Chapter 15

Standing in front of his open locker, Warrick removed his jacket and mentally readied himself for his shift.

"There you are." Catherine rushed over with Grissom on her heels. "Do you have any idea where Sara went on vacation?"

Hanging up the jacket, he quizzically replied, "She's on vacation? I thought you told me she got suspended." Closing his locker, he groaned. "Why am I always two steps behind around here lately? What else don't I know?"

Upon entering the locker room Nick joked, "Hey, no one told me we're having a staff meeting."

"Nick!" Catherine glared at him. "Why the hell haven't you returned my messages?"

With a smirk he boasted, "I turned my cell off because I didn't want to be disturbed while I was occupied. Second date with..."

With Nick in his sights, Grissom flared. "Where is Sara?! I need to know where she is right now!"

Shocked at the tone and content of the question Nick flippantly pushed back. "How should I know? She's suspended."

Stepping closer Grissom snapped. "She was last seen getting into a truck with a guy who matches Mike Rodgers description. Do you know if they are together?!"

Deciding he was quite behind on the happenings of late, Warrick faded to the corner of the room anxious to see how the unexpected drama would play out.

The audacity of Grissom's question floored Nick. Finally Sara gets a life with a guy who is grateful to have her around and Grissom wants to bud in and ruin it. Boss or not, Nick decided he wasn't going to let it happen. Folding his arms across his chest he stood his ground on behalf of Sara. "Yeah, I know where they went but with all due respect, I don't see why that's any of your business."

Ready to shake the information out of him, Grissom roared, "Tell me, now!"

The two men were toe to toe when Catherine stepped in, separating them. "Let's calm down." Facing Grissom, she explained, "Remember, Nick doesn't know the whole story. He thinks you're asking for a different reason. He's protecting Sara. If we get him up to speed I'm sure he'll tell us what he knows."

It never dawned on Grissom that Nick was protecting Sara. Staring at Nick, he wondered, from what was he trying to protect her? Or from whom?

Catherine took a seat on a bench inviting Nick to join her. "I have no hidden agendas. What I am about to say is based on evidence. It will sound crazy but you have to trust me. Okay?"

From the corner of the room Warrick focused on Catherine and her ability to mediate the tense situation. It made no sense that she could manage Grissom and Nick so well but fail miserably with Lindsay.

Unsure of what was coming next, Nick finally replied. "Okay."

Confident that Nick would objectively listen, she began. "Mike isn't who he seems to be. His wife didn't die from breast cancer, she drown after sustaining a head injury while boating with Mike. Twenty plus years ago Mike had a girlfriend who died from a head injury sustained while hiking with him. Pretty big coincidences…"

"Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute!" Incredulous, Nick asked, "Are you saying you think Mike killed them? Sometimes you have to look beyond coincidences and consider the character of the man, Catherine. Isn't that what you did once, when it looked bad for me? Mike's a good cop and a great guy."

"Hear me out." When he relaxed she continued. "We can't prove anything about Mike's wife's death but we can prove he killed his girlfriend. Grissom and I just returned from talking to the girlfriend's sister, Wendy. Wendy told us that Mike bragged to her about the murder."

"Why the hell did she wait this long to accuse him?"

Catherine had her answer ready. "Wendy never told anyone because she was terrified of Mike." Pulling the exhumation paperwork out of her jacket sheshowed it to him. "Look...Wendy gave us permission to exhume the body. We have a jacket with blood spatter that contradicts Mike's story as written in the police report. Once we examine the body we'll know for sure."

Leaning against a locker, Grissom angrily added, "Aren't you going to tell him why Wendy was terrified…" Focusing his glare on Nick, he continued. "She was terrified because Rodgers had once overpowered and raped her while she was walking across campus. That was before killing her sister in cold blood and before bragging about it like the sociopath he most certainly is. That same sociopathic rapist and murderer is with Sara, so now will you tell us where they are?!"

Catherine left the bench and stood next to Grissom. "I know you're upset but this isn't helping. Nick isn't to blame; he's just another victim of Mike's deception. He cares about Sara. He never would have set her up if he thought Mike was anything but a great guy."

His voice cracking, Nick said, "I pushed her to go out with him. I can't believe…"

Catherine whipped around. "Stop! Stop it both of you! We have no time for anger or guilt. Tell us what you know, Nick."

After composing himself with a deep breath, Nick answered. "All Sara told me was they were going to Tahoe …as friends…separate rooms. She stressed they would be doing a lot of outdoor activities. No specifics on which part of Tahoe or where they were staying. Just Tahoe."

Grissom, still fuming, snapped, "Outdoor activities like boating and hiking."

Warrick, desperate to pitch in, finally had something to add. "Obviously I don't have all the details but from the little I heard, it doesn't sound like Mike's MO to kill someone he's not already in a relationship with. If he and Sara went away as friends then my guess is the purpose of the trip for him, is to change her mind and establish an intimate relationship, not to kill her. Don't get me wrong, the scenario disgusts me but it's a hell of a lot better than the alternative."

Grateful to have Warrick's rational voice in the room, Catherine beamed with hope. "That's an excellent point."

Grissom countered. "And if Sara doesn't go along with the plan? Does Mike's MO change or does he move to another target? We know he kills people he's in relationships with and makes their deaths look like accidents. We also know when Wendy didn't cooperate he used physical force to get what he wanted. We have no idea how he spent the twenty-three years in between his girlfriend and his wife's death which means we really don't know what he's capable of, so as much as I want to believe Sara's not in imminent danger, I suggest we assume she is and find her as soon as possible."

Agreeing with the pessimistic assessment, they nodded.

Forcing himself deeper into work mode, Grissom gave the orders. "Catherine, you work the evidence from the Hatcher case. Make sure Greg knows his top priority is the DNA analysis from the blood on the jacket. Work with Brass on getting a warrant when you have enough information. And find some time to get the exhumation paperwork rolling."

"On my way." Relieved to see her boss' familiar business demeanor, Catherine rushed out of the room.

"Warrick, while we work this I'm going to need you to manage the shift which includes running interference with Ecklie if needed."

"You know I've always got your back, Gris."

The supportive comment meant a lot and Grissom took a moment to show it. "Thank you for that. Let's hope it's a quiet night in the city. Unless you have to go in the field, help wherever is needed. I trust your judgment."

Nick nervously waited for his turn. "What do you want me to do? I'll do anything."

Keeping a professional tone, Grissom replied, "first you're going to check with the boys at the station and see if Mike mentioned where in Tahoe he would be staying. We know he likes bragging so maybe he bragged about going away with Sara. If that doesn't pan out, you start dialing and you don't stop until you find her."

"I'll find her." Nick rose to his feet seething with anger. "And then I'll find him. And if he's hurt her I'll swear to God I'll …"

"Nick." Grissom held up his hand. "Let's not go there right now. Agreed?"

"Yeah." Huffing, Nick left the room uncertain whether he could be trusted to keep his promise.

Turning to Warrick, Grissom informed him in confidence, "I'm going to try and find Sara's credit card numbers so I can check if there's been an activity."

Raising a brow, Warrick inquired, "Not legally I presume."

"Disappointed in me?"

Without missing a beat, Warrick shook his head and replied, "No. Relieved to know you're human like the rest of us." Placing a hand on his boss's shoulder, he confidently said, "Don't worry. Sara will be okay when we find her and we'll find her soon."

Nodding, Grissom replied, "That's what I keep telling myself."

After waking from her cat nap, Sara checked the clock radio on the hotel nightstand. It was ten p.m., five hours since she had snuggled under the sheets.

Feeling refreshed she decided to make the phone call she had been putting off. Swinging her legs out of bed, she pattered over to the desk, flipped open her Daytimer and plopped in the chair. Since her cell phone wasn't working she took out her calling card and reached for the hotel phone, carefully punching in the plethora of numbers.

While the phone was ringing she fought the urge to hang up and remain in her static state. When the ring morphed into a voice mail message she guided the receiver toward the base, stopping just before hanging up. Returning the phone to her ear she told herself it was the right thing to do. "David. It's Sara Sidle. I'm uh…following up on that offer you made me a few months ago…about the CSI 4. I know that offer is no longer on the table but I'm getting tired of the desert and realize now I should have taken it. I'm missing the bay area and I'm going to return to Berkeley to finish my Ph.D. so I was wondering…is there anything open on your team or somewhere else in the lab? I'm on vacation right now but you can reach me at the Lakeshore Resort. The number is 1-800-555-6423. I'm in room 316. I look forward to hearing from you. Bye."

Hanging up the phone she slumped down in the chair. San Francisco would be a u-turn instead of a totally new direction but it was change and any change had to help. Sure, the tough cases would still be there but maybe a fresh locale and a return to school would keep her mind occupied enough not to get mired down in the stress of it all.

At her last session, her P.E.A.P. Counselor suggested that a change in career might help. She told him it wasn't an option. The job was a part of her and she couldn't imagine a life without it. She assured the counselor the job wasn't her problem, it was the lack of balance in her life. All that empathy pouring out of her for years had never been replenished, leaving her drained. It didn't help that when she started the job nine years ago, she was already minus twenty-five years of empathy.

Still, she was certain it wasn't the giving that needed to stop, she just needed someone who could give back…and obviously the victims weren't capable so she needed to find an outside source. Someone who could appreciate her work and instinctively know why sometimes at the end of a tough case she needed a little empathy of her own. She needed a soft place to fall; eyes that said I know and arms that reassured her. That place…those eyes…those arms…were things she never experienced as a child or a teen and always hoped she'd find as an adult.

From the moment she met him, Grissom was a logical choice. They had instant rapport at Berkeley and from his lectures she knew he understood the job and its purpose better than anyone. Intellectually he was a perfect match…no danger of him laughing at her for being a science nerd or under appreciating her intelligence.

Shortly after arriving in Vegas, as she got to know him better, she realized Grissom was not the empathetic type. In fact, he rarely emoted at all unless he spoke of bugs. So unless she could magically transform into a beetle, there was little hope of finding a soul mate in Grissom. He was an enigma and she had too many of her own problems to solve to spend any time figuring him out…if there was anything to figure out. Unlike her, maybe he had no secrets or hidden desires. Maybe he wasn't a mystery at all. Maybe all you saw was all there was.

But one night, in a split second, her opinion changed.

In movies a telling moment is usually set in a romantic place with the leads dressed to the nines and a perfect musical score lilting in the background. Not so in reality and certainly not in the reality of a crime scene investigation. When the moment happened they were wearing filthy Crime Lab coveralls, standing in a parking lot surrounded by chirping crickets.

It was a little after two a.m. when she noticed Grissom hurrying away from the scene. Concerned, she followed him out of Stu Evans's apartment. Pacing the parking lot, he told her he was angry that they were wasting their time tearing the place apart searching for a body, while the killer who knew exactly where it was, watched.

As a concerned friend she suggested they take a walk around the block so he could clear his head. He politely declined not once but twice. Searching his eyes however, she noted an emotional reaction to her warmth. Was it vulnerability?

She watched him close his eyes and lower his head as if his momentary slip was a shameful thing that should be hidden from her. Too late though because the glimpse was enough to stir her lonely soul and without thinking she reached out and caressed his cheek.

When his eyes flew open it was obvious that the intimacy of her move was more than he could handle so she retreated, explaining that she was merely wiping plaster off his face but they both knew there was no plaster there. Once again their eyes met and the mysterious look returned. A connection was made and in an instant, she knew deep down, he needed a soft place to fall too. Alas, no words clarified their feelings that night.

Sitting in her hotel room looking back on the moment, she realized how symbolic it was that the first crack she ever saw in Grissom's emotional wall was the night they were breaking down real ones.

As dramatic as it seemed at the time, moments are fleeting and that one wasn't any different. Instead of celebrating the end of the Evans case with her, Grissom chose to eat breakfast in the company of Silphid Beetle. Clearly not how it would have turned out if it had been a movie.

It was nearly a year before she saw that look from him again and it didn't stick around any longer than the first time. Yearly increments of hope were no longer enough to sustain a tired thirty-four year old soul still looking for her first soft place to land.

All that time she waited, the empathy for others kept pouring out of her without replenishing so it was really no surprise when she bottomed out this summer. And when she did…who came to her rescue? Grissom. And in doing so he renewed her hope and started the cycle again.

When she told the story to her counselor he said he knew a quote that she needed to hear, which she thought was funny since tossing out a quote was a very Grissom thing to do. The counselor suggested she get a book called Self Matters written by a famous TV Psychologist, Dr. Phil. He told her that Dr. Phil always says that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviors over and over and expecting different outcomes.

He also informed her, until she was willing to get real and explore her own issues nothing would ever be resolved. Grissom wasn't her problem, he was her enabler. While she was busy wondering about him she avoided wondering about herself.

At her last mandatory counseling session, he told her if she didn't want to waste her time reading the book he could prescribe something while she worked through her issues in therapy, which Sara thought was odd since medication, in the form of alcohol, was exactly what sent her to weeks of mandatory counseling in the first place.

Following none of the counselor's advice, she declined the prescription and passed by the self-help section at Barnes and Noble opting for the more comfortable mystery aisle. Agatha Christie, not Dr. Phil, went home with her that day. Two weeks later she was crying on Grissom's doorstep, saying goodbye to a relationship that never really had a proper welcome.

But all was not lost because closure on the Grissom issue was achieved and here she was in Tahoe, away from her enabler, doing things differently, making new and exciting decisions, wondering about her future and expecting different outcomes. Whoever Dr. Phil was she was certain he'd be proud.

Heading back to San Francisco would be a step forward, she was certain of it. And who knows, maybe being closer to her childhood home might facilitate some progress on the family issues she'd locked away many years ago.

Deciding she had reached her introspective limit for the night, Sara headed for the balcony to get some air. When she slid open the door and stepped on the wooden deck a cool breeze washed over her. It was a gorgeous night, the reflections of the stars danced on the lake below while waves peacefully crested upon the shore. Everything seemed right with the world and she knew tomorrow would be another changing day in her life.