If
you haven't read this very intelligent Tomo
essay:
then
you should! ^_^
o_O (teaing out hair...) Does anyone know
why I can't get a url to appear here? Does ff.net's uploader
strip them out or something? Anyway for the brute force method,
convert [frontslash] to /
:
mitsukake.com[frontslash]aoiryuu[frontslash]fanfic[frontslash]seiryuu[frontslash]tomoessay.html
Please leave a comment if you know what the problem here is.
FY is still not mine, this is still a yaoi, etc. There is discussion of rape and abuse in this chapter, but none happens (or will in the rest of the fic). Angst, sap... there's a lemon scene if you follow the link to read it.
by Sunandshadow
Chapter 5 – Roses And Hearts And Lemons, Oh My!
It was autumn, and the garden was mostly fallen leaves and muddy ground, but there were still a few flowers. I crouched down to admire a rose, and Tomo lounged against a nearby tree trunk, watching me with one eyebrow raised. I love the scent of roses. I read somewhere that rose musk contains a substance like women's pheromones, so that's why they're associated with love, and why they've been so popular throughout history, especially with guys.
"Do you like roses?" I asked Tomo languidly.
He shrugged. "They're ok."
"I've always liked roses. I keep one in a pot in my room at school, a pink one. I like the other colors better, but the pink ones always seem to smell the best. …I wonder what will happen in that world when they notice I'm gone? I hope my family doesn't worry too much…" I stood up and walked over to join him, and we sat down on a nearby bench.
"You were still in school? Mareu, how old are you?" You still have a family that cares about you? marveled Tomo. Maybe that's why you're so open and cheerful…
"I'm 21. That's the same age most people in my world finally finish school and become actual adults. It's very different there than here; because our technology level is so much higher there are more things to learn, and people have to stay in school to learn them. It's a little too long and hard for most people, and I was really starting to get worn down by it all…" Yeah, massive understatement – I was failing 2 classes and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, possibly I had gone off the deep end and was hallucinating all this… "this is a nice change. I like it here. Although I wish Seiryuu would have let me pack…"
"I'm 21; I can't imagine that… still being in school, having a family…"
I blink-blinked at him and the loneliness in his voice. "You… don't have…?"
He shook his head, not looking at me. "None of the seishi do, except you."
"…oh. Wow, harsh… Can I… ask what happened? I mean, you don't have to say if you don't want to, but…"
"Iie, it's ok. I don't miss my real parents because I never knew them. The man I think of as my father adopted me and started training me to be in the opera… I loved him, but he was killed when I was six. Most of the boys in the acting troop were orphans or had been sold by their parents. I was no different until I discovered I was Tomo and started learning how my powers worked. I was the star of our troop," there was real pride and almost a smile in his voice, "when we came to the palace when I was fifteen. I stepped forward to claim my place as a sei and suddenly I was a real army officer rather than just playing the part of one…" He let his voice trail off, and I realized he didn't feel like commenting on his life after that point. I wondered if he had had anyone to love him in all that time… my heart went out to him.
"I can picture you as the star. I would have liked to see you perform."
Tomo studied me. He started to say something, changed his mind, then finally asked, "What is your family like?"
"Oh, boringly normal. Mother and father, sister four years younger than me, and brother thirteen years younger than me. Oh, and five sets of aunts and uncles and twelve cousins, three of whom already have children of their own." I chuckled. "We all have different priorities and ways of looking at the universe, so we don't get along that well, but it's easier to be nice when I only see them a few times a year, on vacations from school. If I had to actually live with them I would lose my mind, I have to hide so much of who I am from them to avoid getting into fights… you know, for never having been on stage I've spent a lot of my time acting." I chuckled. "At any rate, you're not missing out on anything wonderful. I'd rather have a few friends and lovers that I can be myself with any day."
"You think it's ever safe to really be yourself? Completely, not just more than usual? I find it unlikely."
"Sometimes it's safe. It is dangerous. There's maybe one person out of a thousand who won't hurt you if you let all your shields down, leave yourself completely open. Not that they all want to hurt you, it's just that most people never reach a high enough stage of adulthood that they can refrain from asking painful things of you. Either they ask for you to be something you can't, or they ask you to hide something you are because they can't deal with it. And then if you do find someone safe, you have to try to keep them, against the forces of entropy, against society, even against economics. Or if you're really lucky… if you're phenomenally lucky, they'll offer to keep you."
"Hmmm." Tomo considered the possibility skeptically
I shrugged one shoulder. I had bared my soul as much as I was comfortable with, so I changed the subject. "So, what about the other seishi's families?"
"Nakago's parents were killed in the genocide of the hins, when he was about six, soldiers brought him back and he ended up in the emperor's harem for a while. The twins' parents were killed when the imperial army quelled an uprising along the Konan border, where their farm was. Soi's father sold her into prostitution when she was about twelve. Ashitare was an exhibit in a freak show until Nakago bought him from them. And Yui… she managed to get raped as soon as she arrived in this kingdom." Tomo's voice had been even and emotionless throughout this recital, a feat that testified to his real acting ability.
My eyes had been getting progressively wider as he went along. "…Damn." I shook my head slowly. Every maternal and empathetic bone in my body was demanding I go hug all of them, while the rational part of my mind was calmly reminding me that every one of them (except possibly Yui) was perfectly capable of killing me if I laid an unwanted hand on them. I drew my knees up to my chest and hugged them.
Tomo eyed me with surprise and a smidgen of what seemed to be genuine worry. "Mareu? Are you alright?"
"You just told me every member of what I've been considering my new family has been badly mistreated by life; I'm having a sympathy attack and reminding myself that it would be foolish to run around and hug them all. Foolish verging on suicidal, in some cases."
"They'll all survive, I'm sure. Even Yui – she tried to slit her wrist right after she found out, but she's used to the idea now. Eventually she'll figure out, like the rest of us, that the past is little more than an illusion: once it happens it's gone. You can't touch it and it can't touch you, unless you foolishly bring it to life again in your mind."
"I know that's true, but… just because the wound is forgotten, doesn't mean it's healed. It's my nature to try to heal others' hearts…"
[Remember the translating spell that lets everyone who enters the book speak Chinese? Well, when Mareu said 'hearts' Tomo heard 'kokoro', the word of Nakago's seishi symbol. Hmm…]
Looking concerned and perplexed, Tomo leaned toward me so that he could study me better. "But you cannot heal someone else's heart. A heart that's endured that kind of injury can never return to what it used to be."
"No, but it can grow in a new direction. Do you know what I mean? The pieces of heart can get rearranged into a new, strong shape. And I can help with that, if people would let me."
"How can you possibly help fix someone else's heart?"
"Well, what happens is, when someone's heart gets ripped up, they panic and get real tense, wrap armor around the pieces to hold them in what used to be the right shape, but the broken edges rub each other and it just hurts them… but usually, if you can get the person to relax, the pieces will naturally realign themselves in a good way. Sometimes they need a good nudge, but relaxation is the most important thing. And I'm good at getting people to relax." I started to smile again as the innuendo occurred to me, "One might say I have good bedside manner."
It was subtle, but I saw his whole manner change; eyes a little brighter, flushed skin visible between the dragon's coils, the beginning of a smirk curving his wet black lips. "Feh. You're certainly cocky." he said archly.
I snickered. "You can't say that, you haven't seen it yet!"
His eyes widened slightly, then narrowed again in suspicion. "Yet? …You're teasing me."
Ch', so touchy… or perhaps responsive was a better word. Hehehe. I couldn't resist the temptation to needle him a little more. "It's called foreplay. Most people like a little."
His eyes narrowed, then he turned his face away from me. "But you have no intention to follow through on it."
I blinked. "I don't? When did I change my mind? Last I knew I had every intention of ravishing you… with your permission, of course." Maybe a complement and a poetic phrase would have been better just now, but it's hard not to pick up on Tomo's acidic banter and respond in kind. Then again, maybe poetry would just have reinforced his idea that I was being fake…
He had turned his face back toward me and was looking at me, expression impassive except for the suspicion and uncertainty in his eyes.
I tipped my head to the side and looked at him in puzzlement. "You don't believe me?"
"Prove it."
I grinned my feral hentai grin. "Oh, it will be my pleasure. This evening?"
He studied me for another long moment, then slowly nodded. "This evening then."
It wasn't enough. I studied him for a moment, while he held my gaze defiantly. Then I knew what to do – I reached out, slowly, so as not to startle him, and gently placed two fingertips where the white underside of his wrist beckoned temptingly within the cuff of his sleeve. I slid my hand gently down the soft underside of his arm, over the delicate vein that showed sapphire through his alabaster skin, and under his palm, lifting his hand into mine and stroking the center of his palm with my knuckle. He involuntarily drew in a quick breath, and I smiled at him. Then I lifted his hand to my mouth and kissed his palm. Looking into his eyes, I murmured across his palm, "I would kiss you properly, to seal the agreement, but I wouldn't want to smear your paint, would I?" And I winked at him. Never let it be said that Mareu is not an accomplished flirt, whatever gender body I happen to be in, whatever gender the object of my affection. He needed the reassurance, so I was pleased to give it to him.
"Mareu..." he breathed, in a voice that held agony and ecstasy. Oh yes, he would walk through fire for me now. Now all I had to do was carefully break the tension without giving him cause to flinch away again...
I sighed wistfully. "I suppose that work must come before play though... I really ought to figure out what my seishi power is... Will you help?"
He nodded over-enthusiastically, and I grinned. Oh yes. He was mine now – hook, line, and sinker.
"So... what do you think I should do first?"
* * *
To
read the next scene, which is rated NC-17, go to:
Same problem as
above. Brute force
solution:
members.cox.net[frontslash]wickeddelight[frontslash]writingsamples[frontslash]facepaint05b.htm