27. Start Over
Just as quickly as we'd all be reunited, everyone began to go separate ways. I could feel it at dinner the next day.
"You don't have to go," I said distractedly to anyone who was listening.
"We kind of gave up on staying together." Mission pushed her vegetables around with her fork. "When you left." Way to mess up your life, Ciara.
"There's no going back, is there?" I asked hopelessly.
"There's no sense in trying to live in the past, trust me." Jolee smiled good-naturedly. "The Council wants to have a discussion with me. Apparently they think I'd be a good full-time Jedi." He scoffed.
"Sounds thrilling." Carth said disjointedly.
"I've got an entire race to reunite." Canderous declared dutifully. "And a galaxy to scare the pants off."
"I get it," I tried not to sound irritated. "You're all getting on with your lives."
"You did too." Juhani observed.
"Be glad you always sound so kind and observant when you say things like that." I smiled slightly. "Or else I might be upset."
"There's no point in being upset at the truth." Bastila wasn't as good at saying things like that as Juhani was. I didn't respond, but Bastila understood that I was still slightly upset. She smiled apologetically, but wasn't about to retract her statement.
"At least you don't have to stay on Telos." Mission began. I realized that I hadn't known what I had planned on doing. It was my turn to play with my food to avoid eye contact with others.
"I've got some stuff to investigate out around Tatooine." Dustil began. "Places like that make me wish I'd stayed home."
"What wouldn't I do to have a nice long visit on Tatooine." Jolee mused. "I'm so sick of trees…" I began to eat slowly, kicking myself for leaving my friends when it was my only chance to be with them again.
"Hey, Big Z is making Kashyyyk a nice place!" Mission argued.
"Unless he's cutting down those trees, I'll have none of it." Jolee grinned.
"I actually kind of like Kashyyyk," Dustil added, glancing at Mission. "Next time I'm in the area, I'll stop by and say hi to Zaalbar."
"You might want to take me with you." Clever girl. I thought, smiling. "Wookiees don't like outsiders, but they know me." Their moments were becoming less and less subtle.
"So, Onasi," Canderous began. Carth, Dustil, and I looked up at him. "Not you, Republic, your son." He corrected, shaking his head at Carth and me.
"Yeah?" Dustil asked casually.
"When's the wedding? Do I get to stand for you as your uncle?" Canderous laughed. Canderous had a way of ruining moments by not ruining them. His bluntness was refreshing. Dustil didn't know how exactly to react. Mission blushed, her cheeks turning slightly violet. I'd always wondered what color she'd turn.
"Right," Carth rolled his eyes. "Crazies aren't usually invited to weddings unless there's good reason." I giggled.
"You invited me!" Canderous countered.
"I had no other choice. You'd get drunk and mope if you weren't there." Carth smiled mischievously. "And there's nothing more pathetic than a moping Mandalorian." I beamed proudly at Carth. "What?" He asked, smiling. "I have to tease someone until you trip again."
Canderous dismissed Carth's attack. "Come on, Republic, you're the one who taught me to get in touch with my weaker feminine side." I stood and activated my short lightsaber, waving it in the air in a small – but careful - flourish. I gave Canderous a look daring him to say women were weak again. "I mean my emotions." He corrected. I smiled, deactivated my lightsaber, and sat down. Bastila smiled at me approvingly.
"This is what I don't want to end." I whispered to Mission, who laughed and nodded.
"You're the crazy one, Republic, keeping the company of that – she just drew a lightsaber on me over dinner!" Canderous pointed at me, trying to keep from insulting me again.
"I'm crazy?" Carth asked, surprised. "You're the one who's notorious for keeping the company of Jedi who are famous for their oddball companions." Carth countered. I remembered Leia's stories about her companions and I had to laugh.
"You're married to one." Canderous retorted.
"You're an oddball married to another." Carth grinned.
"And what's Ciara? Normal?"
"Don't argue, Carth, he's right." I nodded.
"Whose side are you on?" Carth raised his eyebrows in mock alarm.
"Yours, but he has a point." I laughed.
"I wasn't going to argue against it." Carth stated. "So what is it about you, Canderous, that attracts such crazy Jedi and their entourages?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Canderous smiled proudly. "I'm the best looking soldier in this whole damn galaxy. The women can't stay away from me." Mission gagged. I rolled my eyes. Juhani laughed softly, shaking her head. Bastila looked alienated. Carth smiled, having accomplished what he'd wanted.
"He's not that bad!" Bastila argued. Mission and I erupted in fits of laughter. "Stop it! Carth isn't exactly winning any awards for his looks."
"There's nothing wrong with his looks." Dustil countered. I laughed. They looked so much alike. "Why are you laughing? I thought you'd be right behind me!"
"Oh I am." I laughed, "I just think it's funny how stubbornly you defend your genetics."
"They're good genetics." Carth winked at me.
"What do you think, Mission?" Canderous raised his eyebrows.
"Stop picking on the kid, Canderous." Jolee said firmly.
"I'm not a kid," Mission said. "And Carth's a little old for me, but I think he's better looking than Canderous."
"Isn't it Shan's bedtime?" Canderous ventured. "Sorry kids, I'd love to stay and argue, but I've got parental responsibilities." He picked Shan up abruptly. "Let's get to bed, squirt."
"He never could lose well." Carth smiled.
"No one's declared you a winner." Bastila said sternly. She used the stern tone to mask her enjoyment of the conversation. "Good night." She smiled and waved.
"They're like an old couple now." I mused. "They go to bed this early?"
"There's nothing wrong with going to bed early." Jolee stood up from the table. "I've got a long voyage tomorrow. I need my beauty sleep."
"Is everyone leaving tomorrow?" I asked.
"We kind of arranged it that way so we'd all get a chance to say good-bye at the same time." Dustil explained.
"We?" Carth asked. "I thought you did it."
"Mission helped." Dustil smiled faintly. "She's good to have around." He put an arm around her. "We'll do the dishes tonight. Goodnight, Dad, Mom." He shot me a look. I smiled.
"Watch out for steak knives in the sink." I warned, slyly adding, "Children."
"I think that was just you." Carth whispered, his arm sneaking around my waist. I glared at him.
"Get to bed." Mission ordered. "Married people aren't supposed to stay up late like kids." When the bedroom door shut behind us, I turned to Carth, slightly anxious.
"Um, Carth?" I ventured.
"Yes?" His tone disarmed me, but I got nervous again when I looked at him.
"You do know I haven't had my shots in a few years, right?" I blurted. I'd realized too late that maybe I should get ready to have kids.
"It occurred to me." Carth smiled. "What exactly are you asking?"
"I'm just making sure you know in case…" I trailed off. "I mean, are you ready? Am I ready?"
"Well I'm ready unless you think I'm too old." He grinned, putting his arms around me.
"I don't think you're too old! I'm not getting any younger either." I countered. I should have known he'd make this into an argument. "I think I'm ready, but –" I remembered holding Shan as a baby and playing with him yesterday. I was so terrified I'd ruin him somehow. "I'm afraid that I'd be a lousy mother." I pressed my face against his chest. He stroked my hair reassuringly. I was surprised he hadn't told me not to fish for compliments. He knows I'm serious.
"I'm afraid I'll mess up too." Carth confessed. "It's normal. No one's perfect. I'm sure you'll be great."
"In that case," I began. "I shouldn't go get another shot?"
"Are you sure?" He smiled, knowing that I had been trying to pass that statement off as a final decision.
I thought hard about it. "Yes, I'm sure. When am I going to stop catching up to you?"
"You aren't." He assured. "It's just… I've had two days to decide, if that. I wasn't going to think about it while you were gone. It… it hurt too much."
It felt like I'd never been gone. Somehow I was able to pick things up with Carth where I'd left them. It was comforting. I sighed in relief. "In that case…" I said slyly.
"You're as bad as I am." Carth laughed, dipping me so I lay on the bed.
After breakfast the next morning, I managed to pull Mission aside. "You and I need to talk, sister." I smiled.
"Yeah," She pulled me into her room and shut the door. I sat down on her bed.
"So…" I raised my eyebrows, looking at her expectantly while she fidgeted. "You'd better get talking." She sighed.
"Nothing really happened while you were gone. He was never really around. I went to a training academy for a while to help me get a job with Intelligence. There were a couple guys I liked there, but they ended up being schuttas. They led me on or just wanted action, since I'm a Twi'lek and all, I guess I'm supposed to be like the dancers they see in the holovids." She wrinkled her nose. "Anyway, so Carth told me Dustil was coming to visit – he's been like my dad, you know – and I got all dressed up."
"You looked good." I stated, remembering how shocked I'd been. "For a moment there I thought Carth had really fallen for a younger woman. I was a little worried."
"He was too busy moping over you to notice anyone." She smiled. "Anyway, I wasn't counting on him looking good. He's only two years older than me, you know? But he looks a lot like Carth, which is kind of creepy. So he started flirting with me or something, I never can tell. When we went down to the surface the other day, he was being all sweet and telling me how good I looked. I couldn't really believe it. I mean, I've liked him for years, and he was telling me this stuff I'd only dreamt about." Oh boy did I know that feeling. I had wanted to kiss Carth when he said he thought he loved me. I'd relived that moment a hundred times, mostly with him replacing the ambiguous speculation with an outright declaration after I planted a kiss on him. Mission continued, "And he took me down by this river and we walked along it, just like in the holovids. I was almost afraid he'd profess his love for me or something. I told him that I was glad he came to visit and actually hung out with me. Before he just kind of put up with having me there, but this time was different. Then I just started blubbering about how I liked him for so long. Half the time I was wishing I never opened my mouth. He just stood there for a second. It was so awkward." She stopped.
"And? You can't just leave me hanging." I insisted impatiently.
"Well he just kind of kissed me."
"Kind of?" I demanded.
"Okay, he really kissed me. We were out there for a while after that." She looked at her feet. "We didn't go that far, but…" She blushed.
"But you made out like there was no tomorrow?" I prodded.
"Well he's leaving and all," Mission said defensively. "So I don't know. I don't want him to leave. He's giving me a ride to Coruscant. He said he wants me to come along with him sometimes, but I don't know. You know how guys are. I don't want him to be like the rest of them. What should I do?" Mission sighed again. She was speaking quickly like any other girl would in her situation.
"It's hard to say." I bit my lip in thought. "Just keep in touch, I guess, and be patient. If he's anything like his father, he's going to stew about it for awhile."
"He's got a lot fewer issues than Carth." Mission smiled. "I don't know. Am I too young to be in love?"
"I don't know of any age limit," I assured. Someone pounded at the door.
"Break it up, ladies! Tea time's over!" Jolee called.
"But we were just getting out the biscuits!" I protested mockingly. The door opened. "Thanks for getting me caught up." I whispered to Mission. "Let me know how it goes."
"You'll be the first to know." She hugged me. "I was dying to talk to you about the other guys while you were gone."
"I wished I could have talked to you about them too. But now, you've got nothing to worry about: I'm married to a man with a transmitter in his bedroom. If he hadn't retired, I think they'd chain one around his ankle soon." I joked. "And I don't think he'll let me out of his sight for a while, so you'll be able to get a hold of me no matter what." We went back out to the kitchen where the stragglers were finishing breakfast. Dustil's face brightened at seeing Mission. I hoped things would work out. Carth walked up to me.
"You were up bright and early." He teased.
"Your snoring woke me up." I countered, putting an arm around him. He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. It was not as odd to display affection in front of the crew as it had been.
"Well, it's about time to go." Juhani said quietly. "We shall have to do this again soon."
"Maybe you can invite your crazy Jedi friend?" Canderous asked me, as though he were looking for a chance to win the previous night's argument.
"Would she really be my friend if she weren't crazy?" I smiled.
"We could have a dinner party with all her wacky friends." Carth suggested, joking.
"Ready to go home, Shan?" Bastila asked. Shan looked at us. He was sad to go, but nodded dutifully.
"Ready to be Mandalore, Mandalore?" I quipped. Canderous rolled his eyes. We all shuffled out into the corridor to the shuttle that would take us to the docking bay.
Everyone stood in the waiting room for the shuttles. The mix of excitement at beginning new lives and sorrow at leaving others behind was awkward. The number for the ship to Coruscant, saying it was boarding. Dustil, Jolee, Juhani, and Mission stood up and began saying goodbyes. The Ordos' ship was boarding as well.
"Good luck," I said to Mission, who was going with Dustil to Coruscant for her interview with Republic Intelligence. "Let me know how it goes."
"I already told you I'll tell you everything." She smiled sadly. I hugged her and felt myself getting teary-eyed.
"Don't cry, Ciara." Juhani urged. "Tears aren't becoming on such a powerful Jedi." I smiled and hugged her.
"That's the first time I wasn't referred to as some kind of Sith Lord." I mused, letting Juhani go.
"Get used to it." Bastila grinned. "Come on, Mandalore, let's get moving." She winked at me.
"Good luck, Juhani." I said and turned to Jolee.
"She'll be fine." Jolee interjected. "I'm the one that needs luck."
"There's plenty to go around." I hugged him quickly. "Stay safe."
"Eh, I'll try." Jolee smiled and took his bags. "Keep the hanky, kid. You need it more than I do."
"Bastila!" I called, realizing she was about to get away. "I have a question."
"What's that?" She asked, hugging me quickly.
"What am I supposed to call you, Lady Mandalore? Mrs. Mandalore?" I wondered.
"He's Mr. Bastila." Carth corrected me loudly. "She's got him by the balls."
"Heh," Canderous scoffed. "You should talk. Don't let things fall apart without me." He patted the top of my head, reminding me of my height as a declaration of his winning the argument. "Take care, kid." He waved quickly as he walked toward the shuttle. Bastila and Shan waved for a bit longer before disappearing into the crowd. I heaved a sigh and hugged Dustil.
"Be safe out there. If anything happens to Mission, you're dead." I said flatly. Dustil laughed nervously. I smiled, letting him know I was only half joking. "Sorry, Canderous' manner is contagious after a while."
"We'd better get going." He said to Mission. "See you later, Dad." He hugged Carth.
"Not too much later." Carth replied. "Safe trip." We watched them walk toward the shuttle bay, just behind Jolee and Juhani.
"So." I said, if only to break the silence. "Now what?"
"Good question." Carth sighed. "Usually I have Mission around to keep me entertained. Now I've got you to watch out for."
"You know, I should go to a clinic and get a check up." I let the idea come from out of the blue and into the conversation. Carth shook his head slightly at the randomness of the topic. "Do you need anything?" I asked before I proposed that we should have a me-centric day.
"I just need to check my messages. I probably have a lot concerning my resignation." He shrugged and began to walk out of the bay. "Let's go make sure you're healthy."
"Do you want to live here?" I mused.
"Not really."
"Where then?"
"I don't know." He said somewhat quickly. "I never really thought about it."
"Me either." I sighed. "I was hoping you'd think of something." I cringed, expecting something about my being gone.
"Well I don't want to live in a space station. An actual planet might be nice." Carth smiled. "I've only really lived on Telos, and I don't know if I'd really want to do that again." He pursed his lips. "Maybe I'll check into that surface settlement. If that's livable, I'll think about it."
"Which means no?" I smiled.
"No," Carth began. "Well, I don't know."
"Let's just find a place without jagged rocks." I suggested.