5. Inevitable

Carth took my arm like Jolee had before. "Shall we dance?" He headed out toward the dance floor.

"I don't know how." I said, hesitantly.

"You could dance on Taris." His eyes twinkled.

"That was cantina dancing. And it wasn't dancing, even, it was just…"

"Just follow me." He slipped an arm around my waist. I thought I was going to pass out. This had never happened before. We'd never had a spare moment to do anything at all, not even any form of cuddling. I'd only hugged him a few times. Oh well, it's better that we're dancing than kissing, right? I thought. At least I wasn't too nervous about dancing until I was actually doing it.

"I can only get better from this, right?" I said nervously after tripping.

"You're doing fine." Carth grinned. "Especially considering how clumsy you usually are."

"Why were you late?" I realized that I'd probably sounded rude. I decided that I hated formalities.

"I had to get in the fresher, and Canderous was in there for an hour."

"Really?" I laughed. "I have a hard time believing…"

"Me either." Carth grinned. "This is probably a random question, but did Darth Revan ever love?"

The quick topic change startled me. "I don't know, but I'd think not. Love is a weakness to exploit." My tone was mechanical.

"You say that like you believe it." I couldn't help but notice that Carth looked hurt.

"No, I—" I felt awkward. This is what Carth must feel when he says the wrong thing – so this is what it's like to be him. "I don't know where that came from."

"You had me pretty scared for a minute."

"I'm good at that, aren't I?" An idiotic grin spread across my face.

"Yes you are." He laughed nervously. "They asked me about you a lot in the interrogation."

"And? You told them that I'm the most difficult woman you've ever dealt with?" I didn't know what to make of his topic jumping, but it wasn't completely haphazard. There was definitely an agenda.

"Of course. But the first thing that came to mind wasn't that. It was… when you kissed Canderous."

My heart sank. "It was a friend thing." I replied.

"I know, but I always thought it was weird. I was your friend too."

"But it was different with you." I protested. He gazed at me expectantly. "Alright, I'll do my best to explain, since that's what you want." I sighed. "Don't laugh at me though, because I'm going to sound pathetic. Do you remember when you were telling me about the destruction of Telos and I put my hand on your arm?"

"Of course I remember." Carth blushed a little. At least we're both pathetic.

"Well, I wanted to see if I got the same feeling with just any guy. It just felt appropriate that I kiss Canderous on the cheek for luck before he dueled with Jagi."

"That drove me insane." Carth confessed.

"I'm sorry." I looked at my feet, which were pursuing Carth's and trying to step on them. "It was an experiment."

"So you never had feelings for him?"

I laughed. "No way. He's a friend. He probably thinks of me as one of the boys." I stopped in my tracks, remembering HK's holo.

"Well, I guess he didn't always feel that way. He told me while you were in interrogation—"

"I hate to do this," I interrupted, "but I have a question."

Carth laughed. "Of course you do." It was good to see him smile.

"Was HK there?"

"When he and I were talking? Yeah, why?"

"Because," I laughed. "He recorded it. I think he figured I missed you guys so he recorded your conversation." Carth was shocked. "So I found out all about Canderous."

"He recorded us?"

"Yeah, and I watched it earlier tonight." I explained. "He thought I could use the reassurance."

"Well, that cuts my part of the conversation short." Carth stopped. "How much did he get?"

"Up until you and Canderous looked like you were scheming to bust Bastila and me out of there."

"Oh, okay. Good."

"Why is that good?"

"He left some of the good parts for me to tell you."

"Is it about Canderous' libido or my not-so-stunning figure? Because that's not my favorite topic."

"Mine either." Carth laughed.

"Ouch." I smiled.

"That's not what I meant!" Carth exclaimed. "I meant … damn it, you know what I meant. Trust me, your figure is fine." The song ended and we stopped moving. "I could use a glass of water. How about you, gorgeous?" I nodded and we walked over to the bar. He was trying to act naturally, but it wasn't working too well. Seeing him hadn't calmed my nerves. I knew something was going to happen, and the anticipation gave me goose bumps.

"Are you okay?" I asked, hoping my concern would mask my own shakiness.

"I'm fine." He smiled faintly. "It's just taking some getting used to, being off the Hawk and at a fancy party. I don't do too well in these formal situations." I had a hard time believing that he hadn't been to dozens of parties. There was something about this one.

"Me either. Jolee had to drag me around the room." Carth laughed and handed me a glass of water. "What did you want to talk about? I have a feeling you have something in mind."

"Damn, you're direct." Carth exclaimed.

"It's making me nervous." I explained. "I don't know why, but I've been nervous since I saw you earlier."

"So have I." Carth sighed. "But I'm not going to be direct just because you were. I had to figure out how I was going to say this, and I'd hate to see all that preparation go to waste."

I smiled. "Just don't take forever, or I'll interrupt you again."

Carth took a deep breath and straightened up. We were again facing each other, but at about half-arms' length. "Like I said before, the interrogation got me thinking about you. I realized that the thing with Canderous really had bothered me and I realized how afraid I am of losing you." I opened my mouth, but he kept going. "I didn't tell you something about Morgana, my wife, because I wasn't sure until I spoke with Dustil." Oh no, she's still alive. I thought. I'm going to lose him. "When she and I got married, we were both kids. I rushed into things, but I wouldn't let her have her way. She'd been so stubborn, trying to get me to get a job where I'd be around more, but I wanted to help the Republic. As you could tell, I wasn't around much for Dustil. It killed me, but then I started hearing rumors on the fleet that Morgana was being unfaithful." My mouth hung open. Carth's voice choked up and his words slowed. "She was going to leave me when I came to Telos. She was going to end it then, but the fleet attacked. She died without telling me the truth." My hand reached out and rested on his bicep. "Dustil confirmed it when he found me. I was heartbroken. It felt like part of me had died. Then I wished that I could talk to you. You were the only one who'd ever listened to me. Morgana never had to. I was carefree and reckless when I met her. Then I realized that this was as close as I could get to understanding what you'd been through; my past had died like yours did. You've given me a second chance, a new life. Thank you." I took his water glass and mine, set them on the bar, and hugged him.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So I was thinking about the future, about what to do later." He continued, his voice still shaky. I admired his courage. It would have taken me several minutes to recuperate from such a tale. "I told Canderous about Morgana while we were at the cantina. Maybe not so surprisingly, he told me she was dishonorable and had all kinds of words for her. Anyway, I talked with him about what to do, and I decided that I might retire from the fleet."

"You might? This decision isn't final?" I was confused. Not only was Carth considering giving up a job he did amazingly well, but he had sought career advice from a Mandalorian.

"It's conditional." Carth was trembling a bit, but maintained his composure.

"Are you okay?" I pulled away from the embrace enough to look him in the eye. "Do you need some air?" He smiled weakly.

"That'd be nice. Are you sure your eavesdropping droid won't spoil it?"

"I'll tell him to beat it." I smiled. We walked casually onto the balcony. I had a looming sense of doom. Carth had never been this forthcoming with information before, especially not serious information. As refreshing as it was to not have to beat it out of him, it was a little frightening. He was only this forthcoming with making fun of me.

"This is much better." Carth said, but there was little relief in his voice. "So where was I?"

"Your conditional retirement." I said.

"Right." He looked around, giving me the idea that he'd only asked that to stall. "Basically, I want to do things right with you, if you'll let me." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. He pulled me close to him and looked me in the eye. "I've given this a lot of thought, probably more than I should have, and I've decided that I'll do whatever it takes to be with you." He stopped, but I could tell it wasn't the end of what he was saying.

"Okay, I'm still with you." I managed to stammer out after a moment of silence. "I'm willing to—"

"I'm not done." Carth murmured and pulled me closer, embracing me. I was getting used to the feeling of being so near him, although it didn't lessen the feeling of complete twitterpation. He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye again, letting me go to dig in his pocket. He pulled out a beautiful golden ring. This had to be it. I couldn't breathe. I had to concentrate on not crying. "This ring has been in my family for generations. My father gave it to me when I was about to marry Morgana, but she didn't want it until I promised to stay at home with her, so she never got it. You've been with me, true to me, even when you had great reasons not to. I want to stay with you forever. I'll retire from the fleet and take a job close to home, because I don't want to leave you. I love you." He slipped the ring onto my finger. "Marry me?" I couldn't say a word. The lump in my throat wouldn't go away, but at least I could breathe. My mouth was dry. Tears trickled down my face. Carth laughed quietly and gently wiped my cheeks. I wanted to kick him in the shin, tell him he wasn't making it any easier for me to answer. I grinned at him and he returned in kind.

"I look like hell." I managed, while nodding slowly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He raised an eyebrow. Damn, he wanted a verbal answer. I wasn't sure if I could actually vocalize it. Is he teasing me? NOW?

"Last time I changed the topic like this you figured out what I meant."

"What?" He was perplexed. I couldn't help laughing.

"Why do you need my forgiveness anyway?" I wondered. We were outside the Czerka shop on Tatooine.

"Because you're an impressive and beautiful woman. In some ways… good ways… you remind me of my wife and I'd like to make things right with us." He said.

"You think I'm beautiful?" I was puzzled. No one had ever commented on my looks like that before and he seemed… serious. He laughed.

"I'll take that as a yes." I was too afraid to ask him if I should take his response as a yes as well. "Let's get going." He smiled. "I'm sick of Tatooine."

"Does 'you think I'm beautiful?' ring a bell?"

Carth laughed. "I'll take that as a yes." I nodded vigorously.

"Yes." I stammered, finally able to manage the word. I put my face against his chest again. He handed me the handkerchief and wrapped his arms around me again.

"I'm still not done." Carth stroked my hair.

"WHAT?" I coughed. "What else could you have? You're not pregnant, are you?" He laughed. "You've never talked this much to me unless I've threatened you!"

"It's surprising me too, believe me." He joked. "I was planning on telling the others if you agreed."

"That makes sense."

"Well, they'll want to see a kiss." Carth's eyes glinted.

"I've never kissed anyone before."

"Except Canderous." My stomach churned, even though he was joking.

"I've never kissed anyone with eyebrows before. That I remember, anyway." I added.

He laughed. "So I was wondering if you'd like to practice a bit so you'll have it figured out in there."

"You devious little—" I started, but I was stopped by his lips. They were warm and soft. It was completely different than Canderous' unresponsive cheek, which had been like kissing the rock walls of the shyrack caves on Korriban. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I could feel my heart pounding. I felt dizzy. My insides turned to mush. He stroked my hair reassuringly. I ran my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. I thought I was going to fall down.

"Think you can do that again?" The corners of his mouth turned up as his right arm let go of me. I was silent. "You have nothing smartass to say to me?"

"I'm waiting for the next part of your plan. I like it so far." I grinned.

"That was the end. Now I have to go tell Canderous I won."

"You won?" I furrowed my brow. Everything Carth said seemed to confuse me. I would have pulled away, but his arm around my waist refused to let go.

"We decided we're both proposing tonight and set up a competition so neither one of us wimped out."

"So this is happening to Bastila now?"

"No," Carth said. "Not the same thing. He probably said something romantic like, 'You're a good warrior. We'll make strong babies.'" I laughed heartily.

"Alright, you've convinced me." I wiped more tears from my cheek. "I still look like hell."

"I beg to differ. You look amazing." Carth's features softened.

"You're definitely living up to your claim as the handsomest pilot in the galaxy."

"You don't know any better." He reminded me.

"Do I look like I care?" With the arm that wasn't around my waist, Carth opened the door back into the room.

(standard disclaimer goes here...) Thanks to all reviewers! You people keep me going!