Part 2: Discoveries

Chapter 6: The First Decision

Mulan sat on the shore, hugging her knees to her chest. The peace of the lake helped to calm her. Even though she was doing well in training and getting along with the other soldiers now, she still felt out of place and sad at times. Right now was one of those times and the feelings overwhelmed her. She felt like she was on a collision course, stuck on the path she had chosen. She was heartbroken over her family still. She still imagined in her mind's eye their reaction when they found out she was gone. They must have thought she was insane. Maybe they were more shamed and disgraced by her than they would have been if she'd stayed home and her father came.

Thinking of her captain's handsome face and of him had helped her get to sleep some nights when she was having trouble sleeping. But that was no longer helping. It was just making her feel more excited, restless, anxious and confused.

"I'm going to have to put more stuff on you to darken your face again if you're thinking of going in there. You just have to keep me working, don't you?"

Mulan jumped, startled out of her thoughts. Mushu had appeared out of nowhere. "Mushu, you scared me," she whispered.

"I wanted to tell you. The captain was outside the tent a little while ago, calling for you. He sounded…"

"Sounded what?"

"He sounded really angry."

"Uh-oh. What did I do now?"

"I don't know. What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"So, what were you crying about?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me. I saw you crying. What's wrong?"

She sighed. "What am I doing here, Mushu? I don't belong here anymore than I belong anywhere else."

"You're here because you wanted to save your father's life."

"I know. And I'm not regretting that."

"You're doing well in the training now. I thought you'd be happy."

"I am. The thing is, even if I survive this whole thing, I can probably never go home. How could my family ever take me back after this, after what I've done? And besides that…things are complicated."

"You like the handsome captain, that's part of what's complicated. And don't even try to deny it. I see you looking him over all the time."

"Not that it matters. I can never say anything about it."

"No, not unless you want his sword running through you."

Tears began to form in her eyes and a sob escaped from her mouth.

"Don't cry, Mulan. At least you have me watching over you. And look," Mushu said, pointing to a cricket that was sitting on his tail. "You've got a lucky cricket here."

"Oh, great," she muttered, sniffling and wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, "another lucky cricket."

"This cricket knows you. He's the one who convinced me to come after you."

"Oh, then he's the same lucky cricket. Well, tell him he owes me after what he did at the matchmaker's."

She was silent for a moment, then something he had said dawned on her.

"Wait, what do you mean he convinced you to come? I thought you said…" She trailed off as she saw Mushu hang his head. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I lied to you. Your ancestors didn't send me. I'm just an immortal spirit who doesn't seem to belong either and can't do anything right. I used to be a guardian. But I wasn't a very good guardian. I was sent to help Fa Deng, and he ended up beheaded. I was demoted to gong-ringer. I was merely told to wake up the great stone dragon so he could go after you. But the stone dragon fell apart when I struck him to wake him up. Cri-Kee came to me and convinced me that I should go after you instead."

"I remember hearing about Deng."

"I was demoted because of Deng. You and me are alike; both misfits in our own way, we both don't do things right. But it's okay. Because we're good friends now."

She smiled warmly at him. "Yes, we are."

"And we'll see this through together. And maybe we can help each other."

Mulan nodded, still smiling. "Thanks, Mushu. I'm glad you're here."

xxxxxxx

Shang couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Zhao and the new knowledge about Ping. Mulan. He had wanted to confront her earlier, to yank her out of her tent and yell at her, but she wasn't in her tent and he hadn't wanted to be seen hanging around there waiting for her. He didn't know where she was. He was ready to burst.

He decided to go to his spot in the forest and try to calm down a little. He wanted to be rational and focused when he spoke to her. As he approached the lake, he heard a voice. Her voice.

"Nothing!"

He crept forward silently, staying hidden in the shadow of the trees. She was there, sitting on the shore, talking again to the stuffed red lizard she carried. He shook his head. Not only did he have a girl in his camp, he had a crazy girl that talked to a stuffed lizard.

There was silence for a moment.

"What?"

Silence again as she looked at the stuffed toy.

"What am I doing here, Mushu? I don't belong here anymore than I belong anywhere else."

Shang stood there in the shadow of the trees, forgetting his anger, hypnotized as he listened to her have an in-depth discussion with the stuffed toy. There were even long pauses where she must have been hearing it talk to her, punctuated with her responses. He felt compelled to keep listening to this.

"I know. And I'm not regretting that — I am. The thing is, even if I survive this whole thing, I can never go home. How could my family ever take me back after this, after what I've done? And besides that…things are complicated — Not that it matters. I can never say anything about it."

A sob escaped from her mouth.

"Oh, great," she muttered, after a minute, sniffling and wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, "another lucky cricket — Oh, then he's the same lucky cricket. Well, tell him he owes me after what he did at the matchmaker's — Wait, what do you mean he convinced you to come? I thought you said — What? — I remember hearing about Deng — Yes, we are — Thanks, Mushu. I'm glad you're here."

Shang couldn't believe what he was witnessing. He noted that she was calling the toy Mushu. He remembered her saying that name when he had asked her what her name was the first day. He stepped out of the shadow of the trees and walked toward the lake, clearing his throat. She whirled around with a start, shoving the lizard into her pocket.

"Hello, sir," she said, standing up at attention and saluting him.

"Ping. Who are you talking to?"

"Uh, no one."

"Yourself?"

She didn't answer him. She just looked straight ahead, waiting for him to say whatever he had to say to her.

Shang glared at her furiously, remaining silent for a long time.

"Have I done something wrong, sir?" she asked, nervously.

"Have you, Ping?" Shang asked her, mockingly.

She stared at him, looking completely puzzled.

Shang folded his arms. Then he sighed, forcing himself to calm down a bit and sat down on the shore of the lake, gesturing for her to sit beside him. She obeyed.

"The doctor who treated Kai-Feng today," he began, keeping his voice as impassive as he could. "He knows your father. He had something very interesting to tell me."

She looked at him, mutely, and to his satisfaction he saw her body tensing up visibly. He wanted to make her nervous, to torture her, giving her the information little by little, making her squirm, until he finally came out and told her what he knew.

"He told me your father was wounded in his last battle."

"Yes, sir."

"Is that why you're here with his conscription notice, Ping?"

He glanced sideways at her, enjoying the scared expression in her eyes. Then he saw her suppress it. She turned to him and answered him.

"Yes, sir. I know I am younger and smaller than everyone here. But at least I am able-bodied," she answered, obviously trying to hide her nervousness.

"Did your father ask you to come in his place?"

"No."

"But you came anyway, Mulan."

He felt smug as he watched her cringe as her name rolled off his tongue. "I can explain," she answered, desperately. But she no longer looked afraid, and that enraged him. He wanted her to be afraid; if she had any sense at all she should be afraid.

"Do you think I'm a fool? That I'm stupid?"

"No, sir," she answered, formally, as a soldier addressing a commanding officer.

"Are you crazy? You know I could and should kill you right here, right now!" he spat at her. "Don't you know the law and the punishment?"

She met his eyes, unflinching, and her retort to him was defiant, challenging.

"What are you waiting for? Why didn't you bring your sword with you?"

His mouth dropped open for a moment but he quickly regained his composure.

She spoke again before he could answer. "I knew what I was doing when I came here. And I've known all along that I could be caught at any moment and what would happen if I was caught. So, just get whatever you have to do over with."

"Why?" he shouted, angrily. "Why did you do this to me? Do you know what kind of position you've put me in?"

"Oh, please," she muttered, disdainfully. "How conceited are you to think for a moment that this is about you?"

Shang felt like strangling her. But he calmed himself, closing his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"Would you at least just tell me why you did this?"

"I did it to save my father. He is a very proud man. And he was going to come. But it would have been suicide. In fact, we had an argument about it the night I left. I saw him practicing his sword moves that night, moves that he had always performed so skillfully, artfully and gracefully. He is still graceful, but his leg was in so much pain he couldn't even stand or keep his grip on the sword and he dropped the sword and fell. If I had not taken the notice and come in his place, he would have reported here. I could not let him do that. He saved his regiment in his last battle. But in the process a cannon exploded and the structure he was in fell on him. He was seriously injured. They managed to save his leg, but he cannot walk well anymore. He needs a cane to walk, and even with the cane he has difficulty and is in pain. And he can no longer sit on a horse at all. He would have either been killed or sent home dishonored. I would rather die than let that happen to him."

Shang was silent, taken aback. Why had Fa Zhou received a conscription notice? If he was wounded that badly, he should not have been considered able-bodied and should never have been summoned back into the army. Especially when he was wounded saving his regiment and paying his due to the Emperor. Shang had his answer now. He now knew and understood why she had done this. He was still very angry and he felt betrayed by her deception; but he was also awed by her and he respected her for having the courage to make such a sacrifice to protect someone she loved. It was reckless and crazy, but he suddenly couldn't help but admire her. Things weren't as simple and clear-cut as he thought. He didn't know what he wanted to do. Her presence there was illegal, and if he didn't carry out his duty and uphold the law, he was just as guilty. He turned away from her and stared out at the lake.

He sighed. 'Why did it have to be my camp?' he thought, feeling miserable.

"Was there something else, sir?"

He turned back to her and stared at her for a moment. Then he shook his head and stood up, heading back toward camp and leaving her at the lake.

xxxxxxx

Mulan sat by the lake, pondering in complete confusion the conversation she'd just had with her captain. He knew who and what she was now. He'd been furious. And she had resigned herself to her fate and had actually spoken up to him. She had been in shock as the snide words had poured out of her mouth. She had called him conceited; she had never thought that about him, she had admired him, and she didn't even know where that remark came from. Or the challenge that she'd given him; "What are you waiting for? Why didn't you bring your sword with you?"

He hadn't done anything to her. At least not yet. He had been so enraged it was scary, yet he'd listened to her, then had just abruptly left her at the lake, leaving her feeling puzzled and unsure. She didn't know if he had decided to kill her at a later time, or not to kill her or what. He hadn't even told her to go home. Her stomach was in knots now. Maybe he was thinking about exactly what method he was going to use to kill her that would give him the most satisfaction. Then he would do it.

Mushu was there of course and had heard everything. He was silent now. They both knew it wasn't his fault and it wasn't her fault. It was merely a series of flukes that brought this about. A man got sick and a medic was fetched who happened to know her father and spilled everything. Neither of them could have foreseen this and there was nothing they could do but wait and see what happened.

"Well, until he does something, you might as well continue as you were," Mushu said. "Maybe you'll be lucky."

Mulan picked up the cricket that had tailed along with Mushu. "It's up to you. If ever there was a time to prove yourself, now is it."

She stood up and headed back to her tent.

xxxxxxx

Shang lay awake for hours that night, unable to stop thinking about the girl and about what she had just told him about her father. She was right, of course; if Fa Zhou had reported there, he most likely would have been sent off to the front, as he was an experienced soldier. Unable to ride or even to walk well, he would have been killed immediately. Or he would have been sent home in dishonor as soon as he reported because of his wound and the pain he was in.

Shang was beside himself with anger; he was angry at the law, angry at whatever idiot gave Fa Zhou a conscription notice when he shouldn't have received one, angry at himself for being so weak and angry at her for being where she wasn't supposed to be and for putting him in this position. He couldn't reveal her. Not only for himself and how Chi Fu would use it against him; but because he didn't want to reveal her after learning what he had. He knew she had broken the law and had deceived him and he was furious at her. But she had done it for a most selfless and noble reason; and of course, it had been necessary to do it the way she had because of the law. In her own way she was doing something very honorable, even if it defied the rules. He thought about her words. "I would rather die than let that happen to him." Shang truly didn't believe that she deserved to be punished for doing the only thing she felt she could to save her father from death; or worse, from dishonor. He knew he would do the same for his own father. He couldn't kill her. He sighed. He knew his father would be disappointed in the way he was handling this situation if he knew about it. His father would never be so soft, so weak.

He sighed. Maybe he would be lucky and she would get sick like Kai-Feng. Then he'd have an excuse to send her home; no one would ever need know the truth, problem solved. But he made up his mind that he wouldn't harm her and he would not reveal her to anyone else. He would let her continue as she was until there was an opportunity to inconspicuously get her out of camp and on her way home without raising any suspicion as to the truth.

Having made the decision, Shang finally began to feel sleepy and his thoughts drifted to when he was watching her at the lake. He thought detachedly about how he'd gone to confront her angrily but had found her talking to, and crying to, her stuffed animal and it had stopped him. It couldn't have been easy for her. Making the decision to come here, a woman alone among a bunch of rough men, going through the training, being bullied and tormented by him and by the other men. He had even blackened her eye. She had taken all of the torment silently, never uttering a word, never complaining, never crying – at least not in front of anyone. She had worked hard and bettered herself, had risen above the hostility and surpassed everyone under very difficult circumstances. He thought about the things he'd heard her saying to her little stuffed lizard and about the sob that had escaped from her. "What am I doing here, Mushu? I don't belong here anymore than I belong anywhere else," he remembered her saying.

"A young girl like her must be so lonely and sad being away from her family," he murmured, absently, drifting off to sleep.