Memories
Chapter 9: Musings of a Love-struck Idiot
DISCLAIMER: I do not own J.K. Rowling's work.
A/N: I know, it's been a really long time, and I'm really sorry! Anyway, I was thinking of going back and revising all my previous chapters, because frankly I think they suck. I was wondering if that erases the reviews. Can someone (if you remember this story at all) tell me in a review whether or not that happens? Thanks! By the way, expect higher quality from this story from now on. Please review!
start chapter
The common room in Gryffindor tower slowly emptied as the night wore on. I stared blankly into the fireplace as the flames danced merrily and cast long shadows on the walls. I had adopted the habit of staying up late at night, well after all others had gone to bed. I didn't think my friends had noticed, but they had and were concerned. However, they left me alone because they knew that I had issues to sort through.
For the last few weeks, my mind had been whirling with confusing thoughts and emotions. Since the day of "the incident", as I had come to call it, I felt pressured from all sides – especially from within. I felt as if I were inhabiting a stranger's body. The memories my friends and family supplied me with did nothing to make me feel like I knew myself. These stimulants had not broken the powerful Memory Charm as Madam Pomfrey had hoped. I was simply left with an empty feeling inside, and the pressure of having to live up to the reputation that – ironically enough – I had created for myself.
However, these thoughts were not all I was occupied with. Conflicting emotions had also been swirling around inside me. Sirius had jokingly expressed his concerns that I had not shown any apparent interest in any one girl. My friends acted very peculiarly on this subject, and it was very strange to me. Perhaps it was simply my imagination, but it seemed as if they were a bit too eager to fix me up with someone. When questioned, however, Remus had just shrugged a bit uncomfortably, and passed it off as wanting me to be happy. Knowing them for such a short time had not forced me to believe Remus for one minute.
Although I had only gotten to know my friends again for three weeks, I had come to know them well: Sirius (Padfoot, as we had nicknamed him) the merry mischief-maker; Remus (dubbed Moony) the gentle werewolf, ever the voice of reason; and Peter (called Wormtail) the shy and pitiable one. My friends (or the Marauders, as we called ourselves) had been extremely supportive throughout my entire ordeal, and I was grateful for such loyal friends. It seemed as if I had known them for years (which, in fact, I had). It was, in this way, that I detected something odd about my friends' behavior on the matter of my love life. However, I didn't spend too much time contemplating my peculiar friends. No, I was too busy battling with more pressing matters – such as a certain redhead called Lily Evans.
My friendship with the lovely Ms. Evans was newly founded, I had learned. I was reluctant to ruin this with my feelings toward her. In truth, I was so strongly attracted to her in a way that I could not explain – and would not allow myself to name.
A sudden noise at the staircase jerked me out of my deep thoughts. Sirius was standing at the base of the stairs, looking rather uncertain at interrupting me.
I smiled tiredly. Sirius took that as an invitation to step closer.
"You alright, mate?" he asked. At my affirmative nod, he pulled me up out of my seat and gently steered me toward the staircase. "You should go catch some sleep."
Nodding wearily in response, I pulled a wan smile at Sirius and headed off to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I feel into a deep slumber.
scene change
As usual, the Gryffindor boys got to breakfast before the girls. . Remus, Sirius and I were sitting side-by-side along the table. Peter had Vanished all his hair while attempting to Stun me in a mock duel last night, so he was still in the Hospital Wing. The girl who had been filling the thoughts in my head sat down across from me, gracing me with one of her infamously radiant smiles. I felt my cheeks grow warm, and nearly drooled into my oatmeal. Charming, eh? Fortunately for me, Lyssa Wynfield walked in, and Lily was momentarily distracted from me by greeting her best friend Brooke Wiskero also entered the Great Hall and sat down by Remus.
Remus John Lupin. My gentlest, most caring friend. I swear, as I often have done, that Remus hasn't got a mean bone in his body. However, he has other ways of intimidation and methods to get you to do what he wants. Such as, the most famous eyebrow-lifting method. The disappointed look on his face when he wants you to apologize for something is always a good one, too. Or, if all else fails, he simply looks at you; an intense gaze that makes you feel as if he is looking into your very heart and compels you to do whatever he wants to get away from that penetrating stare. Remus is such a complex person, that he simply draws you in, and makes you want to know him better. There are few who know the depth of his personality, though. He is compassionate through and through, and because he feels so out of control during the full moon, he tightens his leash on his emotions on every other day, especially anger. He is often afraid to express his feelings, and is very tentative with trust. Although many girls sigh over Remus' shaggy brown hair and deep amber eyes, Remus doesn't date often. I think that Brooke can finally bring him out of that shell.
Speaking of which, I glanced sidelong at Remus and noticed that he had looped his arm around Brooke's waist. Sirius caught me looking at them and silently pretended to throw up behind their backs. As I grinned, I contemplated my rash, but loyal, best friend.
Sirius Orion Black. The most loyal friend a bloke could have. Sirius is a person who sticks to his morals, standing up for them no matter what. It is reasonable to conclude through this that he is the same with friends – and it is true. Sirius may be rash at times, but he is ever loyal. He may not seem it, but he is very sensitive on the inside. Of course, most people think of Sirius quite differently. And that is only natural, considering that Sirius is very different around people other than those he trusts infinitely. Sirius is always in the spotlight at school. Girls trip over themselves, gazing starry-eyed at his roguish looks, while boys look on with envy at his spectacular Quidditch skills. Sirius is usually in the limelight, and he loves every minute of it. He is the type of person to enjoy being the center of attention, and does it naturally. After all, his entire personality exudes genuine enthusiasm, the kind of brightness that attracts people around him. That, and the fact that he is somewhat of a ladies' man. Sirius has a new girlfriend every week, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind. However, I think Lyssa might be the one to keep Sirius to herself for more than two weeks. I know from Remus that Sirius had been eyeing her for three months until he actually asked her out, which is very unusual behavior for Sirius.
A soft laugh jerked me out of my musings. I started in surprise, and looked up to meet the brilliantly green eyes of Lily Evans.
"What were you thinking about so deeply, James?" The goddess of beauty had asked me a question. Too bad I was too mesmerized by her eyes to answer properly.
As if hypnotized by a Veela, I answered in an absent, somewhat dazed voice, "You have really beautiful eyes, did you know that?" As soon as it slipped out of my mouth, I realized what I had said. Did you know that the restricting uniforms of Hogwarts get really hot around the collar? Or perhaps that was simply due to the fact that I was slowly turning the fetching scarlet of a nicely ripe tomato. I "accidentally" dropped my fork and dived under the table to get it. When I emerged, my face was still the color of the setting sun, and I cursed to myself.
Anyway, after an awkward five minutes, Lily took another stab at conversation. I didn't know why, but I had the funny feeling that she felt…uncomfortable…around me. As if she felt guilty. I had no idea why, but my gut feeling was telling me I was right. And if Sirius was anything to go by, my "feminine intuition" was usually correct.
Anyway, we conversed amiably for a while, and I managed not to say anything too stupid. I was pretty sure that she knew what I felt for her, though. She would have needed to be blind, deaf, and mute all at once not to. And since I was pretty sure she had a good grip on her senses, I guessed it was a pretty lost cause for me to pretend.
I was having such a good time talking to Lily that I hadn't noticed the bell ringing, until Sirius nudged me in the side and told me it was time to go. I mentally cursed the bell from interrupting our conversation.
As we left for our first class, Lily shot a smile at me and said, "Let's talk later, James, okay?" I nodded dumbly. I would never have guessed, but I suppose there is a way to make Potions sound somewhat interesting.
scene change
"Later" turned out to be quite sooner than I had expected. During our fourth class, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily came running in late because she had been helping a student to the Hospital Wing. She darted into the classroom right as the bell rang, and found that most of the seats were taken already. I, as usual, had an empty seat on my right, so I patted it with what I hoped was a charming smile, and gestured her to sit next to me. Lily smiled and plopped down in the seat next to me. I don't know why, but a greasy git, who I learned was called Severus Snape, scowled at me.
After Ms. Genger took roll call, she said, "Good afternoon, class. I do hope you know the person sitting next to you, because that person is about to become your partner for the next project." I decided that I was either born under a lucky star, or that Fate was really smiling down on me today. I grinned at Lily, and was gratified to see that she smiled back. The professor continued, "The duration of this project will be for the next seven weeks. You will be researching different methods of defensive combat. I am expecting fourteen rolls of parchment on the subject you have chosen by the end of the project. If you manage your time wisely you should only have to complete two rolls of parchment each week. Come up to my desk by the end of the hour to inform me of your chosen topic. You will have the remainder of the hour to think about your topic or start working. That will be all." With that, the professor went and sat down behind her desk.
Instantly, a flurry of activity broke out, with excited murmurs and discussion filling the Defense classroom. I turned to Lily, so we could discuss our topic.
"What do you think we should research on, Lily?" I asked. I had a topic that I really wanted to research, but I forced myself to be a gentleman and ask her first.
"Well, James, I don't really have any particular idea in mind, so why don't you choose? It seems as if you'll burst if you don't tell me your idea anyway," Lily said teasingly.
A flush crept up my neck, but I put forth my suggestion anyway, "Why don't we research defensive shields? I think they're really interesting, and I think a lot of it has to do with charmwork, so you'll enjoy that."
Lily's face lit up at the mention of her favorite subject and agreed enthusiastically. We went up to Ms. Genger's desk and informed her that we would be researching defensive shields.
"So, James, let's meet up at the library at seven o'clock tonight. Is that alright with you?" Lily asked me as we got back to our desks. If she had asked me to dive off the Astronomy Tower at midnight, I would have. I simply couldn't deny her anything within my power when I looked into her entrancing eyes. Pathetic, I know.
"Yeah, sure, Lily. See you then," I managed to say back. The bell rang, and we packed up to leave. She slung her bag over her shoulder and smiled dazzlingly at me before she left. I stood at my desk for about a minute after she left, grinning like an idiot. Sirius and Remus got their stuff and came over.
"Come on, Jim, m'boy. We have lunch to get to! Let's get moving!" Sirius broke me out of my Lily-induced stupor. I shook myself mentally and gathered all my things in my bag. When we all exited the classroom, I was still grinning madly.
Behind my back, Sirius whispered to Remus, "Now there is one love-struck idiot." Remus nodded fervently in response.
end chapter
A/N: How was that, everyone? Sorry for such a long wait. It'll be a while for the next chapter, because I'm going to go back and revise all the other chapters. So, anyway, please review! Thank you!
tenniStar514