Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine, you know it.
Chapter Four: Sometimes You Need to be Saved
I got into the swing of things quickly. Friends, Prefect duties, and studying took up much of my time. It was normal. Like how I thought James Potter was a massive git. Normal. The end of October was approaching quickly, which meant Halloween. But the weekend before was a Hogsmeade weekend, and in the spirit, the village usually gets into the Halloween festivities early, mostly for the benefit of the students.
I joined Em and Belle, Maddy having decided to go with some fellow Ravenclaw friends, and we went down to the entrance hall and walked companionably to the village. Em was going to run off after a bit though, having agreed to meet a seventh year Hufflepuff boy a bit later.
First we went to Honeydukes, because Em declared she wanted to get all the candy she liked without Derek, so he wouldn't think she was a pig.
"You know, I don't think Sirius would mind how much candy you ate." I told her offhandedly. She sent me a glare, a look that was accusing me of betraying her.
"Just whose side are you on, Lily?" she asked, her eyes narrowed slightly.
I just smiled knowingly at her. "Yours Em, yours." And I was. Because Sirius would make her happy. Like I said before, they'd be together for a long time, they'd be in it for the long run. But she still couldn't see it. She did seem to be slowly coming around though. A very faint look appeared on her face, a sort of hidden smile at the thought of him. It made me grin.
We walked out onto the High Street, allowing Emma to run ahead of us, seeing her greet Derek, the both of them walking off together the other way. I was left with Belle, which I was glad for, as we hadn't had a lot of time to catch up alone, and chatted amicably while we strode slowly down the street, enjoying the crisp autumn day.
I always loved autumn. I loved the feel, the smell, the way it looked. It always calmed me and made me feel an odd sort of happiness. We laughed and smiled at the purposely done up shops for Halloween, grinning and enjoying the walk. I finally got to rest after two months of work, with no homework in front me when I returned, having finished it all, and a day of supposed fun looking me in the face.
Not yet though. Because as we walked on the nice overcast day (my favourite), the boys showed up. And don't ask who. You know. Sirius slung his arms around Belle's and my neck, although he was much taller than both of us.
"Ladies." he grinned. "Hey, where's Em?" was his first inquiry.
I pointed down the street, where she and Derek were strolling down the street ahead of us. I looked up at him, and saw his normally cheery face fall for a moment. He cared for her very much. But another moment, and his cocky smirk was back.
"Why would she want to date him?"
"Oh, I don't know Sirius, he's polite, kind, gentlemanly, attractive, treats her well, and asked her." I said, speaking to him like he was a child who couldn't understand, staring pointedly at him and emphasizing the last remark.
He did not answer and instead looked up to talk with James. And that was when it happened. We were still pretty far down on the high street, closer to the end near Hogwarts than the Three Broomsticks, which was at the other end of the street.
Which was around where an explosion just occurred.
Sirius, in a very sweet brotherly act, quickly shielded my head, seemingly without even thinking about it.
The explosion was over quickly, and I stopped in shock, as did everyone else in my group. We just stared, as dozens of Death Eaters popped about.
We each, being sixth years and two of us Prefects at that, rushed to a Death Eater and began shouting spells. I did not even have time to ponder of what just occurred, because we needed to take action immediately.
The Death Eater I began dueling with I managed to stun very quickly. He seemed to underestimate the students of Hogwarts, as many appeared to be doing, thinking we would have fled instead of stayed to fight them off.
The second was tall, and largely built. No spell I seemed to shoot stayed long enough to do any real damage to him. I looked around for a moment, noticing Derek pulling a piece of stone off of Em's leg, as they had been closer to the end of the street. Many of my classmates were fighting, and others were leading the younger students quickly back to the school, many seemingly hurt, probably from the explosion. There weren't as many Death Eaters as had started out, but enough to still be a problem. Many of the townspeople had come out to assist us.
It was then that the Death Eater shot some spells at me, creating a large gash up my leg, the blood falling quickly from me, and again at my wand arm, my entire upper arm splitting open. I gasped in the sudden pain, surprised by it, and he aimed his wand to shoot another spell. It was then that someone behind me shot a stunning spell at him, this one powerful enough to knock him out.
It was Sirius, and he again, in a caring act, swiftly grabbed me and gently but quickly started leading me away, to get me back to the school, a trail of blood following my wake. "Come on, Lily. It's alright. You'll be okay, come on." Suddenly my leg gave out, too much blood gone from it, and he caught me and gave it a quick bandaging charm, having to fend off another Death Eater. He gently handed me over to Remus, who took my undamaged arm and led me down the street, Sirius turning around to keep up the fight.
When we reached the path back to Hogwarts, my leg gave away completely and I could no longer walk. In a moment, Remus picked me up, gathering me in his strong arms, taking me quickly up to the school, serious and protective, and my damaged arm hanging uselessly from my side.
He carried me all the way up to the hospital wing, apparently effortlessly, and put me so gently onto a conjured bed. There were many conjured beds, along with professors, students, and Madam Pomfrey running about. The place was a mad house. Except Remus.
"Thank you." I whispered to him. He smiled at me, and took my hand gently into his large, rough one, though it felt soft the way he held it. He stood up gracefully from where he was squatted near my bed, and walked over to Madam Pomfrey. I watched, amazed by him. He stood so tall near me, walking to her purposefully, and I realised he was really a man. A wonderful man.
I watched as Madam Pomfrey walked toward me, but I never saw her reach me, because I then passed out from blood loss.
When I awoke the light was shining through the window, which was on the other side of the infirmary. Most of the other beds were empty, and judging from the light, it seemed to be about ten in the morning. Which morning, I wasn't exactly sure.
I laid there for a few minutes, adjusting my eyes and wiggling a bit to see how I felt. Everything seemed to be in order. The leg that had lost so much blood felt like it was asleep, but my arm felt fine.
Madam Pomfrey bustled in then, and upon seeing me awake, came over.
"Oh, you're awake, dear. You've been asleep for two days. It's Monday now. But of course you had to gain a lot of blood. Close call, those gashes were extremely deep. It was obviously a very powerful curse. You should be well enough to walk, classes are going on, but you're welcome to rest for a bit longer, most of the other students have been well enough to leave."
A bit later I left, making my way slowly to Gryffindor tower, since my leg still felt off. I told the Fat Lady the password (thimble), and took a seat in my favourite couch in the semi circle near the fire. And I had no intention of going to classes.
Me, Lily Evans, making the choice not to go to classes.
The past five years and two months of my Hogwarts career I had gone to every class, on time. I was The Golden Girl. Either I just tossed it out the window, or my absence wouldn't matter because I was Little Miss Perfect. I wasn't sure which one. And right there, sitting on that couch, completely alone in the comfortably but for some reason lonely common room, I really didn't care.
I sat there for some time, until many people began to file in. Lunch had to be over, and apparently it was freezing outside, despite the sunshine, something no one had counted on or prepared for, and so the sixth year Care of Magical Creatures class was canceled, as would be the seventh year's class which came after ours. Which meant the Marauders entered the common room.
It was then, looking at them, that I saw Sirius differently. I know that sounds incredibly cliché, and it probably is, but it's the truth. I realised he wasn't always that annoying boy who constantly joked. No, yesterday, he was a man. A man who took care of me and saved me. A serious young man.
And those thoughts compelled me to do it. I stood, and walked over to them, standing before them. I looked up at Sirius, and his face became serious and less boyish. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him, and he returned it, and it was a lovely hug. It was a mix of a caring brotherly hug and a tight friendly hug.
I let go and looked up at him. "Thank you." I told him. "For doing what you did yesterday. Saving me and all."
"There's no need to thank me." he told me completely seriously.
It was then that we became friends.
Being friends with Sirius was probably one of the most fun and comfortable things I'd ever done. It was like gaining a caring brother and funny friend in one. Of course, don't get me wrong, he could never replace my Em or Maddy or Belle, but he was wonderful just the same. I hadn't had many close friends that were men until him. Remus doesn't count, really, because I loved Remus completely differently than I loved Sirius. Sirius was great, but I didn't get butterflies and want to snog him and tell him I love him and have him hug me every time I saw him, now did I?
No, definitely not. Though, I must say, I loved getting brotherly hugs from Sirius. He made me feel safe.
It was soon after we had started the oddly close friendship, when Em got angry. I say odd, because I had never become so close to someone so soon. And someone I used to hate, at that. Well, I was leaning against Sirius, doing my homework, his brotherly warmth radiating off of me. I think I liked being friends with Sirius so much, because it was like having an older brother. It didn't matter that we were the same age. It treated me with a care only an older brother would. And I positively loved it.
Anyway, this particular time, leaning against him on my favourite couch, reading my Charms homework while he worked on a Potions essay, Em saw, and stormed down the stairs, grabbing my arm and none too gently tugging me up to our dorm.
"What on earth do you think you're doing?" she yelled at me.
"Er…" I stared at her, unsure.
"You cannot be best friends with my most horrid enemy! You know I positively despise him! How can you betray me?"
"Oh, shut up. You know you love him, give it a rest."
We were both shocked by that. I was never so flat and rudely to the point. Everything I said was in so many words, some people had to decipher a simple sentence. But still my darling Em stared at me defiantly.
"I absolutely do not! And he's Potter's best friend!"
"He's also Remus's." I pointed out.
She sighed in defeat. "Fine, go ahead, but I won't like it. I just love you too much to stay mad at you."
"Or you love Sirius too much."
Em didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.
Halloween came, in a flurry of the school trying to get back to normalcy after what had happened. Part of the Three Broomsticks pub had been blown up, as well as a small building next to it. Thankfully, nobody had been killed, and the small building was dingy, and near a rather unused alley (though it is believed that randy Hogwarts couples liked to use that alley for more private moments.)
I was sitting with Em and Belle at the Halloween feast, giggling with them about Derek, whom Em says is quite a good kisser, supposedly, and very sweet to her. Her broken leg was healed quickly by Madame Pomfrey, and she'd been up and about since the morning after 'The Hogsmeade Incident' as some had come to call it.
"Hey, Belle, want a candy?" Peter asked her from across the table, holding out a nice looking piece of chocolate.
"Oh, thanks Peter, that's nice." she took it from him, giving him a smile, and proceeded to open the wrapper. When it was a few centimeters away from her mouth, it turned into a bat, flapping around her face.
"Ew!" she cried, pushing at it, shrieking when she actually came in contact with its body. Peter was giggling like mad, the boys making noises of amusement next to him.
He flashed her an innocent smile, one that she could not help but soften at. She still sent him a playful glare, still relatively disgusted having pushed the bat away from her. It flew up and disappeared in a 'poof' of smoke, obviously a temporary spell.
"Alright, whose spell was that?" I asked the boys glaring down the line of them.
Sirius raised his hand a bit.
I smiled. "Good spell, actually. If not for the fact that it was rather disgusting." I was not able to get terribly angry at my brother-like friend anymore. Such a loss, it was really. Not being able to get angry at Sirius anymore, was almost as bad as not being able to get angry at James Potter anymore. But that hadn't happened.
"Whoa, wait, not fair. No way Sirius gets to get off here." James said to me.
I just shrugged and smiled at him. "Get over it, Potter."
"Alright, fine Belle, we're sorry. Here." Sirius held out a tasty looking candy to her.
"Yeah, right, do I look stupid? No way in hell am I eating that."
"Oh, come on, I'm serious, as an apology. Please?" an incredibly sweet smiled graced his face, making it terribly hard to turn down.
"Oh, fine." she took it and chewed. "Hey, that was pretty good, and nothing's happened to me. Thanks guys."
Even I had to stifle a laugh. The poor girl's head had become a jack-o-lantern's. I smacked Sirius' arm. "Turn her back!"
"Why, what's wrong with me?" she asked, sounding concerned. Then she reached up to touch her face. "My face feels weird….Sirius Black, turn me back this instant!" she screeched.
He did so, laughing the entire time, and ran, cackling out the Great Hall, the other boys behind him, so as not to have to face the livid Belle.
In the middle of November Remus and I were walking back from another unproductive Prefect meeting. I saw unproductive, because sometimes the meetings were just sitting and listening to the Head Boy and Girl talk and not say anything that we really needed to hear.
"Thank you." he suddenly said to me.
I turned my head sideways and up to look at him confusedly. He was quite a bit taller than me, I only reached his muscled shoulder. "Whatever for?"
"Making Sirius more mature. Thank God he's grown up some."
"Yes, well, I'm hoping some of it will stick to him and he'll stop being such a jerk around Em."
Remus laughed. "Yes, I hope that too."
"I like Sirius when he's mature. He's like an older brother. I've always wanted an older brother, actually. It's wonderful."
"Would you like me to act like your older brother?" he looked at me questioningly.
"Do you want to?" I asked him back.
"I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like wanting to snog my sister senseless." he said factually.
I stopped walking then and turned to stare up at him. His eyes were burning with this passion. I couldn't look away. I didn't want to look away. We stood there, in the middle of the hallway, just staring at each other. He looked so surely at me, looking like he felt what I was.
"What's stopping you?"
"You know what's stopping me."
I'd rarely seen Remus like this, if at all. Talking so raw, so sure, so blatant about his feelings. And those burning feelings were for me. I could not look away from his eyes. If I could have, I would have stood there for hours and looked at them. Watched his hair fall into them and he whip his head quickly to move it. Staring at me like I was his, and he devoted to me with such obvious truth.
"I don't care." I told him. Such a short answer. My answers were usually long and detailed. Not this conversation. This conversation was blunt feeling, quick truth. But the words were so packed with emotion and honesty, saying more words would make it less, not more.
"God Lily, if I could, I'd grab you right now and kiss you as hard as I possibly could."
"Then do it." I said straight to his eyes.
"You know I can't! All I want is to hold you to me as close as you can get, and kiss you…"
I bit my lip, still locked with his beautiful eyes. "Yes, I'd love that."
"I can't, Lily!"
"Dammit, Remus, yes you can! The only thing stopping you is you!"
"Well, good! It means I'm not a shitty friend!"
I stared at him, surprised. I'd actually never heard him swear before. It was with such raw emotion, too. His voice loud, his arms gesturing, his guard completely down.
"I know! And I can't stand it! All I want is you! All I want is just you! And I can't have you! Why! Because of James bloody Potter, that's why!" I shouted right back at him. Here we were, fighting about something really rather private, something only Emma was really privy too, by only just assuming on her part. And we were just screaming it for anyone who chose to walk near could hear. And neither of us cared. We really only wanted to walk the small space inbetween us and hold each close and kiss each other hard, but we couldn't. We couldn't, I felt my body breaking.
"Lily…" He took a step toward me, arms bent at the elbows, hands reaching toward me. Then he stopped, our eyes still on each other. He stood for a moment, just staring. Then he let out an almost inaudible sigh, and walked away.
I stared at his retreating back, and just cried. I stood in the middle of the hallway long after he had walked away, the sixth year Prefect, the perfect student, crying.
Do you want to know something? I honestly didn't care. I did not care if some student walked by and saw Prefect Lily Evans crying her soul over the middle of the hall, I did not care if that student told the entire population of the school that strong, self-sufficient, pretty, brilliant, Lily Evans was reduced to uncontrolled sobs for anybody to see. I did not care if my entire school career was ruined by the clear oceans falling onto the red carpet.
All I cared about, was that Remus refused to love me. Not because he didn't. Because he felt he wasn't allowed to admit it.
AN: Okay, I know, very Lily/Remus, but it's part of the plot. At least I think. It's setting up for the next chapter. No worries, it will be L/J, but not for a while. Relax. Enjoy the drama. Next chapter should be lighter. I think.
I don't want to be demanding, but I want at least ten reviews for this chapter. That would be much obliged. Thanks.
Also, I'm contemplating switching it from Lily's POV, to third person POV, at least for some chapters. I think that if I do it third person POV, we could probably get more character development and understanding of the other characters. So, review and tell me what you think of this idea. You're the ones reading the story, so I'd like your input on how you'd like it. Thanks again.