Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.
A/N: Here goes chapter 2. This is my personal favorite--it features my personal favorite--HIEI!
Hiei's POV
I sat in my favorite tree, the oak in Kurama's yard. It had the perfect nook that I could sit in. I thought that it was cold, so I continued doing nothing. Cold does not bother me. I am above it. There was a branch that shielded my face from the sun. It was nice, not nessesary. I am also above light. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon. I had been here all day. I was…bored. Kurama must be late. I recalled the ningen date, and the holiday that came with it. Ningen are bakas. Valentine's day can kiss my butt. But it would bite Kurama's. I thought about last year's round of love notes. Didn't onna ningens have anything to do? As I pondered on the bakaness of ningens, Kurama's ningen mother drove up.
I sat in the tree, oblivious to the cramp growing in my back. I am above that. My katana was looking cleaner than ever. Too clean. It needed blood on it again. My hand twitched with temptation. Who should I kill this time? Perhaps Kuwabaka? I smiled sadistically with the thought. Great fun. The temptation was growing. I forced myself to ignore it. I am above it.
A UPS truck rumbled past. The temptation was overpowering. I loved the idiotic Ups truck. So bakaish. My katana seemed to scream at me to "deliver" the driver's death. Then I could hijack the UPS truck for my self. The sadistic smile returned. I jumped out of the tree gracefully. Of course I did not stub my toe. Oh no. I am above stubbing my toe. I do not stub my toe. Never do I stub my toe. I pushed the embarrassing thought out of my mind.
Quickly, with my speed, I caught up with the infamous UPS truck. I jumped on the back of it. With my lovely katana, I ripped the top open. I jumped in. Dusty packages crowded the back. I fondly whacked all the packages with the word "fragile" on it with my katana. With my Amy.
I stopped dead. With my Amy? Amy? Who the hell was that? A sudden thought popped into mind. What if I secretly named my katana Amy? It would be easy to refer to my lovely katana as Amy. No one would ever know. "I officially dub you, my loyal bloodstained katana as Amy," I declared out loud. Suddenly I found myself hoping the wall separating the packages and the driver was soundproof. What wall?
The driver turned around and faced me. The driver was an old hag who thought that she could go all techno to fit herself back into youth. The results were disgusting. She had a nose ring, double eyebrow piercing, and three earrings stuffed into each earlobe. She had dyed her gray hair orange. I suddenly found myself wanting to vomit. But I am above that. The freak old hag stared at me. Her face had sagged so much; I estimated she would be scooping it off the floor in another month.
I suddenly felt sorry for Amy who would have to cut this thing in half. Apparently, she wouldn't have to. The freak driver had been staring at me so long, that she had gone off the road, and three seconds later, the UPS truck crashed head on into a trailer. The impact threw the freak through the windshield. I absolutely did not go crashing into the dashboard and nearly gutting myself on the stick shift. No way would that ever happen to me. I am above that.
Clutching my gut, I realized that the UPS truck had stopped. The freak driver had not only crashed through the windshield, but through one of the trailer's windows. Two words for this hopefully deceased baka ningen, seat belt. Another thought hit me. I had to get away from the scene of the crime. With the UPS truck. I hopped into the driver's seat. I recalled when Kurama had once tried to teach me to drive. I remembered two things. One: I remembered how to hotwire a vehicle. The second thing I remembered was the gas pedal. I jammed my foot on the gas pedal.
The speedometer jacked all the way up to ninety. I turned so sharp that I almost rolled. The tires squealing, I drove to an abandoned garage, and deposited my prize there. For now.
Taking Amy with me, I dashed back to my tree. I got back to my tree, and climbed up it. Now I would wait for Kurama to get back. I was innocent. He wasn't back because his light that usually came from his room was not present. I settled down in my tree, with Amy next to me. The sun had set by now. An owl hooted directly above me. An instant later, I felt something warm and wet slide down my hair into my eyes. When I realized what it was, the tree spontaneously combusted. No way was I stupid enough to forget I was also in the tree and burn my butt. No way. I am above that. With my butt stinging and my eyes blinded, I found my way through Kurama's window and searched for something to wipe the foul substance off my face.
I heard an amused chuckle. It was Kurama's. "Holy crap Hiei!" Kurama cried out, laughter creeping into his voice, "I think a bird crapped on you!" I did not see the humor. I grabbed the first cloth-like object that fell into my hands and wiped my face. The first thing I saw was Kurama laughing crazily, tears sliding down his cheeks. That is, until he saw what I had wiped my face with. It had been his pillow. Now it was my turn to laugh evilly. Kurama's face steadily turned red. I continued laughing. At that point, he discovered my charred clothing. Kurama started laughing again. I absolutely did not trip when I went to put Kurama out of his misery. No, I did not restub the toe that I did not stub earlier. And I did not land on my face so hard that blood poured out of my nose. And Kurama did not laugh harder when he saw me on the floor. I am above that. I did not realize that I said that out loud. Kurama laughed even harder.
"Are you in denial Hiei that you are not above anything?" Kurama choked out between laughing fits. He rolled on the floor, clutching his sides, tears pouring out. Then he rolled straight into the wall and whacked his forehead. I giggled. No, I did not giggle. I am above that. I laughed cruelly.
A/N: Yep. Hilarious. That's what I think, anyway. Tell me what you think.