Chapter 23

Yanking off his latex gloves, Grissom gave a huge sigh of relief. In the sanctuary known as autopsy, he finally felt balanced again. "I'm through here, Doc."

"What is going on with you today, Gil? You walk in here looking like a lost little boy. You work like a madman barely saying a word. You checked your findings multiple times. It's not like you to doubt your work." Stopping in front of him, Doc Robbins stared into his weary eyes. "When was the last time you slept?"

Smiling for the first time in days, Grissom confidently replied, "I don't know why I had any doubts I'd solve this case." His smile widening as he tossed a quote. "And where the offense is let the great axe fall."

"Ah…Shakespeare…that's a good sign."

Grissom beamed. "Loosely translated…now someone, who truly deserves to hear the phrase, bend over Sweetie, will be going to prison for a long, long time." He had failed Sara in every other way but not when it came to bringing her justice.

"The Bard's version isn't half as elegant as yours." Shaking his head Doc took a seat on his stool. "From lost to cocky in less than two hours…nice work but aren't you forgetting to thank the person who helped you solve the case?"

"Sorry, Doc." Grissom headed for the door. "Thanks."

"I wasn't talking about me." Pointing to the exhumed corpse lying on the steel table, he said, "I was talking about Samantha Hatcher. You didn't solve this puzzle on your own, Gil. She had half the answers."

Tilting his head, Grissom stared at Doc. "What did you just say?"

"Have you had a follow-up since your surgery?" Certain if his friend wasn't losing his hearing he must be losing his mind, Doc repeated his observation. "I said you didn't solve this puzzle on your own. Samantha Hatcher had half the answers."

Grissom glanced over at the corpse then returned his gaze to Doc. "Catherine just said the same thing."

"Catherine's not here, Gil." Apparently he was suffering from a hearing problem…hearing voices in his head.

Remembering his conversation with Catherine earlier today Grissom replayed her words…"Did you ever think that maybe you're not able to figure it out because it's not something you can solve alone? Go see Sara. If you give it a chance, I bet the two of you can figure it out together."

Suddenly it was obvious. When analyzing a relationship with Sara, his conclusion not to take a risk was based on his fears. He never gave Sara a chance to present her reasons why she felt so strongly it would work. It was equivalent to analyzing half a crime scene. Without the information from the other half how could you ever know the truth?

If given the chance, would Sara have the answers to reassure him? Reassure him that there could be a different outcome than the one he had suffered vicariously through his parents?

In order to ask his questions he would need to find his voice. Time after time it had failed him when fear took it prisoner. He knew it was a cowardly approach not to mention unrealistic, but if only he knew the answers up front, he would have no problem asking the questions.

Standing there, under the bright lights of the autopsy room, he realized the answers had already been revealed to him. Closing his eyes he whispered, "Give light and the darkness will disappear itself." One by one, the memories washed over him.

Sara standing in his hallway, her eyes filled with pain. "You know, I remember the first smile but the funny thing is we've never shared a kiss but look…I'm still crying."

Sara in his office explaining in a bittersweet voice, why she had pushed for a relationship even though it would be complicated. "I was listening to my heart instead of using my head."

Sara in Tahoe. "You were worried things wouldn't work out between us because you thought I would get disenchanted and leave you. You think I have some schoolgirl fantasy in my head that I want you to fulfill and if you don't live up to it I'll leave skid marks as I run out the door. That would never happen. Never."

Her caress of his cheek in the resort garden as she poured out her heart The same caress she had given two years ago when they stood outside an apartment building in dusty forensics coveralls. "I don't want a fantasy. I need someone to share my reality and that someone is you. It's always been you. No relationship is perfect but we can make it work. I know we can because I love…" Moments later she spoke the last word through her passionate kiss…the kiss of a woman who wanted him, not the kiss of an impulsive little girl looking to fill a need.

Grissom knew people lied. He also knew people under the influence of the truth-serum also known as GHB can't.

Opening his eyes, he reached the joyful conclusion. Sara loves me. She's loved me for years. All those times I retreated, she didn't leave. She stayed even when I was confused and distant. She's given me chances and when I turned them down she didn't run. She's already passed the test. I've been a fool.

Then he felt guilty. The GHB had given Sara amnesia so she didn't know he was privy to the intimate information. It was as if he had stood behind two-way glass eavesdropping while Sara shared her heart's desires. Now only one question remained…what to do with the gift of enlightenment?

Doc stood staring at his long-time friend. "Gil…you have that look on your face."

"What look?"

"The look you always get when you realize you have the answer to something that's been driving you crazy for a long time." Chuckling, he said, "It usually precedes you dashing out of here with a huge grin plastered on your face."

Cracking a huge grin, Grissom bolted out of the room.

Shaking his head, Doc flipped off the overhead lights. "Though this be madness, yet there is method in it."

Throwing her purse over her shoulder Catherine asked Sara one more time. "Now you're sure you don't want me to stay? I can reschedule my flight."

"Thank you but no. The doctor is observing me overnight, so you don't have to." Shooing her, she insisted. "Go home." Unable to maintain her brave face for a minute longer, she had to make Catherine leave. "Now, Catherine."

"Okay." She felt comfortable leaving because Sara was doing remarkably well for a woman who had been through so much in the last twenty-four hours.

Holding up the People magazine Catherine had bought her, Sara feigned one last smile. "Don't worry about me; I'll be busy catching up on pop culture."

Chuckling, Catherine grabbed her jacket. "Start with Ashton Kutcher on page thirty-two. Now there's a hottie! How can I not love a guy who is twenty-something and dates a forty-two year old woman."

In perfect monotone, Sara replied, "Yeah, I'll be sure to check him out."

At the door Catherine turned serious. "Call me if you need anything."

"Have a good flight."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

Once Catherine left the room, Sara tossed the gossip rag on the bedside table and burrowed under the covers.

It wasn't the first time Sara Sidle was left alone in a cold room, in a building full of strangers, in an unfamiliar town. She had been here before…many times before. Curled up in a bed that wasn't her own, wondering if she would ever know what love and stability felt like, she was reminded of a scary time years ago.

Walking up to the door of the apartment building, Peg Hewitt, the caseworker assigned to Sara, said, "Mrs. Jacobs, is going to be your foster care provider for a while. She's a very nice woman. I'm sure you'll be happier here than the last place."

Clutching her backpack full of books, nine year old Sara remained silent. Her life as she knew it was gone. Not that her life had been ideal before she was turned over to the county but at least it was her own.

After Peg Hewitt knocked, Mrs. Jacobs, a pencil thin woman with a tired smile, answered the door. "This must be Sara Sidle."

"Yes. Can you say hello, Sara."

In lieu of words Sara raised her hand in a half-wave.

"She's quite shy." Peg Hewitt announced. "It's only been a few months, she's still adjusting."

Mrs. Jacobs opened the door further. "Let's get her settled. Hopefully she can stay for a while but it seems like the county is moving kids around all the time."

As she entered the house, Sara acquainted herself with surroundings, taking cautious steps and looking for evidence to convince her that this place would be different than the last.

"Right this way, Sara." Mrs. Jacobs said as she opened a bedroom door. "You'll be staying in here. Why don't you unpack your stuff and I'll finish the paperwork with your caseworker."

When the door shut and Sara was alone in the room she took an inventory with her eyes. All the essentials were there…a bed, a nightstand, a lamp, a chair, a closet. What was missing was obvious...warmth.

After carefully placing her backpack on the chair, she climbed under the bed covers. Curling into a ball she fought the chill overtaking her. Trembling as she lay in the strange room, in a building full of strangers, in an unfamiliar town, she wondered if she would ever know love and stability again.

"Sara!" Bubbly Nurse Susie Johnson bounded in carrying a vase. "I have something for you!"

Shivering, Sara slowly sat up and answered the nurse while stealthily wiping away a tear. "Yes?"

Mesmerized by the bountiful bouquet of sky blue flowers the nurse was holding, Sara asked, "Are you sure those are for me?" Instantly she noticed how they warmed up the bleak room. "They're beautiful."

"They are indeed!" Nurse Johnson handed her patient a white envelope. "Here's the card." Placing the vase on the bedside table she smiled. "They're forget-me-nots so they must be from someone who wants to make sure you remember him." Winking she took a guess. "Like the guy who was holding your hand this morning?"

For a moment Sara got her hopes up but then chided herself for being foolish. They had to be from Catherine, who was still trying to make up for Grissom's actions. Regardless, Sara was happy for the way they brightened the room.

Sliding the card out of its tiny envelope her eyes widened as her stomach flipped. "I don't believe him."

Dearest Sara, I'm really sorry things didn't work out as planned. Sincerely, Mike.

Having anticipated a very different and much less offensive message, Sara gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

The nurse giggled, "That good huh?"

Sickened by Mike's disgusting display of arrogance, she crumpled the card and tossed it across the room. Through gritted teeth she ordered the nurse, "Take them out of here!"

"What? Why?"

"Because they're from him!" Sara's shock lit into fury. "Take them out before I throw them!"

Grabbing the vase, the nurse asked, "Would you like me to see if the doctor would authorize a sedative?"

"No! I don't need a sedative I just want to be left alone!" Outraged, that Mike, who had failed to violate her body, had found an alternative way to victimize her, she shrieked, "No more deliveries! No calls! No visitors!"

While making a hasty exit with the vase, the nurse replied, "I'll make sure everyone knows to leave you alone."

Dropping her head in her hands, Sara fought back the urge to vomit. "I can't believe him!" Humiliated, angry and sick to her stomach she jumped out of bed and hurried into the bathroom. With her clothes still on she stepped into the shower and turned on the water, hoping to wash away the horrible feelings overtaking her.

There, in the privacy of her hospital shower, hot water gushing down over her exhausted body and overtaxed mind, Sara sobbed uncontrollably. This time, unlike all those other times over the years, she wasn't crying for another victim. She was the victim.

After tossing his jacket in his locker, Nick took a seat on the bench. Rubbing his hands over his face he inhaled sharply.

"Hungover?" Ecklie asked while slinking around the corner like a jackal. "Party a little too hard between shifts?" Reaching in his pants pocket he pulled out his car keys. "What was her name? Candy or Brandy?"

Ignoring the bait, Nick stood up and closed his locker.

Ecklie folded his arms across his chest and stood in Nick's path. "What's going on around here, Stokes? I know Grissom is hiding something from me. Tell me. I can make life easier around here for you if you play the game. I didn't get where I am without forming a few alliances and you'd be wise to form one with someone other than Grissom." With pleasure blanketing his face he added, "Because his days are numbered."

Posturing back, Nick replied, "All we're doing around here is working cases. We work our shift; we pull doubles, sometimes triples. That's all we're doing…working hard for the county." Anger mounting he said, "Have you forgotten what the job is about? We nail the bad guys. Why the hell do you spend so much time trying to bring down the team? We're supposed to be on the same side. Seems to me you're not focused on the right priorities."

Putting his hand against a locker, Ecklie blocked Nick's exit. "Here's a news flash, Stokes. I'm in charge now and you'll respect me and my decisions or you'll be out the door."

On edge from no sleep and a guilty conscience, Nick spoke without a filter. "You earned your promotion by kissing ass, not solving cases. As far as respect goes…" His voice turned icy. "…you'll never have mine."

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

Incensed, Ecklie snapped, "When I return in the morning I'm opening a full investigation on Grissom…on all of you! If I didn't have very special plans tonight I would start this second! When I'm done you'll see the error of your ways!"

Nick batted Ecklie's arm from the locker. "With all due respect…go to hell!" Without looking back he walked out of the room. As soon as hit the hallway, he knew he had crossed the line with Ecklie. "Damn it!" Now team would feel the wrath because of him. Great…two things to feel guilty about.

After taking a seat behind the wheel of his car, Grissom fumbled for his cell phone and the number for the Tahoe Medical Center.

Buzzing with confidence, Grissom confidently punched numbers into the phone. After four rings, the hospital operator finally answered and he said, "Room 267, please."

Uncharacteristically lucid about his feelings he couldn't wait for Sara to answer. After apologizing for leaving her he would explain how he felt…why he acted the way he had. For the first time, he would speak to her straight from the heart.

If forgiven, he would be on the next flight to Tahoe. When he got there, he would take her hand and ask that they pick up where they left off, forgetting the last twelve hours of doubt and pain. It was time to move forward and leave the past behind.

Seconds seemed like hours as he gripped the phone tighter and wondered what was taking so long. Six rings later the phone clicked and he heard a female voice say, "Station four, Nurse Johnson."

Breathless with anticipation he said, "Yes, I'm trying to connect to room 267, Sara Sidle." Much to his chagrin, the nurse gruffly replied, "I'm sorry Ms. Sidle has asked not to be disturbed."

Grissom prodded, "Please, can you ask her if she'll take my call. It's important that I speak with her right now." Now before the clarity was gone.

When the voice on the other end of the line replied, "Look Sir, it's none of my business but…haven't you upset her enough already today? Your childish behavior made her hysterical. She's asked not to be disturbed…no deliveries, no calls, no visitors. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do. Good night."

Closing his eyes he slumped back in his seat. His epiphany was twelve hours too late.

As Catherine emerged from gate 17 at McCarran she carried her heavy brief case on her already weighted shoulders.

"Hey." Warrick called over from his position against the check-in counter.

Catherine lips curved into a grateful smile. "Hey."

Everything about him brightened her night…his sexy stance, the jeans that fit him just right, the way his shirt fell open, his inviting smile but most of all, his eyes that were saying I know you had a rough day. After a day of surprises both good and bad Catherine didn't think she could stomach one more but this one was definitely most welcome. "What are you doing here? I didn't tell you know my flight number."

Walking over, he answered in a smooth voice, "Grissom's not the only one who can track down a woman." Slipping her briefcase of her shoulder he slung it over his and flashed a sexy smile. "Welcome back."

"Glad to be back." A spark of excitement twinkled in her eye. "This is a really sweet of you."

"Well…unlike Grissom, I don't like leaving a woman stranded." Pointing to his watch, he said, "You need a ride to work and you have no car."

"You're right!" She had forgotten Grissom drove to the airport when they went to Tahoe." Smiling brighter, she said, "Thanks." Checking her watch she realized shift started an hour ago. "We have a call yet?"

"Not yet." Side by side they started walking down the passageway. "I just sent Nick out to meet Brass. They have a DB at The Pussycat Motel"

"Ugh! Thanks for sparing me from that sleaze palace." Shivering she said, "Remember the last time we processed a case there? I swear DNA was dripping from the ceiling."

"Yeah." He laughed. "I told Nick to wear a hat."

She laughed with him. It was a nice change of pace after such a downer of a day.

Get any sleep?" Warrick asked with concern in his voice.

"I had a couple of hours before my flight…just long enough for a power nap and a conversation with my daughter." Rolling her eyes she said, "Not that I would call it a conversation exactly…she spent most of the time hounding me for a pair of $200 sneakers."

Reaching the elevator he reached for the button. "You buying 'em?" He knew she would.

Sighing she replied, "I told her I would."

When the doors opened, Warrick's pager buzzed. "We got a hit and run on Jackson."

"No rest for the weary." Flattening herself against the back wall of the empty elevator, Catherine sighed. "Wait…why are you still in charge if Grissom is back?"

Grinning, he replied, "I was wondering when you were going to ask me that. He called me at home earlier and said he was calling Sara then heading to Tahoe. You probably passed him mid-flight."

"Really?! That's great." She couldn't believe it. Then she remembered Sara's decision. "Grissom is going to be surprised when he talks with her. She accepted a job in San Francisco earlier today. She's resigning."

"Hell, I don't blame her for not wanting to work with Grissom. The man last saw her unconscious at the hospital and never went back to check on her." Shaking his head he huffed, "If he had left me I would have been ticked and I'm not in love with him."

"Aw come on, you love him a little." She teased. "We all do. Someone has to. Anyway…if it had been you in that hospital room Grissom would have been able to talk to you." Sliding closer to Warrick, she lowered her voice to a whisper. "Why the hell does this stuff have to be so difficult for some people? I mean two mature, intelligent people who are attracted to one another should be able to say how they feel and get on with it. Work it out as they go along."

"Really?" His eyes caught hers and held them. "You believe that."

The beginning of a smile tipped the corners of her mouth. "Yes. I do."

His voice dropped to a smooth murmur. "So if you felt that way about someone and you were pretty certain they felt the same way about you, you would come on out and say it letting the chips fall where they may."

Leaning in she whispered in his ear, "I would if I had the right opportunity."

Her hot breath against his neck sent a delightful shiver through him. Slowly his gaze fell upon her glossy lips. "Catherine…"

"Yes…" Her eyelids closing, she felt her body flush with anticipation. Unfortunately the elevator doors burst open before she could taste the sweetness of his lips.

"Going up?" Asked the frazzled business man at the open door.

Catherine and Warrick exchanged glances before bursting into a fit of laughter.

In the parking lot of the Pussycat Motel, Brass helped Nick load his equipment into his truck. "Hey I didn't want to bring this up you until you were done processing..."

"Bring up what?" Nick asked as he shut the hatch.

He knew Nick was closer to Sara than anyone. "How do you feel about what Grissom did?"

"About Mike?" Nick folded his arms and leaned against the truck. "Hell, I'm relieved he stopped him."

"No. I'm not talking about that." Brass glanced over his shoulder to see if they were alone. When he realized everyone else had left the scene, he explained. "I'm talking about leaving Sara in Tahoe without ever seeing her or talking to her."

"He did WHAT?!" Nick went from zero to pissed in three seconds. "Tell me I didn't hear you right."

"Can't." Brass felt confident that he hadn't overreacted now that he saw how ticked Nick was getting. "I let him know I wasn't pleased with the decision."

"What the hell? Don't get me wrong, I think the world of Grissom but he can't treat Sara like crap and get away with it. Damn him! This reminds me of the time Bobby Brandt stood up my kid sister and I pounded him. If he was here right now I don't know what I'd do. I already told Ecklie to go to hell tonight. " Nick reached for his cell. "I need to call and see how she's doing."

"Don't bother." Brass held up his hand. "I already tried. They have a do not disturb order on her room."

Nick's expression warmed. "You checked in on her?"

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Brass said, "Last six months or so I've been feeling a little paternal when it comes to Sara. I know it's shocking since I did so well parenting Ellie." He shrugged. "There's something going on with Sara and it's not Grissom related. It had me worried before, but after this whole Tahoe thing, I'm really concerned for her. Anyway…I called. They wouldn't let me through, not even when I pulled the cop card."

"Aww…" Nick cracked a smile. "Look who's a big 'ol teddy bear."

Rolling his eyes Brass groaned. "Yeah well, it better not get out because I have my hard ass rep to protect."

"Hey I..." An ear piercing shriek from one of the hotel rooms ended the friendly banter.

Brass pulled his gun. "Second floor?"

"214 I think." Nick pointed to the corner room before brandishing his gun. "I got your back."

A second scream sent them running up the stairs.

At the door, Brass shouted, "Is everything okay in there?"

No one replied.

They both noticed the door was ajar.

Brass mouthed, one…two…three before opening the door. "Las Vegas Police!"

Nothing could have prepared Nick for the shock. "This can't be happening!"