26. Prodigal
On the way back to the apartment, Carth yanked me down a corridor so we weren't following Mission and Dustil anymore.
"Where are we going?" I whispered.
"You'll see." Carth smiled, tugging me into an office. He marched straight up to the receptionist. "I need to see Lieutenant Grenn immediately." He demanded. I was confused, but Carth gave me a look telling me not to say a word. His hand was not letting mine go. I knew he was capable of such strength, but he'd never held on to me like this before.
"Admiral Onasi, what brings you here?" A friendly older man asked kindly. "Your wife, I presume?" I smiled my old "Admiral Onasi's wife" smile, realizing how badly I'd missed it.
"Yes, Lieutenant." Carth beamed. "It's recently come to my attention that I should work harder at keeping her around. I'm resigning my commission immediately. Would you please report this to the Fleet headquarters?" It didn't sound like standard protocol, but Grenn was going along with it.
"Of course, Admiral. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Onasi." I swooned. I had to readjust to being married. This is going to be fun. I shot Carth a slightly suggestive look, but he was focused on Grenn. "I'm sure the Fleet won't be too thrilled that you're leaving, but I understand." He grinned. "Maybe you should get her a leash."
Carth laughed. "Thanks, Lieutenant, but I think I'll be able to manage without one." He saluted and dragged me back out of the office. It was refreshing to be the dragged for once. "Now you won't be able to get away so easily." He grinned, pulling me into a corner, advancing on me so I was forced to back into a wall. I bumped into it lightly and stopped before I hurt myself.
"You think you could stop me if I really wanted to go?" I grinned mischievously. Carth put his hands against the wall, trapping me against it. He leaned forward and kissed me. I had missed him so much. My feelings of loneliness washed over me and faded, replaced by the utter ecstasy of having him with me again. I put my arms around him, pulling him as close as I could, clinging on to him like I'd never see him again. Letting go was the last thing I wanted right then. I didn't care that Mission and Dustil would suspect that we'd run off to catch up with each other. I didn't care if they came to find us. I didn't care about anything, except that I was home and I'd stay there until the day I died. Carth seemed to feel the same way. We were interrupted, as usual.
"Admiral, you may want to return home before you become a spectacle." Lieutenant Grenn's voice came from behind us. I wanted to flip him off, but he was probably right. Carth pulled away from me, his eyes drunk with joy. My eyelids drooped, slowly blinking in a similarly intoxicated expression.
"Thanks, sir." He smiled. "I'm hungry anyway." He took my hand and led me down the corridor.
We strolled down to the apartment in silence, hand-in-hand. Citadel Station was only barely familiar. Carth opened the door to a large apartment that was far more luxurious than the one we'd stayed in years ago.
"You've moved up." I said quietly. Carth grinned.
"We're back!" He called. I didn't have time to wonder what was going on before Mission and Dustil came into view, followed by Jolee, Juhani, Canderous, Bastila, and a young boy I could only assume was Shan.
"Sith's blood! What do you think you were doing, running off like that?" Jolee exclaimed, running to hug me.
"Saving the galaxy." I sniffled. I had already begun weeping when Jolee hugged me. Carth put his hand on my shoulder reassuringly.
"And doing a damn good job of it too." Jolee smiled. "It's good to have you back. Have a hanky, crybaby." He handed me a handkerchief, which I snatched and wiped my eyes.
"Ciara!" Juhani was much happier than I remembered her. "It's so wonderful to see you again!" She hugged me. "I've been hard at work advancing my training."
"How is that?" I asked.
"I'm becoming a weapons master, a prestigious class focused on lightsaber combat." She beamed. "I'm still training apprentices in combat. I have found I love teaching." I grinned at her.
"Wonderful." I couldn't articulate how happy I was. She seemed so alive, so different from the way she was when we first met. "Thank you for accepting me back… after I left." I said softly.
"Are you kidding?" Mission all but shrieked. "What were we supposed to do, send you packing?" I laughed.
"I was hoping you wouldn't, but you never know…"
"I'm disappointed with you." Mission put her hands on her hips and shook her head at me. "You didn't believe we'd be here?"
"Sometimes I wondered." I confessed. "Did you ever wonder if I'd come back?"
"Yeah," Mission looked to the side, thinking a moment. "Why?"
"Then you doubted what I said." I smiled. "I promised I'd come back. So we're even." I stuck my hand out. Mission shook it in agreement. I pulled her in and hugged her.
"Oof," Mission breathed as her chest collided with mine. "Easy there. I haven't had Wookiee hugs, not since Z left a few years ago."
"What happened?" I asked, concerned.
"It's no biggie. He's chieftain now. He couldn't exactly do the life-debt thing with you running off like that." I sighed, disappointed. Mission rolled her eyes and smiled at me. "Kashyyyk's doing loads better now. We even ditched Griff there. I was losing patience with him and the Wookiees won't put up with his attitude for long. He'll learn." I laughed.
"You don't remember her, but she was there when you were born." Bastila crouched down and said to her son. He looked a lot like Canderous at first glance, but he had a fair share of his mother's features as well. She tousled his hair. "Go say hi to her. I promise she's nice."
"Is she your sister?" Shan asked.
"You could say that, yes." Bastila smiled.
"Hey there," I smiled at Shan, crouching down to look him in the eye.
"Hi." He stayed close to his mother. "Mom says you're a Jedi like her, but my dad says you're a warrior."
"I can do both." I smiled. "It depends on what kind of mood I'm in." Carth laughed. Oh mushiness, I live for that laugh.
"Will you show me how you fight?" Shan asked. Bastila raised an eyebrow, slightly alarmed. Canderous beamed.
"That's my son." He grinned.
"I will." I promised. "If you show me how you fight. We'll learn from each other. Deal?" I put my hand out. Shan's small hand shot out to meet mine. His grip was surprisingly strong for a kid his age.
"Deal." He grinned. "I won't kill you this time, but if you do anything to hurt my friends…" I tried not to chuckle. The kid was serious, and I hated not being taken seriously. I wanted to treat him with the same respect.
"Your friends and your parents are my friends too. If anyone hurts them, they'll have to answer to both of us." I explained. Shan was impressed.
"We'll snap their necks!" He proclaimed.
"Enough, Shan." Bastila pulled him away from me. He ran off to find someone more interesting. "I've let Canderous alone with him far too long." She and I stood up. "Are you all right?"
"I'm doing wonderfully." I smiled and hugged her. "It's great to see you again. You've got a fine son." I wiped my eyes again.
"Thank you." Bastila beamed, looking over at Shan who was pretending to gun-fight with Dustil.
"I told you your kids were runts, Onasi." Canderous remarked to Carth as Dustil 'died' melodramatically. "Four times his age and yours still falls to mine." He turned to me. "Do me a favor and never leave Republic alone again. It was awful. He cried more than a baby."
"Is that a command, Mandalore?" I asked smugly.
"Ah, so you heard about that. Yeah, it is." He chuckled. "We've been on Dxun gathering the clans. I helped out your Jedi friend, Leia."
"I'm glad to hear it." I smiled. "Mandalore." I added.
"Stop it." Canderous rolled his eyes. I was glad he wasn't in Mandalore's armor. That might have been a bit too much for me to bear. Besides, it was good to see his face again.
"You'll have to show me what you look like all dressed up." I smiled.
"Same as the last Mandalore." Canderous scoffed. "Let's stop wasting time and get to eating."
"It's almost ready." Jolee called from the kitchen.
"Did you do this?" I turned to Carth.
"I didn't have time." He smiled. "Dustil called for them." We watched Dustil playing with Shan. "The kid's going to be a good father when he gets around to it. I'm glad he isn't in a hurry, though." Carth smiled sentimentally. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.
"We've got a lot of catching up to do." I whispered. He blushed slightly. "Oh come on, no 'you're damn right, sister,'? I'm disappointed."
"I figured I should stop calling you sister… it's kind of creepy. Mission's got the title now." He smiled. The aroma of food was wonderful. I'd been living off comparative trash for far too long.
"All right, here it is." Jolee smiled. "Come and get it." Everyone rushed to the table, shuffling around to get seats next to the person they wanted. I sat between Carth and Mission. I noticed Dustil slyly took the seat on Mission's right side. I shared a side glance with Carth, telling me he'd noticed too. We both approved. The group ate in relative silence, only speaking to praise the food. Finally, Jolee broke the ice.
"Well, kiddo, the million-credit question is why'd you do it?"
I smiled and took a moment and a bite of food to gather my words. All eyes were on me as I chewed and swallowed. "I did it to protect you, all of you." I explained, glancing around the table to gather reactions. "I know, you don't think you needed me to do that, but it was the right thing. I was able to confront my past – all of it. I haven't been having as many nightmares as I did before. I remembered everything."
"How'd you remember after a mind-wipe?" Mission asked, intrigued.
"This will come as a surprise to you." I began.
"You got hit on the head." Canderous ventured. Carth nearly choked on his steak laughing. Bastila tried to remain taciturn, but smiled.
"No," I said, gazing sternly at Canderous. Shan looked confused. "I'm a little clumsy." I explained to him.
"By 'little,' she means 'extremely.'" Carth added. I elbowed him gently. He gave me the look he always did when he was teasing me. I glared at him affectionately.
"Get a room." Mission muttered playfully at me.
"So how did you remember again? I don't think I caught it." Juhani smiled.
"Right," I turned my head so I wasn't staring at Carth any longer. "It may come as a surprise to you, but I'm a bit stubborn." Carth almost choked again. "Don't eat while I'm talking, Carth. It's a risk to your health." I winked. "I'm stubborn enough to remember things I was supposed to forget."
"Did you remember anything horrible this time?" Bastila asked, concerned.
"I remembered seeing my parents killed, yes." I said quietly. "But other than that, most of what I remembered was fairly pleasant. I was adopted by an elderly couple for a while. They sent me to the Council when they could no longer afford me. I began my Jedi training on Coruscant." I summed up the rest of the story about Ciara, Malak, and the Star Forge. "Then I woke up on the Endar Spire, and you know the rest."
"That's quite the past." Juhani breathed deeply. "It must have been… difficult."
"Yes." I said softly, pushing some pasta around with my fork. "But I've come to terms with it, more or less. It's a relief to be me again. I don't need to hide any longer. Before I left the Outer Rim, I registered a name change." A look of confusion was on nearly everyone's face. "I'm still Ciara, don't get me wrong, but I added Revan as my middle name. I have to acknowledge who I am, but I'm not going to make you guys call me something new every day, not any more."
"That's a relief." Jolee wiped his brow mockingly. "Is that the end? That was such a boring story."
"Boring?" I exclaimed playfully. "Just because I didn't get sucked into a ship engine doesn't mean I'm boring!" I laughed. "I'm done talking about me." I looked at Carth expectantly. Bastila looked at him quizzically.
"What is it, Carth?" She asked.
"I gave the Fleet my immediate resignation today." Carth replied, somewhat unsure of how the others would take it. "I had to make good on a promise I made." He looked at me again, smiling. Mission heaved an exasperated sigh.
"I didn't miss this." She didn't sound entirely sincere.
"Hey, someone's got to do it." Canderous smiled. "And I'm not good at the innocent tone you do that makes it worth it."
"You're good at barking orders. It's pretty much the same." Mission smiled at him.
"I don't bark!" Canderous barked.
"I'm sorry, dear, but I have to agree with Mission on this one." Bastila giggled. Canderous tried to be angry with her, but couldn't.
"If you lay a finger on Mom I'll snap your neck!" Shan declared. I didn't think I could hold in my laughter much longer.
"That's my son." Bastila smiled gleefully at Canderous' shocked face. I laughed riotously and the others soon joined in. The group was finally convinced that I was all right. We were able to joke around and laugh like we had on Alderaan.
"I'd like to propose a toast." Juhani lifted her glass. "To us,"
"To our friends who aren't here," I added, lifting my glass, thinking of how glad I'd be to see Zaalbar as chieftain of the Wookiees.
"To the prodigal knight!" Jolee chuckled.
"Enough with the prodigal thing." I shook my head. "I'm starting to think it's my name." We all clinked glasses and drank. Carth lifted his glass again. He didn't get a single word out before we were interrupted.
"I know what you're about to do, and I won't let you." Canderous said firmly. "I'm not going to let your mushy speeches ruin a perfectly good meal. You're an idiot." He smiled.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Carth exaggerated a sigh and gazed at me. I batted my eyelashes at him, continuing the charade.
"To your room!" Mission ordered, pointing. Canderous laughed heartily. I downed the wine, feeling happier than I had in ages. "You think I was kidding?" She raised her eyebrows at me.
"I don't know where my room is." I apologized.
"I'm sure you can smell it from here." Carth teased.
"My senses are too confused by your jacket." I retorted.
"It's not hard: follow your nose, but make sure you keep your eyes open so you don't trip." Carth one-upped.
"Enough!" Mission laughed.
"Well, my aching bones need rest." Jolee stood and stretched. "Someone else gets to do the dishes. Goodnight, everyone. And when I wake up, all of you'd better be here." He pointed at me.
"I'm not going anywhere, old man." I smiled. "My adventuring days are over." Juhani went to bed with barely a word. Dinner had been late and we were all exhausted.
"Time for bed," Bastila told Shan merrily. Shan was reluctant, but followed his mother. "Your father will tell you a story – one that won't give you nightmares." She shot a glare at Canderous, who rolled his eyes and grunted a "good night."
"I'll do the dishes." I offered.
"You haven't seen the Restoration Zones lately, have you, Dustil?" Carth asked.
"No I haven't." Dustil replied conversationally.
"Do you want to go? I'll take you." Mission offered shyly.
"I'd love to." Dustil smiled. "Is now a good time?"
"It means not having to do the dishes…" Mission began.
"That settles it. Lead on." Dustil turned around as he got to the door. "Don't wait up for me." The door shut and Carth chuckled.
"How old is Mission? 19?" I had a hard time believing that she was so much older. What I had thought of as her youthful charm was turning into her womanly charm.
"Yeah," Carth sighed, grabbing a dishtowel and drying off plates I'd washed. "Dustil's two years older."
"I can't believe I was gone so long." I scrubbed a pot to distract myself from my grief. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For leaving you and being gone this long." The pot was clean, but I kept scrubbing. Carth smiled at me and took the pot.
"You did what you had to do." He said softly, rinsing and drying the pot.
"I didn't want to hurt you," I focused on cleaning more cookware – it required more scrubbing. "And I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Carth took another over-scrubbed pan from me. "You're going to rub holes in these things." He smiled. "Are you okay?"
"I just wish I didn't have to go." I convinced myself that washing less heavily soiled dishes was as therapeutic as scrubbing. "I missed so much."
"Don't worry about it. I forgive you. I'm so glad you're back, I… I won't think about your being gone anymore. There's no sense in it."
"I won't do it again." I offered, handing him a fork.
"I won't let you."
"I decided that I'm done, no matter what." I continued. "Leia even told me to go somewhere without jagged rocks." Carth smiled again. "I'm ready to settle down. I'm domesticated now."
"I liked you wild." His eyes glinted.
"I didn't say I was entirely," I was coy. He leaned in to kiss me. "Get back to work, flyboy." I piled silverware in his side of the sink and quickly washed the last of the plates. I wasn't thinking clearly and stuck my hand in the soapy water, pulling it out quickly. I had a gash on my right palm. It looked like I'd tried to stop a vibroblade attack with my bare hand, which was more or less what happened, except the vibroblade was a steak knife and it wasn't exactly attacking me. The water began to be tinted red. The dish soap stung my cut. I used the Force to heal it quickly. Carth's hand gently covered mine.
"Are you okay?" He asked, watching my skin knit itself back together, leaving a tender pink line. He kissed it gently.
"Ow, that stings." I flinched. "You know, I haven't been this clumsy since I left. I think it's your fault."
"My fault?" He raised an eyebrow.
"You distract me." I smiled. He hadn't let go of my hand. I leaned against him. His other hand pulled the plug on the standing water.
"We've done most of the dishes. The rest can wait." His voice was soothing. "Let me show you to your room."
It was odd how it felt like the first time I'd ever been loved, but I quickly remembered so much. I knew exactly what I was doing. I had the best of both worlds. At last, I'd earned the right to have my cake and eat it too.