Not What you think
Chapter 2
A/N: Thanks for the review i guess. I'm glad people like this.
Now here I am. Not really me, but not really someone else. Stuck in this life that isn't mine anymore. I realized today that I have no control over what I do.
"Ginny" I hear the sinister voice say. "Yes?" I ask my voice cracking. I know that he's in my room. I just can't see him. His voice is too close, too close… I feel a hand run across my lower back. I knew it. I knew he was here. It's not even that he spoke, I can feel him. Sense him.
He wraps his arm around my waist and starts with my neck. I lean away from him but my throat instinctively moves toward his mouth. He knows my body well. He knows my body, but I know his mind. I know what comes next.
Ah, right on schedule. His hand moves to my left breast and his teeth make their mark on my neck. He thinks I am whimpering in pain. No, but I'll let him think that so he doesn't try harder to hurt me. As much as I hate this, my body loves it. Perhaps even more so.
He balances pain with pleasure. Making me light headed and feeling slightly sick. I have cramps in my stomach. No matter how much I like this it's still rape. No matter how hard he makes me climax, I still don't want this.
And now It speaks. "I love you." It says. I don't believe It. It thinks that I love it back. No I love someone, but it's not him. I look at my door. Hoping that no one comes in and partially hoping that Hermione will come and save me.
But come and save me she does not, I know she knows. She heard me crying out in my sleep. A nightmare, the same nightmare every night. The first time.
I was only 14. 14, Dammit! Who the hell does that to an innocent girl of only 14? I don't need to wonder, I know. He has a cold heart. And who could blame him? The only person who was even remotely like family to him died.
What the FUCK is my problem? I need to stop making excuses for IT. No matter how many reasons he has there is no justification. I was only a child. I was a little tomboy, I barley knew about sex. I mean of course I knew what it was, but to me it was still icky. I cried. I cried for It, I cried for me, I cried at the blood on my sheet, I cried just to cry.
And IT hit me. I didn't want to do it again. So I began to hide from him. He found me three days later…
FlaSHbaCk:
"Where have you been?" I heard him behind me. A few feet away. But moving, closer, closer.
I turn to him and see his eyes. What I see scares me. It scares me because there isn't anything there. Not a damned thing but lust and hate. His eyes, once so full of love and determination were changed. Still the same brilliant green, but there was less lustre to them. There was no hope.
He slaps me, hard. I cry out. At the time pain was not part of me. I was also very surprised. I was still confused about it. Was it real, had he really raped me?
But then was not the time to wonder. He was picking me up. His arm about my waist lifting me. And at that very moment it crystallizes. He raped me! He raped me and now he is going to do it again. I need to get away. I don't want to It hurts. It hurts!
But it didn't hurt that time. No, not at all. When he was done he smirked at me. Kissed me on the lips bruising the tender red flesh and walked away. I got to my feet and fell. There were still little aftershocks running through my entire body. I was swimming. Swimming in the most disgusting sensation. Did I just enjoy that? That's rape, you don't enjoy rape.
I was walking to my room. And I saw Hermione. She looked at my clothed and my lips and said "Hi" in a slightly defeated voice. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I didn't want it. That if there was anything I wanted it was her. But I just said "hey. Um… I'll see you later." And went to my room.
That was the first time that it occurred to me. I needed to scream, I needed to hurt something. I was so angry and hurt and emotionally drained. I just picked up the box cutter and… cut.
End FlasHBAcK
As if there was no difference in the times IT kisses me and leaves. I know better now. I clean myself up and spell my lips back to their normal size. Just as Hermione walks in the door. I thank the Goddess that I remembered to make the room not smell like sex.
I get that feeling again. I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her everything and I want her to hold me. But of course I don't.
"Hey Gin, what's up?" she asks. I look up. "See for yourself" I reply.
I immediately regret this. She looks up and her throat is there. Bent back, just like it would be if she threw her head back in pleasure. Now that I would like to see. Hell, I'd like to cause that.
"Well, I've deduced that there is a ceiling up." I say nothing. My mouth has gone dry. I want her, badly.
I right myself and laugh at her cheeky remark. She is doing it again. Looking at me in that way that makes me feel like nothing but a sheet of glass. She looks unhappy all of a sudden. Fuck, she knows.
"Ginny. I think that you need to tell me something. I just don't know what." I look her straight in the eye. She is giving me a chance here. A chance to tell her everything. I want to, I need to. She is looking back at my eyes. Reading what I have.
She walks toward me. I take in a breath. She puts her arms around me. I am weak all of a sudden. My knees bend and before I know it I'm on the floor. My legs to my chest. My right arm hugging my torso, my right hand gripping my left shoulder. My left arm wrapped around my knees.
And I feel her. Her arms around me. Her right hand on my waist and her left in my hair. She is whispering nothings in my ear. Her breath feels good against my earlobe. I'm 13 again dreaming about this angel who tells me everything is going to be okay.
"Tell me." She softly insists. I am becoming light headed again. My vision is fading out. I stay sober for a moment longer. Just long enough to say "Rape." And hear her say. "I know." Then the world turns to shit.
Chapter 2. I have it out sooner than I thought I would. This story has a part of me in it so I suppose I care about it. W/e. Perhaps I can write them all this fast. No promises though.