Hello. Theo here again. As I was pondering my navel last night (Term used for thinking of the great mysteries of life) Since we call Australia the 'Down Under' do they call the rest of the world 'Up Over'? Why do we say 'a pair of jeans' when there's only one? And why are they called apartments when they're stuck together? Ok. I'm not afraid to admit I'm weird, but I's also dumb. DUMB AS HELL!

DISCLAIMER: Same as before. I don't own JTHM or anything else that belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Also, if you read carefully, one of Jeff Foxworthy's jokes is contained within. I don't own that either, but I thought it would go well with the story. All I own is the idea for this fic.

WARNING: Also the same as before. Use of language, violence, and possible sexual content within. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

888

Chapter 2 – Holy Mother Poop! It's… The Phone!

Devi stared at the ceiling of her apartment. Earlier that night, she had been at Johnny's home, much to her sicken discomfort. He did not attack her which surprised her. Perhaps now, her fear of the outside world will diminish, at least until the next shit filled experience happens to her. (The guy who shit his pants comes to mind here) What frightened her more was that she didn't seem to mind to be with Nny again, but still, she had to be careful, lest she end up like all the others Nny has dealt with. Perhaps Nny wasn't so bad when he's not criminally insane. What did she mean by that? Of course he's not so bad. She did, after all, ask HIM out on their date.

'Ghaa! What's wrong with me! Here I am, doing nothing when I should be working. WHY CAN'T I WORK!'

She wondered as she shakes her head in constant wonder. The closest thing to an answer came from the unfinished doll painting in the other room.

'Goddamnit Sickness! Why won't you let me work?'

There was no answer from the voice. Devi hasn't heard much from the painting, yet still, she knew Sickness was there. It was doubtful Devi defeated the voice. In fact, Devi would not be surprised if her refusal to give in to the voice made Sickness stronger. Like an apparition waiting for the right moment to strike at Devi's very soul, Sickness was waiting.

"WHY CAN'T YOU GET OUT OF MY HEAD? ARE YOU GOING TO STALK ME UNTIL I RIP MY HAIR OUT AND DIE OF INSANITY?"

She screamed at the painting, only to get a reply from the Psychic Lady downstairs

"YOU HAVEN'T DIED IN THAT PLANE CRASH YET! SHUT UP ALREADY!"

"YES, YOUR QUIETNESS!"

Devi screamed back at the floor whilst imagining an extremely sharp object lodged in the woman's oversized throat. Two seconds later, as expected, the phone rang.

'I don't really need this Tenna.'

She picked up the head set and placed around her ears. Into the microphone, she answers.

"Grand Central Station of Devi's Maniac Mansion! I'll have an extra large anchovy pizza with dull rusty razor blades!"

"What the fuck…? Devi, you should know it's me by now."

"Yes Ten, I know it's you. What do you want?"

"I want to know why you're screaming at 3 in the morning. You woke me up from a nice, wet dream."

Devi wretched, disgusted at her friend.

"Nicholas Cage again?"

"Orlando."

"Didn't think he was your type."

"Neither did I. But enough about my fantasies. Why aren't you asleep and having your own?"

"Because I don't feel like sleeping. It's not a luxury I can afford right now."

"Too damn broke?"

"Too damn restless."

"It's crack isn't it? Why the HELL aren't you sharing!"

Devi slightly chuckled. It was entirely out of character for Tenna to ask for drugs. Tenna, however, heard that laugh over the phone.

"Hey I made you laugh! My first victory today."

She cheered, to which Devi sighed heavily to. Tenna's voice then slumped

"Or not."

"Look Tenna. I'm not trying to be rude here, but could you please just leave me to my misery? I have enough on my mind."

"Oohh, deep thoughts. Share."

Tenna said in a demanding, somewhat spooky voice. Devi hung her head. She really didn't need this right now.

"No."

"Aww come on! Here, you can talk to Spooky!"

Devi cringed when she heard the dreaded squeak from Tennas favorite toy.

"FUCK No. I'd rather wake up every morning with my tongue nailed to the table."

"That would hurt."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Boy, someone's having her period today, Spooky."

Tenna slightly joked over the phone. It's a good thing Tenna wasn't in the same room with Devi, otherwise she may just strangle her friend.

"I'm not having my period. Nor do I have PMS or PMT, or anything else you can think of."

"PMT?"

"Post Mechanical Tension."

"And when were you going to tell me you're mechanical?"

"Isn't that what all humans are? Humans are stupid, idiotic, and have no self awareness. They perform nothing but the tasks their computer like brains tells them. I won't be surprised if you found nuts and bolts in the heads of everyone you see."

"Or perhaps a few nuts missing."

Tenna laughed vigorously. Devi growled back in reply. Does this woman always have an upbeat spirit?

"Sorry Ten, but I've got to go…"

"Not without telling me what's wrong first. If you hang up, I'll be knocking your door down."

"Is that a threat?"

"More like a warning."

"In other words… a threat. I don't take kindly to threats Tenna, you know that."

"Then tell me what's bothering you."

Devis hands tightened at her friend's lack of obedience, her fingernails tore into the seats armrests.

"Damn it bitch! Can't you take 'NO' for an answer!"

"No."

"Alright!"

Devi surrendered to Tennas persistence.

"But not over the phone. Come up and I'll talk. But you do understand I'll kill you afterwards right?"

"YAY! DEATH!"

The phone then died, and Devi found something unsettling about that.

Two Minutes Later…

The knock at her door told Devi that Tenna had arrived. Carefully Tenna disarmed her personal security system so not to pummel her friend with any available appliances. When the door was opened Tenna stuck her head in with that traditional smile of hers. Then she held her hand up next to her face as though presenting an invisible product.

"Try new Floor-A-Floor! For itchy, watery eyes it's Floor-A-Floor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworms, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, the Shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, clutter drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home, feline leukemia, athletes foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heavings, and sexual dysfunctions."

Tenna damn near collapsed due to lack of breath. How does this woman come up with such crap?

"You know what Ten? I'll just have the itchy watery eyes thank you very much."

Devi said back sarcastically. She REALLY wasn't in the mood for company now.

TO BE CONTINUED

888

Sorry. No closing remarks on this one. R&R Please no more flames. They's hurt.

Until Next Time

Theo