Sometimes
by: fiSh
Summary:
Sometimes you have to talk… sometimes there's just so much to say… sometimes summaries suck… and I'm hoping you'll read and review sometime :)
Disclaimer: all the Harry Potter peeps belong to the Great J.K Rowling (all Hail Her Majesty, Queen of Potterdom!) I'm just an affiliate…just kidding… we all are somehow.. aren't we? Spreading the love of Potter through writing.. weeee… it makes me all giddy!
A/N: THIS is a ONE-SHOT fic… so sad and angsty.., PLEASE READ AND REVIEW… sorry about my other stories… To the One Who taught Him… The Raven and The Phoenix… and One Last Time… they will be updated soon.. I really want to finish them… but I couldn't because my computer crashed and all my files disappeared so… yeah.. im gonna have to remember what the whole plot was for the story.. but don't worry.. I'll update soon.. :)
Now… read…. Please… and thank you! mwah
You could never say that Ginny Weasley was the loneliest girl in all of Hogwarts, she was smart, not extravagantly beautiful but a simple pretty girl, she had loads of friends, nobody hated her (not even Draco Malfoy and his band of Snakes) and she had people who stood by her. But today was the first day in six years that they have seen Ginny look tired, sad, and alone and nobody knew what to do.
She sat alone gazing despondently out the window watching the younger batch run across the field, others sitting down telling stories and reading, others lying on the ground feeling the sun on their faces.
Professor Mcgonagall had asked her earlier "Why it's a beautiful day Ms. Weasley why aren't you out with the others?"
'Why? I don't know… it's too bloody sunny and everyone is just so bloody happy. I don't bloody care about going out and having fun.' She thought miserably to herself.
Even through the windowpane she could feel the rays of the sun calling out to her. Why, it was so ironic the Ginny that once loved the sun couldn't wait for night to come.
Word spreads through Hogwarts like a virus, everyone knew that her almost relationship with Harry was over, D.O.A, done, because he had gone and fallen in love with his best friend Hermione Granger. To Ginny it was all wrong Hermione was supposed to end up with Ron, and she with Harry. But those kinds of things only happen in storybooks.
So because of that event, they have been avoiding each other. She had stopped eating in the Great Hall and would head to the kitchens; she'd spend her free time at the library immersed in a book reading but not really understanding or spend the night in the common room waking up ahead of the others. There were instances wherein she'd pass by one of them in the halls Harry, Ron or Hermione and she'd completely avoid them. Ron was guilty for letting Hermione go even if he knew that his sister was deeply besotted with Harry, Harry was guilty for not telling her in the first place, and Hermione was guilty because it's who she is.
She knew that it wasn't healthy to be constantly avoiding them. There was a time when Luna was so fed up that she grabbed Ginny, which shocked Ginny because Luna was a very thin girl a bit smaller than Ginny, and gave a long sermon about feeling lonely and that lonely was just a state of mind. Ginny had just nodded and smiled and admitted she was wrong even if she had not really listened to what Luna had said.
So here she was alone staring out the window while others enjoyed their weekend, which Hogsmeade was temporarily closed for repairs after being damaged during the war. She tucked a hair behind her ear and bit on her lip, she sniffled a bit and sighed.
'Gee.. I got myself a wee bit of a cold..' she thought to herself.
When she finally comfortable sitting Indian style in front of the window and savoring the common room all to herself and the fact that she was alone, she heard footsteps scramble into the room. She turned around so hard that her hair went to her face blocking her view and she saw three bodies walk in. She tried lifting her right leg forgetting it was under her left, thus sending herself falling onto the floor. With a loud thud she lay sprawled on the floor.
"Ginny?" she heard a voice, hoarse and soft. When she heard it after the past three weeks of constantly avoiding them (which she was getting so good at) she could have sworn she heard angels singing bloody hallelujah.
She quickly stood up and stared. She knew she was a mess, her loose baby blue sweater hung oddly off her shoulders, her hair in a chaotic array across her eyes and mouth and her jeans folded halfway up her calf. She hurriedly brushed the hair away from her face knowing how ridiculous she looked and stared at the three bewildered and flustered faces that stared back at her. Ron had his hands in his pocket with a face that clearly showed he was ashamed, Hermione looked close to tears and Harry stood there staring at her as if he'd seen her for the first time.
"Uh…" Ron said trying to break the silence.
"Oh hello." Ginny said nonchalantly, "I was just leaving. Well, goodbye." She said faking a happy tone and casually sauntered across the room.
"Gin you have to stop avoiding us." Hermione whispered. She turned around shocked to even hear her speak.
"Yes, we're not invisible." Ron agreed.
She looked at them indifferently and shrugged, "Why? It isn't any different than it was when I was in first year. Why stop now?" She turned around not willing to see their reaction and shook her head to herself for being so harsh.
Flipping the page she stared hard. It showed the different constellations and their stories. Ginny was just about to get engrossed in the book when she heard a voice.
"Do you know that stars hold a lot of stories?" she heard the voice ask. She turned around and saw Hermione her face wet with tears and her eyes swollen and red, "Do you know the story about Vela? It's the sail of the ship of Argo which belonged to Jason and the Argonauts who recovered the Golden Fleece and are known heroes of Greece. You see you can never really navigate a ship without its sail."
"And your point is? That I'm Vela and you need me?" Ginny snorted at this, "Hermione needs me? That's new, when I last checked you needed Harry. Somehow I didn't fit or maybe you lot didn't think about what I would feel?"
"I'm sorry." Hermione cried out, "I never meant for all of this to happen."
"Really? So it was all an accident? You just tripped and accidentally remembered that you were in love with each other and decided that you should get together and not tell me or at least give me a warning because none of you EVER meant for it to happen?" she lashed out angrily.
"No.. I mean…" she stammered, "I'm sorry Ginny. If I could stop feeling this, I would, but I can't. I never wanted you to get hurt. But Ginny even you told me, that sometimes your mind doesn't want you to be in love but deep down you know you are."
"I was referring to Ron at that time. How was I supposed to know that you would use the advice on Harry."
"But.. that's what I'm trying to say! I told myself I didn't want to be in love with Harry but I couldn't help it and when your brother decided to let me go I just fell in. I feel so happy and loved for the first time but I can't because I have you constantly at the back of my head."
Ginny stared because Hermione was now crying. Ginny felt tears form around her eyes and the next thing she knew she was crying too.
"It's just that…" Ginny stammered, "I almost had him, you know, for once it was going to be my turn. My turn to feel what it is like to be loved by someone you loved. Michael never loved me, it was just the fact that we were both alone that we went out. Harry and I we, well I was almost to the point of having him and you came and ruined it for me."
"I'm sorry Ginny," Hermione begged, "I'm so so so sorry." Hermione closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Ginny. Ginny stood rigid and after a few seconds of thinking she slowly brought her arms around Hermione and cried on her shoulder. For the first time Ginny didn't feel so alone.
"I'm sorry Hermione." She whispered, "to be such a burden. I'm sorry for being selfish and not being happy for you. If only it didn't hurt so much." She whispered sadly.
"No.. Ginny don't say sorry." Hermione whispered, "You shouldn't say sorry none of it is your fault. We hurt you and we want to make it up to you."
"Really?" Ginny asked with a tone of sadness in her voice as she pulled back to look at Hermione, "Is there anything that can mend a broken heart?"
Ginny sat in front of the fire in the common room toying with a chess piece in her hand and then placing it down on the board. She watched as the white queen piece flirted with the black king piece while the black queen piece stared enviously at them. She wanted so much to laugh at the irony of the situation but she had no energy to smile even.
"Care for a game of chess?" she heard her brother ask.
She nodded quietly and positioned her pieces.
"I didn't really come here to play," Ron had said after he made his first move, "I wanted to say I'm sorry."
"Why? Ron…" she whispered, "I mean you are, were, I don't know, in love with Hermione. You shouldn't be sorry. I'm actually surprised you even let her go."
"I was upset and depressed for awhile but then I figured sometimes you just have to learn to accept the fact that maybe there is someone better than you. Besides Hermione doesn't deserve a sidekick."
"Oh Ron!" Ginny murmured at her brother's words, "You deserve someone else and I'm sure someday someone will sweep you off your feet and you won't even notice. But she will love you just the way you want to be loved."
"Why can't you say that to yourself Gin?" he asked honestly as his piece knocked out one of Ginny's.
"Because I figure that no matter what happens or who I end up with I will always love Harry and there will always be a big piece in my heart that only he can fit and no matter how another will try to fit it, they won't because they aren't Harry. I will love others but I will never love anyone so fully, so loyally, so whole-heartedly as I love Harry."
"I'm sorry Ginny." He whispered again, "I'm sorry to say that even now you are already losing."
"No Ron," she sighed, "I just let them win." She shrugged as his piece knocked over her queen granting him a checkmate.
It was a long day for Ginny, her eyes felt so dry from crying, her hands were unexplainably painful, her legs were turned to jelly from walking around, in short all her energy was drained. She found herself in the middle of the Quidditch pitch lying on the grass staring up at the sky with her arms folded under her head.
"Ginny.." she finally heard his voice.
'Why is it that every spot that people come to apologize to me it has to be their favorite spot!' she thought to herself.
"Ginny…" he asked again.
"Huh?" she murmured her mind elsewhere, "What? Oh! You.." she said standing up quickly. Just as she was about to walk away she heard Harry whisper.
"Just because someone doesn't not love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with what they have…."
She turned around and turned to look at him. Again she felt the tears well up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry I can't give you what you want," he said staring at her, "But I do love you, just not the way you want me to."
She swallowed and Harry swore that if there was anyone who looked at him with her heart in her eyes it was Ginny and he could see it had shattered to so many tiny pieces.
"Hermione?" she whispered, "Why her? Because you know it would be impossible for me to get upset with her? You knew I wouldn't hate her. But why her?"
"It's not our fault." He whispered, "It's because she's just her. And you are just Ginny."
"Yes," Ginny answered, "Just Ginny."
"Somewhere, someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer," he said stepping closer to her.
"I don't have anything left to offer Harry, you've taken everything with you, unconsciously, yes. It isn't your fault I was stupid enough to say that even if we were trying out this thing between us I would give you everything I had."
"You can't really love me that much." He said softly mostly to himself. Those words had cut through Ginny like a knife.
"Did you know that you have a tiny little mole right above your scar?" she whispered walking closer to him, "Or that when you eat chocolate frogs you fold the wrapper until it can't be folded any smaller. That when you face sideways your head is round and your nose is somewhat sharp. Or that your hands when they grasp the broom how natural it looks and when you look for the snitch your brows furrow forming three crooked lines across your forehead," she traced a long gentle finger across his forehead, "Did you know that if you stand straight enough you are almost as tall as Ron or that you have seven different smiles? You have one smile wherein you smile just to agree and that's mostly with Ron, he's such a prat sometimes. Then another smile when you if don't know what to say. Then there's the one when you catch the snitch it goes all the way up to your eyes. You have one smile too for when you come up with some great plan of some sort. Then you have the Harry-smile, which you give occasionally to people you see in the halls, then you have that smile when you've just figured something out. There were originally six smiles and it's only now that I've realized you have seven, when you look at Hermione." She swallowed.
"I'd kill to have you smile at me like that." She whispered staring at the ground.
"Don't ever think for a second during those times when we were together," he said cupping her face with his hands, "That I didn't love you, because I did. But I fell in love with Hermione and I still love you."
"I understand," she whispered, "You know I've been wanting to ask you this. But I never had the courage to. Now I'm regretting it because if I had said it at that time then maybe you'd love me."
"What is it?"
"Look at me? Do you see me? This girl who stands in front of you, wishing you'd love her, hold her, be with her. You see me, but you don't feel what I do."
"I did, I did feel it." Harry whispered sliding his hands from her face to her arms giving her a soft squeeze.
"When we were together," she paused as if she was trying to find the right words to say, "We weren't really together but during those times. You had described to me the perfect girl, how she would be funny, pretty, how she would sit with you without having to say anything and you would feel like you've just had the best conversation ever, how she would laugh at your jokes and then tell you it wasn't funny, how she would be smart and diligent. I tried to be all that and then it is only now that I realized that you were describing Hermione. It's so funny when I think of it, you've molded me into what you wanted me to be and you still chose her anyway."
"I wish I could do something to fix it Ginny." He said holding her hands, "I'm sorry and that's all I can give to you."
"You promised you wouldn't hurt me." She whispered and then she gave in and fell onto him making him stumble a bit, "Why does it hurt so bloody damn much. I tried Harry. I don't know why. Is there something wrong with me? Did I turn us through a path that led us apart? What did I do? Am I not enough? Tell me you love me, lie to me Harry. Just to make me feel better. Let me learn how to play pretend once more." She pulled at his shirt crying harder at every word. "I've forgotten." She whispered into his shirt.
He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to his chest. She grasped him and buried her face in shirt. Soon he felt his own tears drop down his cheek. She must have felt it land on her arm to make her look up at him. Still wrapped in his arms she looked up.
He looked down at her and she gently raised her hand to wipe of his tears.
"Don't cry for me," she whispered, "never for me."
"Ginny…" he whispered as tears started to flow freely down his cheek.
She wiped them with her thumb while her hands caressed the side of his face. She reached up and kissed him softly on the eyes and his cheeks.
"My pain isn't yours, let me deal with it Harry," she looked at him her bright blue eyes staring up at him full of love, "it will always be there Harry. There's nothing we can do. You can do or anyone can do. I'll still feel it and it will constantly nag at my heart."
"I wish I could… I don't know… do something… I've never felt so useless in my life." He stammered brushing the hair out of Ginny's face.
"Sometimes it's okay to feel useless." Ginny smiled softly pain clearly showing through her eyes.
"You were never useless Ginny." He whispered, "Never."
"I know…" she sighed, "But sometimes I feel like I'm so useless because I can't even get you to love me."
"But I do…" he sighed, "I love you so much that I can't let you go without having you forgive me."
"I've forgiven you ever since you rode the train on your first years to Hogwarts." She smiled bitterly.
"I'm still going to be insanely jealous about those guys who will pursue you. And at the back of my head I'm going to regret doing this but I know that if its fate then maybe we will be together."
"I don't believe in fate." Ginny whispered, "Face it Harry, you're going to get married and have little kids with brown hair and big green eyes and they'll look just like you and Hermione. And me, I'm going to be maid-of-honor even though I'll be tempted to stop the marriage when the priest asks. Maybe I'll get married and have a family. But I will never be able to love anyone the way I love you. Because I loved you for so long that it's become a part of me and I can't, I wont be able to let it go because if I do, I wouldn't be Ginny Weasley anymore."
"But we will," Harry insisted, "You deserve it. I'm not being self-centered here or anything I just know that someday, somewhere you and I will be together. And Hermione will be happy for us. I just know it."
"Then Harry," she bit her lip and forced a smile, "I can't wait." She pulled him close again inhaling his scent. The sweet smell of his Berties Bott's beans and his Quidditch uniform smell left her with memories that she would treasure forever.
"I love you Ginny." He whispered kissing her hair, "You may not believe it but I do."
"Yes I know…" she sighed, "Just like you love mum."
"No… I mean…" he paused, "I love you… more than that."
"I wish I could be happy for you Harry," she sighed deeply, "But I find it very difficult to smile when you are with her, because she's where I want to be."
"Well we have this moment," he whispered into her hair stroking it occasionally, "Hermione will understand."
"No," she whispered as she backed away to look at his face, "I don't want your pity kiss."
He looked down at her and kissed her forehead.
"Stay with me.." she whispered sadly, "just for the night, we'll look at the stars."
Harry sat on the ground and pulled Ginny along with him and shifted a little bit to make her comfortable. His one leg bent while the other leg stretched out so that Ginny could sit in between. As soon as she was comfortable he wrapped his arms around her along with her hands so that their fingers interlocked. Lifting one hand he brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her cheek.
"Harry," she whispered, "I just thought about it now. That sometimes no matter how long or how hard you've loved someone they'll never love you back. And sometimes," she paused.
"You have to be okay with that." He felt a something wet fall onto his arm.
"But you've earned yours," Harry whispered, "Please believe me when I say I love you."
She picked up his palm and rubbed it against her cheek and kissed it. They sat there until the sun was rising and neither of them found the strength to sleep. When the last stars disappeared and the sun peeked from the mountains Ginny whispered.
"Harry?"
"I'm here."
"Will you promise me one thing?"
"Yes," he whispered holding her hand tighter as if he was assuring her, "this time I won't break it."
"If one day, I realize that I'll never find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Promise me you'll be there. Not to be mine again, but to remind me that once in my life. I came close." She whispered.
"I promise Ginny."
She turned around to face him, "I know I said I didn't want your kiss. But sometimes you just have to follow your heart." She leaned forward and kissed him, just a soft kiss, so soft it was like cold wind.
Harry looked at her; taking her hands in his he kissed them as if trying to erase any sign of pain. He kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly then pulled her away from his chest so he could see her face. He placed both of his hands on the side of her face and brought her near. His lips sealed over hers and kissed her. Soft, sad and bittersweet, a kiss mixed with longing and sadness and tears. When he pulled away he looked at her and he knew that no one would ever love him the way she did, not even Hermione, as much as he hated to admit.
"I love you Harry." She whispered her eyes showing her heart, it was whole again, little pieces brought back together by a simple talk and even if it was put back together there was still a big hole and they both knew that only one could fill it up.
Ginny sat in her bedroom while Hermione and Harry were downstairs noisily arguing with Ron and Luna as they played a game they had invented "Couples Chess". She often felt sad and alone but she was happy to know that when Harry would sometimes look at her, she knew that somewhere he loved her still.
Sometimes, even if it isn't much it's okay. Because when you love someone they don't have to love you back because you aren't asking them for anything in return and sometimes it's okay to just love.
Citations:
1.) "Is there anything that can mend a broken heart?"- I know I'm not supposed to put citations for my own quotes but I cant help it hehehehehe… this is MINE
2.) "I'm sorry to say that even now you are already losing." "I just let them win."- this is mine too (forgive me? c",) )
3.) "Just because someone doesn't not love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with what they have…." – fallingfast. someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer," -fallingfast. 6 smiles – got this idea from a movie… WIN a DATE with TAD HAMILTON (it's such a sweet movie..)
5.) "Look at me? Do you see me? This girl who stands in front of you, wishing you'd love her, hold her, be with her. You see me, but you don't feel what I do." -fallingfast. "it's so funny when I think of it, you've molded me into what you wanted me to be and you still chose her anyway."- ME.. it's mine… aLL mine! (bwahahaha)
7.) "Let me learn how to play pretend once more." "I've forgotten." – me again… sorry
8.) "But I find it very difficult to smile when you are with her, because she's where I want to be."- fallingfast. "sometimes no matter how long or how hard you've loved someone they'll never love you back. And sometimes, you have to be okay with that"- fallingfast. "one day, I realize that I'll never find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Promise me you'll be there. Not to be mine again, but to remind me that once in my life. I came close" – text message from my crush… awwww… too bad he isn't my crush anymore… nyehehehehe…
THANKS FOR SPARING YOUR TIME TO READ… now IT WOULDN"T HURT TO REVIEW WOULD IT? PLEASE…:)
fiSh