Title: C8 Saudade
Disclaimer: Every time? I have to do this every time? Grrr rub it in that it's not mine!!
Notes: Saudade translates as a certain type of longing for someone… No idea what sort but I like the word and the song by Chris Rea. Has anyone been struck by my attraction to music? Alternative title was Auction. To Leioa15 thanks for your review, it made me smile cause it's nice to know someone cares that much to think up questions. Yes I will hopefully answer all your questions in the up coming chapters and maybe create a few more knowing me!
Spike downed his fifth drink of the evening and let his mind drift so that he didn't think of Asara. He couldn't think about her, the babies, the fact that it had been two weeks since he'd seen her, two weeks since he'd held her, two weeks… Spike had never seen two weeks pass so slowly, so painfully and they were no closer to getting her out. Slavery was not something Asara would willing submit to. Hell she wouldn't submit to anything most of the time but Spike knew that the new collars that slaves wore were designed so even the most stubborn would behave.
"…gold collar and everything apparently…"
Spike blinked. Something…
"Apparently? No definitely. It's such a rare thing. Imagine having a shifter like that at your beck and call… and it's female!"
Spike's slightly lost mind gradually surfaced, connecting information as he swung his head to survey his neighbours.
"Mmmm anything you want… Have to wait for the pregnancy to be over though but you could sell on the offspring."
"Meaning to butt in," Spike interrupted the two demons. "But what are you talking about?"
The two glared at him before shifting on their seats and deciding something.
"Haven't you heard?" the nearest leant towards him.
Spike narrowed his eyes, clearly showing he thought that was a stupid question.
"There's a big buzz going round the town cause there's a new special slave on the market," the other told him.
"Yeah heard the rumour and thought it was a load of bollocks," Spike replied, affecting disinterest.
"Oh no," the first demon replied. "Got some real proof yesterday. I talked to a dealer and she's definitely real and up for sale."
"Yeah?" Spike got another drink before asking his next question. "How much they asking?"
"Running into thousands of dollars or whatever you trade in," the second shook his head. "Way too much for us to afford but hey a demon can dream right?"
Spike pulled thoughtfully on his drink and the first demon noticed his expression.
"Are you seriously considering this?" he asked. "There's no way you can afford her."
Spike slanted a look at the demon that spoke volumes and also said that he knew jack shit about Spike.
"Whoa pal!" the second demon grinned, a bizarre show of tusks and loose skin. "I gotta get you in my good books."
Spike knew he had them now,
"Try me. Talk."
So the two demons told them everything they knew including the location of the sale that was happening in four days time. Spike drained them dry before standing to leave.
"Hey!" the second demon cried. "Unfair. Tell us something!"
Spike eyed him before deciding on the spur of the moment,
"Want to know why I'm so interested?" the heads nodded. "That shifter is my mate."
Spike yanked his collar and t-shirt down to reveal the scar before leaving in a swirl of black leather.
-
"Four days!" Spike yelled as he smashed the door open.
"Jeez Spike," Esster'd shook her head. "Four days 'til what?"
"Asara gets put up for sale," Spike was pacing, trying to think.
"How'd you find out?" Esster'd asked.
Yimila got up and push him off her favourite, expensive rug before he wore a hole in it or ingrained even more mud into it. Spike didn't even bother to raise an eyebrow at her but he didn't answer Esster'd's question either.
"Spike," Esster'd warned.
Still no response.
Juidon rolled her eyes, got up, strode over, grabbed his upper arms, physically picked him up and shook him.
"Bloody hell!" Spike swore, having been started out of his thoughts.
"How do you know this?" Juidon annunciated carefully.
"Put me down," Spike wiggled unsuccessfully.
"Only if you tell us what is going," Juidon told him.
"I'm your bloody Alpha! Put me down!" Spike snapped before sighing. "I was going to tell you anyway."
"We know," Juidon put him down. "It's just the pacing, ignoring us, it's about Asara meant we couldn't wait."
"Yeah sorry," Spike ran his hands through his hair, messing it up even more. None of the pack had seen it smooth since Asara had been taken because of all the worrying Spike put it through. Spike sat, slumping, as he told the pack what he had learnt. The pack was even tenser by the time he'd finished.
"Oh god there is so much interest in her we'll never be able to get her out," Juidon thumped her head back on the settee.
"Maybe be we could steal her off the new owner?" Casve looked up.
"No!" Yimila shook her head. "We might lose her if she goes somewhere else."
Spike frowned before leaping off the sofa and hurrying to the cabinet. He flung it open and began pulling the contents out until he found what he was looking for.
"Spike what is going on?" Juidon frowned at the mess.
"Casve is a genius," Spike spun round. "She said steal and this is how!"
The pack looked at the waving video and frowned. Destch stood up and took the video off him, noticed the front cover, turned it over and grinned.
"Oh yeah!" he glanced up at Spike. "I thought you didn't like Farscape."
"I never said I didn't like it," Spike protested. "Scratch 'n' Sniff is a good episode anyway."
"Are you saying we blow out the lights and steal her from the sale room?" Esster'd eyed him.
"Basically," Spike nodded.
"It's mad!" Yimila exclaimed.
Spike frowned,
"But I thought you'd…"
"Hey not done yet!" Yimila interrupted. "It's mad, it's suicidal, it's downright idiotic with all that security and that's why they'll never see it coming! I love it!"
Spike grinned. He'd thought up a plan that people liked and it wasn't too stupid. Wait scratch that. It was so stupid Spike was surprised he hadn't pulled this stunt earlier.
"We gonna call in the back up?" Yimila asked.
"Wmor won't be pleased but I'm sure Spike can veil his threats enough to get him here," Esster'd slanted a glance the vampire's way just in time to receive a glare.
"Buffy and co would be useful too," Juidon continued.
"That one's trickier," Esster'd chewed on her bottom lip before glancing at Casve and Destch. "You two want to use your big puppy eyes trick?"
The two youngsters grinned and nodded. They loved their ploy but it didn't work too often at home because the pack was growing some immunity against 'Puss in Boots' style big round eyes. The duet had seen the movie and perfected the look within hours and the pack had seen it work with devastating accuracy.
"You'll leave first thing and try it on everyone though I expect Red might be more susceptible," Spike instructed before saying everyone should sleep on the idea.
The pack nodded but they didn't leave the lounge because they'd all been sleeping on it's special floor together since they'd lost Asara. The need to be close had been running strong so the pack slept in a huge pile of intertwined limbs, safe. Spike watched them bed down before wandering off; mind still full and he knew he'd never be able to sleep. Stepping into the bedroom he had shared with Asara Spike had sunk to the floor next to the bed and shut his eyes, exhausted but worry refused to let him rest. Oh god Asara, Spike thought.
Spike?
"Asara?" Spike's head jerked up.
Spike!
Spike was almost overwhelmed by relief, both his and hers and he knew their connection was open. He sent the feelings of love to Asara and tried to hug the feeling of her to him. Asara reciprocated and then he felt the tears.
"Hey luv no crying. It'll be alright," he whispered, wishing he could do more.
Gradually Asara got a hold on her tears but she could feel Spike's fear like a sour taste on her tongue. They couldn't really talk to each other, just their names and their feelings. She was sitting in her holding cell and she tried to reassure him with love and happiness. Spike didn't believe her but let it pass as he was trying to tell her that they had a plan to free her. Asara frowned and Spike caught the puzzlement emanating from her and tried again. He thought of happiness of seeing her and the pack together before moving onto the anger of seeing her being sold and combining the two together. Asara caught both emotions and Spike could sense her puzzling it through prior to catching four bursts of sadness and anger. Spike sent them back, hoping it meant four days. She was quiet for a moment but he was catching snatches of hope, worry and subtle anger.
Suddenly he got a huge wave of fear from Asara before the anger. Unsure what was causing it he sent back the feeling of calm and love but knew he could do nothing else to help her.
Asara on the other hand had backed away to the furthest corner of her cell as she watched what had been brought to her. They had threaten to do this but now the time had come and Asara was frightened. She fought and was subdued by a simply pressing of a button which she suddenly realised Spike had felt as she sensed pain from him. Desperately she fought to close their connection but she'd never done it before and didn't know where to start.
Spike could sense her pulling away, knew why and fought to keep it open. He didn't care about the pain, he just wanted to stay with to try and understand why she was afraid. He knew the others had heard his yelp at the unexpected pain that was so much like the chip but he stayed where he was.
Asara watched the events unfold and something gave in her. She stopped fighting, she stopped seeing the outside world but it was too late and she knew it. Unable to stop what was about to happen to her she just laid there and felt Spike beg her to fight. She sent him love tinged with a bit of regret and then began cutting the connection with Spike, who fought her. He gained some ground until he felt pain rip through Asara and then him. Gasping Spike stopped fighting and lost the connection but the pain wasn't like before. It was low in his belly, spreading upwards, burning a fiery trail and Spike wondered what they were doing to his mate.
The door was flung open as the pack came to investigate what was going and Spike told them what had happened but for some reason he didn't let on about how the pain was different from the first time. Spike wanted to find out from Asara. He had to know why she'd given up and stopped fighting at that moment. Why was it different?
-
Asara ran her fingers through the blood on the floor of her cell and sighed quietly. She'd seen too much of her own blood recently and it was getting to her but what was worse was the slavers had upped the ainty about getting her ready for the sale in four days time. Knowing she wasn't ready had led to some intensive sessions like today but today was different and now Asara couldn't face seeing Spike again. Worry gnawed at her as she remembered that they were going to try a rescue at the sale and she didn't want them to try it. If one of them got hurt or worse, killed, she'd never forgive herself.
Asara sighed again. The contrary thing that she was made this difficult. She wanted freedom, she wanted her children to have a loving family around them but she didn't want her pack to hurt themselves freeing her and she wanted to hide from the disgust she imagined on Spike's when he found out that… Maybe he wouldn't… Oh he'd find out alright because he was Spike.
-
"No!"
"But look…"
"No!"
"Ah you're no fun Giles," Buffy muttered, sitting back down.
Giles heard but ignored Buffy's comment as he heard the shop bell ring. Turning to face the door Giles opened his mouth to greet the customers before shutting it when he realised who it was. He waited until they'd come further into the shop and were staring at him with pleading eyes. He broke,
"What can I do for you two?"
"We were wondering whether we could have your help?" Casve asked.
"For what?" Giles looked cautious.
The pair looked even more lost, pleading and, if Giles was honest with himself, cute.
"Asara is getting sold in four days. We are going to try getting her out of the auction but we need as many people as possible to help us," Casve fiddled with her sleeve.
"What's going on?" Willow asked, looking up from her book. "Hi you two."
Two pairs of big, round eyes met hers.
"Awwww," Willow immediately fell.
"They want our help to get Asara out," Giles swept his glasses off his face and rubbed his face.
"They want what?" Buffy asked. "Are you mad?"
"Please," Destch almost whispered.
"Buffy we can't not help!" Willow couldn't look away from the pair.
Tara shared her feelings as the eyes were turned full force on her.
"I gotta say," Xander began as the eyes moved to him. "As much as I want to help isn't out of the auction room a bit risky?"
"Scratch 'n' Sniff," Destch told him.
"What?" Buffy jumped up.
"Ahh," Xander nodded. "Ah!" Xander got the plan.
"What is he implying by that?" Anya asked.
"It's umm actually a Farscape episode name and it's the plan right?" Xander looked at the youngsters who nodded. "It's a good plan too."
Everyone looked at him.
"In a suicidal way," he shrugged before explaining the scheme.
"No!" Buffy shook her head.
"Why not?" Willow asked.
"It's too dangerous," Buffy told everyone.
"But look…" Willow pointed at the pair still standing on the steps.
"No!" Buffy almost left the floor. "Don't you see Spike sent them to manipulate us?"
The group considered this and the youngsters glanced at each other.
"Even if he didn't we still would have come," Casve began. "We don't know…"
"We don't know how else to ask," Destch finished.
"So you're saying he did tell you to come here and make moon eyes at us?" Buffy glared at them.
The pair dropped their heads.
"See? What did I tell you?" Buffy said triumphantly. "It's Spike who's asking for our help!"
"But he's done some good things for us in the past," Anya pointed out and received everyone's looks. "Yes there have been many occasions when he has tried to kill you and you could see this as him making up for that but when does that stop? When has Spike equalled the balance?"
Everyone was quiet for a moment.
"He's a vampire! Dead, soulless bloodsucker," Buffy argued.
"So what are we then?" a small voice asked.
"Buffy don't answer that," Giles warned her.
"Why not?" Buffy retorted.
Giles rolled his eyes,
"Oz was a werewolf and he was your friend. These two have never hurt you and are asking for your help."
"Yeah but they eat people," Buffy crossed her arms.
"Umm actually we haven't," Casve raised her hand. "I trust Asara when she says they taste bad and Destch doesn't eat much stuff like that."
"Asara has eaten people then and … Yim…," Buffy replied.
"Over two hundred years ago for Asara and nearly that for Yimila," Destch told her.
"We're still not helping," Buffy felt like she was losing and refused to give in.
"Please don't hit me for saying this Buff but you can't stop us… well me helping so maybe you should come to look out for me," Xander pointed out.
The group eventually said they'd help and Buffy grouchily announced she was only coming to keep an eye on them. The pair were smiling now and kept saying thank you in between going over the plan with them. Buffy had sat silent until realising she had no idea how many people would be there.
"Hold on a second. Just how many people… demons are going to be there?"
"We don't know. Lots," Casve answered.
"Lots of lots," Destch agreed.
"Just as I'm allowed to kill things," Buffy muttered.
"Well actually if they saw the Slayer things might not work so we were kinds hoping you'd stay outside and keep our getaway clear," Casve grabbed Destch as the Slayer exploded out of her chair.
"What? You want me do what?"
The pair fled, yelling their goodbyes and thanks.
"I can't believe this. First I'm helping Spike and now I don't even get to kill things," Buffy sat back down.
"Look on the bright side Buff if things go wrong, as they often do, there will be more slaying than anyone could want," Xander patted her arm and got whacked by both Willow and Buffy.
"Don't say that!" Willow warned.
-
Four days later
"Ready?" Juidon asked.
"Yeah. Did I mention I don't like this plan?" Xander wriggled his fingers on the collar of his stiff clothes.
"Yeah I know but Spike's gotta make an entrance and he needs something extra," Juidon tried to comfort him.
"Rather than his brash, cocky, annoying self," Xander noted.
"Yes and that'd be you," Juidon nodded.
"Gotta say though Spike was right," Esster'd grinned at Xander. "You are a nummy treat, especially dressed like that."
"Yeah thanks but why me? Why not one of the girls?" Xander still didn't get this.
"Because Willow and Tara are doing the magic, Buffy can't go in, Giles is already going and you wouldn't let Anya in," Juidon sighed.
"Yes I know, but the clothes?" Xander wiggled.
Esster'd and Juidon glanced at each other,
"Let's hope it doesn't go far enough we find out why."
"What!?!" Xander didn't like that expression one bit.
Spike came strolling over, looking for all the world like the Big Bad and glanced at Xander,
"You clean up nice monkey boy."
"Don't you…" Xander was cut off by Spike.
"No you don't. Remember the act and the bet!"
Xander glowered at him before lowering his head an acting like he was suppose to, a slave. The girls nodded and spilt, Juidon heading for Giles who had, surprising, agreed to 'belong' to Juidon for the night. They needed his expertise in there and humans would not get in by themselves so the rest of the Scooby gang was outside waiting, hidden. Willow and Tara were waiting for their signal to blow the electricity with magic, making sure the back up power didn't come online. Yimila, Casve and Destch were already inside along with the rest of the pack. Only Spike, Esster'd and Juidon waited to go in. They had decided against asking for Wmor's help in case he betrayed them. It was too much of a fragile situation to risk that.
Juidon moved into the queue, Giles at her heels and quickly came to the front where a demon was checking for illegal items like weapons and alcohol. The atmosphere was to be kept as contained as possible under the circumstances. He checked Juidon and then Giles before laughing at him,
"Need a new one huh?"
"Always but this one is essential for these outings. Brilliant mind remembers everything and doesn't even need a collar," Juidon praised her 'slave'. "The package isn't always everything as you should know."
With that passing shot Juidon moved inside, Giles fighting to keep a smile under wraps as Juidon moved like she owned everything she saw. Spike noted her entrance and moved out of cover and into the queue, Xander following like an obedient dog, determined to win the bet that Spike had set.
Flash back
"Bet you can't!" Spike taunted.
"Alright you're on!" Xander snapped. "Fifty bucks says I can manage the evening and do everything you say like a proper slave would!"
Spike grinned and held out his hand,
"Done!"
Present
"Get off me!" Spike snapped at the check demon.
"You have to be inspected!" the demon held his ground.
Spike glowered but allowed the search, glad the demon was quick about it. The demon moved to Xander, but in reality there wasn't many places Xander could have hidden a matchbox let alone anything else. Spike watched the demon take a few liberates with the whelp but to hand it to him he didn't move so Spike acted like the possessive owner and growled at the demon who quickly stepped away. Spike swept inside and Xander privately admitted that he looked calm and that he was enjoying every minute of this when he knew, from the brief moment that Spike had talked to him, that the blond vampire was scared shitless for everyone here.
The atmosphere was relaxed and demons mixed, chatting about what they were going to buy, but mostly they talked about the star item. It made Spike want to grab everyone who talked about what they'd do with Asara and beat them bloody or tell them he'd beaten them to it but he held his anger in check. Nodding at each group as he saw them until he stood in his position, close to the stage, ready to grab Asara when the lights went out.
A man appeared on the platform and the audience hushed in expectation. The man looked round the gathered masses before announcing the start of the auction and the first slave was led up onto stage. It wasn't Asara.
Hours drifted by and Spike was sure he would have worn a hole in the floor by his pacing if he was allowed but that would have drawn to much attention. Being with the pack had brought out his instinct to comfort himself by touching so he unconsciously began to pet Xander's hair but Xander didn't stop him, ask him to stop or even look up at him. He was well on his way to earning fifty dollars and Spike knew he'd have to pay up, when he realised what he was actually doing.
"Last up is the one most of you have been waiting for," the man announced and the tension in the atmosphere climbed up a notch or two. "Our last item is a gold collared, D'ewain, Alpha female who is pregnant with four offspring and …"
The rest of the speech faded away from Spike as he registered the number four. He almost squealed, very un-Big Bad like, but he kept a lid on it until Asara was led up on to stage and Spike growled. She looked so tiny up there and Spike could see she was broken, even if it was such a small break, and he hurt inside. He also resisted the urge to race up onto stage and rip the collar off her.
Xander made a tiny noise of pain and Spike relaxed his grip on his hair which he'd clenched tightly when he'd seen Asara. It hadn't hurt Xander but it was a warning not to tighten his grip and hurt himself because that may well blow their cover. Spike dropped his hand so he didn't do anything accidentally and watched Asara look round the room. She stood in human form, hands clasped in front of her but they shook slightly when her eyes met Spike's before she quickly dropped her gaze.
The man began the bidding far above even the combined assets the pack had and Spike signalled to Xander to give the go ahead. The human slave would not be watched as closely as the demons would be so, shielding his motions, Xander fiddled in his tight suit to break a small charm hidden within the belt system. The break would cause a burst of light from a crystal Willow had and therefore indicate for her to begin.
The bidding began to slow down and the man clearly wasn't pleased, so he began encouraging the audience by getting Asara to do things, thus demonstrating the sort of power that they would have over her. Giles whispered something to Juidon who nodded and called out in a loud, imperious voice,
"Shifters like her have the ability to change their voices to suit anything. I want to hear her do that! I want a full opera on stage from one mouth."
The man frowned at her, annoyed she'd interrupted the bidding but realised it might help so he ordered Asara to do as she was bid. Asara took a deep breath and launched into her favourite piece, The Ride of the Valkyries, even though strictly speaking it wasn't opera as she wasn't singing. The bidding sprung up like a trap shutting over an innocent creature.
Spike counted the seconds in his head, willing Asara to stay where she was so she'd present an easy target to be grabbed. Three minutes after the signal the lights went out and some demons shrieked in the most pathetic way Xander had ever heard. Spike was trusting him to watch his back while he got Asara even though both knew Xander was almost blind in the near dark. Leaping up onto stage Spike caught Asara's wrist and tugged at her, knowing she recognize him but she pulled back, shaking her head before disappearing off. A small yelp sounded and Asara was back, clutching her controller to her chest. Spike pried it off her and put it in his duster as he dropped off the stage to stand next to Xander, who jumped slightly when Spike touched his arm. Asara landed softly next to them and Xander prised a cloth off his waist and gave it to Asara who wrapped it round her neck, hiding the collar. Spike set off, keeping Asara close behind him and Xander latched onto the back of Asara's clothes so he wouldn't be left behind. Everyone was praying that in the confusion no one would miss Asara as well as not look to closely around them as most could see in the dark.
They made the door at the same time as Juidon and Giles, the rest of the pack was already outside. The security was a mess so bypassing them was easier than Spike hoped. They stepped outside and Giles motioned to Xander so they could slip away and get back to the rest. Both knew if Asara was noticed that the pack would run and there was no way they could keep up. Two humans would not be noticed in all the chaos so Spike knew they were safe and he moved off, Juidon pulling a cloth over Asara's head in a stylish way to hide her face that was so well known. No one asked her to change her looks because that would draw more attention which they couldn't risk. The pack melted through the crowd until they were together before they began the difficult business of getting away as pulling out of the crowd would draw attention to them.
The pack had almost made the trees when a voice called out to them,
"Hey! Where are you going?"
"Keep going, same speed. He's not talking to us," Spike hissed.
"You with all the women and bleached hair, stop!"
"I guess he is talking to us," Esster'd muttered.
"Run!" Spike ordered.
So they did. They disappeared into the trees and gradually the pack peeled off, disturbing the trail, until Asara and Spike were left.
"Come on," Spike pulled at Asara. "We're nearly there."
Asara glanced at him before stepping up the pace and they rounded the corner to come across a motorbike. Spike pulled the keys from another pocket, climbed on and started up the powerful engine with a roar. Asara sat behind, arms round his waist and Spike set off, still dodging trees before they hit the road and Spike really stepped on it. He hurtled across town to the reservoir where he stopped the bike and gestured to a rope.
"Climb down. I'll be down in a minute," Spike told her.
Asara grasped the rope and swung herself over the edge, descending to a cave in the cliff wall. The bike roared as it shot over the edge and Asara watched it hit the water with splash before disappearing. Wondering how Spike would get down Asara watched the rope tense, go slack and then tense. Spike flew in and crashed inelegantly against the wall. Picking himself up he hid the rope which he had cut at the top to stop followers and led Asara down into the sewer system. She trailed him as Spike confidently led her home, via some scent disturbing things until they surfaced in their street. Checking no one was around Spike helped Asara up through the manhole and into the house where he made her sit down on the sofa and wait for the others.
In small groups the pack came back in and rushed to Asara's side, whimpering and yipping as they sought out her touch. She smiled her first real smile in weeks and reassured them with contact and words until they were calm and happy. Spike watched her with them and smiled before a feeling inside broke it. She hadn't spoken to him yet, she had barely touched him and she had never made eye contact with him. What had happened?
Asara knew Spike could tell she was avoiding him, avoiding talking to him and she wanted him to go away. Hold me, make me forget. she thought. She was so torn and it built up until she couldn't take it anymore and she stood.
"Guys, please. I'm really tired," she felt guilty about using the emotional blackmail ploy.
"Of course! God we're sorry," Esster'd apologised.
"No. No it's ok. I needed that. It's just…" Asara lowered her head.
"Yeah of course," Juidon stood and led her to the door.
"I thought…" Asara looked at the floor.
"Not tonight. You need proper rest," Juidon told her, eyeing Spike.
"I…" Asara gave up and went upstairs.
Spike watched her go but made no move to follow.
"Spike? She needs you," Juidon looked worried.
"Does she?" Spike asked. "She hasn't talked to me. She… she's cutting me out and I don't know…"
"She's had a rough time," Juidon took his arm and led him to the stairs. "She's in love with you. Never doubt that."
Spike nodded and climbed the stairs. Entering their bedroom he found it empty so he hung up his duster on the back of the door. It clunked and Spike remembered the control pad. Digging it out he sat down on the edge of the bed and examined it closely.
"You gonna use that?" a voice asked and Spike jumped.
Asara was standing in the doorway, looking at him.
"No!" Spike denied fiercely.
Asara regarded him with sad eyes and Spike shot off the bed.
"You have it if you don't trust me," Spike thrust it into her hands.
"Giving a slave the keys to her chains?" Asara looked at the pad.
"Asara you are not a bloody slave!" Spike wanted to shake her.
"Really? What about this?" Asara's fingers went to her neck and the collar it sported.
"It's something that can be broken, fixed, removed. Being a slave is up here," Spike tapped his head. "And in here," Spike patted his chest.
Asara was silent.
"Pet what happened?" Spike asked quietly.
"News flash I became a slave! Where were you?" Asara spat angrily.
Spike was grateful for the show of the emotion before guilt crushed him.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I bloody hate it that I couldn't protect you," he shook his head.
Asara glanced down,
"I didn't mean that."
"And you know I didn't mean that either," Spike told her. "What happened four nights ago?"
"I…I can't," Asara pushed past him into the room.
Spike shut the door.
"Please luv, talk to me," he pleaded.
"I…" a shudder went through her body and she turned her back. "I wasn't co-operating. They tired everything, knives, the collar, leg irons but it didn't work."
"Course not," Spike smiled and Asara turned back to him.
"I let slip that… that… and they used it against me," Asara sunk to the floor, dropping the control pad.
Spike sat down in front of her,
"What did they do?"
"They used another slave, wiped his mind, he didn't have any choice," Asara buried her head into her knees so all Spike could see was the top of her head but he pushed her, knowing she needed to tell someone, let go.
"What did he do?"
"I'm dirty!" Asara suddenly burst out. "I promised myself I'd be loyal, never be with someone else and now it's broken gone…" she began crying.
Spike put it together. The pain being so low in him, in her, the slave was male and now Asara was talking about being dirty and having broken promises. It had all the hallmarks of a rape.
"Asara did he rape you?" Spike hated saying it.
Asara froze before she started muttering,
"Dirty slut… Made a promise… Broke it… Don't deserve him… Dirty…"
Spike stared at her for a moment as he realised she was blaming herself for something that was out of her control.
"Christ no pet! Asara look at me. Look at me!" Spike waited until she did what he asked.
"You are not responsible for what happened. They forced you into it. You are not dirty, you did not break any promises and I don't deserve you," Spike stared at her.
"What…?" Asara stared blankly at him.
"I have the love of a woman who is the strongest I have ever met. She cares for everyone, fights like nothing on earth could stop her and is so beautiful it makes me hurt inside," Spike stroked her hair back from her face.
"So you don't think I'm disgusting?" Asara asked, confused.
Spike smiled a small, slightly sad smile,
"No pet. Never."
"But I'm…" the look on Spike's face stopped her. "It's different now."
"How?" Spike asked, softly.
"I'm… I feel dirty, like I shouldn't be here but…" she stopped Spike interrupting her. "But all I want is for you to hold me and make me forget. I've missed you so much but every time I see you I see… feel him… it again."
"Try it," Spike whispered and Asara stared at him.
Spike opened his arms and waited, feeling slightly vulnerable. Asara was still for a brief moment before she threw herself into his embrace and hugged him to her so hard Spike was glad he didn't breathe. He tightened his arms round her and rocked her as she began to cry again. Whispering against her hair and stroking her back Spike waited for the pain to subside. After what seemed like an eternity Asara raised her head and whispered,
"Thank you."
Spike smiled and wiped the tears on her cheeks away,
"Let's get you to bed."
Asara nodded and Spike helped her to her feet but took two steps back and waited for Asara to decide whether she wanted to go back to sleeping like before, with no clothes.
Torn Asara looked up at Spike and saw that he was not going to do anything until she did. She gathered her tattered courage, stripped and climbed into bed but frowned as Spike just stood there.
"Spike?"
"What do you want me to do?" Spike asked her though every muscle was straining towards Asara.
"Come here, hold me and … I want to feel all of you again," Asara couldn't bring herself to say 'strip'.
Spike nodded and pulled his clothes from his body. He tried not to rush it but it did come off a bit like that and it made Asara smile. Spike climbed in behind her and wrapped an arm around her, drawing her back against him.
"Sleep," Spike whispered.
"No I…" Asara took Spike's hand and placed it on her belly.
Spike smiled and decided to risk it. He kissed her shoulder, gently, lightly and was glad when Asara didn't tense up or pull away.
"Four?" he asked.
"Yeah," Asara tightened her grip on his hand on her belly. "You ok with this?"
"Better than bloody ok luv. I want this," Spike kissed her shoulder again before asking. "What about you?"
Asara rolled over slightly to see him and smiled,
"Me too."
Spike couldn't stop himself. He leant forwards and kissed her properly. Asara paused and then was kissing him back, hard. The kiss went on until Asara pulled back to breathe,
"Jeez I've missed you," she snuggled into his chest.
"God yes!" Spike muttered as he held her close and listened to her drift off to sleep. "I've missed you so much."