The Talk: from Ender to Bean
Bean may have had the smartest little brain in the history of intelligence, but he didn't understand love. He didn't get how someone was willing to protect someone else over self. It went against all he knew to be true- self first, survival of the fittest, all that. What Poke had done for him, he just didn't get…and he hated to not understand something. He thought of Ender, the brilliant commander, holding the respect and love of so many children. He would be the one to talk to about this...'compassion', 'love' stuff.
Ender was contemplating the mysteries of rogue computer games when there was a knock on the door. He groaned softly, muscles aching from the last rigorous training exercises. The knocking grew more insistent, and he pulled himself up, eyes narrowed in annoyance. But when he saw Bean, his annoyance disappeared, and he grinned. He liked Bean.
"Ho, Bean. What you need?"
"I want to talk."
"Is it about the training or your group? Did you come up with another idea?"
Bean fidgeted embarrassedly. "Well, I haven't really been thinking of that. It's just…"
"What?" Ender asked semi-patiently
"What's love? How do you learn it?" Bean finally blurted. He almost blushed, and Ender stared. He'd never seen Bean blush before. He thought the kid had no shame.
"Uh, I don't know what to say…" Ender stuttered. "Well, love…there are many kinds. Like, your love for your parents, your love for your siblings, love for your friends, love for uh, uh, girls. But you're kind of young for that last," Ender said.
Bean nodded, listening as if enraptured. Ender couldn't believe the guy was serious. How do you not know what love is? More importantly, how does a 9-year-old explain love to a 6-year-old?
"Well," he said, clearing his throat and continuing, "What kind of love do you mean?"
"Your kind. From commander to soldier. Friend-kind. Not the gushy stuff, but the thing that's more comradeship," Bean responded promptly.
Ah. Now it makes more sense why he came to me. "Well," he repeated, "you have to earn their respect first. You have to know them, understand how they work, what they need to work the best. And, in learning them, knowing them, you can sort of feel how it might be to be them. That's compassion. And compassion, in the words of Anakin Skywalker, is the purest form of unquestioning love."
Bean still looked puzzled. Ender struggled to vocalize his half-formed thoughts.
"Feelings. You have feelings, right? Fear, hate, happiness. Love is a feeling. Inexplicable trust. Trust is important, you know, in love. Trust means the person believes in you, and that is a fragile power. Because it is all too easy to break that trust; trusting is sharing a part of self, something of them that they hold dear, with you. A secret, perhaps. Something that they decide you are a good enough person to entrust it to. And if you betray that, then it is hard to trust again. But when someone trusts you, adores you, believes in you, pledges themselves to follow you and stand by you and know you, then that's love."
Ender took a deep breath, feeling almost drained of words.
"They-they like you, but more, because…" and he trailed off, because how could he say what he knew was true, but didn't fully understand himself?
"But why? Why would someone love you? Why would someone be willing to give up their life to save yours? Why willing to put themselves in danger to protect you?"
Ender looked at Bean, and saw that he was seeing something in his own past, and his eyes were wet, overly bright. Ender wondered; wondered who had done that for Bean, who he didn't even know the meaning of love himself.
"Because you are good, you are worth it. You want to know you are worth something; you want to know that you live for a reason. Because everyone is a human themselves with wants and needs and hopes and fears, and the sooner you understand that, the sooner someone will understand that about you. When they know you are a person, they can know you as a person, and as they empathize, they know. And everyone is worth it, once you know them. Everyone is worth something. You just connect, if the person knows you, and you know the person, you understand each other, and everyone wants to be understood. When you feel that, you want to do something for the person, to prove the worth. But not just to prove, you're willing to die for them because it is right. Because they would do the same for you. Everyone feels alone, and misunderstood. And everyone has flaws, so when someone understands, and simply accepts, knows you and accepts, doesn't try to make or form you, then they are good in your mind. Acceptance is so important, Bean. When someone sympathizes, empathizes, feels compassion, you understand what it feels to be understood, accepted, acknowledged as someone worth something, and I think then you love the one who understands. And…I understand, Bean. I understand."
Ender looked at Bean with such compassion and acceptance that Bean almost cried again. He smiled quickly, nodded his thanks, and walked out into the hall. Just outside, he leaned against the wall, a feeling of wonder inside him. Now, he knew. It wasn't gushy, it wasn't kissy, it wasn't about hugging or cuddles, but it was love. Compassion. It was being accepted and acknowledged. It was Ender, and now, understanding, Bean knew love.