Chapter 17: Here is Gone

Lila closed the apartment door quietly behind her. She walked barefoot into the bedroom and stared down at a very much asleep Michael. After leaving Georgie's office she had gone to the cemetery. She sat in front of her parents' graves for hours, never once speaking. She pulled on Michael's discarded shirt and crawled into bed next to him. Almost instantly he rolled onto his side and slung his arm across her waist, his hand finding hers.

"Princess?" he asked sleepily.

"It'd better be," she said with a smile.

"Why'd Georgie wanna see you?"

Lila knew that he would ask, and she knew that she couldn't lie to him. "I'll tell you in the morning. Go back to sleep."

"Okay," he said yawning.

His breathing quickly evened out leaving her with only her thoughts to distract her. She had yet to remove the file on her mother from her bag. Who could it be? Suddenly a thought struck her with the force of a concrete slab. What if somehow Carly was her mother? She looked at Michael's sleeping face and felt her stomach drop. He could be her brother. Oh dear God she couldn't live this way. She slowly got up from the bed, careful not to disturb Michael and tiptoed into the living room where she had dropped her bag.

She plopped down on the floor and pulled it onto her lap. She reached inside and grabbed the file folder that would give her all the answers she needed. Lila took a deep breath and looked at the name on the tab. Brenda Barrett. The name sounded vaguely familiar. Hadn't her father been briefly married to the woman? Brenda Barrett was her mother. Was she alive? Did she even know that she had a daughter?

"Princess why do you have a file on Sonny's mistress?" She turned and saw Michael standing over her with his arms crossed over his bare torso.

"I couldn't sleep, but I'm tired now. Let's go back to bed." She hoped that he would just drop the subject, but he didn't

"You didn't answer my question. Why do you have a file on Brenda Barrett?" She could tell he was getting frustrated by her lack of response.

Lila looked up at him with unshed tears in her eyes. It hurt for him to see her in so much pain. He almost wanted to tell her that it didn't matter, but he was too curious. "What is it Lila?"

She hesitated for a second, and when she spoke it was in the smallest whisper. "Brenda Barrett is my mother."

Michael just stared dumbly at her. She went on to explain exactly what Georgie had told her. He was silent throughout the explanation, as she finished up she began to cry. Her sobs snapped him out of his haze and he kneeled down next to her. "Sshhh. It'll be okay. We'll figure this out, I promise." He pulled her close to him and she rested her head against his shoulder.

She pulled back and looked at him, tears still running down her face. "I don't wanna figure it out."

He frowned, misunderstanding her, "You're right we'll hire someone to figure it out."

"Michael, I don't want to figure this out at all. Sam is my mother, not Brenda."

"Lila what if Brenda thinks you're dead. Are you willing to let her believe that her child is dead just because you don't like the cards you were dealt?" He had a valid point, but she didn't want to hear it.

She shook her head furiously. "If I accept Brenda as my mother, I'd be a hypocrite. My parents will always be Sam and Jason." She stood up and walked back into the bedroom.

"Damn stubborn woman," Michael muttered into the night before following her. "What are you doing?"

Lila pulled her clothes on in jerky motions,"I'm getting dressed."

"Well thank you very much Captain Obvious! Why are you getting dressed?" He was mad as hell and knew he should just stop talking.

"I need some space. I need to figure everything out. I'm not sure I should be getting into a relationship right now, especially with someone who doesn't respect my decisions."

Michael felt his break into a thousand tiny pieces. She was leaving him. "Princess..." he trailed off unsure of what to say to make her stay with him.

She finished getting dressed and locked eyes with him. She was secretly wishing he would tell her to stay, but he didn't. He just stood staring at her with hurt in his brown eyes. The voice in her head screamed at her to apologize and go back to bed, but her pride got the better of her. She walked past him and into the living room stopping only briefly to grab Brenda's file and her bag. She made it to the stairwell before breaking down in tears over everything she had lost in one night.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Damn it! He should have stopped her from leaving. God only knows what she's going to do now. Michael was furiously pacing the floor-contemplating going after her. He had no idea how they'd gotten to where they were so quickly, but he did know that he liked where they were. Maybe they were too much alike to ever happily be together.

You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be

She had looked so hurt and betrayed when he'd suggested she tell Brenda the truth. It didn't matter what she said, she was more like Sonny than she thought. The way he felt about her scared him. He'd never cared this much about anyone in his life it was kind of scary. How could she walk out like that? Maybe she didn't care as much as he did.

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

The arrogant bastard! Like he knew what was best for her. He had no idea what it was like to suddenly have your whole life turned upside down in a matter of weeks. She unlocked the door to her apartment and saw Liam, Kristina, and Lorelai sitting around the kitchen table, cards in hand in various states of undress. She ignored their curious looks and went straight to her bedroom locking the door behind her. It wasn't easy to find out that your mother wasn't actually your mother. Truthfully, she had no clue about what to do.

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

Michael was everything her father had wanted her to have in a man. He was caring, and protective, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe she was living in the past. Her father was dead and she had to stop thinking like he was alive.

And I don't need the fallout of all the past
That's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

In the end, it didn't really matter. Her parents were dead, and if all the tests in the world said otherwise, she would know the truth. And as for Michael, he could just rot in hell with the rest of Sonny's family.

Michael threw his self across the bed. It didn't matter, he was here, and Lila was wherever she was. Brenda was missing a daughter, but he'd never do anything about it. It wasn't his place. After tonight, he didn't have a place in Lila's life.

Hello guys! This was kind of an angsty chapter, but don't worry, I'm sure Lilichael will survive this...Remember to review and I'll update again.luvr

Those great song lyrics were "Here is Gone" by the Goo Goo Dolls off their CD Gutter flower.