finished its twelfth and final chime.
"Happy Birthday Mom...Happy Birthday"
Author's Note
Poor Tohru, to be so lost within disparity and undecided love. Haru always watching from a far, loving from a far, and Kyo, who still has yet to fully understand what he feels for Tohru. Whether it be the worry of losing a loved on, a family member, or something so much more then he can comprehend. Hope you enjoyed it.