When Jordan's eyes fluttered open, it was like a miracle, her eyes were bright and clear, if not a little foggy from the medication. Nigel could hear imaginary fireworks going off. He jumped up from his chair. He could feel relief and happiness run through his veins. "Oh Love," was all he could say as he stroked her hair gently. She smiled through chapped lips.

"Nigel…" she whispered in a weak but bright voice, he noticed that she looked him in the eyes for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

"Guys!" he started to motion for Mac and the others… her white arm shot up weakly as she grabbed his arm.

"No Nige… just sit here with me for awhile… with me… like old times." Her voice was small and weak… like she was thinking of something far away… her eyes wondered around the room for a moment.

He sat back down, swallowing hard. She looked up and furrowed her brow. "What do you have on your mind love?" he asked.

" I hate myself." She whispered, closing her eyes like if she looked at him she would crumble into dust. "I look at myself every morning and I feel I've let everyone down… I've disappointed, I've trampled all over them… I tell myself lies to make me feel better so I can make it through the day… I feel like I'm screaming and no one is listening.

Each day I wonder what happened to the happy ten year old… then I know that nothing had ever really changed… I stopped looking for her murderer when Woody died… knowing he would want me to stop and raise Mackenzie… but nothing has changed… I'm still looking for something I can't find." She paused, clearing her throat… "I found the letter of Resignation on Garret's desk last week… I went into my office and cried for three hours… I had nothing else to do." A tear wound its way down her face, she looked to weak to wipe it off herself so he did it for her. "Nigel… when will I be enough?" she asked in a small voice, more tears poured down her face.

"Love…" he whispered, his voice cracking, he wiped her tears off her cheeks. "You were always enough." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. He stood up, smiled at her sadly. Opened the door and walked away.

Mac came in a few moments later, she was catious… she stood barely in the doorway, she didn't speak, she didn't move, just stood motionless like she was a statue.

"You gonna sit?" Jordan asked, Mac shook her head no. Jordan sighed in a world weary type of way. "please."

Mac looked enraged, her fists clinched, a tear fell down her face, she stood up a little taller. "How dare you… you expect me to just come over because your hurt and sick… you expect me to just take you back… huh, is that the plan…"

Jordan opened her mouth to speak but Mac cut her off.

"You were going to leave me… it was that easy for you, just to take off!"

"Mac I would never leave you… I was planning on coming back I swear!" Jordan begged listlessly, like she was begging for her life. "You can't leave to Mac… you can't." she whispered under her breath.

"Leave you? Is that what this is about huh? Me leaving you." She seethed anger and frustration making her lilly white face red and livid. "You left me remember, you just drove away… I hate you."

Mac walked out of the room with her shoulders squared, almost knocking over Lily in the process.

"Whoa…" Lily said watching Mac's departing figure. "She OK."

"She hates me…" Jordan whispered dazed.

"No she doesn't." Lily said matter-of-factly with a sigh. "She's just reacting on the fear of you leaving and then getting into a car wreck."

"Lily?" Jordan said softly

"Yeah Jo?"

"don't take offense but I'd kind of like to be alone right now…" she said gently

"Ok…" and in a moment she was alone… with him.

"Where's Mac?" Woody asked from his place in the corner.

"I don't know maybe becoming president of the I-hate-Jordan Club."

"I was once president of that club…" Woody said with a chuckle

"Ha-Ha…" she mocked sarcastically, he stared at her a moment before he carefully chose his words.

"I have to go Jordan…" her eyes shot up to meet his

"No, Woody, please not yet!" she screamed.

"Yes… I have to go… I'm not helping you."

"Please…" she begged tears falling down her face, she started to sit up but the EKG machine beeped in alarm. "You can't leave me too…"

"Shh" he comforted, smoothing the hair from her face gently. "You'll be okay… I promise, you'll be fine… I promise everything we'll be fine… Mac will forgive you… Jordan… Jordan." She held his hand tight… as he walked away she held onto it tight… finally it pulled away… he paused at the open window that he was about to climb out of… he loved dramatic exits… "Oh, and Jordan!" he called after her. She looked at him.

"I never left you… and never will… when you wake up alone… think of that." And with that he jumped from the window… and all that was there was light and blue skies… she was alone again… for a second she knew she wouldn't be seeing him for a long time to come… but she swore that for that second right before he jumped, she saw his shadow, something she had never seen before.

"promise?" she whispered to the air that he once occupied. Feeling alone and scared was nothing new to Jordan but for some reason… one of those feelings were oddly missing… fear was ever present… but for some reason her loneliness was gone.

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One year later….

It was never anything Jordan had ever felt before… looking down at his grave. It had snowed in Boston, the small reminants of sparkling snow remained on his headstone. She wiped if off with her dark black glove… she looked over at Mac who was standing a few feet away… Lily was right, she forgave Jordan, though it was a long way to redemption.

"Woody… are you listening?" she whispered, "Garret is coming back as a consultant once in a while, and we all meet up at PJ's for dinner every Friday night, so while it isn't the same as working together… its as close as we can get… Nigel and Angela had there little boy number 2…. Woodrow Townsend… it fits him… I hope he's a good namesake… looks just like Angie." She swallowed hard and looked at his headstone in a motherly way… she sat on the wet grass… her knees pulled up to her chest. "do you remember what you said to me once… you told me that in the end nothing endures… not life, not family… not even death…. I didn't believe you… but now I do… because I know that no matter what I face in the coming years… and I don't know what that might be… I know I can face it… because your by my side, whether I can see you or not.

And I know that you love me… I wanted to pretend you were alive so bad, so I wouldn't have to deal with this pain that I feel inside… I know its okay… I'm okay, Mac is okay… Josh asked me to marry him Woody." She held up her hand to show off the simple ring on her finger. "He knows how much I loved you… love you… and I wanted to tell you that he won't change anything between us… you'll always be my first… and foremost… I'm sorry I haven't been here for you… I promise… It'll never happen again… I promise."

With that she got up and walked away… a smile on her face.