FY is still not mine, this is still a yaoi, etc. Warning: discussion of BDSM in this chapter. Oh, and alcohol, and drunken singing. Oh, and Woohoo! First mention of MPREG! Did I mention I'm playing a little game with myself to see how many warnings I can get this fic to require?
AN: In this chapter Tomo says Nakago is a terrible liar. This may seem OOC at first, but remember the scene where Nakago waits for Miaka and is going to rape her? His romantic act there is really, really bad (in the anime, haven't gotten that volume of the manga in English yet). His scenes with Yui are pretty cheesy too. Nakago's personality type is INTJ : The Mastermind (Just like me, isn't that frightening? ) and INTJs depend heavily on information of various sorts, and of course information has to be true to be useful… at any rate INTJs tend to have trouble lying unless they think the particular lie is just as probable as the truth. ENTJs like Mareu, on the other hand, tend to lie as easily as breathing because the little white lie is integral to their diplomatic strategy. Why do they have different personality types? Because Ayuru would have grown up to be extroverted and charismatic, even more so than Mareu, if he hadn't been traumatized by violence and abuse. If Nakago were inherently an introvert he would be much worse at manipulating people because he would never have cared enough about them to want to learn how to manipulate them.
Facepaint
by Sunandshadow
Chapter 10 – Love and Alcohol
Suboshi was over-enthusiastically lionizing Mareu for going to spy in Amiboshi's place. Tomo (back in his regular facepaint and crown) listened to this with amusement for a while, then shook his head, drawling, "Mareu's not all that nice. Don't forget that bit about wishing to turn us all into hermaphrodites." Tomo shuddered for dramatic effect.
"'Not that nice'? I thought you loved him?" asked Nakago sarcastically.
Tomo suddenly turned serious. "I do love him. You think I could love someone pure and sweet and naive? Oh no, that's not how it works. Ask Soi if you don't believe me."
"And what if I choose to ask you? You're right here." Nakago's tone was cuttingly contemptuous. "Can you explain exactly how love works? Well come on, I'm waiting."
Dammit, it hurt to have Nakago ask him to give a lecture on love. But Tomo took a slow breath and lulled the jealous, neglected part of his heart into submission. In its place he called forth the part that enjoyed these verbal duels, the part that was an arrogant, consummate actor. He let the breath slowly back out, slipping behind the mask and centering himself. "Yes, I can explain it to you, if you wish to be educated." Nakago's eyes narrowed at the implication that he was ignorant, but he said nothing, just waited. "Love is when you notice that your personality and someone else's can take complementary roles that will produce a satisfyingly dramatic relationship. You create your identity by how you picture yourself in relation to other people; you love someone because you like who you are in relation to them. For example: if you did love someone for their purity it could be because you picture yourself as a defender of that purity. Or as a despoiler of it." CoughTamahomecough. "Are you following me, Nakago? Or am I using too many theatrical terms?"
"You may continue."
"How gracious of you. Then, let us consider Suboshi here."
"What? Me?" Suboshi looked up from arranging his vegetables into a monster face.
Tomo ignored him. "Amiboshi takes the role of the parent, the nurturing, both-feet-on-the-ground protector who stands between Suboshi and the world. And Suboshi takes the complementary role of the wild child, the fey walker of the narrow line between playfulness and fury who needs a keeper to help him maintain the fragile balance. One might think of the gardener who grows the dangerous herbs that make medicine for the palace healers and poison for the palace assassins."
Nakago just grunted, but his eyes gave away that he was beginning to be intrigued.
Suboshi, confused, disturbed, and feeling that his privacy had been invaded, got up and left the table. Neither Tomo nor Nakago took much notice of his departure.
"Now the same person can play different roles at different times. You and your 'twin' Mareu, and Soi and I as well, have all played the role of an unreachable beauty for a bedazzled admirer. A fun role, and useful for manipulating the people willing to play admirer, but not very challenging or involving, so none of us are satisfied playing it for very long. Have you noticed, perhaps, that these relationships all seem to consist of two unequal roles? Of course, anyone as familiar with the dungeons as you are probably knows all about dominance and submission, I just wanted to point out that relationships are organized along the same lines even when there is no pain or use of force involved.
Doms always play the dominant role, subs always play the submissive role, and some people can take either role; these last are referred to a 'switches'. Soi I assume is a sub, I am a switch, Mareu is a switch but with a preference for submission. And what about you, Nakago? Everyone assumes from your demeanor that you are a dom. And honestly knowing your past it makes sense – people who are abused tend to come out either as pure doms or pure subs. But then again, often people who take a strong public attitude one way take the other role in private because the balance relieves psychic stress, like yin and yang. Or then there's Mareu's theory that you avoid sex entirely because you can't take the temporary loss of control it entails. So, is everyone reading you right, or…?"
"Mareu. Is. A switch. Who prefers. Submission!" On the last word Nakago's voice lost its strategic calmness and arced upward, betraying extreme surprise and what seemed to be outraged dignity.
Tomo blinked at Nakago's vehemence. "I believe that is what I said."
"That's impossible."
"Ah, I see you do give credence to the theory that Mareu is your reincarnation then."
"Not now I don't."
"Interesting that you are more disturbed by the thought of being submissive than by the thought of being bisexual."
Nakago glared at Tomo. Tomo hid his smile behind a slender long-nailed hand.
Suddenly Nakago looked more cheerful and rather sly. "Ah, I see. Mareu," he said, with too much casualness and an odd fake tone to his voice, "grew up as a girl; it is only natural that she, although in a male body, still behaves as a girl in many ways, including being obnoxiously cheerful, being attracted to men, and being submissive."
Tomo tipped his head to one side and tapped his lips with a fingertip. "That would be an interesting theory, if it weren't for the fact that you obviously don't believe it. You're a terrible liar, if you'll pardon my saying so. And also, you're forgetting that Mareu likes girls too."
Nakago scowled at being caught in the lie, but he wasn't prepared to concede the argument so he took a different tack. "So Mareu said, but I haven't seen Mareu even look at a girl, have you?"
Tomo grimaced wryly, recalling the barely-dressed barbarian women with which Mareu had populated that village in the illusion world. "Yes, I have actually."
Nakago tensed. "He made a pass at Soi, didn't he?" Mentally Nakago completed the though, I'll kill him.
Tomo's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline. "Soi? Uh, no." He chuckled. "Careful, your jealousy is showing."
Nakago hmmphed, but relaxed.
Tomo teased a little more, "He did complement a skirt she was wearing…" pause for dramatic emphasis, "but the rest of his statement was 'I used to have one just like it, only black.'" Nakago snorted, and Tomo smiled crookedly.
There was a moderately long, fairly comfortable pause, then Nakago abruptly asked, "Which one was it, do you remember?"
Tomo blinked, "Which one what?"
"Which skirt was she wearing?"
Tomo's surprise showed on his face. Why the hell does he want to know that? Nakago never cares about clothing. But he obligingly concentrated on his memory of the moment and described the skirt. "It was silk the color of her hair with blue embroidery of some sort of flowers, calf-length, slit on both sides."
"Of course." grumbled Nakago, "It would be one of those."
"One of whats? I don't get it."
"Well no, you wouldn't, would you?"
"Well would you be so kind as to explain it to me then?"
"But you can't…" Nakago paused to consider if there was any way he could conceivably explain the phenomenon of the slit skirt to someone who did not appreciate women. And yes, it turned out, there was a way; a rather obvious one. Nakago sighed. "Ok, picture a guy wearing that skirt." Tomo raised one eyebrow. "Mareu in the black one if it so amuses you." Nakago's lips quirked slightly at the thought.
"Uh… and?" asked Tomo, completely confused.
"And picture him walking by, calves flashing briefly visible through the slit then disappearing into shadow again with each step. And every glimpse of a bare knee is a reminder that there's a bare thigh above it hidden by just a thin layer of silk." Nakago said all this in a bored tone of voice as if he himself were immune to such simple temptations.
Tomo considered this mental image with widened eyes. "Oh. Oh I see."
Nakago smirked slightly and, to emphasize that now he was the authority doing the lecturing, added, "The principle of erotic clothing is not to reveal the body but to emphasize that the interesting bits are rather flimsily hidden." Amazing what you learn growing up in a harem, he thought with black humor.
Tomo did not fight Nakago's taking the advantage in the conversation because he was busy worrying whether Mareu had indeed been flirting with Soi in making that remark. Tomo had no idea whether Mareu found Soi attractive or how to estimate whether Mareu would find any particular woman attractive; and this uncertainty was not a satisfactory state of affairs at all.
"Nakago-sama – since I answered your question, would you mind answering a question for me?"
Nakago looked wary. "What's the question?"
"What is the difference between men and women?" Nakago raised an eyebrow in amused disbelief, and Tomo hurried, embarrassed, to clarify. "Not objectively, I know that of course, but what is the difference as you and Mareu perceive it?"
Nakago judged this a more reasonable question and, unusually, a question both complicated and interesting enough to be worthy of some deep thought.
"Well… as I was just pointing out, women are usually subs and men are usually doms. Men are more often crude, women more often conniving; men are usually hard-hearted, women overly sentimental; men can be taken in by a dazzling appearance, women by a pathetic story; men will blindly follow a dream of loyalty or justice or greed, while women delude themselves with dreams of a perfect home, a perfect life…" Nakago snorted. "Neither gender is worth putting up on a pedestal. All humans are foolish and weak, selfish and eager to lie to themselves and be lied to by others, if the lie is more pleasant that the truth."
Tomo lifted one eyebrow skeptically. "So, by your definition I'm female? I don't think I like that..."
Nakago paused to take in this idea, then decided it was more amusing than threatening. "Well, isn't that what an okama is? A woman's mind in a man's body? Don't you want to bear Mareu's children?"
Tomo facefaulted. "That is a very disturbing idea, and I'm glad it doesn't apply to me."
"Doesn't it? There's a peasant's definition of love for you – if you love someone you must want to raise a big brood of children with them. That's why they're so fond of the little monsters – they don't see the snot-nosed child, they see a blend of themselves and their lover."
Tomo wrinkled his nose delicately. "I don't dislike children, but I can't imagine ever being as patient or forbearing as my father was with me. Now, Mareu... Mareu might be a good parent, intent as he seems to be on welding we seishi into a family. Hmm..." Tomo looked off into the distance musingly.
"So is Mareu male or female?"
Tomo blinked. "What?"
"If you are female by my definition, what is Mareu?"
Tomo considered. And frowned a little at what he was coming up with, and considered some more. "Mareu... he's both. Almost equally... maybe just a bit more female. But not by much, not what one might expect from growing up as a girl."
Nakago said, "Hmm..." and nothing else.
Tomo eyed him suspiciously. "That doesn't surprise you. You, the Shogun, man among men, renowned for being unsympathetic and not caring about heart-wrenching stories or extenuating circumstances... and you agree that Mareu might well be your reincarnation and that doesn't surprise you." he accused.
Nakago stood abruptly, slamming his palms down on the table hard enough to make Tomo flinch. "I've had enough of this foolish conversation." he said, all his habitual ice back in his voice. "I have important matters that I must oversee, even if you don't." And he turned and stalked out of the room, leaving Tomo frozen defensively in his wake, like a rabbit trying not to attract a cat's attention.
After a moment Tomo made himself relax, and grumbled to himself, "It would be a lot easier to deal with him if I had some idea what would set him off like that. What's so insulting about being balanced between male and female? I should be the one who's insulted, if he thinks I'm so very feminine that I ache to 'bear Mareu's children'... urgh, I don't even want to think about that." Tomo stuck his tongue out at thin air, then rose with his customary grace and strode off to see about his own business.
And so, I spent the day traveling with the Suzakus: being avoided by Nuriko, regarded suspiciously by Tasuki and to some extent by Tamahome, treated distantly by Hotohori and Mitsukake, and trying myself to avoid the annoyingly energetic Miaka. It was a relief that evening to stop at the next inn, and it was even more of a relief when, after eating supper, Miaka and Tamahome retired upstairs, probably to stare at each other and go "Miaka!" "Tamahome!" "Miaka!" "Tamahome!" "Miaka!" "Tamahome!"... ugh. Gag me with a spoon. They were sickeningly sweet; I couldn't fathom how anyone could ever be that in love with someone else. Hmm, maybe that kind of love only worked for people who didn't have much else going on inside their heads...
Looking for something to do until I was tired enough to go to sleep, I noticed Tasuki and Nuriko at the inn's bar and went over to see what they were up to. Nuriko was just giving the last of a string of instructions to the bartender, who turned around and began mixing a drink.
"Ye gods, it's purple!" I exclaimed.
Tasuki suddenly developed an evil smirk. "Why, Mareu! Drink with us! Nuriko, I bet Mareu would love to try one of your Nuriko Specials!" I was instantly suspicious – when Tasuki manages to speak multiple sentences without one word of profanity, you know he's up to something.
I turned to Nuriko, to see what he thought I should do. He seemed uncertain for a moment, then his look changed to one of challenge. "My Specials are pretty strong, if you're not much of a drinker you may want to stick to something more mild."
The barkeeper set Tasuki and Nuriko's glasses of deceptively pleasant-looking violet liquor on the bar, and I inspected them suspiciously, then looked around for something to help me make my decision. As luck would have it, at that moment Hotohori was just coming downstairs. "Hotohori!" My call stopped him, and he turned, looking puzzled, to see what I wanted.
"Yes, what is it Mareu?"
"Nuriko and Tasuki want me to drink one of these Nuriko specials and I wanted an unbiased opinion; how deadly are they?"
"Actually I do not know, I've never had one."
"What, never? Oh, well then by all means join us! The more the merrier, right Tasuki? I'll drink one of these things if Hotohori does."
Tasuki looked delighted with the opportunity I had handed him. "Sure, that's a great idea! C'mon Hotohori, pull up a stool!"
Hotohori looked entirely distrustful of this idea. "Ah, I think perhaps it would be a better idea if I just…" he started edging away.
"Aw c'mon!" wheedled Tasuki, slapping Hotohori across the back (which had the convenient side effect of pushing him closer to the bar). "Don't be such a wuss, one glass isn't gonna kill ya."
"Tasuki!" reprimanded Nuriko. "If Hotohori-sama doesn't think he should drink it then he doesn't have to."
"Yeah," I added feeling delightfully evil, "I agree with Nuriko, if Hotohori doesn't think he can handle it we shouldn't force him."
"Hey!" squeaked Nuriko. "I didn't mean I thought he couldn't handle it! I just, ah…" he trailed off under the force of Hotohori's glare. Silently and stiffly the emperor pulled up a stool and seated himself upon it, and we were all sitting in a row at the bar, first Nuriko, then Hotohori, then me, then Tasuki.
"Anything Nuriko can handle, I can surely handle." Hotohori announced huffily. Hmm. Must be some testosterone under that polished exterior after all. If Hotohori thought of Nuriko as a sort of measuring-stick, the one person he was definitely more masculine than, that would help explain why he was so non-reactive to Nuriko's interest in him. Hmm…
Meanwhile Tasuki was congratulating Hotohori on his bravery and had ordered two more Specials from the bartender. "That's the spirit Hotohori! Tonight we'll make you a real man!"
I drawled, "A real man, huh? You know, I could have sworn that involved rather different fluids than alcohol…" I snickered when my efforts were rewarded with three bright blushes.
"Mareu no hentai!" complained Nuriko.
"Aww, that was the mildest way I could possibly have phrased that! Jeeze, by the way you three blush anybody would think you guys were all virgins." When nobody shouted out to contradict me I looked more closely at the three of them and noticed that they were now all blushing twice as brightly. "Oh. You guys are all virgins. Aww, you poor things… you're missing out on so much!"
At this point the drinks arrived, and Nuriko seized the opportunity to change the subject. "Okay, here we are, one Nuriko special for everybody. Take a little sip first and whatever you do, don't try to breathe while you're drinking it, we don't want anyone to choke now."
"Yeah, whatever." Tasuki threw back his glass in one swallow. He gasped slightly and his eyes watered a bit, but he was grinning and looked unharmed.
"You know I meant them, not you Tasuki." grumbled Nuriko. Then to my astonishment he did the same, throwing back his whole glass and then setting it down, looking completely unruffled. Either these drinks weren't really so bad, or these two had had a lot of practice drinking them. I picked up my glass and sniffed it. I followed Nuriko's advice and took a small sip… my eyes bugged out; the stuff was like purple fire! It was definitely more than 100 proof. Hotohori was watching me, having not yet touched his own glass. Do I really want to do this? I won't get too tipsy from just one of these, but is there really any reason to subject myself to this lacquer thinner? Hmm... actually there was – if I could manage to get Hotohori drunk without getting too drunk myself I could interrogate him, figure out how his mind worked and what his sexuality actually was. That would be worth downing a glass of this stuff.
I swirled the liquid experimentally around in the glass, then shrugged and, holding my breath, tossed it back. My throat and sinuses burned, but I managed not to choke or sputter, and Tasuki applauded. "Awright Mareu! $&ing beautifully done!" I raised an eyebrow at his choice of phrase, but declined to comment in favor of watching Hotohori.
With a resigned look on his face he lifted his glass to his lips and took a small sip. I took a moment to admire the way his feathery chestnut hair slid against his graceful throat. I supposed he was beautiful, if not necessarily the most beautiful guy ever, as he seemed to think. But definitely easy on the eyes, particularly while I could feel the large dose of alcohol starting to hit my bloodstream. Pity that if I even attempted to come on to Hotohori Nuriko would put me through a wall… Also a pity that the young Emperor made the mistake of trying to drink the violet nitroglycerine as if it were wine, ending up coughing and sputtering. I smiled evilly.
Tasuki snickered, but patted Hotohori on the back and congratulated him for taking the plunge. Nuriko went into concerned mode and fluttered anxiously around Hotohori. Really, they would make a beautiful couple. Tempting thought: I should drag them both off to bed and see what I could get to happen. Heh. Completely unlikely to actually occur, but interesting to imagine…
I suddenly noticed that Tasuki was snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Oi, Mareu, wake up! Do ya want another Special or not?"
I blinked and licked my lips while I refocused on reality. "Wow, that stuff hits fast… Um, I want something sweeter. I would offer to make you guys my 'special' mixed drink, but I don't think they have the ingredients here."
"What's in it?" asked Tasuki eagerly. "I always like to try a new drink!"
"Well the main ingredient is sour apple pucker… erm schnapps? brandy? People call it different things, but it has to be made from green apples." I looked inquiringly at the bartender. "Don't have anything like that, do you?"
"Got applejack." he grunted.
I sighed. "No, that won't work. I'll have a glass of it to drink though." The bartender nodded.
"Applejack!" groused Tasuki. "That's $($# sissy stuff."
I arched one eyebrow amusedly at him. "And your point is?"
The bartender set two more specials down in front of Tasuki and he quickly quaffed one before answering me. "Well $&, you don't act much like an okama, I thought maybe I'd be friendly 'n give you the benefit of the doubt."
I couldn't help it – I giggled. "Tasuki, as much of an expert on alcohol as you seem to be, you should know very well that it has nothing to do with sexuality. Well, except for lowering inhibitions, but that's not what you were talking about anyway. And since you seem to care so much about the subject I should probably explain that I'm technically not an 'okama'."
"Yer not? Then why th' &# are you after Nuriko?"
"I didn't say I don't like guys; I like them very much. I just like girls too. Which, I believe, makes me technically not an 'okama', does it not? There are several other slang terms that would describe me, like bi, switch hitter, ac/dc, convertible, 'plays for both teams', etc., so you may as well use an accurate one."
Tasuki just blinked at me, processing this. Hotohori, who now had a glass of wine, blinked at me as well, then asked, "But if you could just like women and be normal, why go after men?"
I scratched my head and tried to fit the reason that was so obvious to me into words that would make sense to Hotohori. "Well… that would be like if I decided music was more orderly than birdsong, so I never listened to birds again. Y'know? Or if I had a whole banquet table full of food but I only let myself eat the dishes with noodles, not the ones with rice. It would be a foolish way to live one's life, ignoring half the pleasures the world has to offer, wouldn't it?"
"I suppose it would." Hotohori sounded surprised and thoughtful, not to mention mellowed by the alcohol.
"Ya know, I don't $& well believe you!"
I blinked at Tasuki. "Uh, what don't you believe?"
"That you would go back to men after sleeping with a woman. I bet you haven't actually slept with any women!"
I was kind of non-plussed by the accusation. "Sure I have." I counted on my fingers. "Eight of them actually."
"Eight?" asked Nuriko in disbelief.
"Well yeah, but keep in mind I'm older than you guys and I've had five years to rack up eight women and, um," I counted on my fingers again, "twelve men. Which is only four a year, some being one night stands and some being longer relationships – I don't think that's a lot…" I let my voice trail off because now that I actually counted, it did seem rather like a lot… and here I was proposing to add Tomo and Nuriko to my tally… hell, Hotohori too if I could get him, he was pretty enough to sleep with once, if too vain for me to contemplate a relationship with... somehow that didn't feel... quite right.
"So…" Hotohori hesitated. "So what's the difference?"
"The difference of what?"
"Between, um, being with a woman or with a man." Nuriko gave Hotohori a suspicious sideways look.
"Oh, well, ah… I would say the scent is the biggest difference actually."
"Scent?" chorused Hotohori and Nuriko disbelievingly.
"See, all people have two scents, the subtle one that all their skin smells like and the stronger one that is only produced by the skin of the groin. Well of course the person also smells like their shampoo and perfume and whatever they've been doing recently, like smoking or cooking or burning incense, but only those two scents are really important because they're the primary way other than appearance that the animal part of your brain decides whether someone is sexy. So if your brain only likes the way men smell then you only like men, and if your brain only likes the way women smell then you only like women. By the way, this isn't just my theory, I read it in a book about human biology. So anyway, I obviously like both scents. Men are kind of… um… well the subtle part is like cloves and almonds, and the strong part is just musky, I suppose. For women the subtle part is like bread baking, sort of, and the strong part is tangy, almost metallic. And of course both genders taste that way too…"
"Taste? Eww." Tasuki made a face.
I teasingly licked my lips. "Of course taste! It's not sex if your tongue isn't involved somehow! You gotta lick it before you stick it!" Nuriko was blushing and Hotohori was blushing more, looking like he was on the verge of a nosebleed, so I thought I had better switch back to lecture mode.
"So anyway, men and women are most different in scent, and after that shape: rounder curves vs. flatter curves, you know, the obvious differences. And other than that men and women are really about the same – they have pretty much the same sensitive spots, are pleased by the same techniques..."
"Now how can they possibly have the same sensitive spots when they don't have the same &!$ing 'spots' at all!" objected Tasuki.
"Well first of all I didn't mean just what's between their legs. There are plenty of sensitive spots, or 'fucking' spots as Tasuki puts it," I grinned at him and he glared back at me, "elsewhere: the earlobe, the hollow behind the jawbone, the cheeks," I gestured with just a hint of sensuality to each part on myself as I named them, hoping to make an impression on either Hotohori or Nuriko. "lips and tongue, the hollow of the throat, the collarbone, the center of the back, the nipples are sensitive on many men as well as women," their blushes got redder, "the abs, the underside of the hands and feet, the ass cheeks, the backs of the knees and insides of the elbows, the navel, and the inside of the thighs. For every person there are going to be a few of those spots that aren't particularly sensitive and a few that drive the person completely wild, but generally speaking that list of sensitive spots is the same for everybody. Now, as for what's between their legs… um, do you guys want me to continue this lecture? 'Cause I think if I say any more you two are going to get nose bleeds," Nuriko and Hotohori glanced embarrassedly at each other, then quickly away. Hotohori hid behind his wineglass, nervously gulping down half of its contents, and Nuriko studied the wood grain of the bar, tracing it with one slim finger. "and Tasuki's going to lose his dinner."
"Damn straight that's enough! We're sup'posed to be drinkin', not gossipin' like a buncha $& girls!" muttered Tasuki. He actually did look quite green around the gills. My throat was dry from so much talking, so against my better judgment I drank half of my applejack. I made a mental note to drink some water later so I didn't get a hangover.
"Tasuki, what's with you anyway?" demanded Nuriko (possibly annoyed not to get to hear the rest of my lecture). "You don't like girls, you don't like guys…" Hmm. Seems as if Nuriko lost that cute cheerfulness when he drank. Like it was a facade that he couldn't maintain when his brain was clouded with alcohol. Hmm…
"I'm jus' not a hentai like you three!" protested Tasuki.
I cracked up and almost spit my drink out my nose. "But I didn't even get to the hentai part yet! That was the completely innocent part!"
"Innocent," Nuriko deadpanned, "is not the word." Hotohori emphatically nodded his agreement.
I couldn't keep from giggling at them. "Honest, hehehe, that was just stuff every sixteen year old should know; like, ehehehe, times tables or something. Damn, hehehe, I must have, eheheh, ow, drunk enough to get the giggles, hehehehe, ouch, dammit!"
Hotohori blinked at me. "Mareu, are you okay?"
"Fine," I squeaked with inebriated mirth, "it's just these clawmarks hurt when I laugh."
"Clawmarks?" wondered Tasuki.
Now, it is a general principle of seduction that less clothing is better. So as I explained I started undoing the frogs of my Chinese-style shirt. "Silly Tomo, hehe, put them there the night before I left. So I wouldn't forget him, he said." I pulled off my shirt, pulled my hair forward over my shoulder, and showed them the marks on my back. "Said, 'Come back before they heal so I know you belong to me.' Feh. I don't belong to anyone! Even if he is pretty as sin and deliciously wicked…"
Tasuki whistled in amazement. "He did that with his &&$ hands!"
"'S got hella long nails." I shrugged my shirt back on, but let it hang open. "Heh, good thing he doesn't have fangs like you, then I'd look like a vampire bit me, eheheh. I don't even want to think about where the bite marks would be..." Tasuki made an absolutely awful face and I laughed maniacally. Nuriko and Hotohori also laughed, but more uncertainly because they were still concerned about the wounds on my back.
"Mareu?" asked Nuriko with genuine worry, "You're not thinking of going back to him, are you? After he hurt you like that? That's abuse!"
The flat accusation banished my humor for a moment. I enunciated carefully to make sure I got my point across. "No, it was absolutely not abuse. He didn't do it to cause me pain, and if I would have complained he would have apologized profusely and put salve on the wounds and never done anything like that again. But I didn't complain because I appreciated the gesture, even if I can't accept the offer."
"You… appreciated the gesture? Offer?" Hotohori asked, non-plussed. "I'm confused…"
I chuckled, some of my humor returning. "Sorry; submission, dominance, and collaring are too advanced for this class. 'N they actually are hentai by any definition, so I'll spare your poor innocent minds. But the whitewashed version is this: he made me an offer that I was truly honored to receive, but couldn't accept. I would've liked to accept, but I know from experience that I would probably change my mind in a few months, which wouldn't be fair to him; it would be like backing out of an engagement or a liege oath or something, that kind of a betrayal. So, I politely declined, and we're still friends n lovers n stuff, and we'll be happy to see each other when I go back. End of story."
"But… why the hell flirt with me then!" Nuriko sounded genuinely angry, and I hid a wince.
"I said I don't belong to him, or anyone else for that matter. You think I'm not going to take a stab at seducing a beauty like you when the opportunity presents itself? Besides, I would be good for you – I'm a good teacher. And I mean face it, you look like a girl but you are a guy; it practically requires a bisexual person to appreciate both aspects of you, and we aren't exactly in abundant supply. The only other one I've met recently is… well never mind, but you really don't want to meet him. He's into that whips and chains thing." Mentioning Nakago's name would definitely break my cover. From all indications Nakago's tastes and mine were approximately the same physically, if not in terms of personality, and I had no doubts that if Nakago ever saw Nuriko the violet-haired seishi would quickly end up chained somewhere private where no one could hear him scream. Probably Hotohori too for that matter, as much because Nakago would presumably really enjoy dominating an emperor as because of his looks. Although maybe not, because I had no idea what Nakago saw in Tamahome, and Nakago apparently had no idea what I saw in Tomo… Hmm. Why would we be attracted to different types if we're supposedly two copies of the same person? Just because our personalities are different? Puzzling...
Nuriko deliberately looked away from me, clenching his fists and flushed with some mixture of anger and embarrassment. I gave Hotohori a 'pity me!' look, and he glanced anxiously between Nuriko and I, trying to think of something to say to lighten the atmosphere. If he would just hug Nuriko that would go a long way towards fixing things up, but no, that would be beneath his imperial dignity.
I sighed in frustration and leaned my head on my arms. Nuriko being upset was pretty much entirely my fault, he had perfectly good coping mechanisms in place but I had decided to push on them so I could try to fix the hurt underneath. I had caused Nuriko's current pain, so it was my responsibility to fix it. But how? He needed a hug, but if I gave him one would he throw me through a wall? I didn't particularly want to experience that. If I was going to try to hug him, I needed him to be in a pliable mood, and that meant… more alcohol. I quietly flagged down the bartender and ordered tea for myself, and for the other three another round of whatever they were drinking.
I drank my tea and endured the angry silence a while longer.
By this point I was starting to get annoyed. "Oh cheer up Nuriko. Anger doesn't become you; it clashes with your cute and helpful act." Nuriko glared daggers at me. "Hey, I'm serious! Cheer up or I'll… I'll start singing! And trust me, you don't want to be subjected to that."
Nuriko blinked at this non-sequitur threat, but then pronounced superiorly "It couldn't possibly be any worse than Tasuki singing when he's drunk."
"Ohhhh yes it could! I'll sing something eeeecchi!"
"That's nothing new; half the things that come out of your mouth are ecchi!"
"Yah, and half the things that go into it too; just 'cause you expect it doesn't mean you can resist!" I licked my lips as sensually as possible, keeping eye contact with him the whole time, and sure enough, a fiery blush spread over his cheeks.
"You, YOU…! FINE! Do your worst, I dare you!" he huffed.
I let my evilest, most hentai grin flow onto my face, and took great satisfaction in watching Tasuki and Hotohori look frightened. "Why Nurrrrriko," I purred silkily, "I thought you'd never ask." Nuriko swallowed, already having difficulty maintaining his anger against me against the rush of hormones. This was going to be child's play. Now, what the hell song should I sing? The lyrics should be clearly hentai without too much explanation, the song should be something that would arouse Nuriko… and it would help if I actually knew all the words. I put my fingertip to my lips and looked speculatively at Nuriko while I considered. Taste My Ice Cream? No, unfortunately I didn't think ice cream had been invented here yet.
Suddenly the perfect song came to me and I smiled a softer smile. I closed my eyes, bowed my head, and took a deep breath. Then I started humming the first few wordless measures of Garbage's Androgyny. When it was time for the lyrics to begin I opened my eyes and sang right to Nuriko (although I was also very aware that Hotohori was listening and hopefully paying attention to the lyrics).
When
everything is going wrong
And you can't see the point of going on
Nothing in life is set in stone
There's nothing that can't be
turned around
Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to
love someone
Go to the tree and pick a plum
Why can't we all
just get along
They all looked puzzled, because the song starts out soft and innocent, like a lullaby or a lovesong. Little did they know what was coming next! Such is the beauty of binge and purge rock.
(Boys)
Boys in the girl's room
(Girls)
Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
(Boys)
Boys in the
parlor
(Girls)
They're getting harder
I'll free your mind
in your androgyny
No sweeter a taste that you can find
Than
fruit hanging ripe upon the vine
There's never been an oyster so
divine
A river deep that never runs dry
What you need
What you need
What you need
What you need
What you
need
What you need
What you need
What you need
What
you need
What you need
What you need
The birds and
the bees they hum along
Like treasure they twinkle in the sun
Get on board and have some fun
Take what you need to turn you
on
Behind closed doors or under stars
It doesn't matter
where you are
Collect the jewels that catch your eyes
Don't
let a soulmate pass you by
Boys in the girl's room
Girls
in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys
in the parlor
They're getting harder
I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind
I'll free your
Boys…
Girls…
Boys…
Girls…
I let the last word roll off my tongue, then took a deep breath and relaxed. Nuriko had a rather peculiar expression on his face, so I decided to leave him alone with his thoughts for a moment. I checked to see how the song had affected Hotohori and Tasuki.
Hotohori was gazing into his wine as if he was contemplating some powerful, mysterious mystical artifact, and he wasn't sure whether it would help him or kill him. Tasuki… had his hands over his ears. I glared at him, and he took his hands away and told me bluntly, "Mareu, you should not sing."
"I know that, dammit! It's rilly lame because I like to sing." I hid my genuine hurt behind a melodramatic pout. "But I realize it's kinder to spare everyone the agony, so I usually do. Ya gotta admit though, it makes a good threat, doesn't it?" I giggled, having already bounced back to my previous level good humor. I just cannot stay serious for very long when I'm even a little drunk. This would be frustrating, except I can't stay frustrated either. I snickered quietly to myself.
I turned back to Hotohori and Nuriko. "So, my voice aside, what didja think of the song? I know it wasn't really that hentai, but I like its philosophy, and it's a pretty song… at least, it is when somebody else sings it." I grimaced comically.
There was a long silence with no one being willing to venture an opinion, then Nuriko decided to take the plunge. "… I can't believe that's a real song. I mean who would make up something like…?" He shook his head.
I shrugged. "There's all kinda weird songs where I come from." Suddenly I felt rather sleepy, and propped my chin on my hand to let my neck rest.
Hotohori decided to venture a question. "What exactly did you mean, you like the song's philosophy?"
"Oh, y'know, how it says if you meet someone you like you should say so, and not worry so much about what's normal 'n expected, 'n not get upset if things don't work out because there's always somebody else.
"But anyway, did you understand all the references? Like when it says 'never been an oyster so divine' an oyster's supposed to be an aphrodisiac so the implication is that the person is a better aphrodisiac than any oyster. And the 'go to the tree and pick a plum' part… I'm not quite sure about that. The usual metaphor is a peach, you know because they're pink and fuzzy like skin. There's a classic love poem that goes 'Do I dare to eat a peach?' Or sometimes people use a fig because they really look rather, um, genital… But, maybe they had to use whatever rhymed. I dunno… The 'birds and the bees' part refers to the universality and naturalness of love; 's an allusion to another, much older song that goes 'birds do it, bees do it, even the flowers and the trees do it'. I'm not sure about the 'river deep that never runs dry' either; it might be a reference to the myth of the Fisher King which is about fertility, but it could also just be a simple metaphor for the person the song is directed toward, like fruit and oyster are in the same stanza." I scratched my head. "Uh… Is there anything else I should explain?"
They were all looking cluelessly at me, and it occurred to me that explaining poetry to drunk people who didn't have the right cultural background was inevitably a losing proposition. "Oh never mind."
Tasuki grunted. "Yeah, no $& poetry while we're drinkin'."
I shook my head mournfully. "Tasuki, you're completely hopeless, you know that?"
"Nah, he hasn't managed to get that fact through his thick skull yet, but the rest of us know he's hopeless." drawled Nuriko. "We just keep him around for entertainment value." I smiled to see Nuriko in a better mood.
"Oi! Look who's talkin'! You're more &$$ hopeless n' I am! Y'll never catch me wearin' pink!"
I looked at Tasuki in alarm. "Well I should certainly hope not! Do you know how badly it would clash with your hair!"
A snort-like laugh slipped from Nuriko and he hid his mouth behind his hand. I grinned – that was the first time I had ever seen Nuriko laugh a real laugh, not a cute-but-contrived feminine giggle.
I caught Hotohori glancing back and forth between me and Nuriko, as if trying to figure out how our argument had evaporated leaving us once more flirting over his head. It really must have felt odd sitting there in the crossfire. Well, good – maybe it would do Hotohori good to not be the center of attention for a while. Unfortunately Nuriko then remembered that we were supposed to be fighting, and asked me challengingly, "So just who is this 'Tomo'?"
My grin melted into a wry grimace, and I dropped my forehead into my hand, thinking, Oh, this does not bode well at all, I should never have mentioned him... But then I suddenly realized that I had never told anyone what I thought about Tomo; normally the first thing I do when I get a new crush is babble besottedly to my friends, but none of them were here in Ancient China Fantasyland… I raised my head again and studied Nuriko for a moment. He would probably make a good audience, and it wasn't like I was getting anywhere trying to seduce him anyway…
"You really want to know?" I let my surprise show in my voice, signaling that I was going to ignore the challenge aspect and take the question at face value, as an offer to gossip.
Nuriko blinked, and said a bit more tentatively, "Sure, I want to know who would dare claw a 6' 4" swordsman with shoulders twice as broad as mine." He leaned towards me, propping his chin on his wrist in an exaggerated 'Tell me everything dearie!' pose.
I grimaced comically. "Pfft, that sword's for show, I've only had a few weeks of lessons on how to use it. I'd probably have more success trying to paint with it than poke someone." Noting Nuriko's look of bafflement I clarified, "I'm an artist. Not a swordsman but a painter, a sculptor, a storyteller. And don't let the height fool you, I have the temperament of a kitten."
Nuriko, although interested in these revelations about me, stayed in his role. "Mareu," he shook a finger at me, "you are avoiding the question."
"Oh right, you wanted to know about Tomo." Hmm, what could I say without giving away that I was talking about a Seiryuu seishi? "Well… he's an actor. You know, in the opera; that's why he has the long fingernails." What did I really want to say about him anyway? I mean, I could go on and on about his milk-white skin and moonlight hair, but that wasn't at the heart of why I liked him so much…
Nuriko verbally prodded me out of my reverie. "You said, 'pretty as sin, and deliciously wicked', I believe?" he inquired archly. Hotohori was watching Nuriko warily out of the corner of his eye, probably wondering where this subtly aggressive creature had come from and what it had done with the real Nuriko.
A grin tugged at the corner of my mouth, though I tried to hide it. "Ah yes, that does describe Tomo. He's very beautiful – he could probably pass as a woman too, although I don't think he'd have any interest in doing so." I filed that fascinating concept away for later contemplation. "But I think… I think my favorite thing about him is his sarcasm. He's kind of like an alley cat, actually – cynical and a bit scarred from a rough life, defensively ready to bite you, but you could tame him if you were clever and patient enough. I can't resist trying." A wistful smile seemed to have snuck onto my features while I wasn't paying attention.
Nuriko snorted. "You claim to be a storyteller and the best metaphor you can come up with is an alley cat? Somehow I doubt he'd find that very flattering."
"Well what do you want me to say? He has skin like fresh milk, eyes of molten gold, hair like a skein of silk thread spun from moonlight?" Nuriko's eyes widened at the sudden cascade of poetry. "It's true. Should I quote the proverb that the beauty of the rose is the sum of its petals and its thorns? That fits him as well." My mouth twisted in amusement as I though of a way to make them all blush again. "Shall I say I have seen him arch as lithely as a cat, and lap at my cream as daintily as any pampered siamese?" Sure enough, it took Nuriko and Hotohori a moment to figure out what I meant by 'my cream', but then they both blushed violently. Luckily for Tasuki he had plugged his ears after the word 'milk'. "That describes him as well. It's all a matter of perspective and audience. The alley cat metaphor may not be as 'pretty' as the others, but I chose it because I thought it was more evocative of exactly how I think of him. Which is what you wanted to know, after all. Right?
"Although, on the other hand I can see why you don't see the appeal of a jaded alley cat. You would rather have a vain and pampered Persian to baby. Or perhaps be the audience of one for a work of art, yes? The only person who appreciated the depths of its meaning and not just its flashy surface? The caretaker at an art gallery who lovingly keeps each piece dusted, polished, and living up to its full potential?" I asked in an amused tone of voice, glancing at Hotohori for a moment to make my meaning clear before letting my gaze slide back toward Nuriko and giving him a knowing look.
Nuriko blinked at me, startled at the accuracy of my statement, then his expression slid into a small, sad smile. "Oh, perhaps." he said casually. I blinked. Alcohol really did bring out a different facet of his personality. I liked this Nuriko better, actually.
Which reminded me that my goal here was to take advantage of the alcohol in Hotohori's system to find out how his mind worked. So, I turned to Hotohori. "And what about you? What sort of lover do you see yourself as?"
"Errrm..." He flicked a nervous glance at Nuriko, clearly not wanting to say anything that would encourage the delicate man. If I wanted to get anything out of him in Nuriko's presence I would have to push harder.
"Miaka told me that you liked her..." I drawled, and Hotohori flushed scarlet with anger and embarrassment. "I really can't fathom why, but then she's not my type at all, too childlike... but hmm, let's see, why might that appeal to you..."
Unexpectedly Nuriko growled, "It's because she's the Miko." Wow, just a little hostility there! Hmm, the priestess... with my slightly sodden brain I tried to puzzle out what that might mean.
"What is a Miko, 'zactly? They're just schoolgirls from another world, right? Aren't they the only ones who don't have any cool powers? Whasso special about them?"
Nuriko grumbled, "That's what I'd like to know." and cast an annoyed look at Hotohori.
Never one to let an opportunity to flirt pass me by (even if I had just finished telling him about Tomo), I flashed Nuriko my patented sexy grin and drawled, "Well, I dunno about Mikos, but I'd be happy to show you what's so special about me..."
"Mareu..." sighed Nuriko tiredly.
I sighed too, recognizing a hopeless cause. "Wakata. Nuriko, if you're really utterly uninterested in me, all you have to do is say so and I'll leave you alone. I'm not one to stick my nose... or other anatomy... in where it's not wanted."
"Ano..." Nuriko couldn't help but glance at Hotohori, who just looked down into his wineglass. I could see the little flash of pain in Nuriko's eyes... but he gathered himself up, turned back to me, and said firmly, "I am sorry, but my heart lies elsewhere."
Hotohori stood up and, not meeting anyone's eyes, muttered, "I'm going to bed." He turned to walk away from the bar.
"Coward." Lubricated by alcohol, the word slipped out between my lips before I could stop it.
Hotohori spun back, a look of royal fury on his face, and I suddenly fount a sword point at my adam's apple. "How dare you!"
My eyes widened as I suddenly realized Hotohori was capable of killing me. I swallowed nervously and considered apologizing, but then I realized I could fight back now... and I was really angry at him for threatening me with physical violence like some schoolyard bully. King or not, he had no right to act so goddamn superior! So I narrowed my eyes, concentrated on being ready to disappear the sword out of his hand if he actually tried to stab me with it, and growled, "What, you want to add 'bully' to your list of character flaws? You going to run me through just for saying you're not perfect?"
"Mareu!" squeaked Nuriko, while Hotohori went gray with shock, took a step back, and uncertainly let his sword waver away from me.
I realized that this all probably seemed uncivilized and unprovoked from Nuriko's perspective, which made me feel a little guilty. Avoiding Hotohori's eyes, I half-apologized, half-complained to Nuriko, "I'm sorry, but I hate it when people avoid their problems. It just ends up hurting everyone. If he's not interested in you he should say so, and if he is interested he should goddamn get some courage and do something about it! It's his responsibility as a human being not to let you waste years of your life hoping and hurting each time your hope isn't realized. But forget it. I'm a little too drunk to be tactful, and it's none of my business, I'm just a stranger who's only been here a few days; I should shut my mouth and go sleep it off."
Now I was calm enough to meet Hotohori's eyes again. "Sumimasen. I don't know what your life is like, I shouldn't judge you." I bowed slightly to him. Then I turned and strode up the stairs to hide in my room, alone and wishing for Tomo to distract me and cheer me up.
"Ah..." Hotohori stammered, still in shock, searching Nuriko and Tasuki's faces wondering if they thought he was a coward and a bully too. He realized he still had his sword out, and slammed it embarrassedly back into its sheath. "I- goodnight." he hung his head and spun on his heel, hair swinging around him like a cloak as he too strode up the stairs looking for a place to hide.
"Heika..." whispered Nuriko sadly, watching him go. Then he turned around and slumped onto the bar's counter. "... waste years of my life hoping and hurting..." he murmured into his folded arms. Then he raised his head and announced, "Tasuki, I need to get very drunk."
Tasuki's eyes lit up. "Hey, now yer talkin'! Barkeep, as many bottles of sake as ya got!" Then Tasuki paused suspiciously. "But only if ya promise there won't be any more sappy talk! I've had &# enough talk about all that kissy stuff, any more an' I'm gonna lose my dinner!"
In a brittle tone of voice Nuriko murmured, "I couldn't agree more. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it, I just want to get very drunk."
"Alright!" Tasuki grabbed the first two bottles of sake as the barkeeper plunked them down on the counter. He sunk a fang into each cork and yanked them out at the same time, then handed one to Nuriko and raised the other in a toast. "Kampai!"
"Kampai." muttered Nuriko unenthusiastically, and poured the bottle down his throat.
Hours later, the barkeeper ran out of sake bottles. Tasuki, mumble-singing happily to himself, crawled up the stairs and crashed on his bed. Nuriko's dignity kept him walking upright, although he was swaying visibly. When he got to the top of the stairs he paused a moment, looking around at all the doors... then wove his way over to Merru's door and knocked on it.
AN2: the poem that goes "Do I dare to eat a peach?" is T. S. Eliot's The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock.
AN3: I think I finally figured out how to end this goddamn story. That's the good news – the bad news is I'm less than half way to that ending. Well, you all might think that a lot more chapters are a good thing, but I'm trying to write an original yaoi science fiction/fantasy novel, and I don't really have time for both projects, and writing fanfic in someone else's universe just isn't as interesting as writing an original novel I might be able to publish. So, there are not going to be regular updates of this fic. I only did this one because I had most of the chapter written already and I randomly got an inspiration for how to finish it. But, if anyone wants to be a sounding board for my novel concept, email me or leave a review with your email, and I'll send you the url of the summary document. Mareu's in it! He's not anyone's reincarnation this time, he's a human male who gets stuck in the body of a dragon-like alien and treated like a dog. There's also a Tomo-like character named Lieann, and if you wanted to stretch it a little you could say that Nakago is Ravennin and Soi is Attranath (who is male). Yaoi romance galore. I could really use some supportive fans to bounce ideas off of... waves a cookie enticingly