25. The Farm Girl from Deralia
Yet another backwater planet. I sighed. Since the stations began to bore me, I decided to stroll around the plains for a while. I was on a world that smelled sweetly familiar, but I hadn't been paying attention to where we'd landed. I'd given up caring at least four planets ago. Memories flooded me, nearly knocking me over with their might. I was forced to realize that I had answered the call of home: I was on Deralia. I closed my eyes, succumbing to the barrage of memories.
I fled from the house, screaming. I ran as far and as fast as I could, my short legs burning from the pain. I collapsed in the middle of a field. As soon as I regained my strength, I pounded on the door of the first house I could find.
"Please help me!" I screamed. The door opened and an old woman with large brown eyes regarded me. She said something, but I couldn't understand. A man appeared by her side. I was crying. "My parents are dead." I lamented over and over again, trying to get them to understand me by any means possible. They took me inside their house, trying to communicate with me. I listened intently to their speech and mimicked it. They looked at each other, surprised, and began to teach me words and phrases. It was difficult at first, but I longed to speak with them. I wanted them to know what had happened. I needed to know what would happen to me next.
"My name is Revan." I ventured.
"See how smart she is?" The man said to the woman. "I could not ask for a better daughter! Let's keep her with us. She is strong; she can help on the farm."
"She is a delight." The woman smiled. She liked watching me try to learn the language, because I would act while I spoke, mimicking the man. She turned to me. "What happened to your mama and papa?"
"Big men came into my house. I hid in a cupboard." I didn't know enough of their words to explain everything, so I relied on gestures and charades. "I saw them hurt mother and father."
"Did they see you?" The woman asked, concerned.
"I was hiding." I repeated. "I was scared. The big men left and I ran away as fast as I could. Then I found you."
The couple spoke in low voices to each other. Finally, the man spoke to me slowly. "Would you like to stay here, with us?" I nodded gingerly.
"Scared." I repeated softly. The woman put her arms around me.
"You're safe here." I felt more at ease.
They took care of me for nearly three years before deciding that they couldn't afford to be surrogate parents to me any longer. I grew up quickly, working hard in the fields, trying to earn my keep.
"Revan," my new mother began, "Your Papa and I cannot care for you any longer. We are poor and cannot afford a child, as wonderful as you have been to us. You are a great help on the farm, but we cannot allow you to starve. We don't have enough food to feed all three of us, but we love you." I cried and hugged Mama.
"I can work harder!" I promised. "I'm getting big and strong! I'm almost seven." I boasted, making myself as big as I could. Mama smiled.
"I know, my child. You are very big and strong. But you must understand. Papa and I cannot bear to care for you because you could have a better life. We have found a place that will take care of you better than Papa and I can."
"Must I go?" I asked, beginning to cry.
"It's for the best," Mama tried smiling reassuringly.
"Will I ever see you again?" I asked through tears.
"I know you will." Mama was crying as well. "You are a strong young lady. You'll come back for us, I know it."
"Where am I going?"
"A faraway planet called Coruscant. It's very different. There are billions of people and aliens there. You'll like it." She smiled faintly. "You enjoy the company of others, something I'm afraid your Papa and I cannot give you, although we try." I wanted to argue, to tell her that she and Papa were the only people I needed, but instead I cried and clung to her all the way to the terminal. I hugged my new parents and waved as I boarded the large silver spaceship. I promised I'd find a job and send them money so they could afford to live well. They were the kindest people I could imagine.
On the ship, there were all kinds of people. Some were the aliens my Mama had spoken of. I distracted myself by trying to speak to them. Each of them had a story. I loved hearing about distant worlds. Maybe it was a good thing that I was traveling. I made friends with Rodians, Duros, Twi'leks, and even a Wookiee in a cage gave in to my charm and explained to me how he was taken captive. I found it very easy to communicate with people. We landed on Coruscant too soon, in my opinion. I was enjoying my new friends and was beginning to long for adventure out in the galaxy in the worlds they spoke of. I started to understand all that was wonderful and evil in the galaxy, and I wanted to see it, to fix it.
Right after we landed, I was taken to the Jedi Council. They agreed to take me in, especially since I was an orphaned refugee. I watched the Jedi students train and began to learn and mimic what they were doing. When a master caught me levitating objects by using the Force, he dragged me before the Council. I was slightly afraid, but I showed them what I could do when asked. It shocked the Council. I still picked up languages very quickly and knowledge even more so. When I had spare time, I would go into the city to listen to people talk and to learn what they were saying. I found I had a way with words, a way of putting things so that people would give me my way, thinking they would benefit. I was eager to learn everything I could to make a good life for myself and my surrogate parents. Soon, the Council admitted me to Jedi training. They told me I could learn languages and things because of the Force. I was upset. I wanted to be told that I was smart, not that something was working through me. I clung to my pride throughout the training.
Some of the other students teased me because I was from a dirty backwater planet of farmers. They called me names and spoke ill of me in different languages, but I picked up on the ones I didn't know quickly. My oratory skills didn't help my situation very much with the cruel students. I tried telling the Masters what was happening, but they didn't believe me. I slowly became angry, despite my training. I endured the teasing by suppressing my anger at the other students. My Masters urged me to abandon my anger, but I couldn't. I boiled over when the bullies killed Ciara.
Ciara was a beautiful blonde girl who seemed to glow with innocence. She was from Deralia, where I had come from, so I quickly befriended her. She was the only person with whom I could converse in my native tongue. I liked to imagine she was my sister. She and I soon became best friends. Try as I may, I could not protect her: the same bullies that teased me went after her. They were unable to make her angry, to their dismay, so they began using the Force to throw things at her. She didn't resist, instead maintaining serenity. I ran forward, grabbing a stick off the ground, charging the bullies. One of the older students noticed me and put me in stasis, so I could only watch as the torment grew more vicious. A small table hit her on the head, knocking her unconscious. I felt the fury of the students grow as they charged her, hitting her with their fists and feet. I could do nothing but watch as she fell to the ground, bloodied. When a Master came to see what the confusion was, it was too late. All the bullies were expelled from the Academy, but I felt that nothing could make up for the taking of such a pure, innocent life. I had nightmares reliving that afternoon. I longed to have another chance, to save her.
I realized a few years later that Ciara's death had been my turning point. I had been slowly falling to the dark side, but Ciara's death sealed my fate. I became more ambitious and arrogant as I grew older, leading Malak into believing I loved him. He was impressionable and heard what he wanted to hear, but I never loved him; I loved power and revenge. I swore I would do anything necessary to protect innocents. The Mandalorian wars gave me my chance. I had seen pictures of Mandalorians and realized that they were the ones who had killed my parents. At the end, however, I was not satisfied. I killed Mandalore brutally and unnecessarily as a symbol to the Mandalorian people that they were defeated. Malak began to distance himself from me in fear; I was becoming a heartless killing machine. Although he tried to resist, he couldn't help but be drawn by my power, especially when we investigated the myth of the Star Forge and found it was real. I was blinded by power. I could no longer feel myself. I trusted in Malak's blind following. I enjoyed breaking Jedi. I was stagnant, but couldn't feel it. When Malak's ship fired on mine, I suddenly felt human again. I was no longer a vessel for power.
The sound of my body crashing to the metal ground of my flagship haunted my tormented dreams on Dantooine. I was to be given a new identity, but the mind wipe hadn't been absolutely complete. My will was strong, and no mental block could hold me. They didn't know that it was already cracking when I named myself Ciara. This time, I was going to do things right. I was going to be that sweet girl that never had a chance to live. I was her second chance, and she was mine.
I stood for what seemed like days, smelling the sweet grasses of Deralia. I wept for my family. I went in search of records for my surrogate parents, but I had never learned their names. I gave a thousand credits to a couple that looked as though they were struggling. A burden lifted from my shoulders and I felt warmth from kindness once again. That act of kindness had sent a ripple to Mama and Papa, I was sure. They knew I had come through for them. I understood what I had ultimately come for: I had needed to return home and remember who I was in order to understand who I am. In the middle of my epiphany, I realized it was probably almost time to take off, so I rushed to the ship.
I meditated on the ship countless times, basking in my newfound relief. I felt serenity for the first time in years. I felt like I was repairing my wounded mind, installing my past into my understanding of myself. I was finally whole again. I was eager to see my friends. I couldn't wait to see Carth again now that I was complete. My happiness was interrupted just after the ship landed. I had planned on staying on board so I didn't have to worry about moving my stuff, like I had frequently during the past few weeks of travel.
"Excuse me, ma'am." A Twi'lek male stuck his head in the doorway. "You need to remove your belongings and your person from this ship immediately. You are to transfer to docking bay 242-B." He handed me a datapad with little more information on it. We must be on Manaan if they're arresting me this quickly. I stepped off the ship into an unfamiliar docking bay. I was instantly flanked by two guards, who escorted me somewhat forcefully through the corridors.
"What's happening?" I asked, but the guards were silent. I was practically thrown into the docking bay I was assigned, allowed to fall face-down onto my hands and knees, which took a beating from the drop. My bag of possessions slapped my side, adding injury to insult. I turned around in time to see the airlock door sealed. I wondered if it was an assassination plan. A tall figure appeared from the other side of the bay.
"If it isn't Revan." A deep voice said, somewhat happily. "I've waited for this encounter." I instinctively reached for my lightsaber, struggling to balance on my left hand. "Go ahead, get up. Your weapon will not be necessary." I rocked my weight back onto my feet. I felt my lightsaber fly out of my hand and onto the ground.
"Hey!" I cried. The figure stepped forward, allowing the light to illuminate his face. It was Dustil. I wasn't sure if he was evil or not, but I knew I wanted my lightsaber. He levitated it back into my hand.
"Don't look at me like that, Ciara." He laughed. "I'm not evil. You seem pretty shaken up."
"Your guards threw me on the ground." I looked at my knees, where my pants had torn, exposing my new wounds. "You're a… Jedi?"
"You didn't think to heal yourself?" He nodded, healing me with the Force.
"Well then this dark figure starts booming things about Revan. I thought I was dealing with assassins, not … you." I tried to stay wary.
Dustil laughed. "You're so paranoid."
"It's your father's fault." I retorted.
"Don't pick on him; he isn't here to defend himself." Dustil smiled. "It's not fair."
"He can't defend himself when he is here." I grinned back, hugging him. "It's good to see you again."
"Come on board, I'm headed straight for Citadel Station." Dustil smiled.
"Can I com him?" I asked quietly.
"No." Dustil smiled. "I gave him the arrival time and coordinates for the other vessel you were on. He doesn't know I'm in on this."
"Then how did you get in on it?"
"Mission." Dustil typed furiously. "Go… get in the fresher or something. Just hide!" I made sure I was out of sight while Dustil stood at attention. A hologram of Carth appeared.
"Dustil! How have you been?" Carth sounded delighted.
"Let's get down to business, Father." Dustil said flatly. "I found something that might interest you. I'll be on the station in a few hours. Meet me at this docking bay."
"What is it?" Carth asked, almost flatly. He looked horribly depressed. I realized I had hurt him more deeply than I'd thought. I hoped he would forgive me. "I guess I have time before I meet Ciara…"
"It's a surprise." Dustil laughed. "Lighten up, Dad, it's not explosives like last time." I stifled a guffaw. Carth laughed a little.
"All right. As long as it isn't combustible."
"I never said that." Dustil raised an eyebrow at Carth's slightly alarmed expression. "I'll see you soon, Dad."
"Take care, son." Carth smiled. The transmission ended.
"What does he mean, last time?" I demanded playfully.
"I brought him some slightly illegal fireworks." Dustil blushed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to land this thing. I'm sure he'll be waiting for us at the terminal. You're lucky I haven't visited for awhile, or I'd have to drag him out to meet me."
While he went back to the cockpit, I took a quick shower and sat in the quarters, meditating. I had to prepare myself. I had to have something witty to say. I had to make sure somehow that I wouldn't fall down, something I hadn't done very often when Carth wasn't watching. I made a note to blame my clumsiness on him. The ship landed. My heart began to pound. I had no idea what I was going to say. I had been too busy daydreaming to come up with a plan. I stayed onboard, crouched on the boarding ramp. I could barely make out what was happening in the docking bay. I caught a glimpse of gourd orange. Will that jacket ever die? I wondered, smiling. I was actually glad to see that monstrosity.
"Dustil!" Carth's voice cried. He sounded happy, but the sadness he'd carried with him throughout the quest for the Star Forge had returned. "I'm so glad to see you again." He held his son. "So, what have you brought me?"
"Oh, nothing." Dustil said coolly. I stood up, barely managing not to hit my head. I rushed down the boarding ramp.
"What am I, chopped liver?" I answered, stepping into view. I seriously thought Carth was going to faint. "It's nice to see you too, flyboy." He was speechless. I ran up to him. He caught me in a firm embrace.
"You're… early." He stammered. "You're grounded, young lady." He murmured into my hair. "You're never leaving again."
"Fine by me." I squeezed him tighter. "I've done all I needed to do."
"You're sure this time?" Carth looked at me quizzically. He looked concerned. I wished the joking tone would return to his voice.
"Absolutely. I hope that was a failed attempt at teasing me." I smiled crookedly.
"I haven't had practice in years." He returned the smile. "But there's something I should tell you. It's been so long, and …" his voice trailed off. I loosened my grip on him. "I guess you could say that there's another woman." I felt my facial muscles screwing into a position that I thought impossible: a mix of confusion, pain, disbelief, anger, sadness, and the reminiscent joy of seeing him again.
"What?" I managed.
"I… I brought her here so Dustil could meet her." He said sheepishly. I noticed a womanly figure that lurked in the doorway of the airlock.
"Dad, no." Dustil shook his head, as incredulous as I was.
"Don't say that until you meet her." Carth said firmly. He turned to the figure, which began walking toward us gracefully. A tall, beautiful young woman in a black sleeveless sundress appeared. Her skirt was a few inches above her knees. Her composure dropped when she saw me. Fear fell from my mind, replaced by joy.
"Ciara!" She screamed, running toward me.
"MISSION!" I shrieked, hugging my Twi'lek friend. I couldn't stop grinning. "You look amazing!"
"You look like you need work." She grinned, wiping tears from her cheeks. "Carth told you that you're not allowed to leave, right?"
"Right." I smiled, letting go of her. I had a million questions to ask her, but I was having a hard enough time reconciling this young woman with my teenage friend.
"Don't worry, Carth has been taking care of me. Big Z went back to Kashyyyk two years ago. The Wookiees are doing lots better. I stuck with Carth to keep him from getting too lonely." Mission assured. I turned back to him.
"How could you do this—" I began. He laughed.
"I had a few suspicions about what Dustil was up to when he wouldn't promise me that his cargo wasn't combustible. I had to have a counter-attack." He put his arms around me again. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Let's go home."
"Is there room for me?" I asked worriedly. He laughed slightly.
"I've kept a spot for you ever since you left. Hell, I kept your blanket. It stank up the whole apartment. I thought you might come back for it."
"He almost never washed it." Mission wrinkled up her nose. "He practically can't sleep without it." I smiled, looking up at Carth, whose flustered look told me Mission spoke the truth.
"Let's go have some dinner." Dustil offered Mission his arm. I kicked myself internally for never finding out what had happened with them.
"You didn't miss much." Carth whispered to me. "Dustil's been gone quite a while."
"He told me." I replied. Carth freed one arm from me and led me through Citadel Station. "What happened here?" I asked, looking at all the cleanup crews.
"Sith invasion." Carth said nonchalantly. "A Jedi helped us fend them off. I never got a chance to really thank her. She headed off toward the Outer Rim."
"She found me." I smiled. "She's the one who told me to go home."
"Damn, now I owe her twice as much." Carth smiled.