Don't ask why Ahka is in Metropolis. I guess he likes the hot dogs.
Ahka Destroyer of Heroes versus Superman (sorta)
At the Daily Planet building the sounds of computer keyboards and the banter of office workers mingled in with the screeching tires and honking car horns locked in traffic jams down on the street. All the sounds were the music of an effective urban area and an even more productive work environment.
"Another Superman story Lois?" Clark Kent asked leaning over his coworker's computer. A picture of Superman, surrounded by text, blazoned on her screen. "Aren't people getting a little tired of him being in the front page all the time?"
"What do you mean? What do you think gets people to read our paper? The comics? Dear Abbey? Red Green? Our coverage of all Superman sightings and fights is superb, head above our competitors," Lois said, smacking her fist into her palm. "This article right here is one of the best ones I've done so far! And just look at the picture! Imagine this; Superman flying just past those windows at the Daily Planet. The picture is so clear you can see the stitching in his red underwear! And look at the glare in his hair!"
Lois Lane pointed at the large glass windows, marred with the outlines of a few pigeons that crashed into the glass, to the scenic view of the huge buildings of Metropolis.
The buildings, normally visible from the massive windows, were blocked by a large, shapeless green blob monster. Cars, void of people, shown through its lime flavored Jello green flesh. Lamp posts, park benches, and fire hydrants were sucked up and pulled from the pavement with every globby footstep it took. A roar, the combination of a King Kong howl and a Godzilla scream, erupted from its nonexistent throat. Chucks of phlegmy goop sprayed forth on the ground. The side of a nameless building, an apartment building built strangely in the business district shattered in one clean slap of a goopy hand. The family inside from their shattered, slime covered living room stared in shock as the monster rampaged down the street, the traffic jam gone except for a few empty cars—mostly Fords.
The reporters from the Daily Planet rushed to the window, their faces pressing against the glass leaving greasy forehead marks, watching the blob monster like children pressing their foreheads against pet shop windows to watch the puppies and kitties. With his coworkers distracted, Clark Kent just walked out of the daily planet.
"Wow! You don't see that every week!" Billy Buddy the paper boy exclaimed.
The reporters grabbed hold of their coats (they didn't want to catch a cold), their cameras, and their tablets and ran down the stairs onto the street right into the path of the rampaging blob monster.
A block away from an alley, a blue and red flash rose to the sky.
"It's Superman!" Lois exclaimed.
"Superman!"
"Superman!"
"Superman!"
The crowd of reporters exclaimed repetitively. Camera's flashed, pens scribbled on tablets as only a few blocks away a diminutive blue dot with styled hair exchanged blows with a sludge monster. The side of a building collapsed as a well placed blow to the eyes sent the monster into an abandoned building. The reporters gasped excitedly and busily wrote down the scene.
A hotdog vendor stood a few feet away, the vendor completely unaware or even caring of the battle ensuing down the street. The vendor handed Ahka one greasy hot dog, the bun clarifying in the oils from the fryer. A large Mountain Dew in a bright red cup, already sweating in the heat, was handed over next.
Nonchalantly, Ahka walked over the gaggle of reporters, some watching the battle, some busily writing down notes. He looked up at the battle as if it was just a flock of geese flying overhead, just watching, not really caring. He sucked on his Mountain Dew loudly, smacking his lips contently, his eyes focused on the scene as if he was watching an in depth episode of Spongebob. A loud hollow suck proclaimed his cup empty, and now he was bored. He looked around at the group of reporters, crushing the empty cup in his hand. Realizing that something was missing, Ahka's eyes blinked.
"Has anyone seen Clark Kent?" Ahka asked.
Pens stopped scratching; people stopped watching the battle, their eyebrows rising in thought. A startled "hmmm?" came from Lois Lane. Her face twisted as she took in what the WTF just said, her pen tapping on the tablet. Similar sounds came from her fellow reporters. No one turned around to look at the WTF standing behind them. Ahka shrugged his shoulders and tossed the crushed cup onto the street. He shoved the hotdog in his mouth and wondered off.
Even with the battle ensuing above, anyone with in a few feet could hear the dozen or so thought light bulbs turning on in the reporters' heads.
This would probably be funnier if I made it into a sketch or comic, but anyway, enjoy.