Disclaimer: I do not own any fruits basket characters.
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All songs written in this chapter are written by ME
Chapter 21 Forgiving
Yuki released himself from her at long last, and he stared at her softly. Tohru didn't look at him, her eyes were cast at the floor as she continued to pick up the shards of broken china. Tohru didn't know what to do, and much out of character, she picked up the tray and scurried off, leaving Yuki on his knees, and not even parting words.
Tohru ran to the kitchen, reminding herself she had work to do. She first, much to her dismay, saw that she could not repair the cups and dishes she had broken. She made a note in her mind, to buy some more tomorrow. She looked to her stew, which was now simmering and close to completion. She hit the timer for fifteen minutes. Tohru knew the other's were outside unpacking, so it would be better if she helped them. She pondered about where Kyo could be, but let it pass for now.
She wandered towards her front door, just in time to have it swing open.
"God these bags are heavy, what did you two girls pack?" Kei complained, Haru right behind him moaning as well.
"Just the necessities" Hana replied unemotional, as usual
"Welcome home everyone!" Tohru smiled in the doorway. She reached out and took the bags from the boys's hands "Let me put these in my room for now, you guys relax, you've had long ride." The boys were about to protest, but , didn't, knowing they probably owned her the biggest apology in their entire lives.
Tohru reappeared in a matter of moments, and soon Shigure and Hatori emerged from their private room.
"So Tohru, is that delicious meal of yours ready? Looks like the whole gangs here"
Just then the timer went off, "There's the timer now, lets go eat!" For once, everyone was in agreement. They entered the kitchen, and Tohru first served out the bowls of steaming white rice. She then passed out the trays with the small trout and wassabi sauce, and finally, the miso soup. "Dig in everyone'
"Hai!" Everyone broke apart their chopsticks, and began to eat. Tohru looked to Kyo's seat, and without much surprise, saw he wasn't there. First instinct, was to the roof. She slipped on her shoes, and walked around the side of the house to the ladder.
"Kyo? Kyo are you up there?" She called, but there was no response. Tohru began to climb up the ladder, and found it quite slick after yesterday's rain. She popped her head up the side of the house "Kyo?" To her surprise, he wasn't there. Where could he be?
She wandered back into the house, and walked upstairs to Kyo's room. She knocked on it gently.
"Kyo? Are you in there? We're all eating dinner now" There was nothing but a growl, and Tohru knew that she should leave him be "I'll send a tray up for you in a few minutes." she wandered back downstairs hearing Shigure call her
"Tohru dear, why don't you eat some of your magnificent cooking?"
Tohru sat down next to Hatori staring down at her food. She picked at it gently, only eating a small mouth full. Maybe it was the atmosphere, to be surrounded by a lot of mixed emotions. Yuki noticed this sudden quietness in Tohru, and he wondered again about Akito. But Tohru let out a squeak, as Momiji poked her in the side.
"Nine volt jolt!" Momiji laughed, and Tohru smiled and laughed too.
"Momiji! I'm going to get you for that later!"
Momiji just innocently stuck out his tongue and she rubbed his head "It was way too quiet without ya"
Dinner went by rather fast after that, everyone talking a little bit about how much they missed Tohru, or they missed Tohru's cooking, or Tohru's smiling face, etc. The table was cleared, and everyone scattered about the house. Tohru stayed in the kitchen cleaning the last dish.
"Hey kid, can I talk to you?" Tohru looked up to see Uo.
"Sure Uo..." Tohru said, rather, uncertainly. The two of them strolled out into the Sohma's estate's garden.
"Look Tohru, I should never have destroyed your happiness...."
"Its okay, I know you have a reason for it."
Uo looked to Tohru sadly "I just felt, abandoned. All of your efforts, time, worry, its all been about them lately. It felt like I was losing ya Tor. But, the Yuki, Momiji, Haru, they all really showed me how much they love and were worried about you. That's when I realized; you weren't abandoning me at all. They were your family, and I seem to have forgotten that. I guess it made me angry, because you treated them like you did Kyoko. That I didn't like much either, because I thought you had forgotten her."
"How could I ever forget Kyoko Uo? She was the one who brought me into this world; she taught me how to live, and helped me to become the person that I am now. Its only been a year Uo, and no one seems to realize that. Do you know how many morning I wake up in the Sohma home and tell myself "Kyoko's gone now Tohru, you live with the Sohmas" ? It isn't that easy. I could never forget her. Sure, the Sohmas are my new family, but they can never replace my old one"
"Hmm.. That sounds like what Hana was trying to explain to me." Uo turned her head to Tohru. "Look Tor, I'm sorry, I mean I'm really sorry, are we cool?"
"We always were Uo, and always will be" Tohru smiled gently, and then Uo smiled too. The two of them sat out in the courtyard garden for a while talking about the trip and what Tohru had missed out on.
Shigure stood on the front porch waving a goodbye to Hatori as he made the ride back to the Sohma Estate. Shigure walked around the house, until he found his books again. He turn on the computer, and slowly began to type until the words fell across the page on the monitor.
And so their worlds began to kindle, only to have a harsh wind blow us amiss. So what shall be of thee's weary heart until the storm has thou past? Bring together in a longing hot embrace, only to be deprived to see it has be fantasy. Oh poor soul who loves thy girl, speak out, or have her be drowned in the rain.
Everyone was really tired, so they all stayed the night at the Sohmas. It made everyone a little nervous, but with Uo and Hana in Tohru's room, their only worry was Kei, who easily volunteered to sleep on the couch.
Tohru couldn't sleep much that night, she tossed and turned all night long, until the clock down the hall chimed one. Pointless it was to lie there and hope for dreams, so Tohru quietly rose from her spot. She walked down the stairs and shuffled through the den but came to a halt hearing a voice.
"Tohru?"
Tohru had forgotten Kei was asleep down here. She quickly bowed
"Uhh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up"
"Forget about it, I was already awake" Kei sat up on the couch in his long t-shirt and flannel pants. "You okay?"
Tohru rubbed the back of her head embarrassed "Oh me? I'm fine, really, I'm just uhh having trouble sleeping that's all. Hehe..."
"Is that really what's bothering you?" Kei asked gently, knowing it wasn't. Tohru shook her head a no as she bit down on her lip, tears brimming her eyes. "Tohru, you can tell me..."
"I just miss my mom, so much right now. I want to be in her arms, I want her to tell me its okay. But she isn't, and its stupid to waste time wishing she was here. But I do want her here...I really do. I'm in this house though, with all these people who care about me, and I still want more. It isn't fair..."
Tohru sat down next to him. Her hands gripped at her nightgown and tears hit her hands, she closed her eyes trying not to cry harder as she whispered quietly
"Hey, Tohru, its okay to want things. Its understandable. Tohru your mom died a little over a year ago, no one expects you not to miss her, and you'll miss her the rest of your life. You can be surrounded by everyone who loves you, but no one can take that special spot you have reserved for her. Tohru, its okay, really, its okay" Kei told her reassuringly.
"But I should be grateful, for all these things I have..."
"And we all know you are, but you're also going through a loss Tohru. No one expects you to completely ever be over it" He rested his head on her shoulder gently. Tohru continued to blubber and cry sweetly curling herself up into a ball on the couch.
"I was so scared..."
"I know...and I know, I owe you the biggest apology of my life..." he tensed slightly, his hand squeezing at her shoulder. She just opened her eyes and let out a smile chuckle
"Its not your fault. Both you and Haru, blame yourselves so much. Why can't anyone just understand, that no one meant for it to happen. We were laughing, some were worried, and it just happened. We were scared, and we were regretful, but what is left but the past..."
"But, it doesn't seem like enough. Tohru, you could've easily been killed."
"And if I had, I would have, that would have been the end. It wouldn't of matter who pushed me off, I still would have been my time to go."
There was then a loud shuffling sound of something outside, and Tohru looked to the window confused.
"That's Haru. He hasn't been sleeping much either."
"Maybe I better go talk to him" Tohru rose from her spot
"Why do you go to him?" Kei questioned looking down
"Pardon?"
"Why do you always run to his side?"
"Its not like that Kei." She told him in defense.
"You always worry about them over me..."
"I do not. These people are my family. And I'm just worried about Haru...."
Kei still looked down at the floor "So if I was your family, you'd treat me like them?"
"I already treat you like my family. Look, the Sohmas are the only family I have left, don't make me look like a bad person by worrying about them"
Tohru then opened the door to the front porch and closed it softly, leaving Kei to struggle to find more relaxing dreams. Tohru stepped outside in the brisk air, looking around for Haru. He was sitting alone on their swing and she walked over to him, her arms folded in front of her chest in a reaction to the cold.
"Haru?"
"What're you doing out here?" Haru turned to her in surprise
"Well, I just thought, I'd check up on you" Tohru sat down beside him, the swing swaying slightly.
"Oh, I was just, thinking." he said gently looking back out into the forest.
"Never knew you could put on such a serious face when you think" Tohru giggled nudging him.
"Yeah well..." Haru trailed off still focusing on the forest.
"Are you mad with me Haru-sama?"
"Eh?" Haru turned his head to look at her. He realized now she must've been crying because her eyes were still red and puffy. "Why would I be angry?"
"You seem so distant...I was worried," Tohru began "Everyone's on pins and needles, will anything ever be the same again? Everyone's blaming each other, scowls, frowns, I can't stand it!"
Haru caressed her cheek gently and lowered his voice, he seemed gentler now. "We are all on edge right now, but I promise you, things will return to normal. Guaranteed."
And so they did.
A week or so had passed, the days had just flown by. Tohru was back to being busy, and the boys were back to fighting over the first to each meal. Word of Tohru's visit to Akito wasn't discussed, and Tohru continued her writing. She helped Yuki plant the strawberry seeds, with some discomfort, but no one noted on it. Kyo was secluded as usual. But his words grew shorter each day.
Tohru came home after a day of school
"Shigure?"
"I'm in the office Flower!" His voice called from inside the house. Tohru slid the door open with a tray of tea, and cookies on it. "Oh Tohru, thank you darling" Tohru just giggled and put the tray down for him. "Something ya need?"
"Well, I wanted to know if I could go back out to the club tonight?"
"Oh, does Clarity have another gig?"
"Yes. Its so kind, they play without me all the time, but never don't mention me. They only sing the songs we've written, and nothing else. I owe it to them to visit"
"Yes dear, but bring the boys, Shigure's orders alright?"
"Hai Shigure." Tohru wandered into the den, the boys now just walking in. "Anyone want to come out the club with me tonight? I'm preforming"
"You're preforming Miss Honda?" Yuki asked curiously. He had been the only one not to see her, nor Haru.
"Performing?" Haru also asked curiously.
"Yeah, with my band Clarity" Tohru said proudly.
"TorTor is preforming!" Momiji cheered happily "Count me in!"
"I'll go" Haru added
"I'd be honored" Yuki added.
Tohru looked to Kyo "Will you come too Kyo?"
Kyo was on the couch, half asleep, and he peeked open an eye "Eh?"
"Please Kyo, it'd mean a lot to me, this is a new song I just wrote." Tohru pleaded, her eyes shimmering. Kyo sighed
"Yeah I'll go, just don't sit me down next to that rat"
"We wouldn't want that" Yuki shot back
After what took them all too long to get dressed, pile into the car, fight over who drove, and get there, at last they did eventually get there. Tohru dashed back stage, and the boys slumped into a booth.
"Ginta? Yue? Sora? Li? Kira?" Tohru looked around backstage, and she was instantly scooped up into Yue's arms, he was always the tallest.
"How are you Princess? We were so worried about you"
"I'm fine, but that's why I returned, I thought you guys needed a reassurance song"
"Ah that's my Princess" Yue smiled as the other boys gathered around her.
"Its nice to see you all again" Tohru said gently
"FIVE MINUTES" Ginta gave the warning call
"Looks like we're on soon" Li said "Ya ready?"
"Yeah...I have...some new songs too. But I know you guys already knew the beat"
"Oh yeah, we've practiced it like mad" Sora sad pretending to act exhausted.
"Well, they're done, so this is it."
"These are special songs?" Kira asked her cuffing her chin
"They're fresh from the heart" She said nervously "I hope...I don't disappoint everyone."
Everyone turned as Ginta called them. Show time. They all piled onto the stag, and Tohru took her center mike one more time. Ginta walked out
"Okay okay ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, dudes and dudets, you so get my drill. The introduction is no longer needed, my boys are back, Clarity here to preform once more, and Princess Tohru Honda has returned!" Ginta got the crowd pumped. And everyone clapped. The Sohma's all cheering for Tohru.
The lights fell onto Tohru. She looked out at the audience, and she gulped once feeling the pressure and the fear. But she calmed herself.
"Hey everyone. I know I've been gone a while. Busy life ya know." She laughed the crowd did to. "These next songs, are new ones, that are straight from my soul to the paper. I hope you all, at least understand them." Yue started to click the sticks for his drums, and after an eight measure introduction Tohru cleared her throat and looked out at the Sohmas...someone particular, with his copper eyes
"
Verse: Phone is ringing, low hused voice Tears are burning, was no choice After all the arguing and harsh words I mourn you loss, sobs unheard Verse: There was a lot of doubt Screaming at the top of our lungs Then a car crash, all was done Lying faces of sympathy, damn the bastards I made her leave Chorus: Legal loads, court and codes Plain old English, idiot: I'm an orphan; better get used to it Everyone's dead, funerals done Oceans of lowers, cold hearted sun Watch them wilt; petals fall World continues, her farewell to all Verse: Packed in boxes, shipped away No smiles, or relief today Rain and pity, packed in two I'm a really so free away from you Verse: Strange new faces None I know I'm alone now Woe and woe (Chorus) Bridge I"m sorry I'm alone I'm hated True stone My heart is purly black From a family that was wack But but now I, want them back (Chorus) False hope for me"
Tohru didn't actually have any hatred towards her mom, but it was a mix of angers she had present, and the morning of a family she lost. The audience was quiet for a moment, but the applause came pouring in, and Tohru was on a role. She moved right into the next song.
Everyday feels like a fight Struggle to keep open my eyes Waiting for tomorrow, today eternal Is it worth waking? Look at me with your eyes see right through me Broken soul who glares at you I'm a shadow in a blinded world Chorus: Curl up in a corner Peeling paint from the black walls Never want to leave our room, building up a defense staying in a fantasy, denying all reality Flakes: me against society Unforgiving nature, the beating drum same old pace to discriminate the journey to endure out to get me (Chorus) Bridge: I'm a shadow in a blinded world Curl up in the corner Struggle to fight Out to get me Out to get me Please don't give up (Chorus) Don't let them steal our dreams"
The applause never ceased and Tohru never stopped smiling on the inside, but a lot of her pain was being poured out, but she never, stopped looking, never did let go.
"This is the last one, whether it's a poem or a song, you be the judge, either way, its me."
"I'm alone
Still I thrive with no purpose at all
My Monster locked up inside
Here I scream as I begin to fall
Travel down a road that never dares to end
Killing off the others as I continue on
Pride so long since thrown away
Its not your everyday job, the sing the sorrow of the trapped mind
Desperate to find something more, and still those notes soar
No one to save me, searching for my heart
Predictable fate, how much of a trick is it?
Unless I finally start to fly, I'll be grounded till dusk
Try to stand tall as a broken spirit
Deep inside my heart still bleeds, hold my side and grit my teeth
I'm crumbling, and here I crash down on the forsaken earth
Struggle off my knees, one last breath
And now
I live"
The entire building was buzzing with applause. Tohru wiped her eyes with tears of relief. She was so relieved, that something, that had really come from her heart, had made the approval of someone else, they really liked it.
Tohru bowed once and walked off the stage with the band, where Kira scooped her up in his arms and swung her around in a circle holding tight. "You were amazing tonight" Tohru just laughed
"I did it! I really did it!" The band celebrated and cheered.
In the audience, the people piled out, or some headed to the bar, the best of the entertainment now over. Now just the stereo played. Haru and Yuki, who had never seen her or heard her perform were amazed.
"Miss Honda has a real talent"
"She was damn amazing!"
"TorTor was always amazing" Momiji piped. "What did you think of her tonight Kyo? Weren't her songs good, they were especially done by her"
"Hmph." Kyo looked the other way, worry in his eyes. Everyday feels like a fight Struggle to keep open my eyes ,Waiting for tomorrow, today eternal ,Is it worth waking? Kyo walked outside the bar, but went around back, looking for Tohru.
"BYE GUYS" Tohru waved walking out the back stage door and stopped seeing Kyo there, a puzzled look on his face as well. "Kyo..." She said his name gently looking at the floor. Things had been really awkward with him lately. He had backtracked to the original ways, and Tohru felt like all that progress was gone.
Kyo looked at her his emotions were all in wack, he couldn't concentrate on what he wanted to tell her, what he really had to say. She looked so sad, and yet at the same time so adorable.
"You sounded great Tohru..." he said gently looking up at the stars.
"Oh, thank you Kyo." Tohru rubbed the back of her head blushing
"Those are really yours?"
"Yeah..."
"Wouldn't seem that way, the way you're so happy all the time"
"I guess...not everything is as it seems. We often, judge, misinterpret, and draw conclusions" Tohru looked up at the stars too, frowning ever so slightly.
"Hmm..." Kyo looked to the stars once more, and saw just one of them fall. He looked back down to Tohru, and surprising, gentle manner. Tohru's eyes widened with shock, but his warm hand stroked her hair and he whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry for, I, made a mistake" Tohru only smiled as he buried his head against her shoulder , he looked out at the view, "I know, that you have to go to Akito's soon too"
"I'm leaving tomorrow"
"Please....be careful"
Author's Note
Dun dun dunnn...was it Kyo who ever really did see them kissing? And what will happen to Tohru. Sorry this is really delayed, school's just been hard