Not What You Think
Chapter 9: Don't want to cope.
Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: I had writers block. Thank you for putting up with my shyt. I'll try to be quicker this time.
I can think of at least a bajillion things that I would rather be doing right now than lying to my mother. I can think of a bajillion and one ways I could run away. I can think of ten people I would rather be in this room with. I cannot hear a word my mother is saying to me.
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind.
Where worries are washed out to sea.
I sit here nodding when it seems appropriate, and muttering little gulity sounding "Sorry mum's." I am so sick of this. And I am thinking of the countless ways I could flay the boy they call Harry Potter.
See the changes, peoples faces blurred out.
Like sunspots or raindrops.
I cant help but let my mind wander to Hermione. To the life I had for a little while. About the life that I will have again.
All those feelings, those yeasterday's feeling
Will all be lost in time.
But today I've wasted away for today is on my mind.
A smile sits on my face. The smile of someone who knows something that someone else does not know. "Ginny this is serious, why are you smiling?" I take a moment to focus on my mum. She looks less cross than before. But at the smile on my face she thinks that I am being cheeky.
Left the only worries I had in my hands
Away from the light in my eyes.
"It's just that this whole thing was a misunderstanding. If you think about it, it is a bit funny." I say and she smiles too. "Yes, I do see that. You can go to your room now, since you are under restriction." I nod a sad looking nod. A grimace in place on my face.
Holding tight and trying not to hide how I feel
Cause feelings mean nothing.
I walk up to my room. I open the door and immediatly hate what I see. My room is white. Walls, bedspread, carpet, all white. This is not alright. I wave my hand at my room. Everything is black. My room looks smaller and I like it. I conjure a lock for my door.
The lighting in my room is very bright. Its not good. Not good at all. I take the lights out or the ceiling. And I conjure a magenta lava lamp. Very good.
All those feelings, those yesterday's feelings
WIll all be lost in time.
But today I've wasted away for today is on my mind.
Yeah today is on my mind.
I throw myself into my bed. And just lay there. Hours go by and my ceiling is still the only thing I want to see. It's not like it matters. I don't really have to see anything else anyway. Hoorah for the ceiling!
HaHaHa... no. I am so bored. Fuck this. I stand abruptly. No more of this. I walk to the window and summon a wind. I sit on it and hover for a few moments to test it. Falling off of a wind thatI created is most definetly not on the to do list.
I slide to the ground. Smooth landing. 'Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Backyard of the Burrow. Please be sure to remove all belongings from the over-head storage bins.'
I can't get a worry. I'm feeling so lonely.
Breaking apart all this love in my heart.
I run to this big ass tree in the yard. I climb slowly to the very top. I make myself comfortable in my usual branch. I feel around for the box I keep up here. Oh, I've struck gold!
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind.
Where feelings mean nothing now.
All those feelings those yeasterday's feelings,
Will all be lost in time.
But today I've wasted away.
For today is on my mind.
For today is on my mind.
Yeah today is on my mind.
I pull the boxcutter out of the box. There is some fire whiskey in there and a pack of green cigs. There is also a cloth. My grandmother gave that to me. I've had it for four years. It still smells like her...
"What the hell are you doing up there? How did you get up there?" Oh fucking dick wad shit crap! Why him? Why not Fred or George? Or mum or dad? I want Hermione. Not IT.
"I'm sitting up here and I climbed you fucking moron." I call down at him. I can feel his smirk. "Little helpless Ginny Weasley climbed up there all on her own?
"And dumbass Harry Potter was able to come to that conclusion all on his own?"
He isn't smirking now. "Why don't you come down?" At this I laugh right out loud. "I can think of a list of reasons not to come down."
"Like...?"
"You are a fucking baby rapist." I shout.
"So you consider yourself a baby?" He is challenging me. The bastard.
"I was when it started you fucking asshole." I spit.
"Fine, fine. I was just trying to make peace. But if you want to be enimies then..."
"I will never, never be able to make peace with you. Not until I have my revenge and when I do, you aren't going to have any intrest in making peace with me-"
"You are all alone-"
"I have Hermi-"
"You have nothing!" He walks away from me.
I cut myself good and deep. Over and over. Just three days of this shit. Then school. Then training. Then Hermione and Moira and Draco. Only three days.
Fuck I want Hermione. I close my eyes and move to the back of my mind...
"Ginny?" I open my eyes. Hermione!
My arm! Ah fuck. She is staring at it. Her gaze is sad. She walks over to me. "Lovely..." I just throw myelf into her arms. I need her. Her warmth, her smell, her love.
I smash my face into hers. Not caring that i may have just broken my nose. She tastes like toothpaste and Hermione. She smells like lye soap, which is not particularly sexy, but oddly appealing.
I pull her down onto the floor. I need to feel her. I wan to taste her. A big black tee-shirt and black panties with a skull right over he heat. So fucking hott it is not even funny.