05/12/04 - small continuity edit

Chapter 3 – Discovery

"Nah, you guys go on ahead without me… I wouldn't want to deprive one of you from the thrill that is Nar Shaddaa. I'll just stay back here and guard the ship, and um – make sure it's still here when you come back."

Jena raised a suspicious eyebrow at Atton. It certainly was the first time he had declined to go with her. In fact, he would typically throw what could only be described as a temper tantrum when asked to stay behind, as he had in Dxun. He'd sometimes say something about wanting to be there to protect her, which was ludicrous, because she herself could take him on any day – and win! And he knew it too… She smiled mischievously as she recalled the day, on the way to Korriban, when she got bored and challenged Atton to a sparring match to pass the time… as well as in an effort to evaluate the extent of his Echani training. While she admitted he had given her quite a run for her credits, she still eventually had him pinned to the floor. Mind you… he hadn't really resisted too much…

If nothing else, she was particularly surprised at his offer to stay on board, because he had been talking about nothing other than going to Nar Shaddaa ever since he joined up with her. She recalled how he had complained rather loudly when the course to Nar Shaddaa had been changed to Dxun after they left Dantooine. There had to be a reason for his sudden change of heart. Granted, he had been avoiding her of late, ever since that day she had dropped her guards and let some of her feelings for him show, and had kissed him. Or was he the one who had kissed her first? That sounded more like it. She shrugged and sighed resolutely. Perhaps she had been wrong about him… likely he had just kissed her because she had practically thrown herself at him. This was Atton, after all… who really knew how his brain worked? She certainly didn't. She scoffed. Some Jedi she was turning out to be! If only her Masters could see her now… but then, they weren't really her Masters anymore, were they? And she wasn't really a Jedi anymore either. She was starting vaguely understand why that may have become the case. A real Jedi wouldn't experience such strong emotions as the ones she had, not without being able to repress them; and she was finding it more and more difficult to repress her feelings where Atton was concerned… and a real Jedi certainly would not have been caught by her droid, passionately kissing her pilot in the cockpit. She shuddered. It did sound a bit bad when worded that way. She took a deep breath, set her teeth, and replied in a manner she hoped sounded nonchalant.

"Very well, Atton. In that case, Mical, Bao-Dur, would you like to accompany me?"

"Certainly, General!" said one.

"Absolutely," said the other.

Atton's eyes narrowed a little as he peered suspiciously at the young man in Jedi robes. Always so willing to comply… that kid was starting to make him look bad. And she had been so quick to replace him with that runt. That runt who can fight and protect her better than you ever will. He sighed. Mical, however, wasn't Atton's biggest concern at the moment; he merely hoped Jena hadn't noticed that he had been purposely avoiding her… because if she confronted him and demanded a reason why, he wouldn't know what to tell her. He didn't expect to be able to tell her the truth. And it was difficult to fool Jedi, especially this one. Even for him. She had a way of always getting him to do what she wanted, whether he actually wanted to or not. Damn Jedi…Mind you, I don't know if it's because she's a Jedi, or just because she's so hot. Exactly twenty-three times he had made up his mind to go see her and to confess his past to her… and exactly twenty-three times he had backed out at the last second. How do you tell the woman you love, a Jedi no less, that you used to make a living out of killing Jedi? And liked it? …Wait, did I just say love? That can't be right. Surely I don't lov—You know what, I can worry about that later. I've got enough problems.

He contented himself with giving Mical a black look as he stepped off the ship. No matter how much the young Jedi had proved himself in combat on Dxun, he still looked… weird in Jedi robes. Not like Jena. She looked like she had been born to wear them. In fact, in a way, she was more attractive in them than when she was sporting nothing but her underwear on Peragus. Atton smiled inwardly at the vision he suddenly had. Well, okay, maybe not more attractive in all ways… He was pulled out of his daydream when Jena swept past him without a word. She was down right cute when she was irritated… but why was she irritated? He thought she'd have been thrilled to have him out of her hair and be free from his never ending flow of sarcastic comments and his constant leering… she always did call him on the leering too, and ragged on him about it. He secretly loved it when she did that, and tried to get caught more often. It can't be that she actually hoped I'd come with her! I've barely talked to her since I…since we… Atton felt a little warm. Well, since then. She probably doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore… she must despise me now. And if not, well she should. I've been nothing but an ass to her. Atton knew he would have loved to step off the ship and visit the place he called home for a short while… with her… but the truth was, he was terrified – terrified of being recognized by someone who might say something about him to Jena. And if she found out… Atton closed his eyes, feeling a little ill over the possible consequences of Jena finding out about his past. He laughed bitterly. Well, she'd definitely despise you then, wouldn't she? It was already bad enough that Kreia knew… though he wasn't afraid of her telling Jena anything. She enjoyed blackmailing him way too much.

"All right, see you kids after school! Make sure you're all wearing clean underwear! You never know when you're going to get hit by a speeder!" he bellowed out from the loading ramp, waving at the party as they walked away from the Ebon Hawk and into the Refugee Sector. They ignored him, though the corners of Jena's mouth did curve into a smile she tried to conceal. He missed it. Atton's face sobered as the group disappeared around the corner. Great. Now we wait. He turned to walk back up the loading ramp, and for a moment thought he saw movement from the corner of his eye, down toward the other end of the platform. He quickly turned back, but there was nothing. "I must be needing sleep more than I thought," he muttered to himself. "I'm starting to imagine things. Maybe I should just take a nap." He shook his head and walked back onto the Ebon Hawk.

He headed straight back into the cockpit. He probably could have used either one of the Hawk's crew quarters to rest in, but that would have meant crossing paths with either Kreia or Visas, who never seemed to leave those rooms while on board… and he didn't really trust either of them. Quite frankly, anybody who was blind but who could still somehow see was just plain weird in his books. And they were both like that. He didn't know which one made him more uncomfortable… Kreia with her cryptic messages and veiled threats and obvious manipulation of an unsuspecting Jena, or Visas with her bizarre obsessive devotion to Jena, despite the fact she was a Sith. Mind you…I should be one to talk… Sighing, he sat down into the pilot seat, then put his feet up, and promptly dozed off.

Some time later, he woke up with a start. He sensed a strong presence behind him. He instinctively shielded his thoughts, lowered his feet, and turned around.

"Oh. It's you." He rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

The old woman with the blinded white eyes merely stood there, "looking" at him. She did not say a word. Can she even see me?

"Look, are you trying to read my thoughts again? Because it's not going to work this time; this time, I'm ready," he said casually, resuming his former position with his back to her and twirling a pazaak card he appeared to have pulled out of nowhere between his fingers. "Next time you might want to try not announcing yourself first."

She finally spoke in that quiet, eerie tone of hers. "You will stay away from her from now on, murderer. You were told to help her, not to add to her troubles."

Atton frowned, his pazaak card becoming still. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Silence. Do not try to deny what I already know. I do not need to read your mind or even hers to know what has been going on between the two of you. And you will put an end to it right now. Or else…"

"Or else what? Or else you're going to tell her about my past? You're going to tell her that I used to work for the Sith, that I used to be on the Jedi assassin squad? Well, guess what: I was already going to tell her. So you can get off my back and take your blackmail and stuff it. Because soon, it's not going to matter anyway."

"If that is what you think, you are an even bigger fool than I thought."

"…And you're probably an even bigger schutta than I think, but you don't hear me saying it, because I'm polite."

Kreia laughed. Despite his bravado, Atton grew a little concerned. It was never a good sign when Kreia laughed.

"You little seem to realize what you brought about by not stepping out with her today. As we speak, she is conversing with a Twi'lek who is a better judge of character than she is… one who knows what you truly are, 'Atton'… one who will turn her against you by informing her of what you could easily have told her. A wrong is much easier to forgive when it is told by the culprit than if it is learned through someone else. Especially for she, who values trust in her companions above all else."

Fear entered Atton's heart. How could he have let this happen? He shielded his eyes with his hand. He could have easily told her so many times on the trip from Dantooine, but he had been too much of a coward. I could have taken the time to explain my side of the story and make her understand…now, this Twi'lek schutta will probably make me sound even worse than I am. He laughed bitterly as he realized that he had stayed on the ship to prevent her from learning anything, but in reality she only found out anything because he had stayed on the ship. A little ironic, really… I mean, if that Twi'lek really does know who I am, there's no way he would have wanted to even be in the same room as me. He felt sick. If he had to lose her because of his past, he at least would have liked to be the one to tell her of it. There was no way she'd forgive him now. Kreia might convince her to keep him on board because she seemed to think he'd come in useful at some point, but that would be it for him. Jena would never forgive him. His hand dropped slowly from his face and he looked up. Kreia was gone.

"I'm not sure what you mean," frowned Jena. The unknown Twi'lek had approached her and asked her some cryptic question about "the people she traveled with". A wave of impatience swept over her. They didn't have time for this… they needed to find Master Zez-Kai Ell fast, so she could return to Dantooine and meet with the reunited Jedi.

"Your human companion… the male one."

Jena glanced quizzically over her shoulder at Mical, who shrugged. "Don't look at me," his demeanor told her. She turned back toward the Twi'lek.

"Male… you mean… Atton?" she enquired. She could feel her cheeks flush a deep crimson as she uttered his name, and she hated herself for it. What if the others noticed? Thankfully, she stood with her back to them at the moment.

"I believe that is the name he went by, yes."

"Well, what about him? …And how did you even know he was with me?"

"I saw him enter your ship, right after watching you walk away from it. He has been here before."

Jena smiled. "Oh. Well, I know that. He hasn't exactly made it a big secret."

"He arrived years into the Jedi Civil War, claiming to be a displaced war veteran. Do not trust him. He is no soldier. He is a killer."

Jena's smile faded. "A killer… what do you m—"

"Heed my warning, sentient," said the Twi'lek, walking away and disappearing into the crowd.

A killer! What could the Twi'lek have possibly meant? Of course he had killed if he was a veteran! …But then, the Twi'lek said he had not been a soldier. Jena wracked her brain trying to recall the explanation Atton had given her for being on Nar Shaddaa in the first place. Something about everybody needing to get lost at some point or other. Come to think of it, he never really had told her why he was there in the first place. She hadn't thought it very relevant at the time, but this conversation had made it quite relevant. She suddenly realized that she didn't really know who Atton was. She had always taken him for what he was… or appeared to be… and never bothered to question him about his past… and sure, she had… feelings… for him, but what did she really know about him?

"General, if I may…"

Bao-Dur's voice jarred her back to the present. She realized she had been just standing there silently for a few minutes.

"My apologies, General… I did not mean to startle you."

"It's all right, Bao-Dur… you had something to say?"

"Yes… I can see you are deep in thought over what the Twi'lek has told you… and if I may, I was going to suggest that before you jump to any conclusions or take the word of a complete stranger, you might want to talk to the person directly involved… to see what he has to say for himself…"

Jena smiled a little. The Zabrak's soothing tones managed to ground her again. Bao-Dur always had been the voice of reason. "You're absolutely right. I'm putting too much weight in what this stranger told me. I'm sure that somewhere out there, others are giving people similar advice about me. I will speak to Atton when we get back to the ship… but for now, we have to concentrate on this mission."

Mical glanced at her quizzically. This news about Atton seemed to have rattled her a little too much, she who never seemed bothered by anything. She was hiding something, and not very well… but try as he may, he could not figure out exactly what. And before he could make any further attempts to figure out what she was thinking, she suddenly composed herself and said, "Let's go. We have to find that Jedi. And I'd also like to know why all those flaming bounty hunters are after me." As she walked away, she felt Mical's eyes stare at her intently... a little too intently for her taste. He was trying to read her mind. She turned and stared at him coldly. His eyes dropped guiltily and he made no further attempts to figure out what was going on in her head.

Four hours. It had been four hours since Kreia had told him that Jena had found out about his murderous past. He had long given up playing pazaak by himself and resorted to the much more constructive pastime of staring at the wall and worrying himself into near paranoia. How long could it possibly take to track down a damn Jedi? It's not like they don't stand out in a crowd! He tried to smile, but it almost looked like a grimace. Knowing her, she probably stopped and helped every poor sucker she could find along the way…if that's the case and the Refugee Sector is anything like it used to be, she could be gone for another twelve hours. He smiled as he recalled the only time he had been allowed off the ship on Dantooine and just like that, she had given 500 credits to some random Sullustan so he could help out his pregnant sister-in-law, or whatever his sob story had been… Atton hadn't really been listening. He had however given her a hard time for drawing attention… and she had actually apologized and told him he was right. He chuckled over the recollection, but then his mind wandered back to the present, and his smile faded. Maybe she just doesn't want to come back… doesn't want to face you. Hell, she's probably remembering all those times you gave her a hard time for helping people, and she's thinking that it was because of how evil you were…because you're a murderer…But it wasn't, it really wasn't… I was just trying to give her a hard time because I liked her. I thought she was admirable… I thought she was adorable…

He ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. "I can't take this anymore!" he exclaimed loudly, frustrated. He threw the rest of his pazaak cards down and got up from his seat. He walked out of the room and made his way to the loading ramp. He wasn't yet sure where he was going or what he was doing, but he could no longer sit and wait. His feet had barely touched the platform when he saw Jena, flanked by Bao-Dur and Mical, turn around the corner. Atton's heart beat a little faster when he saw her familiar silhouette hurrying down the platform toward him. He was almost relieved to see her. At least the mental anguish he had been undergoing for the past four hours would soon be over. She would tell him she no longer wanted him around and would ask him to leave the Ebon Hawk. He would then grab his pazaak deck, as it was still the only thing he really owned, and go drown his sorrows in some juma juice at the pazaak lounge, and then get lost in the crowds of Nar Shaddaa, where he belonged, and do his best to forget her. At least the suspense would be over. I mean, sure, I don't want to leave the Ebon Hawk… And suddenly, he stopped. He realized that he truly did not want to go… he wished to stay… It was more than a simple matter of wanting to be with her, too; he wanted to stay and help her, whether she wanted him to or not… to help her achieve whatever it was she was meant to achieve… to do anything in his power to help her. That was why he had been saved. That was why their paths had crossed in the first place.

He pursed his lips. He wasn't going to just let himself get dumped like that. He wouldn't let her. He didn't care if she refused to talk to him again. Whether she realized it or not, there would come a time when she would need him, and he would be there for her. She wasn't going to get rid of him that easy. Atton Rand didn't just get left behind.