14. Urgent Message

It was still dark when I woke up. Carth was throwing a robe on and running toward the room's transmitter, where he was getting an urgent message.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily.

"It's hard to tell if it's too late or too early to talk." He was testy, regardless of what he'd told me on Taris. I heard his hand come down heavily on the "accept" button on the transmitter. "Yes, Admiral Dodonna?"

"Carth, I hate to do this to you, but the fleet needs you to come to Telos as soon as possible to begin reconstruction." She sounded stern. "I know it must be the middle of the night there, but I need you to leave first thing in the morning. General Organa – the team leader of the Telos reconstruction effort – is growing impatient."

"I haven't taken any longer than the leave I was granted." Carth's voice was tight. He was upset. "I was going to report to Telos in two or three days, which is still well within the parameters we set last week."

"I know," her tone was apologetic, "but the general is desperate for help as soon as possible. He wanted me to tell you to leave now, but I convinced him that a few hours wouldn't hurt. He wants you to come early because he understands that you'll want a few days' leave for your promotion ceremony."

"I don't need a day off for the ceremony. I'd like to take my leave now, if that's possible. I just got married and—"

"I understand, but he's very stubborn. I suggest you leave as soon as you can this morning. I negotiated as much as I could."

"Thanks, Admiral. I'll gather my crew and leave for Telos in the morning." He was resigned. "Is there anything else?"

"That will be all. Thanks, Carth, and congratulations." The transmission ended. He muttered profanity and moved slowly across the room before collapsing on the bed.

"We have to leave in the morning." He grumbled. "I was going to visit with my parents for a few days."

"You tried your best." I offered, pulling him under the covers with me. "It's irritating being one of the heroes of the galaxy, isn't it?"

"I never want a transmitter in my room again." He sighed, exasperated. "Did I ever say I wanted vacation time for the promotion?"

"Not that I recall." I consoled. "I guess it was assumed."

"So I get vacation for a promotion but not for getting married?" He shook his head. "I wish he had his priorities straight." I put my arms around him, trying to comfort him.

"It could be worse." I said, after a moment of silence. "They could put us in separate hemispheres of the planet."

"I wouldn't put it past them." His tone was still agitated.

"You know I'd throw a fit." I smiled. "They'd have to give in or face my wrath."

"It's probably not a good idea to threaten your wrath like that." He smiled back.

"This is why they should never mess with me." I kissed his temple. "Or you, for that matter. Now I need to get back to my beauty sleep." I lay back down. Carth pressed his chest against my back, holding me as I drifted off to sleep and dreamt of Admiral Dodonna sending us all kinds of crazy demands. I dreamt we never made it to Telos and this "general" character sent a Sith armada after us. The next time I woke up, light was beginning to filter into the room. I untangled myself from Carth and the sheets and hopped in the fresher. I wanted to see my friends again. I had an impending sense of doom that we'd be separated again. I took deep breaths, trying not to hate the general before I met him. I stepped out of the fresher and into the washroom, which was full of steam. Carth walked toward the fresher.

"Save some for the Selkath." He smirked.

"I was just thinking." I sighed. "I get this feeling that they're going to separate us, not just the two of us, but the whole crew."

"It wouldn't surprise me." He obviously didn't want to talk about it, so I let it drop and got dressed. He was still in the fresher when I'd finished drying my hair, so I began to pack my things. I was sad to be leaving, even though Alderaan wasn't my home. I sat down and meditated a little. I'd probably have to be more of a Jedi on Telos. Bastila's energy was strange, something I'd never felt before, but I wasn't horribly concerned. I noticed how much weaker our bond had become. I began to think what would become of Mission. Griff was going to meet us on Telos. I had to quell feelings of anger thinking of him deserting her again. I tried to focus on my breathing to keep from worrying about my friends. I had a talent of being a little too concerned about them with no real reason. I listened to my breathing and the sounds in the room. It was clean and began to feel impersonal again. I separated myself from it. I couldn't let sentimentality get the better of me or else I'd never leave. I felt better after letting go of this place and the memory of my fit of insanity. I opened my eyes again. Tears had streamed down my face. I wiped them, confused. I stood up and continued packing. Juhani and Carth (I was now thoroughly convinced that he'd been there) had provided me with a ton of clothes. I was used to my wardrobe being a couple of increasingly tattered Jedi robes. I liked having clothes without holes that came in colors that weren't brown. I smiled slightly. Tears continued to tickle my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" Carth asked as he came out of the washroom.

"It's nothing new." I shrugged. "I'm afraid we'll get separated." He pursed his lips.

"It won't happen." He said firmly. "I won't let it; you won't let it. No one wants to be separated. They'll have to fight the lot of us." I found little comfort in his conviction, but it was enough to get me through the final packing and heading out, only to find that we'd be "dining" aboard the Ebon Hawk. I hoped I would have the chance to spend hours with Carth doing mushy things, especially considering the timing, but he was just as testy as he'd been in the middle of the night.

"Carth, please! Just one more meal here!" Mission begged.

"There's nothing I can do." Carth sighed. "We have to go now. They'd better give us a banquet when we get there." Zaalbar agreed whole-heartedly. Aboard the Hawk, Jolee tried to keep all of us in good spirits: he made caffa and gruel. He added some spices and sugar to it so it was palatable and even had a taste.

"Thanks, Jolee." Juhani was tired and disappointed. "I only wish you would have cooked before." It was weird to be back on the ship. Everyone habitually went back to where they'd enjoyed hanging around on the voyage, with a few exceptions. Mission and Zaalbar played Pazaak in the starboard quarters. I did some fighting simulations with HK to keep him from whimpering about going pacifist. Juhani and Jolee had become fast friends and were arranging medical supplies in the medical bay. Canderous stood in the cockpit with Bastila, regaling Carth with his Basilisk war droid story as proof of his piloting abilities. Carth was in a mood that was barely good enough to tolerate Canderous' talk. Canderous was utterly jovial.

"Are you all right, Bastila?" I asked softly.

"My mother –" She began. Sadness filled her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said, hugging her. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks. I knew you'd offer to listen."

"It's what I do best." I assured.

"Canderous has been very helpful." Bastila stated.

"If he wasn't, he'd have to answer to me." I half-threatened. Bastila's glare made me retract the half-threat. "I'm glad."

"I don't want to speak of it any more." Bastila let me go and looked at the floor. She absorbed herself in listening to Canderous' stories. He put his arm around her reassuringly and kept talking. Carth stared blankly into space. Finally, Telos was in sight. The surface looked horrible: war-torn and charred. A small space station was circling the planet.

"Citadel Station." Carth sighed. "That's where we're docking."

"Are you all right?" Bastila asked gently.

"I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it." Carth's eyes never left some point on the station, except to look at controls occasionally. I put a hand on Carth's shoulder. He seemed to ignore it. I made a conscious effort not to feel hurt by his brush-off. I went to the port quarters and dug out my big fat blanket before I lay myself on a cold bunk and stared at the ceiling. I got cold too easily to just lie in the crew quarters without my blanket.

"That thing is ugly and ridiculous." Jolee laughed. "Why do you have it?"

"I have the core temperature of Hoth." I suggested. "I can't sleep in these cold quarters, so I got myself a blanket."

"Which dead body in the sewers did you pick it off?" Carth teased. "That thing smells like…"

"Heaven." I grinned. Carth groaned. "It's comfortable, that's all that matters. It can't stink worse than you do." I stuck my tongue out at him childishly.

"Ouch." Carth rolled his eyes and left for his shift.

"Ciara!" Mission whispered. "You know that Carth sleeps wherever your blanket is, right?"

"That's why it stinks!" I laughed. Mission was looking at me funny. "Stop that." I said defensively. "I have to get my beauty sleep!"

His scent lingered on the blanket, comforting me, so I pulled the blanket up to my chin. The air was thick with tension. I wanted to run back to the cockpit and tell Carth to go somewhere else, somewhere we went on the voyage. But being on Korriban, Manaan, or Tatooine wouldn't mean we'd escape our lives, and I knew that. I tried not to let my imagination run away, but it has a habit of doing so. I wondered how life would be different if we didn't have to go to Telos. Carth would still be cranky, I was sure. He'd have to get cranky eventually. I let myself fall into a dreamless sleep, a luxury I rarely enjoyed. I awoke when the ship stopped moving. We had docked. I got to find out what "home" was.

(standard disclaimer goes here...) Thanks to all reviewers! You people are excellent!