12. Moment of Truth
"You can't go swimming; you don't know what's out there!" Carth exclaimed as I defiantly left the Ebon Hawk, towel in hand.
"I need to go clear my mind." I called and left before he could argue. Protecting me didn't mean being my mother. I wondered how he could be so controlling. My frustration showed just how grumpy I was. The stress of the voyage must really be getting to me, I mused. I began wading in the water. I strapped the gizmo from Manaan around my waist. It worked for the firaxa; it'd work for whatever was under there. I was getting a hint of pleasure from ticking Carth off, although I felt bad because I wasn't just teasing now. I floated on my back, pulling the button for the sonic emitter so it was on my stomach. The clicking in the water and the sunshine on my skin was soothing. My hair billowed around me, making it easy to imagine I was a mermaid or an exotic beauty that didn't have to worry about saving the galaxy. Peace was hard to find in a world tainted by the Star Forge looming overhead, but I tried to find it. I needed it; I needed to come to terms with myself. I floated aimlessly, pushing the sonic emitter button every few minutes. What did he mean; he thought he could love me? Didn't I give him a chance already? It sounded almost like a cop-out, like a change-your-mind-free card. Why did my thoughts always turn to him? I closed my eyes for a moment, almost meditating. I wouldn't give in to fear. I would do what I had to do, but I hated my life waiting on other people. I felt something moving in the water. Horror overcame me as I wondered what Carth would do if I'd died because I hadn't listened to him. I pushed the button a couple times frantically and shifted, treading water. It was Carth.
"If it's so dangerous, what are you doing out here?" I scowled.
"I wanted to make sure you weren't mad at me." He treaded water beside me. His hair was wet and it wasn't helping my attraction to him. I remembered that there might be unseen sea beasts, so I should stay on my guard and not jump him in the water.
"I'm not mad, I'm just capable of doing things on my own." I pushed my sonic emitter button.
"You're smarter than I give you credit for." Carth beamed. "Now get out of here. We need you on the Hawk."
I woke up the morning of the ceremony wishing I was floating in the ocean again instead of having to worry about telling Dustil that I killed his mother and then asking permission to marry his father. I sighed, realizing I couldn't blow up all my problems, like I had the Star Forge, although it would be fun. I amused myself for a few moments, imagining my interrogator's head blowing up in an extremely low-budget holocron kind of way. I tried to keep my imagination from blowing up Jedi masters and things, because that was just plain vindictive. I rolled over, my feet dangling off the bed. I sat up and stretched, then realized that I didn't know where Carth was. He wasn't in the room and I couldn't hear the fresher running, so I figured he'd headed down to the restaurant for breakfast. I pulled a decent-looking robe on, thinking I'd shower closer to the ceremony. The last thing I wanted was for Canderous to refuse me because I stunk and then having a good laugh over it. I was way too nervous about this. I figured Carth couldn't be as worried. I went to the restaurant, but no one was there. I ate some mush quickly. Where was he? I didn't particularly like hunting him down.
"There you are!" Carth's voice said behind me, making me almost choke on my last spoonful of gruel. "I've been looking for you all morning!"
"You didn't look too hard," I laughed. "I was in bed. Where were you?"
"Looking for you." He sat down. I wasn't convinced. He was up to something. I offered him some fruit, which he refused. "I already ate."
"So what do I do today?" I asked, putting down my spoon and standing up, walking with him through the streets of town.
"I wanted to catch you before lunch. After that, I won't see you until the ceremony." Carth said vacantly.
"Bad luck?"
"Something like that," Carth's eyes glinted, telling me I was completely wrong.
"There's something you're not telling me."
"It's a surprise." He grinned. It would be pointless to pry, so I changed the subject. "What about the rings?"
"Taken care of. You keep the engagement ring until the ceremony." Carth explained quickly.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned. His pace was quick and he had a vacant look in his eyes. I took his arm and stopped walking. He turned and looked at me.
"I'm fine, just a little nervous." He smiled waveringly. "I just have some things to take care of. I'll be back at our room at four to take you to the ceremony, so you'll need to be ready then. Don't worry about the cloak, I've got it taken care of." He kissed me.
"I can't wait." I whispered.
"Trust me, you're going to love the surprise." He beamed. "See you later."
"What about lunch?" I called.
"You'll have to get it on your own, gorgeous. I've got to run." I watched him run off into the city. I sighed, realizing I had better get back and start wrestling the dress. I didn't feel like wearing red at my wedding somehow, so I stopped into the dress shop. I had credits to burn, and this was my wedding. I picked out a yellow gown that was just as elegant, if not more so, as my red dress. I was proud of myself for having some taste. I stopped by a clinic to make sure everything was in line and up to date. It didn't take too long to get my shots, so I began to head back to my room, stopping at Juhani's and Mission's on the way.
"Carth is picking me up at four. Could you come early?" I asked gingerly.
"Of course!" Juhani exclaimed. "I'll be over right after I get out of the fresher." Bastila's response was the same. I felt a slight disturbance in the Force when I was around her. I couldn't tell what exactly it was, and I didn't feel like figuring it out. I took a very quick shower, figuring that clean is clean, but it mattered if I looked good. I pulled on some of my nicer new underwear, including the now-familiar strapless bra. The satiny material felt good against my cleaned and buffed skin. I stepped into my dress and pulled it up past my waist. The skirt was quite billowy, giving me the illusion of hips I didn't have. I pulled the bodice up and was wrestling with the decorative sleeves, which looked like delicate bracelets with yellow veils that would reach my wrists, when someone knocked.
"Come in!" I called. "It should be open!" Bastila came in and I got a knot in my stomach. Something was off. "Can you help me put this thing on?"
"You picked this out yourself?" She asked, incredulous.
"Yes, and it'll fall off if you don't tie it on now." Bastila laughed. She unfastened one strap from the bodice, put my arm in place and fastened it again. I didn't have a wide range of motion in these sleeves, but I'd live. She adjusted the organza sleeves that attached to the straps and laced the back of the dress up. I was grateful for those laces as I wasn't nearly well-enough endowed to keep it up unless it was twelve sizes smaller.
"How are you feeling?" She asked, tying the lace and making sure everything lay flat and was tied tight. There were decorative bits that matched the sleeves on the front of my bodice as well. I had decided for a more elaborate Nabooian style.
"I'm a little nervous about what to say to Dustil." I confessed, sighing. "Somehow, 'Hey, I'm Darth Revan. I killed your mother. Do I still have your blessing?' isn't exactly convincing to me."
"He doesn't know?" Bastila asked.
"I didn't tell him." I sighed again. "It's not exactly good conversation for a party or a Sith academy."
"Come in!" Bastila called. I hadn't heard anyone knock, but Mission and Juhani came in, expressing approval of the dress. Juhani threw a fresh towel over my dress to keep from messing it up while my hair and face were attacked. Mission brought a stool into the washroom.
"Stand next to the stool." Mission ordered. She pulled my skirt over it. Having a stool in your skirt is a weird feeling, believe me. "Now sit. That way your skirt won't get wrinkled."
"Oh, good idea." I smiled. Bastila turned my shoulders so I faced the mirror.
"What should we do with her hair?" I watched Bastila bite her lip in thought via the mirror. "We shouldn't do the same thing we did last time."
"We have more time." Juhani smiled and lifted my damp locks playfully.
"I'm going to be wearing a cloak, so it can't be something that would be messed up with a hood." I offered.
"I know!" Mission cried. "I'll be right back!" She dashed out of the room.
"We could do a crown style," Bastila began. "You do such a good job with my hair."
"I think she needs something looser." Juhani said critically. "Carth doesn't call her a Jedi princess regularly." I giggled.
"What if we pinned it half up, like we did before, only more elaborately?" Bastila offered. "I wonder what Mission's doing." I was afraid to enter the conversation.
"What do you think, Ciara?" Juhani asked.
"I want to look… pretty." I stammered, unsure. They laughed.
"Alright, we can do that." Bastila grinned. "An updo would be stunning."
"Yes," Juhani nodded, her mind wandering. "A loose updo."
"Perhaps something more toward the back of her head," Bastila mused.
"I'm back!" Mission called. I tried turning my head, but Juhani's hands kept it in place.
"Oh, those are wonderful!" Bastila cried. "I have an idea."
I swear I was there for an hour letting Bastila and Juhani play tug-o-war with my hair. They scrunched it until it was all curly. I thought they'd use the planet's entire supply of salon gunk. Then the pinning began. They pinned my hair firmly to my scalp, creating a loose bun high on the back of my head. My scalp felt assaulted. It hurt a little bit, but I was used to bizarre pain. When it was mostly up, Juhani started handing Bastila pins and chatted with Mission while they got ready.
"I'm tired of surprises." I sighed, hoping that Mission would reveal her great idea after that hint. "Carth has one for me."
"Really?" Juhani looked puzzled. "What kind of surprise?"
"A really good one." I explained. "I can't figure it out."
"You're not supposed to." Mission laughed. "Well, I'll get mine out of the way." She set armfuls of wildflowers on the counter. They smelled wonderful. "We're putting them in your hair." She grinned.
"That's the kind of surprise I like." I sighed again.
"You're full of sighs today." Juhani observed, pulling on the right side of my head while Bastila took the left. They were working faster. It was almost time. My stomach felt like it was trying to hide behind my kidneys.
"I'm supposed to be, I'm getting married." I replied tritely as Mission began sticking flowers in my hair. She was wearing a silver gown. Bastila was in blue, and Juhani was in green. "I'm nervous. What should I say to Dustil?"
Bastila sighed and looked at me in the mirror. "Are you sure he doesn't know?"
"I don't know if Carth told him." I screwed up my face.
"You have to take your chances." Juhani said decisively. Don't try to throw it at him at the ceremony."
"But it's not fair if…" I couldn't just let Dustil make a decision this important without the information.
"He knows." Mission said vacantly. "I've mentioned it anyway."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" I exclaimed.
"Close your mouth and your eyes." Juhani ordered calmly. I did so. A brush attacked my face and the scent of powder wafted through the air. It felt like all three of them were working overtime on my face. I wrinkled my nose. "Don't make faces, Ciara."
"I thought you knew." Mission explained. "If I'd known you were so nervous, I would've told you. Dustil adores you. You'll be fine." I took a deep breath and relaxed. "At least you're not puking, though."
"Bastila—" I began.
"Now isn't the time to discuss this." Bastila said sternly. Mission was about to say something, but didn't. I could almost feel Bastila's look of death.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
"Ciara," Bastila said slowly, "you're too kind. You need to worry about you being okay or you'll fall down at the ceremony."
"Almost done…" Juhani said through pursed lips. Another pin jabbed my scalp as a pencil grazed my eyelid. Ribbon circled my neck four times in a loose necklace.
"Do you have the ring?" Bastila asked.
"Wearing it." I held up my hand. "Carth has the new ones."
"Right." Bastila said. "Which shoes do you want?"
"White sandals." Juhani pointed. "I brought them over from my room. I hope they fit." My face was still being assaulted by cosmetics when I felt sandals on my feet. My shoes were going on; it was almost showtime. I got a lump in my throat.
"Okay, open your eyes." Mission said. I did. For all the makeup on my face, it looked surprisingly natural and fresh, albeit dressed up for the ceremony. My jaw trembled. I was nervous. My hair was curly and looked like it was held up by half a field of wildflowers.
"I'm scared." I said weakly. Bastila smiled.
"I know." She said.
"You looked so calm," I started.
"I was scared to death." She finished. "You'll make it." I wanted to start crying.
"Don't cry." Juhani ordered. "Think of something that won't make you cry."
"I can't think of anything." I said sadly.
"Think about… Carth in the Mandalorian armor." Juhani suggested. I started laughing. "There you go."
"Carth did what!" Bastila exclaimed.
"I tried to get him to give Canderous the talk about how soldiers defend the galaxy from warriors – in full Mandalorian uniform." I said, stifling giggles. Mission sprayed me with perfume and rushed to the door. Bastila laughed.
"I think we're all ready." Juhani's smile was nervous.
"Let's do this. I'm ready." I said. I don't think my tone could have convinced a lobotomized Gamorrean. Bastila and Juhani linked arms with me, helping me to the ground while Mission moved the stool out of the way. My legs were shaky.
"Are you decent?" A voice called from the door.
"If I say no, will it stop you?" I replied.
"Only this once."
"I'm decent." The door opened. Carth stood in full dress uniform, complete with his new admiral medals. He was wearing a white cloak, like he'd mentioned before. It didn't look wonderful, but it was tradition.
"They let me have the medals early." He explained. "You look great."
"You look pretty good yourself." I smiled, leaning in to kiss him.
"I forgot to tell you—" He started. "No kissing until the end of the ceremony."
"What?" I exclaimed. "That's a lousy surprise."
"It's not the surprise." He smiled and nodded at the girls.
"See you in a few!" Mission called, waving over her shoulder as she walked out with Juhani and Bastila. I waved weakly.
"No one will know…" I offered. Carth put the cloak around my shoulders and fastened it. I carefully pulled the hood over my head. Carth put his hood on.
"We'll know." Carth sighed. "Let's go." He offered me his arm, which I took.
"Where is this ceremony?" I asked.
"Traditionally, it takes place in a circular room, like I told you, but we're doing it a little differently." A shuttle took us to the edge of a forest. We walked along a path leading deeper into the woods. I felt like I was in a miniature Kashyyyk. "You'll speak to those standing for me in the order of seniority: oldest to youngest. After you speak to the youngest, you will reach the witnesses. I'll get there at the same time, and the mediator will hear our vows. Then we're made fully legal." He beamed.
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I just found out more." He kept smiling. "Besides, this is about when we find out what happens. I'm told that you only really get it once you do it."
"That sounds dirty." I commented, even though it didn't really make sense. I was deprived.
"Get your mind out of the gutter." He grinned. "This is a family affair."
"How did you find out this new information?" We were entering a small clearing in the woods. Our path led to a deep ravine with a creek at the bottom. We turned a corner and I saw a gathering of people. Carth only smiled at me mischievously, unlinked his arm from mine, and took my hand. "Wait, what do I say?"
"Just… repeat everything." Carth suggested. "Say something like, 'I'm honored to be accepted into the family as…' and then you say what your relation to them would be. Trust me; you'll use that one a lot."
"Families, friends, the couple have arrived!" Jolee's friend pronounced. Talking ceased and the small crowd parted into two. Mission stood nearest to me, then Bastila, Juhani, and finally Jolee. I wanted to walk toward them, but Carth's pace insisted that I walk toward the mediator. I smiled weakly and walked past Dustil, Canderous, and – Carth's parents.
"You didn't tell me they were still alive!" I whispered.
"You never asked." He grinned and squeezed my hand. "Surprise." I smiled nervously at them. His mother nodded and his father smiled back.
"As tradition dictates, the families of the intendeds are to determine the eligibility of this couple to marry. Admiral Onasi, who stands for you?"
"My father, General Han Onasi; my mother, Elena Onasi; my friend, Canderous Ordo; and my son, Dustil Onasi." I ran his parents' names over in my head. What was I supposed to call them? Why didn't I ever ask about them?
"Very well. Jedi Ciara Orion, who stands for you?"
"My friends, Jolee Bindo, Padawan Juhani, Padawan Bastila Shan – I mean Bastila Ordo – and Mission Vao."
"Have you no living blood relatives?" The mediator asked perfunctorily.
"None that I know of." A hint of lamentation crept into my voice.
"Very well. Admiral, proceed to Mr. Bindo; Ciara, proceed to General Onasi." Carth's hand left mine.
"Ciara, it's wonderful to finally meet you." General Onasi smiled.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, General –"
"Please, call me Han." He smiled further. "Do you call Carth 'Admiral'?" I laughed nervously and shook my head. "My goodness, child, you're shaking like a leaf!"
"Carth didn't tell me you were going to be here." He laughed. I couldn't help but notice that he and Carth shared the same laugh.
"He caused you to be this nervous? I'll have to have a word with him. Just keep breathing, you'll be okay." I relaxed a bit, but wondered when the interrogation would begin. "Anyway, I've heard so much about you."
"Is that good?" I asked. He laughed again.
"Well, it was quite a tale. I know about how you defeated Darth Revan."
"How much did he tell you about that?" I asked nervously.
"You mean did he tell me that you were Darth Revan? Of course he did." I was relieved. For someone who seemed to hate directness, Carth had direct parents. "I was troubled at first, but Elena and I have had a lot of time to talk to Carth. He's not the boy he was when he married Morgana." Elena shot Han a stern look.
"Don't compare them, it's not fair." She hissed.
"It's not your turn yet!" Han grinned. "He's grown up quite a bit. He told us the whole saga about how you two got together. It's a great story, and I'm convinced that you've beaten Revan once and for all. You do know that the Republic hasn't officially recognized you as Revan, right?" I was puzzled. He looked over my head and I longed to turn around, but didn't for fear of being rude. He put a large hand on my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek. "We'll talk about this later. You have my blessing. I would be honored to have you as a daughter." I returned the kiss, relieved.
"I accept your blessing and would be honored to call you father." I said. It seemed appropriate, considering it's what Carth told me to do. Han's face told me I said it right, so I moved in front of Elena.
"I'm sorry Han insisted on comparing you to Morgana." Her brow furrowed. "But I suppose it won't be the last time. I didn't want to do it, but here I am. Morgana didn't want a traditional ceremony, and Carth let her walk all over him. It was sad, to tell the truth." A look of wistfulness came into her eyes. "Morgana was wonderful at first, but… this isn't the time to speak of it. Carth told us that you were Revan after telling us all about you. I admit, I was troubled. I didn't want my only son getting into trouble again with another woman who sounded so wonderful. I went to the archives and watched your interrogation. I wanted to be convinced this time that my boy was making the right decision. I want to protect him." She smiled. "And I found you fully reformed. I found you were a delightful person. When he asked Han and me to come to Alderaan for the wedding, I was elated." Her grin widened. "Please accept my blessing and invitation into our family. I would be honored to have such a wonderful daughter." She kissed my cheek, and I returned it.
"Of course I accept, honoring the opportunity to call you mother. I wish I could say Carth told me wonderful stories about you, but he never did." Elena laughed.
"If he won't tell you stories, I will." She promised. "I have holos of him as a baby. He was quite the troublemaker." I laughed. I could tell she and I would get along wonderfully. "Time to move on." She assured, patting my shoulder. I figured that the looks over my head were to ensure that the ceremony moved smoothly, not just to reinforce my shortness. I sighed in relief.
"Hey, kid." Canderous grinned. "I don't have a history with Onasi like his folks do, but I know you're the best thing that happened to him."
"Thanks," I blushed.
"And I don't really have anything else to say, except you have my blessing and all that. I guess this would make you my sister or something." He kissed my cheek and I found myself kissing him again, wondering if Carth did this on purpose. "And I wish you many strong babies, although they'll be runts compared to mine." He grinned, showing the gap between his front teeth.
"I'd be honored to have you as a brother." I said almost mechanically. Dustil was next and the lump in my throat grew. "Even though Bastila's my sister now and you married her, so…"
"Technicalities." Canderous scoffed and motioned for me to move on to Dustil. "Congratulations, Mrs. Pretty Boy." I rolled my eyes and moved so I was in front of Dustil.
"Dustil, did Carth tell you—" I began. I must have been really brave or really stupid to bring this up.
"Yes," Dustil said. "He told me while you were still in interrogation. I studied the trial, like Grandmother did, and we talked them over. It's been hard for me to wrap my head around." He used the same expression as Carth had for the same situation.
"I can imagine." I said sympathetically.
"I was troubled about it, sure. Like Grandfather said, the Republic has no official statement about you being Revan. I guess it's for your protection. Anyway, that's not what we're here to discuss." He took a deep breath. "I'm a man of my word. I gave you my blessing at the party, and I won't retract it."
"I'd understand if—" I started, but fell silent when Dustil smiled.
"I've forgiven you. It hurts sometimes, but I like to think everything happens for a reason. Father is so happy now; I'd like to think this is the reason." He kissed me on the cheek. "You have my blessing, as before, and I would be honored to call you mother." I had to hold back tears again. When did I get to be such a crybaby?
"The honor is mine to be accepted into this family." I kissed him lightly, "and to have you as my son." I moved in front of the witnesses, in near perfect timing with Carth. The mediator had moved across the circle.
"Witnesses, do you deem this couple worthy to marry?" He asked. T3 beeped enthusiastically.
"Definitely!" Zaalbar roared.
"Affirmative: the two meatbags seem most suitable for each other."
"The witnesses have arrived at a unanimous decision. Is there dissent in the families?" Silence. My heart leapt. This was it. "Congratulations, the hard part's over." Jolee's friend smiled. Carth turned to face me and I did the same. "Carth, do you solemnly swear to love, protect, and care for Ciara?"
"I do solemnly swear to love, protect, and care for Ciara, no matter what happens, for the rest of my life." Carth took my hand.
"Ciara, do you solemnly swear to love, protect, and care for Carth?"
"Yes." I stammered. "I do solemnly swear, to love, protect, and care for Carth, through good times and bad, as long as I live." I wondered if I'd messed it up too bad. I also solemnly swear to tease him until there isn't a breath left in my body. Carth gave me a look that said he could read my thoughts.
"Let it be known," the mediator's voice boomed, "that on this day, this couple has thus vowed to each other, beginning a new life together. The morning sun symbolizes the beginning of your new lives as one whole made up of two. You are not halves making up a whole; you are two whole people joining to make something greater. May you have happiness and prosperity throughout your lives together." I grinned, wondering if it was time to kiss yet. "The rings?" T3 beeped and wheeled himself over to us. "Let these rings symbolize your commitment to each other made upon this day. Wear them proudly, for you have each earned the respect of the other's family. From this day forward, your families are as one. From this day until the end of time, you shall be joined in matrimony." He nodded slightly at Carth, who slipped the silver ring engraved with a variation of the Onasi design on my finger.
"I love you, Ciara." He smiled, his eyes moist. "And I promise to be with you forever." The mediator handed me Carth's ring.
"I love you, Carth." I felt like I was repeating everything fed to me. "I promise you my utmost loyalty." He grinned. I'd said something right. Tears welled up in my eyes. I fought them again.
"I now pronounce you man and wife, with all the rights and privileges therein." He took the hoods off our heads. I stood there, frozen. "That means you can kiss him." The mediator smiled. A breeze shook the leaves of the forest as though the very trees were applauding as Carth and I kissed for the first time as a married couple. It was a very corny holovid moment. I loved it.
"Now what?" I asked.
"Now we eat." Carth smiled, picking me up and carrying me toward the shuttle. He was giddy again.
"I can walk, you know." I laughed, swinging my feet.
"I know." He grinned. "But I feel like carrying you." He swung me down gently when we reached the shuttle. "It was an experiment to see if it felt different from when I carried you on Taris." He added.
"Oh?" I asked, entering the shuttle. "Or are you just making fun of me?" The families filed on after us.
"It was a lot different." He grinned. "I'm a lot happier now."
(standard disclaimer goes here...) Thanks to all reviewers! You people are the best!