VI. Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey!

It was a strange day in Sociology 102. Professor Navi was used to it, though.

"Mister ROSENBERG!" she shouted. The tiny woman's high-pitched voice put one in mind of a six-year-old girl with a megaphone. "Did you hear what I was describing just now?"

"….nargle?"

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

Ben lifted his head and stared bleary-eyed at the podium. "….snuh?"

"Because you were ASLEEP?"

A hundred and twenty heads turned to look at Ben, who'd nodded off again.

"If you expect to pass this class…." Prof. Navi paced the lecture dais, and the class sighed – here she goes again…. "You are going to have to LISTEN!" She pounded the podium for emphasis. No one could pound a podium like Navi. The room jumped. Especially Link, who was not holding out well against last night's caffeine onslaught. The shout set him twitching like an electroshock patient.

"If there's one thing I can't emphasize enough, it's that you need to listen! Your grade depends on how well you listen! Everything in your life depends on whether you…." Prof. Navi was off on her "Hey! Listen!" speech again, and since they'd heard it before (and it was only the second week of class), the whole room, ironically, stopped paying attention and went about their own business.

"Dude," muttered Ben, "you could have just said I should back off Zelda. You didn't have to drink my Dew."

"What about Zelda? Nothing about Zelda. I don't know what you're talking about."

That woke Ben up. "Wow! That's the longest sentence I've ever heard you say! It's gotta be the caffeine."

"No, Zelda's all yours. Yeah. You and Zelda. Yeah. Go ahead and ruin my life." Link's leg was jiggling. "Wait. Did I just say that?" He put his head in his shaking hands. "Goddesses, forgive me…."

"Hey!" said Ben, delighted out of his stupor. "You admitted it! Good for you! I'm proud of you, hero-guy!"

"But… she's the Princess, and I'm…."

"You're the good-looking blond guy with the sword who always rescues her. Who cares who your parents are? You're destined, man. DESTINED."

"I am," said Link, morosely. "I just don't know for what."

"What's that supposed to…"

"CLASS DISMISSED!" belted the professor. Then her voice cut through the chatter and rustle of a roomful of freshman fleeing class. "Except you, Link. I need to talk to you."

Startled, Link made his way down to the professor. She came up to about his waist, and was wearing a neat pale-pink suit that went well with her wings (good tailoring is hard to find when you're a fairy). She seemed much less strident in person.

"Hello, Link," she said kindly. "I hope you're enjoying your first semester. I just wanted to let you know that the Dean of Students has appointed me your academic advisor, and… Who's this guy?" She scrutinized Ben, who was still swaying from lack of morning stimulant. "What's he doing here? The Hero's not supposed to have a sidekick."

"He's not my sidekick, he's my roommate," Link said. "And my friend. Anything you have to tell me, you can tell him."

Navi stared. "You're more talkative than I've heard."

"Mountain Dew," said Ben.

"Oh, then that makes sense. In any case… Link, a dark force is rising on campus. The Council of Deans has felt it…"

(Ah crud, not again, Link thought…)

"…and we fear it's centering upon the Guardians of the Triforce…."

Link nearly jumped. "The Triforce is HERE?"

Navi stared, surprised. "Didn't Zelda tell you?"

"Gather," said Dean Ganondorf. "Gather, my minions…."

("What's a minion?" Jim C. muttered to Dave A.)

The men of Zeta Alpha Psi, wearing hooded black robes, stood in the darkened room, inside a wide circle of red candlelight. ZAP pledge Steve Carmody glanced nervously at the hem of his robe, making sure it didn't catch on fire. The Dean stood in the center, arms raised in the eerie glow. If there was any man who could make a simple tweed jacket into a garment of evil, it was Dean Ganondorf.

("I think it's like a vegetable or something," Dave whispered to Jim.)

"The guardians of the Triforce do not suspect us," Ganondorf hissed. "We move among them, unnoticed, our intentions hidden. Until… TONIGHT! Tonight we will TAKE the Triforce!"

("Would you guys shut up? That joke has been way overdone," Steve hissed to his frat brothers.)

"And with it, we will take the Princess Zelda!" The dean-slash-evil sorcerer held his arms apart; between them was a shimmering image of a smiling blonde girl in a cardigan. The same girl who'd been handing out fliers on the quad.

Steve went white.