A/N: I dont own Yu Yu Hakusho... I wouldn't be writing fanfiction if I did.
Forever Is
Me: Ahem... this is a one-shot story. It's different form what you might be used to if you've read my other stories, you've been warned...
let the fic begin! Words in italics are flashbacks Kitsune.
"Forever doesn't exist, it's an illusion in the mind's eye. All things end. Forever cannot be."
"It will be, for us, it will always be... have faith."
Your words echo through my thoughts. Your words, so innocent and simple, so optimistic. They are anything but true. Yet, I believe them. I believe them because they keep my thoughts from growing black, from believing the truth.
Maybe I'm naive for believing you, but that's too far from the truth. Perhaps you know my reason, if you do, you never revealed it, if you don't, it's too late. Pride had turned you into another victim of mine.
Now I realize I should have told you, though it wouldn't have rewritten your fate, you deserve to know. I value your friendship more than words can express. You were always the stable force for me to lean on. Perhaps my constant reliance on you drove you to your illness, which you ignored to help me.
I ignored it too, I suppose because I never thought it would go so far. Or because I never thought you might be in a situation like this. But the truth is, you are...
Light is filtering through the cheaply made cotton curtain hanging limp as death over your window. Night turns to day, the morning sun is slipping through the window same as always. Just a sign that night and day are just as indiscernable as life and death. Both flow seamlessly into one another. While night falls to lift again, life ends, period. There can be no revival, death is final
"I will always be here, you need only ask my presence. Forever will I be at your side."
"Forever? Such a funny word, forever cannot be," I protested.
"Have faith" you said evenly.
More thoughts stumble across my mind, more words. How could you hold such strong faith is such trying times?
I used to believe you would be there, because you always had been. I could never believe there would be a time when you would be gone. You were always the strong one, always steady and unwavering. You were always there, but now the tides have shifted. The stable force is crumbling, you are here, but you are not. What will be when you are gone?
I stop myself abruptly, no, that thought was ridiculous. I could never happen. You could never be gone. The mere prospect was laughable, yet I couldn't laugh. No matter how ridiculous and unreal the situation was, I couldn't laugh. Because, this was indeed very real, terrifyingly real.
Outside the door the world begins to awaken. the gentle ticking of the wall clock, formerly the only sound penetrating the silence, melds with the faint sounds of the stirring world.
Ironic
One door, a seemingly insignificant object, a singel insubstantial thing, yet it represented such a delicate balance. The thin line that separated life and death.
A light tap on the door is followed by the entrance of a young woman in a white uniform wheeling a cart with her. This has become a ritual as of late. Each new dawn the woman comes in to preform standard tests.
I stood at your side hesitant, not wanting to leave you
Time is, nor will never be, idle for a life, each second is separate and cannot be recovered from the past. Time is precious and life indispensable. Given the situation I wouldn't leave, for I knew well enough that time stops for nothing, and life waits for no one. Not even you would be an exception this time.
Reluctance steered me from your side again this morning. It would be for only a few short minutes, nothing would happen
But what if it did
In light of these times every moment mattered. I knew each second could be your last, but I also knew you. There was no way you would be taken, not you. Your time wasn't through, you wouldn't be taken
There was no way.
But there was no way you could have or should have become so gravely ill either. But you were.
"Despite tainted blood I will be there for you. Always and forever I shall wait for you."
"There is no forever."
More of your words coursed through my mind. Never once would you falter on 'forever.' Your tone still hed it's reassuring calm, but at the words "tainted blood" I was positive your voice had developed a pang of fear.
Reflecting on those words, could you have known? I assumed that "tained blood" was a derogatory term you used to refer to your Yoko blood, demon blood. But did you already know the truth? That "tainted blood" signified something far worse than you had let on?Did you know and leave us all fumbling in the dark?If you had known wouldn't you have told me?
But you hadn't told me, by time I discovered the truth it was too late. Nothing more could be done about it, you knew and you let the hourglass run undisturbed.
Borrowed time, that was all it was now, there was nothing more to be done about it, all that remained was to wait.
The woman strode out of your room silently, the grim expression on her face apparent as she passed me. I retreat back to your room, leaving the burning smell of antiseptics and IV drips behind me; behind a closed door.
I sit beside you relieved. Your chest is rising and falling slowly, your breathing is weak and shallow. None the less you are alive, alive on naught but borrowed time, but alive.
"Tainted blood." Cancer.
Such a funny word. Cancer is something that happens to people you don't know, people your friends know. It's not something that happens to someone you know. Definately not to you, but it is. The silent killer. Slowly attacking you, sapping away at your existence. It's too late now I know, it's to the point of no return, I know your legacy is at an end.
The circumstance is irreversible, your fate is sealed. While I understand you're not to blame for this, I can't help but be angry towards you. You had known and ignored it. You had become weak. This would pose as a permanent escape from it all for you. Pressure had worn you down, you let it get to you. You were supposed to be the strong one, now you are the most vulnerable. For being intelligent you sure to some unexcusably stupid things. I just want to yell at you, yell for being so blind, so stupid, tear into youwith every fiber of my being, but I can't bring myself to do it.
Are you truely to blame though? No. I won't be so arrogant as to blame this all on you. It is as much your fault as it is mine. Your life had never been close to perfect, you had quite a tangled existence. I knew of course. But this did not stop me from dumping my own burdens onto your shoulders as well. My problems were not yours to begin with, and never should have become, even though they did. Pressure drove you to this point. I'm sorry, this burden was not yours to carry alone, although it has become.
"You shall never be alone, I shall be with you forever."
"Forever is irrelevant."
"Why are you so terribly fatalistic?"
"Because it's the truth."
"You'll see someday, forever is. Just have faith."
I shake my head, faith in what per se? What faith is left? The faith that you, my best friend, will always be there? Lost. The faith that you'll pull through this? Too far gone. The faith that your heart would know...? Well I could say it, too much has slipped away already, more loss would only be worse, what more would there be to lose?
I turn to you, inching my chair closer to your bed. You seem so peaceful as you lay there at rest. It's almost impossible to think that you're slipping off the edge of time. If I didn't know better I'd think you were only asleep, but you're not.
I reach out for your hand and take it in my own and trace small circles on your smooth skin with my thumbs. You're still so warm it's hard to believe.
"You were wrong Kurama," I whiper gazing at your shallow face. "You won't be with me forever. There is no forever..."
I feel my eyes burn, and at last the tears I'd been staving off for so long spill from my eyes, sliding slowly down my cheeks, I make no effort to brush them away.
"However, your memories will be in my heart always. I love you..."
I bring your hand up to my face and gently brush my lips over your hand.
"Good bye... my fox."
I will myself to let your hand go, but I want to hold on to you. Perhaps the belief is immature, but maybe if I didn't let go of you, maybe you wouldn't let go either. Of course I know it's not possible, but that doesn't make letting go of you any easier.
Just as I resolved to release you, I felt your hand softly squeeze mine.
Had I just imagined it in my sorrow? I couldn't be certain, I looked at you intently. When you did not stir i scoled myself for being so foolish.
"Hiei...?" Now my ears too. My heart and mind had tricked my senses into believing you were conscious. I'm so stupid, yet almost instinctively I turned to you, just in case.
I watched your eyes drift slowly open and focus on me. My heart thumped loudly inside my chest for joy.
Your eyes fixed on mine. Illness had taken it's toll on you, you seemed so tiny and frail, yet your emerald eyes still held their innocent sparkle, their mischievious glint. A smile krept upon my features.
Your hand squeezed mine and I squeezed back.
"Hiei..." your voice was hoarse and weak.
"Yes...?" I leaned into you.
"I must go now. Forgive my mistakes..." you closed your eyes and smiled slightly.
"No... you... you can't..." I pleaded silently, tears resurfacing behind my eyes.
"I will be with you forever..."
"There is no forever. Not any longer, now there's just an end. Forever doesn't exist."
"Shhh... forever exists so long as one loves. It exists as long as you love... I exists as long as I love you..."
Your grip on my hand slackened and I knew you had gone, I release your hand. The tears spring to my eyes again, though not only out of sorrow. Also because I finally understood. Forever. Yes, you would be with me forever. Forever and for always.
A/N: Please R&R, I hope you enjoyed.