These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.
Enjoy.
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It is said that whom Gods exalt they first force to pay exorbitant limo rental fees. Now make no mistake, I am by no stretch of the imagination a man of limited means, and were it necessary, I alone could have covered the fee, which if Nadine and I were the sole occupants, had a certain appeal to it (three times around the city, my good man, and take your time...). But even divided amongst the hapless gents to Nadine and Helga's scheming, I feel we were all giving up a kidney. Thank god we weren't saddled with tuxedo rentals on top of this indignity... well actually, I already own a tux, but I think my point still stands.
Dress was to be what Rhonda referred to as 'High Intensity Casual', a calculated casual look meant to convey just how cool you really were, so I opted for a little hounds tooth number I hadn't given a proper public airing yet and my best matching slacks. A deep umber shirt and no tie, and I was set.
A quick call confirmed that the flowers sent had indeed reached Nadine's house before she departed, and on his way back, the delivery boy dropped off her corsage here with me. This was a tad outside the bounds for a Sadie Hawkins dance, but I'd compiled a small almanac of rules I intended to break this evening and this was as good a place to start as any.
As Nadine and Helga had said they'd be meeting us at the dance, the limo was not quite as packed to the gunnels as it might have been, but it was a tight fit none the less. Brainy and I were the temporary bachelors, and as such, we bore witness to the other couples in our overpriced coveyance. Arnold and Phoebe were the first in before my arrival and had I not known them so intimately, I'd have sworn they were an engaged couple. I can well imagine Helga demanding that he treat Phoebe as he would her, if anything to balance her evening with Brainy. Oh what tangled web we weave, and I can't help but smile.
Next up Marianne and Tommy looking very smart in a blazer and power tie, making me momentarily rethink my fashion game plan, but now was not the time for it. Lastly, we engorged Thadius and the oh so fine wolf pack... come to think of it, i really should make some effort to learn all their names.
Strutting like a Jersey cock, El Curlito was absolutely amazing to watch as he clucked and prinked for this clutch of hens, and for their part, they were a sycophantic cyclone of activity about him. Smile while you will you leering braggadocio, no man could maintain this level of attention for more than a single evening, but it will be enough to propel you into the mythic ranks of players amongst your peers.
The mood is light and pleasant, and given any other circumstances, I'd be in high spirits, but given the weight I bare as the man who knew just a little too much, I'm driven to distraction. Nadine, and presumably her family are moving away, and poor Brainy is to be set adrift to try and reclaim her love in someone else. I'm quite used to my own pain, it being a dull toothache in the soul, but the thought of another fellow, a fellow I gladly call friend, going through this is difficult to stomach.
To his credit, Brainy sits across from me, matching my mood and temperament note for note; a dueling banjoes of misery. As we pull into the school parking lot and disembark, I pull him aside before our respective emotional burdens have a chance to collar us. "Um, listen Brainy old man, I... I know about the move and all that and I wanted to say..."
Brainy went ashen as he grabbed me by the collar,"Oh god, Ron PLEASE don't let her know you know about this! This is all really important to her. She's worked so hard on it, please I'm begging you, just play along for the evening. For her sake!" I am amazed that even now he can only think of her happiness, but why should this surprise me; were I in his shoes, I'd do the same thing.
For his sake I agree just as we see Nadine and Helga approach. They both look ravishing, but Nadine shines all the brighter in my eyes. Both are wearing designer jeans and tube tops, with open blouses over them, color matched to be polar opposites; Helga blue/red, and Nadine red/blue. Looking over to me quickly, Brainy whispers,"We who are about to die salute you!" and it is all I can do to remain standing as we share a laugh.
I lack the words to describe the next two hours, save to say imagine an orgasm slowed almost to a crawl, and drawn out to ninety-eight minutes. She is in my arms again and I cease to be, all that remains is my love for her burning in the heavens. Nothing else exists but her and my love for her. We laugh and glad-hand together, slow dance at every opportunity, relishing the feeling of so much of her pressed against me, and steal private moments to just talk.
My only respite comes as she excuses herself to the powder room, and I risk nitrogen narcosis decompressing from her presence. Looking about I spot Helga and Brainy locked in a slow languid embrace dancing to no music I can fathom save that which they brought within themselves. I recognize his lack of expression as a totality of being, ultimate fulfillment, a Buddha like oneness with that which is Helga. I know, I've been there myself in Nadine.
Can this be good for us?
How will he cope with seeing Helga every day after this evening?
Then again, how will I cope...
As she who must be adored returns from her porcelain sabbatical, I find myself in a fine funk. This night is too much for me, or rather my concern for Brainy is beginning to consume me. As she takes my hand, I put on a good face as we return to the festivities and I'm once again lost within her. The dance is scheduled to continue another hour or so, but our little group plays by it's own rules evidently, and I am informed that it is time to gather ourselves and proceed to a post dance bash.
Well, this is new.
Each couple poses for pictures and as promised, a goodnight kiss. Thadius took his sweet time as he fawned over each and everyone of his charges and melted each one in turn with a white hot kiss, to the delight of all. It hardly seems fair for a sixteen year old to actually possess a harem, but I suppose it's all part of our really modern times, as my father might say.
Arnold, apparently following instructions planted a kiss on Phoebe that I could almost taste across the room, and who after a moment of recovery, walked over to Helga and said,"I am SO jealous of you..." with a loving grin. Helga's turn and I afraid poor Brainy never stood a chance. Lightning fast, her hands clamped to his cheeks and she drew him into a kiss that super heated the room like a flash fire. He voice cracked as he said,"Not bad, I've had better." and there were no straight faces left to be found.
Finally, inevitably it was our turn. Whatever prankery I might have had cooked up was swept aside by a single look from Nadine. It was a look I'd never seen before and as such waited for an explanation. Gently taking my hands, fingers interlaced, she smoothly moved forward and kissed me...
kissed me...
kissed me...
kissed me...
This was not a friendly kiss, nor a lustful one. It was not a kiss for show or a kiss to thrill. It was a kiss that said I love you... and it rang through me like hydrostatic shock, destroying me from within.
Venificus... damnable witch. What spell are you weaving within me? I denounce you before God and all.
She drew back and repeated the mystery look. I was almost to tears. I glance over to Brainy, but am amazed that he isn't paying us the slightest bit of attention, intent instead on some animated conversation with El Curlito about some goddamned thing or another.
Does he really trust me so that this is of NO concern to him?
As I look back to Nadine, I get another kiss, which I attempt to return in earnest this time. I can only liken it to my spine popping one vertebra at a time. Leaning in to embrace me, she whispers to me,"Time to go, my sweet pea pod kid."
Who knew hell was a progressive affair?
To Be Continued...
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