Buffy arranged for transport back to a large house belonging to one of Giles' acquaintances. Although it was large, they had to share rooms because of the sheer amount of Slayers. Even with half their number dead, there were at least twenty. Angel, Spike and Illyria were put in one room together, since they were the only survivors from the original LA team. They sat together in silence, Illyria staring into the large mirror, Spike and Angel gazing at the floor. None of them had even been bothered to take their coats off. Water, blood and tears dripped onto the floor steadily.
"I'm sorry guys," Angel said finally, but he got no reply. Neither Spike nor Illyria even moved to acknowledge his voice. Eventually he decided to take a shower in the bathroom next door.
Spike was lost in his own thoughts, remembering Wesley and Gunn, remembering the past year, how he had gradually been accepted by the team, how he had proved to everyone that he could be a good man. He thought of Fred, what a good person she was. You couldn't get a better person than Fred, but she'd still been taken from them. When he looked up, Illyria was looking at him, but it wasn't with those cold blue eyes. Instead, Winifred Burkle's warm brown ones looked back at him. Spike's breath caught in his throat, and he stared at her.
"Spike…" Illyria/Fred whispered. "I felt you thinking of me." Tears filled her eyes and she stepped forwards, putting a hand on his cheek. "Don't be sad. We won.
Spike shut his eyes, thinking that he was going insane once more. When he opened them again, Illyria was sitting on the chair looking out the window.
The mood downstairs was somewhatdifferent. Two fourteen year old twins, Daisy and Lily were entertaining a group of about four Slayers as they created wacky food cocktails in the kitchen. They seemed to have forgotten about their dead companions, as Lily tipped sugar in her sister's hair.
Buffy and Faith watched them with a slightly more weary attitude.
"Who are they? The twins?" asked Buffy, who hadn't met half of the Slayers before. Lily and Daisy were two that had been with Faith in Cleveland.
"Lily's the one with straight hair, and Daisy's the other one. They're twins from Ireland, both fourteen. Both excellent fighters, but they don't show it half the time. I think they're more interested in having fun," Faith replied.
"You mean they're lazy?"
"Not really, they've got enough energy between them to run NY city, but they're just not interested in Slaying. Not like Abi, for example." Faith nodded towards slightly older girl who watched Daisy and Lily from a distance. She was tall and slim, with dark brown hair and purple streaks. "Abi's from Holland, she speaks almost perfect English, and she knows every Slaying move in the book."
Buffy grinned. "Not like me then."
Faith laughed, "Ah, B, I think you did ok today."
The grin soon disappeared. "I wish that so many people didn't have to die," she said quietly. "Look at all these girl's, Faith, most of them'll be dead by the time they're our age." Her gaze travelled back to Daisy, who was now doing a surprisingly accurate impression of Giles.
"Where are they all? The girls, I mean?" Faith asked suddenly.
"Kennedy and Willow are outside somewhere in the garden. Willow's grieving, I think, which is what I should be doing really. The Slayer's rooms are all on the middle floor, maybe they're up there."
"Where are we sleeping then B?"
Buffy sighed. "There are three rooms on the top floor, I gave one to Angel, Spike and Illyria, and Dawn's in with the girls on the middle floor. So that leaves you, me, Kennedy and Willow. You and I could share, right Faith?"
Faith nodded. She and Buffy had become a lot closer over the past few weeks. Almost as close as they had once been, before Faith threw it all away. "When Giles and Andrew get here, we'll bunk with Kennedy and Willow."
"Yeah. Hey, you mind if I go and check on Angel and Spike?"
Faith shrugged. "Sure. I'll go join the kiddies," she grinned.
Buffy knocked on the door quietly, and Illyria opened it silently. The minute she stepped in the room, Buffy regretted it. The whole place was thick with depression and broodiness. What do you get when you cross two souled vampires with an Old One trapped in a mortal body, she thought dryly.
Spike and Illyria were still covered in the gunk from the battle, but Angel seemed to have showered. Spike didn't even look up when Buffy crossed to Angel's chair and he stood up. They hugged each other for a long time, and then Angel realised she was crying. He held her softly, remembering everything, remembering how much he loved her, and how much he wanted her. And now, after signing away the Shanshu, he would never be able to have her.
He thought about Spike. If he'd signed the prophecy, did that mean that Spike couldn't Shanshu either? Or was it only him that couldn't fulfil the prophecy. Either way, it would make sense.
"I'm sorry Buffy," he whispered. "You didn't have to come."
She shook her head. "I did. That was just the beginning. The war is still to come."
"What war?" Spike looked up.
"The one that will determine the fate of everything. The one where all the shades of grey fight against each other. There are no sides, not anymore. It's evil, or eviller, or even eviller." Illyria spoke, but what surprised everyone was that it was not her own voice. Fred's gentle tones filled the silence, her face looked around the room, and a heavy load rested on top of everyone.
"This is the big one, guys," Buffy said. "I know I've said that before, but this time it is. Whatever the outcome, the whole world will change."
"So who are we? If there are no sides, where do we fit into all this? Are we the good guys, the white hats?" Spike frowned.
Angel shook his head slowly. "No… nothing is pure black or white. Everything is grey, like Fr- Illyria said."
"So how do we know we're fighting for the right thing? We could be the bad guys."
"We could," Buffy replied simply.
"So what's the point?"
"The point is, we need something to fight for. I believe that what we're doing is creating a fairer world. It's us against the First, against the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart, against the senior partners, the circle of the black thorn, against the vampires… the list goes on and on. Then there's people like the Powers, who believe they're doing the right thing, but all they do is screw people around. What we need to do is create a world that doesn't have all these shades of grey." Buffy looked at everyone in turn. Angel was nodding quietly, Illyria was back to her usual self and was looking at Buffy seriously. Spike was staring at the floor. Buffy could tell he still didn't agree.
"Why do we have to fight?" he said almost inaudibly. "Haven't we done enough fighting?" his tone was one of despair and resignation.
Angel knelt in front of where Spike was sitting. "You're not giving up yet are you Spike?" He sighed and looked away from Angel.
"I don't know."
"We need you Spike!" Buffy put it. "You're not a quitter, Spike, I know you're not."
Spike looked up and they finally saw the tears on his face. "But why? We're going to lose this… war, anyway, what's the point in fighting it? All we're going to do is lose more and more friends, more and more deaths until there's only one of us left." He looked up and then added quietly, his voice cracking, "And I don't want it to be me." His eyes met Buffy. "If you died again, I don't think I could cope this time. I've lost that fire that kept me going before."
"So find it again!" Angel exclaimed.
"I can't. It's gone. And even if I could find it, what would be the point? I don't even want to anymore."
Buffy looked at Angel and Illyria. "Could you give us a moment?"
Illyria frowned. "Why?"
"Please?" Buffy turned to Angel, who took Illyria out of the room quietly. When they had gone, she stepped closer to Spike who was sitting on the bed, and knelt down in front of him. "Spike?"
He barely registered her voice.
Buffy took his hands in hers and looked up at him. "Do you remember this? I do, only it was the other way round last time."
Spike's hands were limp in hers. "You were right," he said dejectedly.
"No I wasn't! You made me see what there was to fight for, you made me believe in myself, far more that Angel ever did!"
Spike looked up when he heard those words. "More than Angel?"
"Of course." she smiled at him, feeling a lump catching in her throat. "Angel wasn't the one that brought back my confidence, you were. I trusted you – loved you – more than anyone those last few months. You were there to help me when things got difficult and I lost my fire. You relit the power in me." She held Spike's hands tighter. "Now I have to repay that debt. You're the strongest person I know, Spike. You're stronger than Angel, stronger than me."
"No I'm not," he replied. "You're the Slayer, you've faced death so many times, you've actually died a couple of times. I'm to scared to even think about you dying again. And Angel... he didn't go insane when he got his soul. He didn't-"
"Spike you asked for a soul! How many people can say they actually asked for a soul? No one. You knew what it would do to you but you still got it, because you're strong. You mustn't give up fighting Spike, not now."
Spike looked at her, kneeling at his feet, and all he could think was that she had grown so much. She was so wise and beautiful.
"Fight with us, Spike. We need you, remember?"
Spike nodded and closed his eyes with pain because of how much he loved her. "I'll follow you to the end of the earth Buffy. If you think this is worth fighting for, then it is. I won't leave you to fight alone."
Buffy smiled through watery tears clouding her eyes, and knelt up to kiss him one more time.
Buffy came downstairs a few minutes later after having told Spike to go and shower. Lily and Daisy were talking to Illyria, and attracted a crowd of onlooking Slayers, who Buffy was beginning to think the twins never went anywhere without.
Angel was talking quietly with Faith, and Buffy didn't want to disturb them. Dawn was making herself a drink in the kitchen and Buffy joined her.
"Hey Buffy," Dawn greeted brightly, turning round to lean on the side counter while she drank.
"Hi," Buffy replied. It was Dawn's birthday in a few days, she would be eighteen. Shame they couldn't have it in Rome, but Dawn seemed to be content to have her eighteenth birthday in LA. "Looking forward to your birthday?"
"Kind of. It's weird, when you're little, you always look forward to your birthday for months on end. Now I'm really kind of chilled about it."
"Huh. I know what you mean. You happy sharing with some of the girls?"
"Yeah, it's cool." Dawn sipped her drink then grinned at Buffy. "You know something? It's weird but, when we were looking for the potentials, and I wasn't one, I felt really left out. Like I wasn't special or something. But now that everyone around me – or pretty much everyone – is a Slayer, I feel more special not being one, if that makes sense."
"Yeah… I think I know what you mean."
"So, is Spike around?" Dawn asked, changing the subject. "I saw him earlier, and I have a bone to pick with that vampire." She spoke with a determined voice and a glint in her eye.
Buffy was about to answer when she heard Spike's voice behind her. "I'm here Nibblet."
Dawn's steeliness disappeared, and she ran forward, flinging her arms round Spike. "Spike!"
Spike hugged her back and then she pulled away, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him out the door to where the sun had set outside on the balcony. As they left, Buffy heard her say, "Right, pal, you've got a lotta explaining to do."
Sorry about the length of time it has taken for me to update this. I got some positive reviews back so I figured I'd make it longer. By the way, I actually have no plot whatsoever for this, so bear with me!