15. Home Sweet Home
As soon as I set foot on Citadel Station, I knew I'd rather be somewhere else. Carth looked like he felt the same way.
"Admiral Onasi," General Organa nodded a greeting, "it's a pleasure to meet you." He was a middle-aged man who had seen his share of wars.
"Thank you, General." Carth replied coldly. "It's nice to finally meet you as well." I wondered whether the rest of us were invisible. "I assume you have lodging for all of my crew?"
"Yes, Admiral. Admiral Dodonna sent us your information." The general paused for a bit.
"I believe introductions are in order." Carth said, as Jolee cleared his throat. He seemed to like invisibility as much as I did.
"Of course." The general looked slightly condescending. He turned to Carth expectantly. Did he think we couldn't speak for ourselves? "You have quite the odd crew, Admiral."
Carth smiled proudly. "They're the best crew I could ask for." Jolee cleared his throat again and Carth shot him a friendly look. "General, this is my wife, Ciara; decorated Mandalorian Canderous Ordo and his wife Bastila, the famous Jedi; Zaalbar, the son of the chieftain of the Wookies; Mission Vao, whose brother Griff will be meeting us here; T3, an expert droid; HK-47, a skilled combat droid; Jolee Bindo; and Juhani, another Jedi."
"It's a pleasure to meet you." The general seemed unsure of his words. I tried not to laugh. "There are a few apartments reserved for your party in the residential sector. Report to my office in three hours." He handed Carth a map and walked off.
"Sheesh, that was rude." Mission blurted when the general had left the hangar.
"Why didn't I get a fancy introduction?" Jolee teased.
"'Jolee Bindo, obstinate old man' is too obvious." I shot back. He laughed.
"Let's find our apartments and look around a bit." Juhani suggested. We unloaded our stuff and headed toward the residential complex.
We had three "apartments" for the ten of us. Our apartment was like an octagon-shaped closet without as much as a washroom or kitchen. We had a small work area with a desk and transmitter, but the washroom of the hotel room on Alderaan was much bigger. Our window was tiny. The furnishings were sparse and irritating.
"I think this corner is the living room." Carth was upset and glared at the transmitter near the front door. "This makes the Hawk look luxurious." I found the washroom, only to find Mission and Bastila finding it at the same time.
"Well, some things are the same as the Hawk." I offered.
"No." Carth rushed over in disbelief. We looked around the others' apartments. Directly across the washroom from ours was Bastila and Canderous; everyone else lived in one apartment, the door to which was in the wall separating the Ordos' apartment from ours. The others' apartment, although bigger, had many small rooms that were like shoeboxes and a somewhat larger sitting room located near the washroom, which lead me to believe that it was our living room as well. There was a dining area and a kitchen. I began to see the entire setup as one apartment, rather than three small ones.
"I guess it's a nice transition to living apart." I ventured. Carth sighed.
"If they'd said we'd be sharing a suite…" His voice trailed off. "I'm going to talk to General Organa about this." I let my body drop onto the bed, which it did with a resounding thud.
"Ow." I said weakly. "Talk to him about a new mattress too." Carth put his hands on his forehead and sat down on the bed.
"How are we going to make it?" He asked, resigned.
"Should we find you a cantina?" I answered playfully, sitting up and putting my hand on his back. "Really, though, it's not too long. Maybe this is temporary."
"I hope so. I'm going to speak with General Organa about what we should expect here and what we did expect, in terms of lodging. I was at least hoping for somewhere that Dustil could stay when he visited."
"Or your parents." I added. "They were telling me they missed seeing you." Carth stood up.
"I'll unpack my stuff when I get back." He explained shortly. I stood up and caught him before he left.
"We'll be okay." I smiled assuringly and hugged him.
"I couldn't do this without you." He smiled back and left. I assessed the space again. It was drab. The transmitter was state-of-the-art, and I was tempted to check the news. I put my clothes in the closet and my weapons in a footlocker within. There was really nothing else to do. I tried pushing the furniture around a bit, but there was no better setup for the room. Maybe with some curtains and a new bedspread, it wouldn't look like prison. I inspected the washroom after dumping my toiletries in a drawer. There was only one fresher, like on the Hawk, but there was a small bathtub. I was slightly hopeful. I went back into my room. It looked like we had two closets. I opened one door, finding myself in the sitting room. I found Jolee bustling around in the kitchen.
"I've got to make sure I can find everything." He grinned. "I sent Juhani shopping for some basics so we can eat better than we live."
"Good." I smiled, showing the little amount of satisfaction I had. "I don't suppose there's any place around here to buy something that keeps a room from looking like a cell?"
"I know!" Mission cried, coming out of her bedroom. "I need something in there or I'll go nuts."
"Let's go scout something out." I smiled. "I'll see if Bastila or Canderous wants to come."
Mission laughed. "Canderous decorating? That's something I'd like to see!" I knocked on the door from inside the washroom. I heard Bastila call within, so I came in.
"Do you want to come find decorations or something?" I asked.
"Sure." Bastila looked a little weak. "I don't feel too well, so I may return early if that's all right."
"Of course it is." I smiled. "I'm ready when you are. Could we stop by General Organa's first? I'd like to see if I can find Carth."
"Why's he there?" Mission asked as we walked down a corridor.
"To find out if we're staying here for the whole time and what we're doing."
"I thought we'd find out later." Mission was slightly puzzled.
"Carth isn't in the most patient of moods today." I smiled weakly as we entered the office. Carth was waiting in a chair by the reception desk.
"Is it time already?" He asked.
"No," I began. "We were just out and I suggested we stop by to say hi."
"What's this really about?" Carth asked slyly. His mood had improved a little bit.
"We can't stand the décor." Mission blurted. Carth laughed.
"I didn't want to get something you hated." I offered.
"Thanks," he grinned, "but I'm not too picky."
I couldn't resist. I stared straight and hard at his jacket. "I can tell." I smirked. Carth rolled his eyes. "I thought I'd check. I'll let you get back to waiting." I offered a sympathetic smile. He looked agitated.
"Actually, I wouldn't mind coming along." I was a bit surprised. Soldiers didn't shop.
"Then let's go." Bastila said softly. "I'd like a short nap when we get back."
"Tell General Organa that I'll see him at our previously appointed time." Carth told the receptionist, sounding less grumpy than he had before.
Our shopping excursion was rather low-key. We ran into Juhani, who picked out some things for her own room. I selected a substantial mattress cover.
"The floor is softer than my bed." I explained to Juhani.
"I haven't tried mine yet." Juhani said. "I should get a cover just in case."
"I need to get back." Bastila said uneasily. We paid for our wares quickly and went back. Bastila curled up on her bed, even though it was hard as rock. Canderous unpacked her shopping bags.
"Dang, this woman has taste." He said, pulling out a blue and cream bedspread and wrapping Bastila in it carefully, lightly kissing her temple. It was definitely a change of pace to see a gentle Mandalorian. There was nothing I could do to help, so I went to my room and put the mattress cover and sheets on the bed. I made sure my extra fat blanket was handy in case I was in danger of freezing. I smoothed out the maroon bedspread and sat on the bed. My pelvis didn't feel in danger of breaking this time. I stood up and continued moving around, straightening the work area around the transmitter.
"I want that disabled." Carth's voice came from behind me as I inspected the transmitter. "I know it won't happen, but…" I turned around and looked at him. "I should stop complaining. Someday, though…" His voice trailed off and he dumped the contents of one of his bags onto the bed. He sorted through his clothes and armor, hanging them up in the closet less meticulously than I had. I walked in to the closet calmly.
"Do you want me to help?" I offered.
"I'm okay. It won't take me long." Carth smiled.
"Really, I'm bored." I picked up one of his shirts.
"Really, it'll take two minutes." He grabbed at it. "Unless you're difficult, then it'll take me longer."
"Fine." I let him have the shirt. "I'll watch the news holos or something."
I learned surprisingly little from the holovids. The Ithorians had arrived and were starting to ship in animals for the restoration effort. They had set up camp on the surface in a restoration zone with Republic funding. I also found that Czerka had made its way here as well. I sighed.
"Anything good?" Carth asked, coming over to me.
"Czerka's here." I said flatly.
"Does Zaalbar know?" Carth was concerned.
"I don't know, but he won't be happy." I gathered my patience. I'd need it to deal with Czerka. "We aren't working with them, are we?"
"No, we're working with the TSF, the security force." Carth explained.
"That should be better." I tried to keep my optimism up. "Well, it's about that time."
"Damn it." Carth sighed. "I was all set on this being a day off."
"Try to keep your testiness under control." I said gently, hugging him. "They have to have your ceremony soon, don't they? You can have your whole family here again." He smiled slightly.
"Time to go!" Jolee called. I took Carth's hand and smiled encouragingly.
"In case you didn't meet him before, this is my brother, Griff." Mission directed at no one in particular. Introductions remained pretty civil. Bastila was looking a bit better, but still drained. "All right, Griff. Are you ready to work for real?"
"I guess." Griff shrugged. "I still could try…"
"But you won't." Mission said firmly. "You're doing it right this time." I had a feeling Griff didn't have a lot of say in his reunion with his sister.
We trudged down to the TSF office, everyone feeling the same about a shortened vacation. General Organa had loosened up a bit.
"All right," he began, "today I'll outline your first mission. As you know, the destruction of Telos was completely devastating to the planet's infrastructure. We have a group of Ithorians who are importing creatures and plants from other planets to restore Telos' ecosystem. I'd like to have a surface settlement on Telos built as soon as possible. Of course, if this team were instrumental in accomplishing this goal, you would all get prime real estate." So that's why we were in crappy apartments. "I know you'll be leaving in a year, but you'd be welcome back at any time, if you so chose." He smiled warmly. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad after all.
"What is there to be done?" Carth asked.
"Much." General Organa laughed. "Czerka and the Exchange cannot threaten the Ithorians' efforts to rebuild Telos. Animal populations need to be monitored and controlled, a place for a settlement on the surface needs to be found, cleaned, and built, and the expansion of Citadel Station needs to be assessed. I'll let you all divvy it up. Your team won't be sent to distant locales unless you so choose. Much of the work will be done from the station here. Shuttles will take you to the surface when needed." He handed us a datapad. "Here are the specifics of each task. I'd like a report in the morning as to your plan. Feel free to consult me if you have questions. Also, I've set up a tab at a fine local restaurant for your meals while working."
"Why couldn't he mention some of this before?" Juhani sighed. "I was dreading this work until now."
"All right, let's cool our jets and get organized." Jolee insisted. "Admiral?"
"Come on," Carth rolled his eyes. "You can be in charge here. You've got seniority."
"Hah!" Jolee laughed. "So the things that can be started now are cleaning up the surface, scouting for a settlement, recordkeeping for the Ithorians, and regulating trade, which should help with the station's expansion."
"Sounds like saving the galaxy again." I said quietly.
"No kidding." Mission whispered back.
"There are ten of us and five jobs. That's two per job." Juhani seemed good at keeping us organized. "Although I suppose it's fairly flexible."
"I nominate HK to terminate animal meatbags that over-breed." I offered.
"Objection: The term 'meatbag' generally refers to a human, not another type of organic. I would rather terminate meatbags than animals."
"Then you can police the Exchange and Czerka." I smiled. "Would they really want to mess with an assassination droid?"
"Awed query: You're sending me on assassination missions? Gratitude: Master, you are the greatest meatbag—human—I have ever met!" I could have sworn that HK was quivering with anticipation. I let him babble gleefully for a while.
"I could scout." Zaalbar offered. "I'm good at the brute labor that it would take to clean up the surface as well."
"All right, Z, you'll lead the surface team. Who else wants to go?" Jolee asked. He was good at calmly getting everything in order.
"I suppose I will." Canderous sighed. "Although it isn't that glorious, it's better than desk work." Carth gritted his teeth. I knew he wouldn't want to go to the surface. I wondered what he'd volunteer for. Nothing sounded too appealing to me, and I couldn't imagine Carth leaping at any of these jobs.
"I'd like to take the desk job." Bastila said softly. Somehow I wasn't surprised.
"I'll go to the surface." Mission offered.
"Isn't that a little dangerous?" Jolee asked.
"I'm not a kid!" Mission argued. "And I'd rather do that than deal with the Czerka Hutt-slugs."
"I'll come too." Griff added.
"I don't know how much I could handle from them." Juhani mused, pain creeping into her voice. "I don't want to deal with slavers." Zaalbar almost whimpered, cringing at the thought of Czerka.
"I'll do the trade stuff." Carth offered brusquely.
"All right. Zaalbar, Canderous, Mission, Griff, and I will go to the surface." Jolee entered their names into a datapad. "Carth and HK will – deal – with our friends Czerka and the Exchange."
"I'll help you out if you need it." Canderous said to Carth.
"You can't volunteer for everything." Carth retorted.
"I'm just offering my expertise." Canderous grinned.
"T3 could help with record keeping." I offered, after asking the droid. "He sort of offered. He's good at that stuff."
"That's Bastila and T3 on records." Jolee said. "Well, Ciara, are you going to be last again?"
"Maybe." I bit my lip, thinking. "I don't know if I've made up my mind."
"I could go to the surface." Juhani offered.
"All right, but that leaves too few people dealing with trade." Jolee shook his head. "I'll use my charm on Czerka." He adjusted the datapad accordingly. "It's obvious that no one wants that job, so I'll take one for the team."
"How sweet." I said.
"Don't patronize me." Jolee smirked. "So, do you want to do recordkeeping?"
"You're offering me a desk job?" I asked, incredulous. I'd been running around slicing people for a year, and now I was going into data entry? I wanted to roam the surface or something I was used to. "As long as I'm not forced to be at a desk all the time." I bargained.
"I'll put it down." Jolee teased. "I sent a copy of the file to General Organa." Carth stood up and walked to the reception desk. He returned a minute later.
"The receptionist will ensure that the general gets his message. We're to be back here at 0900 tomorrow." Carth looked drowsy.
"Let's go home." Juhani said brightly.
"What's wrong?" I asked Carth, who had acted depressed all day.
"I'm just upset." He replied coldly. Disappointment filled me. I didn't want to give him the third degree again. I thought we were past that part. I wanted to get up and leave him alone, but I had a feeling he'd want me to stay. It was late afternoon. I was bored. On the Hawk there was always something to talk about, somewhere we were going. I could ask people about where we were a hundred times without fear and here I was, afraid to ask Carth about Telos. I knew he wouldn't be upset with me for it, but I figured I didn't want to disturb his pent-up emotions about returning home. I'd made that mistake with Zaalbar on Kashyyyk, even though he'd been kind and not killed me. I wasn't afraid Carth would hurt me, but I had a feeling he didn't want to cry and talking about Telos wouldn't help. He typed furiously on the terminal across the room. I was sorting through the sundry datapads I'd gathered on the voyage, clearing them and cleaning the buttons. I was seriously bored. I let my mind wander. Since the Star Forge, things had been different between Carth and me. We'd been more open. Now things were like they were before. I felt like I was beating him with a bantha tail to get him to talk. I didn't feel like trying. I sighed and fished keys and other odds and ends out of the box of stuff. I retrieved the others' stuff from the sitting room, sat on the bed, and sorted it out. I wanted to cry for Carth so he wouldn't have to. I hated crying, so it would have been a huge sacrifice. I had made a formidable stack of stuff to sell by the time Carth had finished typing. He was breathing heavily, obviously frustrated. He turned and looked at me. I gave him my best "if you talk about it, you'll feel better" look, but I figured it wouldn't work. It never worked.
"Aren't you going to ask me if I want to talk?" He asked, looking at the meticulous piles I'd made.
"I take it you want to talk, then." I said, inquiringly.
"Am I that obvious?" He moved a pile of shields and sat down next to me.
"You're obviously worried about something." I observed.
"I just don't think I'm ready to be here yet." He sighed heavily. I rubbed his back reassuringly. "It's just so hard."
In the silence that followed, responses filled my head. I wanted to tell him I knew how he felt, even though I knew I didn't. He looked at his home and didn't recognize it, when I had looked at my reflection in the mirror. I wanted to tell him it was going to be harder when we went to the surface. I wanted to tell him that time heals all wounds. I wanted to promise him that he'd never have to go to the surface, that we'd run away. Instead, I began to weep.
"I didn't want to upset you." Carth said softly. I shook my head.
"I wish there was something I could do." I decided to forgo the "it wasn't your fault" line. I figure we said that enough.
"You're doing what you can." He encouraged. "This is my battle to fight. When I go to the surface – I already know I'll have to go – I won't go without you. Will you promise me that you'll be with me when I go?"
"Of course." It was such a small demand, but I knew it held so much weight for him. He slid closer to me. I put my left arm around him, pulling myself against him. I buried my face in his shoulder. He held me comfortingly, stroking my hair with one hand.
"Thank you." He whispered in my ear. His voice was breaking a bit. The thought of him crying made me want to pull out the stops and really cry. "One day I'll be able to face it alone, but I want your help for now." I was at a loss for words, a rare occasion. I allowed myself to forget that I was in contact with the galaxy's ugliest garment. I felt like we didn't move for hours. I stopped crying. Carth kissed my cheek. He looked relieved.
"I told you you'd feel better." I said coyly.
"What's that pile of junk?" He asked. His quick subject change told me I was right.
"Stuff we don't need any more. Things we can sell." I shrugged. "I told the others to contribute to or take from the pile as they wished, but I'm getting rid of the stuff tomorrow."
"I don't see anything there I can't live without." Carth said after rummaging a bit. He looked apologetic that he'd messed up the pile.
"I'll straighten up the pile when I get bored again." I yawned. "Is it dinnertime yet?" Carth opened the door to the sitting room.
"What's for dinner?" He called.
"Why don't you make something?" Jolee challenged playfully.
"He can't cook!" I shouted. "He burns gruel!"
"I do not." Carth insisted. I laughed.
"Good thing I've already got something going, then." Jolee went back to his work.
"I've never burned gruel." Carth was defensive.
"Maybe it was the water the gruel was cooked in." I thought aloud, slyly watching Carth get more frustrated. "Don't worry, it's the gruel's fault it's tasteless."
"Well it isn't mine!" Carth argued. I missed arguing about stupid things. This was fun.
"I never said it was!" I put on my best innocent look.
"Yes you did." He said firmly. "More or less."
"I just said – "
"Okay, you didn't say it was my fault, but you said I can't cook." Carth interrupted.
"Because you can't." I smiled.
"You'd better be careful, beautiful." He said, almost threateningly, though still playful. "I could burn your gruel on purpose."
"How would that help your cause?" I asked.
"It wouldn't, but you'd have to eat it or starve. You really can't cook."
"At least I can… damn, you're right." I smiled. Carth shut the door to the sitting room and sat next to me on the bed. "What are you up to?"
"We're newlyweds." He grinned. I laughed. "We're supposed to be leaping at every opportunity. Dinner won't be ready for another hour or so…" He leaned over me, trying to kiss me.
"It's weird with everyone right there…" I mused, turning my head slightly.
"The doors are soundproof. I checked." Carth grinned, pinning me on the bed.
(standard disclaimer goes here...) Thanks to all reviewers! Remember, I think you're awesome.