Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Baskets. As usual grumbles
Thought I'd say Hi first.
I'm so glad that everyone has kept up with reading this story. I know its very lengthy.
I never thought I'd write this much, my guess was like 25 chapters in all honesty. The criticism has been constructive and very helpful. It's especially helpful because I don't live in Japan, so I'm not accurate with a lot of their customs, like the White Day mix up.
I hope you've all figured out the pairing, I mean come on! I cut out Momiji, I cut out Haru, I cut out Kei, I cut out Kira. That leaves two people. Yuki and Kyo, the traditional love triangle! If you haven't yet, oye you make my head hurt just thinking about it.
Chapter 41
The tempest storm ceased in the early morning. Shigure urged Hatori to spend the night, wanting him to look over Tohru's wounds the next morning. Hatori did not protest, a night away from the mad man would be nice for him. Even after such an exhausting traumatic day Tohru still woke up at six, and was on her way downstairs before the clock even chimed 6:30.
She had to walk quietly, passing Hatori who was slumbering on the couch. He looked so much more peaceful when he slept, she figured all people did. She draped a blanket over him and wandered into the kitchen. There was an extra plate set on the table, but she had a distinct hunch that Kyo wouldn't want to eat anyway. Tohru made simple curry, and nearly jumped out of her socks when Hatori wandered into the kitchen.
"Gomen, good morning Hatori," she whispered quietly. Hatori could see it in her eyes, the fire in her eyes was gone. She looked so vacant, her blue eyes looked a dreary gray. "Would you like some coffee Hatori?" Tohru asked holding out a pot of fresh coffee.
Hatori nodded as Tohru began to pour "Thank you Tohru," He took a sip of his coffee and watched her as she turned back to start cutting some fruits. "I need to check out your wound sometime today."
"I have school Hatori, can we do it afterwards?" Tohru pleaded, she sounded weak. He couldn't understand why she was still thinking about school.
"I'd rather check you out before you leave for school, it gives the wound less time for infection," he told her blandly before taking another sip of his coffee. "I also have to get back to Master Akito, make sure he hasn't destroyed the whole house."
Tohru flinched hearing Akito's name. Hatori's face softened, his usual cold exterior melting as he watched tears form at the rims of her eyes. She continued chopping at her vegetables, "Okay Hatori, just let me get the curry going, I'm sure the other's can serve themselves."
"That's fine Tohru," He told her gently. He had the newspaper in front of him, but he couldn't do anything but let his eyes follow Tohru, just to be sure.
About thirty minutes later, Tohru had everything on a simmer mode, leaving the fruits basket on the table for them to pick at just in case. Hatori followed her up to her room, somewhere at least remotely private. Hatori sat down on a chair in her room and asked her to roll up her shirt. She did as instructed, leaving herself decent but enough that Hatori could see her very basic bandage job. He unknotted the bandage and let the rest unravel to the floor. "You're very lucky Tohru, it's not that deep," He noted pulling some rubbing alcohol out of his bag.
"It was because I was running, I wasn't standing still so Kyo...so the claws only caught the edge of me," Tohru whispered, her eyes avoiding Hatori.
Hatori could see how she could barely talk about it, how Kyo being a monster was so upsetting. Kyo had hurt her before, by yelling, or that little cut on the forehead, but this was something so much more different. He sighed and rubbed the alcohol over the wound, Tohru biting her lip and wincing. Hatori remained silent as he put on some new bandages. When he finally finished Tohru was still staring away from him.
He stood up and wandered over to her, resting his head on top of hers, stroking the right side of her hair and face. "It's over now Tohru, it's okay..." His voice was soothing to Tohru and she closed her eyes gently.
"Yes...it's all over now," She whispered a hint of pain stricken in her voice, "Thank you for tending to my wounds Hatori," she added, pulling away from him and wandering back downstairs.
Yuki was the first one to enter the kitchen, there were black rings under his eyes, and he looked very tired. As he sat down in his chair Tohru wandered over with a plate of food for him. He looked up at her, but she wasn't looking at him. He took her hand gently and squeezed it. "Tohru?"
Tohru flinched and looked away. "I'm fine Yuki. Hatori did a quick check up on my wounds."
"That wasn't what I meant Tohru," He told her softly. "Are you going to be okay?"
Tohru turned and faced him, fear stricken in her real eyes, but she smiled softly and pulled her hand away. "I've got to get the rest of breakfast ready. We're all going to be late at this rate."
"Kyo, Kyo you've got to get ready for school," Momiji sighed desperately, rubbing the grumbling cat's shoulder. "Tohru's waiting for us downstairs."
Kyo tensed hearing her name, the horrible guilt of what he had done hitting him hard as he let out a horrible moan of sorrow. "Not today Momiji..." Kyo's voice was just as desperate as Momiji's. "Please Momiji..."
Momiji frowned but nodded "Okay, I'll tell Tohru you're staying home today," Momiji slid open the door and disappeared.
Kyo stared at his wall, remembering faintly all that had happened. Her touch had been so warm and comforting, even after he had injured her. Being carried in her arms as he peacefully cried, he finally felt safe. He didn't remember much after that except for the soft feeling of her hands and a towel against his skin. When he woke up he found himself naked from the curse, but he was so weak, he didn't even care.
Even though he was being comforted by Tohru through their journey home, he could still feel so much pain in his body. The pain of his transformation already took a huge toll on him, but he felt, his heart hurting more. He'd hurt Tohru, in ways he wasn't aware of just yet, and he felt as though he couldn't be forgiven. Just for today, he wanted to fade away and never come back. He closed his tired eyes, and slept miserably.
"Tohru...Kyo isn't going to school today," Momiji told her weakly at the table. Tohru stopped mid-scrub of her dishes. "Tohru?"
"It's okay Momiji, I knew he wouldn't be up to school," She smiled lightly as she finished the dishes, "I'll bring some food up to him before we leave, don't worry."
Everyone was silent again. Somehow, Tohru had put up such a barrier around herself, that not even Shigure could get through it. Maybe it was just a reaction to yesterday, everyone prayed it didn't last. Hatori whispered to Shigure about her test, and Shigure just growled. Tohru was already walking out of the room with a tray of food, and everyone just bit their lips and sighed.
Tohru climbed the stairs gently and wandered to Kyo's room. She knocked on the door lightly, but got no response.
Should've known Tohru sighed. She put the tray down on the floor just in front of his door.
"Kyo...I left breakfast for you...please feel better soon..." she sighed, "and I'm sorry Kyo..."
Her voice was very soft, maybe she didn't want to wake him or maybe she was still afraid. Her head remained pressed against the door as she remained kneeling there. She wanted to cry right now, just being near his presence, made her want to cry. She felt a warm hand grip her shoulder, and she looked up to see Shigure's deep black eyes.
"Tohru..." He bent down to face her and cuffed her face in his hand gently. "Time for school Flower." Tohru nodded, and followed him downstairs. When she got home from school that day, she found all the dishes neatly stacked, the food gone, that made Tohru smile, just a little.
That's what Tohru's daily life became. The fire in her eyes replaced by a broken soul. Even Yuki, who had been with her on the beach, couldn't figure out what had happened to her to, traumatize her, like it had. It took her a while to smile for real again, it was like she had to learn all over again. A few weeks passed, and Tohru was laughing and smiling. Even though she was slowly inching back to the old Tohru that she was, a part of her, was still, missing.
Each day she'd bring food up to Kyo, every day she got no response. He still went to school, he only stayed home that first day. Kyo would leave after Tohru and the others had left and somehow arrive right on time. No one asked any questions about him, especially Tohru. Tohru couldn't even bring herself to look him in the eyes anymore, nor could he. Both were broken souls and it pained everyone else to see them this miserable.
January came and went. Tohru continued her job at the ice cream shop and was happy with the money she was making. Kira was always questioning her though, he wanted to know what happened that night. 'You've known me for so long, we're practically brother and sister! Tohru, what happened that night? What happened that could make you act this way? Tohru still couldn't answer him. She practiced with Clarity too, her songs were great, her performance was great, but the joy she used to get from it was completely gone. It was like, all the fire inside of Tohru had been sucked away.
February arrived, and Yuki couldn't stand it anymore. On an early Saturday morning, Tohru was in the kitchen cooking when he strolled in. "Tohru?"
"Good morning Yuki!" She smiled softly flipping a pancake. "How many do you want?"
"Tohru. I can't stand seeing you this way anymore! You go about your daily life like nothing's happened, or your trying to, but it's only hurting you! You know you're allowed to cry here once in a while, it's okay to come home crying!" His voice was stern, but he stumbled with pain in them.
"Yuki..." she smiled and ran her hand through her hair. "I'm not pretending, and I'm not forgetting. I can never forget what happened. I'm not hurting anymore, I don't feel it at all. We've all got to keep on living, and stop worrying about me," She smiled again and flipped the pancake onto a dish. "Now, would you like some breakfast?"
"Tohru!" Yuki was so angry that he knocked the dish straight off the table and it broke in half. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're not the same Tohru you used to be! The bubbly girl that we all knew, its as if she was stolen from you. Who are you!"
Tohru picked up the dish in her apron and dropped it into the trash. "I'm sorry that I'm not the girl you want me to be," She told him quietly taking off the apron and hanging on its hanger. "But my life wasn't made to make you happy even if it's all I ever wanted. I'm trying Yuki, I really am. But you can't expect me to be the same," She sighed "I'm going to be fine. Give me time to find myself again."
"How much longer..." Yuki asked clenching his fists. His arms were violently shaking at his sides as his squinted shut with small tears "How much longer are you going to live this lie?"
"Until I can find the truth again Yuki," Tohru told him.
She sighed miserably and ran her hand along his cheek. He looked up at her, straight into her eyes, and she was smiling. "Yuki, I lost a part of myself that day, just as I did the day my mom died. It took me nearly a year and half, to find my old self. It's going to take awhile to find me again. You have to be patient. And really, honestly, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Akito hasn't won yet."
"I've given you time! I've been patient! I've given you nearly a month and a half! We all have!" Yuki shouted. "I was right there beside you when you got hurt, and I still don't get what hurt you so badly! What happened to you! You know Kyo's sorry, he's been like this for far too long. What really happened? Why are you like this?"
"Don't shout Yuki, you're going to wake everyone up," she whispered. "I'm right here in front of you. I may seem far away, but I'm still right here, don't shout, I can hear you," she looked down at the ground. "What really happened...I can't really explain. But I won't let Akito win. I promise you that."
Tohru walked over to the back door and grabbed her coat off the hook.
"Where are you going?" Yuki asked worriedly.
"A few places; the beach, where it all began, the graveyard, where she's waiting, and maybe another visit somewhere else. I've neglected it far too long." She smiled again. Yuki felt a smile creep across his face, because for even the slightest moment, he saw a small hint of the real Tohru.
Tohru walked outside, she didn't need her coat it was so lovely out, but she brought it anyway. It was a long walk to the graveyard, and the beach was along the way. Her boots clicked against the ground as she grinned up at the blooming trees. Everything was green again, and from the rubble of the dying winter life was being reborn. She hoped things with Kyo could be this way, a chance to start over. Tohru decided, it would be better to see her mother first, someone she hadn't spoken too since her birthday that night with Haru.
It took Tohru nearly an hour to walk through town and way past, but she found the graveyard and it's key and wandered inside. It was very quiet in the graveyard, the souls of the deceased resting so peacefully. She found her mother's grave, and a box of her favorite foods were resting there. Tohru smiled, that meant grandpa had been here. Tohru got down on her knees and prayed in front of Kyoko's grave.
"Hey mom...I guess it's been a long while. Too long even. You know I think about you everyday. Your picture on my mantel, and the locket around my neck, I think about you all the time. Sometimes I think you're lucky, being up there in heaven, it must be so beautiful..." Tohru paused and brushed away a tear in her eye.
"Mom...it's so hard. Yuki's so angry with me, not even angry, just truly worried about me. Mom I feel so lost. Kyo...he won't even look me in the eye. I can't look him in the eye, not without thinking about all the pain he had to go through. Mom it's all my fault! It's all my fault! All the Sohmas are getting hurt because I came into the picture! Kyo's so secluded now, and Yuki's pressuring me. I should be happy I'm alive, and I should be happy that I have such loving family and friends but I feel so guilty. I feel like my own selfish desires are making them suffer. If I keep on smiling, they'll be happy. They just want me to be okay, if I can show them that, they won't have so suffer anymore..."
Tohru couldn't stop the tears from falling from her eyes. "I wish you hadn't left, no matter how selfish I may be for saying it. Even above that, I wish you had died a better way, it was so cruel and fast. I wish you could've died in bed, easy, in your sleep. I should've told you to be safe. It' s my fault your dead! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! Everything's my fault.
"I thought I could help them, I wanted to help them, I'll I've done is hurt. Mom...I'm sorry...I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry I didn't wish you to be safe, I'm sorry I didn't say that I loved you more, or how much I really was glad you were my mom. I'm sorry that I failed the Sohmas, I'm sorry I didn't take better care of them. Please...forgive me..."
Tohru ran her fingers over the carvings on Kyoko's grave as she continued crying. She cried for a long time, the early morning melting into noon. She felt horrible, she had forgotten to make breakfast, and now even lunch for everyone. She wondered if Kyo was on the roof, he hadn't been up there in such a long time. She remembered watching New Years come with him, and she cried again cursing herself.
Time had no measurement as she cried, but she did eventually get up. She left the graveyard silently, and only looked back once after she walked past the huge iron gates. Tohru trudged on to the beach.
"The beach..." her voice was light, she wanted so smile at such a beautiful spot, but remembering that night her lips curved downward. She wandered along the shoreline and picked up a shell. It was a beautiful opal color, and she slid it into her pocket for later. Was it a memory of it's a beauty? Or a piece of the attack scene being carried around with her as a reminder?
She found the pile of driftwood Kyo had destroyed, still there where he had left it a month ago. Her hand rested itself just above her hip, where the wound had been. It had long since healed, but she still shivered thinking about it. She sat down on the pile, and for a long time just watched the waves wash up against the shoreline.
"Tohru?"
Tohru turned around quickly, but smiled seeing a little blond haired boy. "Hey Momiji, I'm surprised you found me here."
"I asked Yuki," He mumbled sheepishly. He trotted over to her and sat down resting his elbows on his knees staring ahead. "What were you looking at Tohru?" He asked
"Pardon?" Tohru asked confused
"I watched you for a little while. The look on your face, it was like you were lost staring off at the water. But that wasn't it was it?" Momiji asked her softly.
"No, it wasn't." Momiji took her hand.
She smiled as he rested his head on her shoulder. "TorTor, when are you going to be able to laugh and smile again?"
"I do laugh and smile Momiji," She insisted.
"I know you do, but you don't laugh all the time. I know you're still healing, but I feel so useless. I want to be able to help you, like the little brother I'm supposed to be. It's just not fair Tohru!"
"...Momiji..." His name came out in such a light whisper.
"You've been through so much Tohru, more than you ever deserved. Your mom died, and we took you in. I was happy we took you in, because I'm happy to know you, and in such a sick and twisted way I was happy that your mom had left you. But then, every time we mentioned her, I watched your eyes grow really big with sadness. I know what its like not to have a mom, but she never knew me, and I still have my real dad. You don't have either."
"It's okay..." She told him.
"But it's not! You've lived with us for a long time, it seems like forever. I can't remember being any happier before you came. You pulled our lives back together, you made us smile and be ourselves. I don't think Yuki and Kyo could look each other in the eyes without fighting, and now they barely fight. All you wanted was to be part of our family, and instead Akito made you witness two of the worst things in the world,"
"..."
"You had to watch someone you love get hurt, you had to watch Kyo scream and holler with pain and transform into such a basic evil creature, you know he isn't that creature. And even if Akito's a horrible man, even as he was beating you and hurting you, you still had to watch him gasp for air and nearly die at your feet."
"...Mo," she was cut off as Momiji continued.
"I want the old Tohru back as much as Yuki, but he's being so mean to you. I heard him yell at you this morning. Tohru he doesn't have a right to do that!" He looked in her in the eyes "You were hurt, he doesn't understand it. I don't think you do either. All of us Sohmas, we're selfish. When you first met us, and even still to this point, we've felt hurt, we've felt a lot of it, but no one ever thought about anyone else like you do."
"I don't understand..."
"You hurt twice as much as we do. You love all of us, you can feel our pain. We never think that way, instead, us Sohmas we're like 'We're hurt, someone love us' But you, you'll love us all anyway. Even now while you're hurt, you won't ask for someone to love you."
"How can I ask them to love me?" Tohru asked him quietly as she turned and watched the ocean again. "How can I ask them to love me, when all I brought was hurt to them?"
"Tohru that's not true!"
"Kyo...poor Kyo...was turned into that horrible beast because he came looking for me. I lied to them, I wanted to protect them. Instead he had to run all over town looking for me, just to have Akito snatch off his bracelet. Yuki too, he had to search for me, just to get slashed up by Kyo's alternate form. I brought Dark Haru out...I made them all hurt."
"But you made Dark Haru go away! The only reason they went looking for you is because they CARE about you! Don't you get it Tohru?" Momiji persisted squeezing her hand.
"No...I don't..." Tohru sighed looking down at her knees. "Why would they care about me, this klutzy air head who brought them all that hurt?"
"You gave us something no one else would..." Momiji told her, Tohru looked down at him. "...you gave us a chance..."
"A chance?"
"Tohru, we're cursed people. Not even the zodiac curse, we're cursed with sorrow. You came to us, and even when you knew, you didn't turn us away. You took us all in, and you loved us all, for every imperfection. You gave us a chance to be ourselves, to cry to you when we wanted to, to go to you when we needed you, and never once did you turn us away. Even after you got hurt, beating after beating, you still never turned us away. Tohru, you're the only one who's ever loved us. You haven't failed one bit. You've been caught up in a few bumps along the way, but you're still here. That's all that matters to me," Momiji was rubbing his eye, probably trying to keep the tears from falling. Even if he was her age, he did so much resemble a little brother.
"Momiji..." Tohru was crying again, but this time she was smiling. She bent over and squeezed him so tight until he popped into a bunny. He snuggled his face under her chin and she cried. "Thank you Momiji. I think I found what I lost."
Tohru walked in the door with Momiji a little past three o'clock. Haru was the first to find them, he had a rather surprised look on his face seeing Momiji as a bunny. Haru looked up at her face, and she was smiling. She was really smiling, the glow was back in her eyes.
"You found it...you really found it..." Haru was smiling, grinning ear to ear, and Tohru nodded a yes. Haru turned and ran to the stairs and shouted up them. "SHE FOUND IT! SHE FOUND IT!"
Tohru started laughing, squeezing Momiji tight again. Momiji squirmed and smiled up at her, she kissed his forehead and looked up to see Yuki and Shigure who had just sprinted down the stairs. She looked up and smiled at them. "I'm sorry I didn't make lunch, I'll make a really great dinner tonight."
Shigure and Yuki smiled. Shigure walked up to her and kissed her forehead, "I'm so happy Flower. You've found what had been lost," He caressed the side of her cheek.
"Now I just need to fix what has been broken," She whispered to him. Shigure nodded solemnly and Tohru screamed as Momiji popped back into his little boy form. She threw his clothes at him and Yuki covered her eyes.
"Heheh Sorry TorTor!" Momiji laughed and pulled on her sleeve. "I'm all better now."
Yuki removed her hands and Tohru bent down on one knee looking at Momiji. "I gave you all a chance, and you gave me a second one. We're even now right?" She winked.
"You bet."
Tohru decided she'd made an early supper. Everyone seemed to help out tonight. Shigure was setting the table, Momiji was pouring the drinks, Haru and Yuki were peeling vegetables and Tohru was stirring the soup. "When are you going to talk to him?" Haru asked as he funneled some of the chopped carrots into the pot.
"When I bring him up dinner in a little while, a month was far too long to be avoiding him," she told him quietly.
"Better late than never, I think that saying applies perfectly," He smiled and she ran her hand through his hair. She held out the spoon for him and he took it. Tohru waited for his inspection looking hopeful. Haru laughed "It's perfect, like always."
That dinner was perfect too, or as perfect as the evening could get in the absence of Kyo. Somehow, they'd all gotten used to it. It wasn't like they had forgotten about Kyo, but more, they accepted how he was acting. Later in the evening, as the boys laid around tired from their meals, Tohru came upstairs with a tray as usual. She knocked on the door twice and waited. Nothing. Like always.
"Kyo...I have dinner for you. I'm really sorry that I didn't bring up breakfast or lunch...I kind of...had a breakdown..." Tohru didn't know why she was confessing what happened to a door and not Kyo's face but she was. "I hope someone else at least brought you food, I was worried all the time I was gone just thinking about it."
There was still silence on the other side of the room, but silence didn't mean he wasn't listening. Kyo had been in his room nearly all day, he'd only been woken twice, once when Momiji ran into the room getting his jacket, and just now. He turned over slowly, trying not to groan. He stared at the outline of her frame in the doorway, he could even make out the tray that she was holding.
"Kyo...I have dinner for you. I'm really sorry that I didn't bring up breakfast or lunch...I kind of...had a breakdown..."
A breakdown? Tohru? What happened?
"I hope someone else at least brought you food, I was worried all the time I was gone just thinking about it."
You don't have to apologize for me.
"You don't have to apologize for me," Kyo sat up, did he really just say that out loud? He saw Tohru freeze. He knew she wanted to reach for the door and open it up, but had he forgiven himself enough to let her in.
"Thanks Kyo," She whispered from her side of the door, she stared down at the ground. "I'm glad you're at least active in school. Everyone likes the booth, the plans I mean, you have great input with that stuff. I don't worry as much then, because you smile and laugh more. It's almost like, this home is a prison for you, just like Sohma Home..."
Kyo watched her still, and said nothing. She bent over and left the tray at the foot of the door. He wanted her to come in, he wanted to call out her name, but it was if someone had stolen his voice again. "I don't worry as much then, because you smile and laugh more. It's almost like, this home is a prison for you, just like Sohma Home..."
Tohru wiped her eyes slowly. She wanted so much to talk to him, but she wouldn't come in until Kyo was ready. He probably wouldn't be ready for a long time. She sighed again and looked down at the wooden floor, and the few tear drops that had splashed against the floor. "I don't want this home to be a prison for you. I feel like...it's me...that makes you so unhappy. Maybe if I wasn't here it would be easier for you to recover..."
"Tohru..." finally, he had said her name. It came out squeaky and shaky, but it still managed to be loud enough for her to hear, because he watched her shadow lift its head up and stare at the door. "You don't...make me unhappy...I just...have to find out who the hell I am again..."
"I know the feeling...believe it our not," She smiled thinking about it. "Take your time Kyo..."
"I'm afraid you'll leave..." he whispered woefully. "After what you said..."
"Tohru...please don't leave me..."
"I'll try...but I cannot promise you that anymore..."
"The truth is, I won't be here forever Kyo...we all have to die eventually, we all have to grow up and live on our own accord. But I think I'll stick around here," Tohru smiled again "At least for a little while longer."
Kyo let out a sigh of relief. He watched her disappear after bowing at his door. He walked up to the door and slid it open. He looked down at the tray of food, bending down on his knees, and for once really looking at it. She always had his favorites for him, a special herbal tea, no leeks, everything. He took the tray inside and ate quietly.
When Tohru came back upstairs to collect his dinner dishes at seven, she found them once again stacked neatly, and a small piece of paper on the tray. Her name was written on the front, it folded in half. She opened it up with her index finger, and smiled and its simple one-worded message.
Thanks.