Kraby Triangle
It was a joyous day in Bikini Bottom. Word had spread far and wide that Mr. Krabs has asked Mrs. Puff to marry him. And of course, she excepted. (If she had turned him down we wouldn't have a story.) Everyone was so excited. No one could believe that old tight wade cheep skate Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab was getting married to uptight and desperate boating schoolteacher with a very good insurance company Mrs. Puff. But it was really happening. And things were changing fast.
The towns' fish were decorating the whole town in celebration of the wedding. Mr. Krabs was so happy, that he lowered the price of a Krabby Patty by 2 cents. Mrs. Puff was so happy, that she gave Sponge Bob 2 bonus points on his boating exam. (He still failed.) Even Squidward was getting onto the happy side. He spent hours practicing his clarinet to play at the wedding. (The original clarinet player in the band backed out and Squidward was the only one willing to fill in for free.) Patrick bought a new suit, and Sandy got a dress to put over her suit. The only one who wasn't happy was Pearl.
It wasn't that Pear wasn't happy about the wedding. She liked Mrs. Puff, and she's never seen he father so happy. It was just that, here she was getting a new mom, and she had never met her old mom. Her father told her that she took off right after she was born. She just tried to think of her mother as dead, but since Mr. Krabs proposed, she couldn't help thinking, were is her mother? Will she ever see her again? What's she doing now? Of course Pearl didn't tell anyone and tried to appear as happy as everyone else. Once the wedding was over, she would be back to being as normal as she had ever been. She hoped.
Sponge Bob was probably the most excited. Since Squidward would be too busy playing his clarinet, Sponge Bob was going to be the best man. He was so excited.
"I am so excited." Sponge Bob said as he was trying on his beast man suit. "I've never been in a wedding before."
"You should be boy." Mr. Krabs replied. "You look so dashing in that suit. And you'll look even nicer walking down the isle next to me beautiful daughter Pearl."
"You got that right. Say, were did Squidward go off to?"
"Hmmm. Don't know lad. He'll turn up soon. Or at least he better. I almost paid good money to rent his suit." Meanwhile, Mrs. Puff and Pearl were trying on bridesmaid dresses next door.
"Oh Pearl you're going to make a wonderful maid of honor." Mrs. Puff chimed.
"Thanks. What do you think of this one? The color is totally coral, but the frills make me look kind of big in the butt."
"Well, we can get the same dress without the frills."
"Ok!" Mrs. Puff went to go pay for the dress and Pearl sat down on a chair in the dressing room. Making sure no one was looking, she took a tiny gold locket out of her purse that she started carrying around when this story started. Inside the locket was a picture of her mom. She was a semi-beautiful wale, with wavy blond hair, blue eyes, and a figure that looked like a box. "Oh mom, where are you know?" Suddenly, soft music started playing, and Pearl was about to brake out into song, but this is a PG rated story, so we're going to have her interrupted by Mrs. Puff.
"Ready to go dear?"
"Yep, lets rocket." And so off they went.
Mr. Krabs and Pearl were sitting at home licking the last of the wedding invitations shut. Pearl's tongue was dry, and she felt like she was going to fall asleep. Finally, they finished.
"We would have finished sooner if Mrs. Puff was helping." Pearl commented. Then she asked something that completely caught Mr. Krabs off balance. "Dad, were do I get my looks from?" Mr. Krabs stopped in mid-lick. "Well?"
"Well," he started, "yea have your grandma-krabs's eyes, yea have my smile, but mostly yea look like yer mother."
"Really?"
"Really." They sat there in silence for a few minutes, then they realized that out of no were it started raining cats and dogs. (And if you're hoping for some cheap gag about it literally raining cats and dog or something like that, you're reading the wrong story.) So Pearl went up to bed and Mr. Krabs cleaned up a bit. He was just about done when there was a knock at the door.
"Who in their right mind would go out in this weather?" he opened the door to a dark curvy figure wearing a raincoat and matching hat. The visitor spoke with a romantic feminine voice (like a mix of someone in an old detective movie and a snobby fashion model. Depends on what she's saying.)
"Why hello Eugene. It's been a long time." The figure moved inside the door. That's when Mr. Krabs saw the long wavy blond hair, the mysterious blue eyes and an extremely curvy sexy figure and gasped. And now we go to commercial. De du de du de du de du. And we're back. Mr. Krabs just stood there mouth opened and staring. Why had she come? "Well, are you going to stand there gaping or are you going to let me in?" Mr. Krabs took a step back, and let his ex-wife into the house. (If it weren't for the deep blue eyes he would have never gusted who she was.) The second he did, he immediately wished he didn't.
"Ursula," (Is that name cliché or what?) "what are you doing here?"
"What, can't I just pop in for a visit once and a while?"
"Try for the first time in 16 years."
"My how time flies. So, were is that darling daughter if mine? Curl."
"Actually it's Pearl, and she's upstairs asleep."
"Oh poo. And I was so hoping to see her today. Oh well. We'll just have to be reacquainted in the morning. Till then I'll need soft pillows wool blankets and a glass of room temperature water. You have a water bed mattress don't you?" Mr. Krabs looked at her like she was crazy. "Oh, right, here I am setting all the arrangements and you haven't even invited me to stay yet."
"That's all right, I wasn't planning to ask yea to stay anyway." Ursula's eyes filled with hurt. "But, I guess plans change. Uh, will the couch be ok? 'Frade we don't have all yer demands here in the house." Ursula sighed and said she'll try to bare through the night. With satisfaction in her eyes, and uncertainty in his, Mr. Krabs and Ursula headed for bed.
The next morning, Pearl came downstairs and smelled pancake.
"Mmmm. That smells good dad. When did you learn to cook?" but the answer she got was not one of her dad's. It was a woman.
"Actually, I learned at the school of culinary arts. What a wonderful school, you should go." Pearl backed up when she heard this voice speak to her from the kitchen. She cautiously walked up to the door, and peeked over slowly. There she saw a strange fish standing at the stovetop with her back turned to Pearl.
"Who are you?" She asked, "And what are you doing in my house? Does my father know you're here?" the woman turned around.
"My, how you've grown." She said. "My name is Ursula. You must be Pearl. Oh you look just as I use to. But don't worry. That's easily taken care of. Pancakes?" Pearl looked at the visitor like she was crazy. "You don't recognize me do you hun? I guess that picture I left for you isn't exactly up to date." Pearl gasped
"M, m, mom!" she stuttered.
"Bingo." Pearl backed up and almost fell over a chair.
"But, you don't look anything like the picture."
'Well, mama's had a little work done." Ursula walked over to the table and placed a plate of pancakes in front of Pearl and sat down to start on her own. "So, Pearl, how have you been? I know it's been a wile, but that's exactly why we need to start catching up right away. So, how school? You're in what, 9th grade?" Pearl stared at her mother in silence, only half listening to what she was saying. "Pearl? Pearl? Pearl, are you listening to me?"
"W, what?"
"It's rude to stare. You should pay attention when another is speaking. Now, what grade are you in?"
"11th." Then they heard footsteps on the stairs. Mr. Krabs was up. "Oh, there's dad," Pearl blurted out. "I better go greet him. Now!" She ran to the stairs so fast that she almost hit the wall. She had to speak to her father along a.s.a.p.
"Dad!"
"Ahoy Pearl. How'd yea sleep?"
"Fine. But dad, mom's in our kitchen."
"I know, she came last night while yea were a sleep." Pearl looked like she was going to cry. "Pearl, if yea don't want her here, I can tell her to leave. You don't have to she 'er."
"No dad. If she leaves now, then chances are that I won't see her for another 16 years. No. She can stay her welcome, then we'll give her a nice good bye and maybe we'll see her again. I just want to get to know my mother. Even if I don't like her, at least I'll know what she's like."
"Very well. Lets not keep 'er waiting." So into the kitchen they went. Once inside the kitchen, they could tell that Ursula had something to say.
"Look, I know that I've made you two uncomfortable around me. I mean, I shouldn't have expected you to just be ready for everything that I had asked for. I came unannounced and unexpected. So I would just like to say, I'm sorry." Ursula gave her sweetest most innocent looking smile she could.
"We forgive you." Pearl offered. The doorbell rang just then "I'll get it." Pearl ran to get the door. When she left, Mr. Krabs turned to Ursula and got just a little uglier than usual.
"Yea had no right to come here." He said.
"Pearl is my daughter and I am her mother and I believe that I should be here to watch her grow up."
"What changed yer mind?" Ursula was about to answer when Pearl walked in with Mrs. Puff following behind.
"Hello Eugene." Mrs. Puff greeted. "And who is this?" she asked gesturing to Ursula.
"I was about to ask the same thing." Ursula rudely remarked. "I am Ursula, Pearl's mother."
"Oh, well, I am Mrs. Puff, Eugene's fiancée."
"Eugene, you didn't tell me you were engage." Mr. Krabs was silent, and so was everyone else. To break the silence Pearl asked if maybe Ursula would like to join her and Mrs. Puff hen they went shopping today. But she declined and said that she would rather see the town and asked if Mr. Krabs would be her escort. Mr. Krabs agreed, although he really didn't want to.
Once out and along with her ex-husband, Ursula began to show a much gentler side. Sort of. She smiled kindly and complemented things about the town. And when she kicked the hobo that asked her for some money, she didn't call him a worthless fleabag like usual. How sweet. Mr. Krabs was confused. He remembered his ex-wife as cold hearted and self-centered But she seemed to change somehow. Then he looked at his watch.
"Oh, sorry Ursula, it seems like it's time fir me to head for work. You remember how to get home alright?"
"Nonsense Eugene. I want to go to work with you, see how you spend the day, and meet your employees. What do you say?"
"Well, I don't know. You might be disappointed."
"Never." So with that, the two went off to the Krusty Krab to see how Mr. Krabs worked. Little did Ursula know that it would be a day she'd never forget.
Once at the Krusty Krab, Ursula said in a fake shocked voice "Gasp You own the Krusty Krab? Oh I had no idea. You must be loaded."
"Well," the cheap and money obsessed Mr. Krabs replied, "you know, sort of. Yeah." Then it was time to meet the employees: Spongebob and Squidward. Ursula was introduced to Squidward first.
"Hi." She said. Squidward just looked at her bored.
"Yeah. Well I'm going on my lunch break." And then he left.
"Squidward's not much of a talker." Mr. Krabs explained. "And my other employee is well, Spongebob. Spongebob! Get out here! There's someone I want you to meet." Spongebob jumped out from the kitchen to greet the visitor.
"Well well and who is this?" he asked friendly.
"Spongebob, this is Ursula. She's well, she's Pearls mother. She came to town for a visit. The first in 16 years."
"Now now let's not get into all that now. I would like to try the soul and heart of this corporation. The thing that has given you all your success, and money. Spongebob, please fetch me one Krabby Patty."
"Right away Miss. Ursula." Ursula went and found a seat. "Gee Mr. Krabs. I didn't even know Pearl had a mother."
"That she does matte. That she does." Then Mr. Krabs went to sit with Ursula while Spongebob went to fetch the Krabby Patties.
"So, Ursula," Mr. Krabs said nervously, "what made you come back?"
"Well…" Ursula stuttered, "truthfully? I sort of found this old box filled with old pictures and home movies. I started looking at some of them. They were mostly of, us."
"Us?"
"Yes. Pictures and movies of our dates and wedding. Even a movie we made during our honey moon that I'm sure you'd be interested in."
"Oh, you mean the one with the…."
"Yes, that one."
"I thought I got rid of that one."
"You almost did. Lucky for me you never did like taking out the garbage. So I stored it in my that old box and watched it just a week or so ago."
"You watched it!"
"The whole thing. And I had a lot of laughs. Especially at the part where your swimming trunks came off after you got attacked by that worm someone left off the leash."
"I still don't know how you convinced me to go to a water park for our honey moon. Ha ha ha!" for the rest of the day Mr. Krabs and Ursula laughed together remembering old times and how much they used to love each other. And this scared Mr. Krabs, for you see, he feared that he might be falling in love all over again.
Meanwhile, back at the bridal store, Pearl and Mrs. Puff were getting their gowns finalized and making some last minute adjustments. Pearl decided to get a purple brides maid dress that flared at the bottom and had some frills at the sleeves. Mrs. Puff's wedding gown was gorgeous. Pearl white with lovely beading on the top, flair at the bottom, with frills around the color and sleeves and complete with a beautiful long vale that connected to a sparkling tiara. They both looked perfect. But, they didn't feel perfect. There was an awkward silence between Pearl and Mrs. Puff for most of the time. Mrs. Puff was feeling like Pearl would rather be with her real mother than with her, she felt that she felt that when she became Pearl's stepmother, she would have to match-up to Ursula in the future, and feared that she wouldn't be a good mother in Pearl's eyes. And Pearl felt that she didn't want to talk about anything except her mother and that if she did talk about her, then Mrs. Puff would feel bad. So in short, Pearl wasn't speaking so she wouldn't make Mrs. Pearl feel a certain way, but Mrs. Puff already felt that way so she decided not to talk either. It was a very awkward shopping day.
Latter that evening, Mrs. Puff and Pearl were sitting at the table trying to organize the seating for the wedding, when Mr. Krabs and Ursula came in laughing.
"I take it you two had a good time." Said Pearl.
"Yes," Mrs. Puff said between clenched teeth, "what did you two do together all day long? Together."
"Me and Ursula were just talking about all the times we used to have." Mr. Krabs explained.
"Yes, we were just remembering the time when we went to Rock Bottom," Ursula began "and Eugene didn't know witch bathroom to use. Know that was one embarrassing date. Well, embarrassing for him. Me, I just laughed the whole time." Then the couple began to laugh again. Pearl started to join in, until she saw Mrs. Puff sitting there with a smirk on her face that looked like she was about to kill someone. Finally the laughing stopped and t started to calm down. "Well I better get to bed, don't want to look tiered in the morning. I'll see you all in the morning." The others said goodnight to Ursula, and then the two said their good-byes to Mrs. Puff as she left for home. But before Pearl headed off to bed, she sat her father down for a little chat.
"Dad, the reason I was so excited when mom came was because I thought I could finally find out what she's like. But I haven't spent any time with her at all. You on the other hand haven't spent any time with anyone but her. And truthfully, I don't think it's such a coral idea for you to be spending so much time with your ex only 4 days away from your wedding day. So, do you think you can start concentrating on Mrs. Puff and the wedding and let me get to know Ursula?" Mr. Krabs looked at her daughter dazedly; he couldn't believe how fast she was growing up.
"I can't believe how fast your growing up." He said. "Look Pearl, I know your concerned, but there is nothing going on between me and your mother, we are simply having some good times remembering other good times. There's no reason to worry."
"Actually there is. If you spend one more day with Ursula, Mrs. Puff is going to ring your neck and hers. I can sense she's really tense about the situation. And I don't want her to think that we're going to replace her with ma."
"How about tomorrow, you spend the whole day with Ursula and I'll spend the whole day with Mrs. Puff. That way you can learn what your mother is like and I can start focusing on the wedding. Ok?"
"Ok." And with that, the tiered twosome slumped off to bed. The next day Mr. Krabs kept to his word. Pearl spent time with her mother and Mr. Krabs planing and romancing with Mrs. Puff. But all the time, he couldn't help feel that there was something wrong, like they just weren't connecting like they used to. Ursula just wouldn't get out if his head. He started to think it was better when she was out of his life. Mrs. Puff was about to prove this.
The next day, when Mrs. Puff left to go pick up rhinestones to decorate the wine cups she came back to Mr. Krabs's house because she forgot her purse. That's when she heard a phone conversation that she wish she hadn't. Ursula was on the phone with one of her friends from back home. They were talking about Mr. Krabs.
"I'm telling you Mertal," Ursula started, "this plan of mine is working great. The fool really thinks I'm this nice girl who just wants to spend time with her family. I mean seriously, does he honestly believe that I'm playing girlfriend with him and that sappy daughter of his because I actually like him? For a man obsessed with money, he sure is blind to the gold-digger right in front of his eyes. And once I get him to agree to get back together, all that Krusty Krab money will be mine. Then, when I'm rich, I'll drop papa and his darling Pearl like the losers they are…" Mrs. Puff didn't stick around to hear the rest. She needed to find Mr. Krabs and/or Pearl, now.
Mrs. Puff searched all over town for her future family. She finally caught up with they back at the Krabs' house. They were just sitting own to dinner. Ursula had gone shopping.
"Eugene, Pearl, I have to talk to you."
"Sure Mrs. Puff, what's up?" asked Pear.
"Ursula is not as nice as you think she is."
"What do you mean?" Mr. Krabs asked.
"I heard her on the phone just a couple of hours ago. She was planning and scheming. She doesn't really love you guys. She was just being nice so she could get to your money. I'm really sorry." The two looked at Mrs. Puff in disbelief. Never had they heard words that made them feel emptier. Just as they were about to say something, Ursula came storming in.
"Eugene, Pearl, I have to talk to… Mrs. Puff, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to reveal the truth. It's over Ursula, they already know the truth."
"What are you talking about?"
"I heard you on the phone earlier today. I know your plan to get back together with Eugene and then take his money."
"Well, Mrs. Puff your theory is only half true. Yes Eugene, I was going to ask if you'd consider getting back together. I know your engaged but I just can't help it. I think I love you. I always have. But I would never take his money. I am no gold-digger. Unlike someone around here."
"What are you implying?"
"Lucky for this family, which by the way may I remind you that you are no part of, I over heard your little conversation that you were having at the crafts store."
"What phone conversation at the craft store?"
"I saw you on the phone and was going to say hi, until I heard you saying that you were only marrying Eugene for his money. You were planing to take him for a ride."
"That is not true! She's lying!"
"Yeah? Prove it."
"Will everyone shut-up!" Pearl finally spoke up. "Look, I don't know who's lying or who's being truthful, but I do know this: I just can't handle this all at once. My father is the one getting married in two days. And whoever he chooses, I just hope he picks the right one." And with that, Pearl stormed up to her room in tears.
"See what you did!" Mrs. Puff and Ursula scram at the same time. Latter that night, Mr. Krabs went up Pearl's room to see how she was doing. "I'm just 16" she said, "I can't deal with all this stuff. Why can't you just give them a lie detector test and get it over with?"
"If only it were that simple." Mr. Krabs promised he'd talk to the two of them tomorrow and sort this all out. But secretly, he just didn't know how he was going to do it.
The next day was a busy one. The wedding was to be tomorrow. All the people of Bikini Bottom were joyous and excited. All that was except for the Krabs family. While Pearl spent the day venting to her friends, Mr. Krabs spent the day questioning his fiancée and his ex, to see who was telling the truth and would be his bride, and the one who was lying and was nothing but a gold-digging witch. It would not be an easy task. First he put each in a separate room. Then he had them separately tell their side of the story. The only difference in the stories was the who and the where. Then he questioned and interrogated them separately as well. Finally he set them in the same room and had them debate for their innocence. Like I said, it was not an easy task. The only brake he got was to go answer the doorbell. But luckily by the end of the day, he had made a deception.
It was wedding day. All the faces of Bikini Bottom were smiling. And all was bliss and joyous as the two lovebird newly weds, Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff enjoyed their first kiss as husband and wife. Al was happy. Except of course the angry Ursula who was driving back to her hometown after being defeated, but that's another story. So, how did Mr. Krabs know who to pick as his bride? Well, it was quite easy actually. That is, it was easy after he saw how much it would cost him to change the wedding to marry the other girl. Just kidding. The End