These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.
Enjoy.
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Like Napoleon's retreat from Moscow, our group staggers out into the parking lot and awaits the return of the overpriced limo. Evidently, the plan all along was to attend some manner of post dance party, though Nadine and Helga had guarded this information like the formula to Coca-Cola and sprang it on us at the last moment. Despite the Sadie Hawkins aspect of the evening having drawn to a close, the odd pairings remained.
While I wouldn't have expected it, perhaps this event had served to spark something within Tommy and Marianne, as they continued to hold hands and steal kisses every few moments, a comforting thought that some good may have come of all this. Thadius continued to beguile the once fearsome wolf pack and they playfully jockeyed for proximity to him, and perhaps more affection.
And then, I witnessed the oddest little bit of theater... Helga and Nadine were off to a side talking and apparently finalizing the plans for the rest of the evening. Arnold had wandered over to where Brainy and I were settled and was asking him about his experiences with Helga, when I noticed Phoebe trot over and strike up a rather animated conversation with Helga. After a short caucus of some manner or another, Helga smiled and nodded, much to Phoebe's delight.
Spinning about she bore down on us like a black rhino, and latched herself onto Arnold's arm, grinning,"You are MINE for the rest of the evening, naughty boy!" Stunned, Arnold cast an eye over to La Damme Pataki, who merely grinned and nodded some manner of assurance. Shrugging, he smiled and scooped the huggable Ms. Heyerdahl into the same loving embrace he favored her with all evening. Catching our looks, Arnold just smiled weakly.
"Dear boy, you bring a quiet dignity to male prostitution." I laughed.
"Yeah well, I'm addicted to heroin, and Helga beats me if I don't earn enough each night, but other than that, it's pretty cool..." he grins and earns a playful slap from Phoebe.
All kidding aside, I marvel at the level of trust between these three that Helga could allow this, not that I think Phoebe would abuse this arrangement.
Finally, all are present and accounted for, and we queue up for the limo ride, as I'm pulled aside by Nadine. "Our evenings far from over Ron." she smiles and kisses me again. Panicked, I look over but Brainy is once again paying us no mind what so ever. Is this some manner of defensive posture on his part, going cold turkey off of Nadine? Worse yet, am I being employed as some type of acid test of his resolve, a notion that infuriates me. That is not fair to either Brainy or myself, but I can't bring myself to believe that she'd be capable of such cruelty in the first place.
If anything, the drive from the party is far worse than to it. So much has happened, so much to think about. This night was everything I'd hoped for and everything I'd dreaded. I cannot live without her, it's that simple. But I'm stopped from suicide by the fear that there may indeed be an afterlife and surely another brand of hell awaits me after this one. Oh sweet oblivion, where are you when I need you most? What is there that can free me from her spell?
In stark contrast to before, Brainy is in high spirits, and I can only guess at what is going on in his head, for evidently, his night is going far better than my own. Have I been misreading this situation? Could it be that Arnold and Helga are breaking up and this is all an elaborate rouse for her to declare her feelings for him? There is a certain logic in this, but only to a point. Arnold with Phoebe earlier this evening, were a subtle bit of buttressing to this notion, but where would that leave Thadius? Had he and Phoebe split up?
No, that can't be it. This all requires to many people changing partners at once, which is too outlandish to believe would happen in the real world.
Finally, this torturous ride is at a conclusion and we find ourselves at journey's end; the stylish townhouse of one Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd. Sadly, an unavoidable family outing prevented Rhonda from attending the evenings festivities, which was unfortunate as I genuinely enjoy her company. Given her closeness with Nadine, it's hardly surprising that she'd allow the use of her place in her absence for our amusement and I make a mental note to personally thank her for this.
The next surprise came as we mounted the stairs, and the front door opened to reveal Lila and Gerald, who'd contrary to stated intentions, had spent the evening in preparation of the townhouse in anticipation of our arrival, as well as whatever else an unsupervised young couple might find to do together alone in a nicely appointed townhouse. Gerald's smile and Lila's flushed complexion seemed to reenforce that scenario.
In the best tradition of House Wellington-Lloyd, this party was actually more fun than the dance itself, and I knew in my heart of hearts that wherever she was, Rhonda was well aware of this. Amusingly, a large number of people who'd not bothered with the Sadie Hawkins affair were in attendance, which all things considered was rather telling.
Half lost in my own thoughts, I drifted about the party just trying to burn off a bit of my nervous energy and clear my head. Nadine had evidently made some effort on the guest list as I was stunned to see the smiling faces of friends not seen since junior high school. Park, drink in hand laughed it up with Harold Berman and Stinky Peterson, as Eugene Horowitz was enjoying a chat with Sheena and Katrinka.
Rounding a corner I saw senior class president Wolfgang with his lady fair Jackie Harlow, whom we all simply called Mouse. Wolfgang had long ago cast off the role of bully in favor of the socially more acceptable mantle of student politician and found that his power amongst the student body had actually increased, as bribes were always larger than extorted funds...
What intrigued me was what I wasn't seeing, namely Brainy and Helga. My reveries were cut short s a familiar hand came to rest on mine and I turned to look right into the beatific gaze of Nadine. No words, just a slight incline of her head indicating the stairs to our right. Not explanation... just go, and so we did, ending up in the guest bedroom on the upper most floor of the townhouse.
My heart raced. What in god's name could she want to see me in the bedroom for? ...that's a rhetorical question, I had several hopeful outcomes to this setup, and knew in my heart that I was prepared for none of them. Door closed behind us, she was in my arms immediately, and was staggered by our first real kiss. Her scent, her tongue, the taste of her sent me reeling over the edge, and it was all I could do to remain standing.
After an embarrassingly long time, I shamefully pushed back gently and gasped, "Nadine! Oh for god's sake woman! What is your scheme here?" I'm panting now, both from the moment and my growing anger.
She looks genuinely baffled as I bid her to sit and I began to pace the floor. Catching my breath I look at her, "Nadine... y-you know how I feel about you, and this evening was everything I'd wished for... but... Listen, I know all about you moving away and I can't tell you how much all this means to me... no, no please let me finish. I can't imagine a time when I won't love you, but... but this should be Brainy's time with you, not mine. I'm used to being without you, but... he'll be the one losing you. I think it's only right that you spend the rest of your time with... him."
She just looked blankly at me for a minute, then smiling a little, stood and approached me. "So... you're saying that you'd give up everything I'd planned for us, to make Brainy happy? You feel that he deserves time with me over you? Is that what you mean?" Her face was a mask of sympathy.
Nodding, I say, "I... I think it's for the best. I think... it's the right thing to do."
She said nothing for a long time, and I couldn't bare to look at her. Putting her arms around my neck, she slowly drew me into a soft, sweet embrace and whispered in my ear, "Ron darling, I'm not the one moving out of town, Brainy is..."
WOO-HOO! Big finish next time!
To Be Continued...
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King Cheetah Extra
Shipping and Handling -- Rhonda Wellington-Lloyde
I had a chance recently to watch nine hours of Hey Arnold while recovering from a bout of illness... No really! Many credible physicians classify sloth as a desease, I read that somewhere. I don't owe you any explanations!
Be that as it may, I grabbed a stack of the tapes I'd made back when Nick ran HA! about three times a day and kicked back. Bleary eyed, head swimming, I staggered to my feet and stiff legged my way over to switch off the TV and try to reconcile all that I'd just witnessed. It was incredible. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this. I mean, I knew it was there, just not to this degree, but there was no escaping the obvious truth...
Rhonda Wellington-Lloyde is a bitch.
Tall, lean, and arrogant, Rhonda is the (thankfully) only child to Brooke and Buckley Wellington-Lloyde and self styled fashion advisor to anyone within a fifty yard radius of her... and we'll overlook the fact that she wears the same outfit in all but a handful of episodes. Gal pal Nadine in her slipstream, she can be seen wandering school yard, playground and the hood shitfaced drunk on her own sense of power. Noble oblige...
It's rather amazing to watch her in the show, as in the episodes that center on her, she SUCH an unsympathetic character. It's a wonder that any of the other kids even speak to her let alone hang out with her. Ah, but with a spin of the Flash Foward wheel, let's have a little look at how the future might treat She Who Must Be Adored...
1) "No, this isn't possible! Wellington-Lloydes don't GET pimples!"
That ole devil puberty can at times prove to be a humbling experience to even the most exalted of bloodlines, and Rhonda seem a ripe candidate for being taken down a peg or two by a genetic karma. One quick shift of metabolism and the future of clan Wellington-Lloyde could have a complexion like Apple Brown Betty and hair right out of Clan of the Cave Bear. Rather than filling out with soft French Cut Bikini curves, she might remain tall and reedy, and by age eighteen having no choice but to declare her bustline "Missing In Action".
And make no mistake, Rhonda would by no stretch of the imagination bare these chromosonal indignaties with good grace. Her daily dressing regimen might take up to three hours to reach the standards that she feels she warrants, which could lead to several tantilizing story ideas. But by the same token, she might enter her teenage years with the sort of heart stopping beauty that one normally associates with Mount Olympus or certain gated suburbs in Dallas. But with great boobs comes great responisibility and you could just as easily see her beauty being bane as well as boon.
Groundwork laid, where might the pen wander in the exploits of one earthbound yet heavenly?
2) "Curly... I-I've been the one sending you those letters..."
White Rhonda. Wealthy, beautiful, popular... and yet she feels she has nothing. Her life is an unending series of joyless parties and country club evenings, she is the poor little rich girl trapped in her parents soulless world of money and power. Her only solace? The ties and secret rendezvous with her oldest friends in the world, who're well aware of her situation and have stuck with her since grade school.
Center stange amongsts these play-ahs is the court jester himself, one Thaddeus Gammelthorpe, the merry pierrot devoted to this captive celestine. Now graced with good looks (or at least a better haircut), his razor sharp wit and ceasless efforts at her pleasure, he seldom fails to draw forth the best smile she has within her, and her love for him is beyond forbidden...
Alternately, she is regal and benevolent, Gloriana of her grade and much beloved amongst her peers. Graced and graceful, her parties are legendary, invitations prized and coveted by those who would walk in the airy realms of the schools beautiful people. Like a grand courtesan in ancient Edo, she is surrounded by not only her lifelong school friends, but all manner of rakes and dandies who'd see her favors bestowed upon them. But dark eyes also follow her and it falls to Curly to quietly seek out and nuetralize those who'd see her laid low. For the record, this is how I wrote her in "Cloudburst" and "Lila-Polooza".
But then of course there's Black Rhonda. Wealthy, beautiful, popular... and yet she feels that it's not enough, not by a long shot. Her life is an unending series of opulant parties and country club evenings, she is the diva larvea, learning the cruel and pitiless ways of her parent's soulless world of money and power. Her only diversion? Manipulating and controlling her old "friends" from grade shool, who're well aware of her scheming and are always on their guard. You get the idea...
She could run the gambit; air headed clothes horse, disaffected goth, meloncaly loner, wild party girl, Curly's spanking slave...
Aw nuts, did I say that out loud?
3) "Arnold, since you're the most popular boy in our grade, I thought that you and I should... talk."
I'll be the first to admit, I really like the idea of Rhonda and Curly... A LOT, but again, the devil's in the details. It all depends on the how and why of them getting together as well as how they might have changed to get to this point. Check out a BRILLIANT fic by Heidi Pataki called "All The Animals In The Zoo" (FFN won't let me post the URL; use the search.
But if not Thaddeus Gammalthorpe, then who? Rex Smythe-Higgins if you want a little bastard in your story, or Peapodkid if a true gentleman is your pleasure (poor Nadine). The writers of the show played around for a while with the idea of Rhonda and Harold (...ew!) but later Craig Bartlett admitted that her fascination in him was in trying to change him; she saw him as only a project. I've had good luck with pairing her up with Gerald and was considering a little something with Lorenzo. Want a little hot two girl action? While I can't see Rhonda snogging with Nadine, Lila or Phoebe might just work (and remember, girls swapping spit will never, EVER not be cool!).
But let's get to the meat of it... Rhonda and Arnold. I've actually wanted to try this out for a while now but it's all in the set up. In "Hidden Hearts" I have Arnold in mourning after Helga's death in a car accident, as a fugitive Rhonda hides out in the boarding house. Arnold almost has a heart attack as he bumps into Rhonda coming out of the bathroom, having just bleached her hair blonde. From there... well, stuff happens... several times.
So then, anyone else have any thoughts on the once and future head cheerleader?
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