Sweet Melody Chapter 5: Over And Over Again, a jag fanfic

AN: Heya guys! This is the fifth installment of our little song-fic collection story. :) Hope you're enjoying it so far. This chapter took a little while, but I think I got it okay. The next chapter is being revised/rewritten, so it'll be a little while for that one. But we're getting REALLY close to my favorite chapter. :D So I'm going as fast as I can. (Wow, that was almost serious. ;D) Sorry if some of it seems slightly familiar to the other Harm chaps, but hey, it's all one state of mind, right?

Spoiler/Disclaimer: All the same. What, like it would change?

Harm POV

Friday
1159 Local
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

Blinking heavy eyes and stifling the third yawn in as many minutes, I shuffled to my office. Dropping the heavy briefcase on my desk, I sank into the swivel chair and retrieved my cell phone, unsurprised by the blinking message of 13 new voicemails. Afraid to get on my computer and find double the number of emails, I instead began planning my attack for the Article 32 hearing next week. Bud would be defending, and I have to say that it took a lot of preparation to beat him these days. Roberts was a puffball no more!

About thirty seconds into my scribbling on a legal pad, I found that the incessant clicking of the second hand on my clock was deafening. To drown it out, I flipped the switch for the radio under my desk, keeping the volume low enough so as not to disturb anyone else while I was kept occupied with the country vocals escaping the speakers. A small smile tugged at my lips as I realized I'd been working steadily for an hour.

/Alright Rabb! Way to go, you're almost fin...ish...ed.../ My thoughts trailed off and my smile faded slightly when I listened harder to the song.

Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it
No

And you know, for once, my thoughts weren't on her today. Okay, so that was a lie.I never stop thinking about her, but now we delve into those painful memories that haunt me late nights when I can't sleep. All those times I have hurt her, or someone else has, just play over and over again like a broken record.

I can't wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again, Ohh
But I think she's leaving
Oh man, she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
I can't go on not loving you

/Whenever I know I get to see you, Mac, I can't ever wait. I count down the seconds (although you've always done a better job than me on that, haven't you Sarah?) 'til we meet./ I felt like I was talking to her somehow, that she could hear me despite the fact that they were only thoughts and I was staring blankly at my desk while thinking them.

Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay over and over again, yeah
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it
No

/I can't take this. Not anymore. I've taken it for so long, you've taken my bull for so long. So many other men you almost had to choose, and they've all hurt you./ Picture after sickening picture of Mac hugging or kissing one numerous boyfriend after the other flashed through my mind and my head dropped down onto my folded arms.

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that you would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again, Ohh
I think she's leaving
Oh man, she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
I can't go on not loving you

/My god, Mac, how many times have I pushed you away and let you escape? Too many times we've said goodbye to each other; too many damn times. Stubborn is a harsh word, but I deserve it and harsher for being too damn jealous ad refusing to see what has been right in front of me all along; you. My choices have always been dumb, seeing as I am still not with you! You left me...but for the last time./

/I can't shake this. It does hurt so bad./ Everything I'd done to hurt her kept torturing me; I can't deny it. Then I hear her voice outside my office; she's back from lunch and greeting people in the bullpen. My eyes follow her Marine green figure across the room until she's back in her office that sits opposite mine. /God you're an angel. An angel I don't deserve./

Now that I've realized that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Every time I close my eyes I lock it down
I can't go on not loving you

/You've put methrough a few things, Sarah, but nothing more that I haven't done to you, and I can't go on not loving you; no. I just can't stand to see you go home alone. Again./ I close my eyes for a fleeting moment, feeling everything else fly away but her vision in the blink of an eye.

Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
And I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it
No

/Thinking about what we've done together makes me see what you mean to me. You're my everything, but I don't have the guts to show it and let you know it./ Turning back to her, I can see her clearly, the medals on her uniform shining brightly as she sits in her chair. Light streams in through her window and I swear that the rays of light look like a halo. She is nothing short of a miracle to me.

/I've been thinking long and hard, Mac. And I do mean to stop breaking your heart. I want to see the woman behind your walls, and I promise I can get it right./ I'm still watching her type away diligently at her desk, shaking her head to move the short bangs out of her eyes. Those soul piercing eyes that I used to get lost in. Was going to get lost in again.

Over and over again
Over and over again
Cause it's all in my head

/It's all in my head. All the reasons I have for not beingwith you sooner, all the long-winded explanations to stall our talk; every last thing on my part that has kept us apart was in this hard head of mine. But now I'm letting it all go./ I'm sure I look surprised when Mac casually raises her eyes and grins right at me. I see her lips moving and with difficulty (from trying to banish thoughts of kissing her), manage to concentrate long enough to translate.

'You're staring at me, Flyboy,' she mouths, glancing down to staple a packet before looking up at me again. I don't have a response as my mind has been frozen by the brightness of that smile. Grinning dumbly back I shuffle some files and do my best to look busy.

/It was all in my head. I thought about it over and over again. I kept picturing you with them and it hurt so bad. But I can't take it, and I couldn't shake it, so all of that's gone. The only thing in my head now is you, Sarah Mackenzie./

AN: Whew, another chapter down! Alright, two more to go before the VERY LAST chapter! Next chap is Mac's POV, so the more reviews the faster I'll try to write! Enjoy. :D