Hiya!

This is another (different) sequel to CrazyRoninChic's fantastic 'Never Leave a Fanfiction Lying Around.' Enjoy!

Disclaimer.: I own Lord of the Rings. Honest!

FF: Hey! Get out of my fic Tolkein!

Tolkein: Fine! (goes off in a huff)

Anywho, I don't own Lord of the Rings, nor do I own Starr or Celeste. CRC has kindly given me permission to use them here for my own devious means. I do own the Sue Squad, but anyone can use it. I dont care.

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The occupants of the room sat back and looked at each other as Elrohir finished with a flourish

"… And they all lived happily ever after in their bedroom, making… Hot monkey love! Ew! Legolas!" he yelled as everyone groaned and reached for their sick bags.

But Legolas was in no condition to answer him. He currently had his knees drawn up under his chin, and was rocking back and forth mumbling

"Starr… She's coming for me. Starr… she's coming for me."

Aragorn was in not too great a shape himself, having been subjected to the attentions' of Celeste for many, many long and detailed chapters. The others were in various stages of nausea or shock, the last chapter having been VERY graphic indeed.

"Valar," Éomer breathed. "I have lived through many things, but I realise that I did not know true horror until I sat through that."

Faramir was very pale, and shakily asked "What do we do with this now?"

This' was the pink monstrosity of a notebook that the vile story had been written in.

"I vote we burn it," Aragorn piped up, shaking himself out of his stupor.

He was greeted with a chorus of Hell Yeah's!', several Yay's' and even a WAHOO' from Legolas, who uncurled himself and was currently dancing around the room., hugging people as he went.

Everyone's face was wreathed in smiles, and they were hugging and kissing each other in celebration of finishing the story.

No one noticed when the pink book began to vibrate and glow. The light got brighter and sharper, and when the readers finally clued in to what was happening, they looked on horror. Suddenly, the book flew open and there was a bright flash of light. When the light dimmed, there…

in the middle of the room stood….

… Starr and Celeste.

"Oh, what a pretty, quaint little room," Starr sighed looking around, ignoring the chaos that their arrival had caused.

The twins were running around, looking scared. Faramir and Éowyn were muttering something about weapons, and Éomer and Glorfindel were hiding behind the hobbits.

"Hi Legolas," she squealed brightly, 'floating' over to the dumbstruck elf, and snaking an arm around his. She had him trapped.

"Aragorn!" Celeste squealed, and threw herself into the shocked king's arms. He caught her on reflex, but soon released her when he came under the receiving end of Arwen's 'you-are-going-to-die-a-slow-painful-death-if-you-don't-stop-that-right-now look.

Unfortunately, Celeste had gotten her arms and legs wrapped around the terrified king and just hung there like a limpet when he released her. He shook a little to see if she'd fall off, but she held fast and purred,

"Gornie! Stop that cos I'm getting excited…"

Aragorn paled significantly as she trailed off, and stood stock still. The others in the room stood unmoving, horrified at the scene.

All except for Legolas.

He was currently shrieking like a girl and jumping around trying to dislodge Starr, who had a killer grip on his arm and her tongue so far in his ear, he was convinced she was digging for dinosaurs!

"What are you doing here?" Aragorn squeaked, then brought himself up tall. He was Aragorn… King Elessar… Hero of the War of the Ring… He didn't squeak, not matter what the provocation.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, this time pleased that his voice came out a lot less mouse sounding.

The chaos was interrupted by the book beginning to glow again.

"Not another one!" everyone yelled, but Starr and Celeste exchanged uneasy looks.

"Did you invite anyone?" Starr whispered to Celeste. Celeste shook her head, and for the first time, fear showed on her face. She whispered "That means it must be…"

"The SS!" they both yelled, and bolted for the door. None of the occupants of the room stopped them, as they were looking at the bright light in fear.

When the light faded, there stood a tall girl with long auburn hair, dressed in an ankle length black leather coat and carrying a sniper rifle.

"Who the hell are you?" Aragorn demanded.

The woman reached into the inside pocket of her coat and pulled out a black leather case. She flipped it open, and showed the King her badge.

"King Elessar, my name is Julie. However, I'm known in the Sue-Hunting world as Colonel ForeverFaramir. I'm one of the CO's of the Sue-Squad," she explained.

"Sue-Squad?" Éomer asked, curious as to what sort of weapon she was carrying.

"Yes. I am part of an elite, secret police squad that hunts down and kills Mary-Sue's. Officially, we hunt all Mary Sues. But, unofficially, we are known as the I-hate-Starr-and-Celeste-with-every-fibre-of-my-being-club."

"Can I join?" Legolas asked immediately.

"Sure." Julie smiled. She held up a pile of papers. "In fact, I have several membership forms here. If you sign up, you'll be officially and legally allowed to hunt and kill Sta…"

She got no further as they all lunged at her, grabbing for the forms. They leaned on tables, on the arms of chairs, on each other backs… any flat surface they could get their hands on. The forms were filled in and handed back with such speed that Julie barely had time to blink. She smiled to see that Éomer had only spelt his name wrong twice before he got it right. The boy had improved!

"Ok," she began when they and all returned their forms. "I'll give these to Melissa, and she'll sort them out for you." She opened the book and dropped the pages in.

"Thanks Jules," a voice called from the pages of the book.

"No problem Melissa," she called back, and closed the book.

"I'm on the trail of two fugitives, and I think you can help me. They are wanted for Crimes Against Literature, a very serious offence, let me tell you. We've been looking for these two for quite a while. Their names are Starr and Celeste. Have you seen them?"

She held up to Wanted posters. Starr was on one, Celeste on the other. They read "Wanted: Dead or alive, but preferably dead."

"Hey, that picture makes me look fat!" Starr's disembodied voice floated in from somewhere. Julie looked around in surprise, and loaded her rifle. The occupants of the room jumped in surprise of the sudden sound, but the sue-slayer didn't notice.

"Damn, their powers are growing. I'm going to need back up," she muttered to herself as she flipped open her phone and pressed speed-dial.

"HQ? Yeah, it's Agent ForeverFaramir. We have a problem. I know. It's just as we thought. Look, I don't care if some fan girls have gotten a hold of Harry Potter and are trying to make him multiply himself for them! We have a real situation here! Yes, it's them! I'm going to need you to bring in the team. ASAP. Ok, thanks."

"Stand back," Julie advised the others as the book began to glow again. A light flashed even brighter than before, and when the light cleared, there were several more people in the room.

Each of them wore dark sunglasses (which they took off in unison) and ankle length black coats. (think Matrix) Most had strange looking weapons which they couldn't identify, but they heroes of the War of the Ring had no doubt that they could inflict a lot of pain.

"Hi guys," Julie said as she walked over to them. She turned to the rest of the room.

"Let me introduce my associates...

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Chapter Two will be up tomorrow.