Severus Snape and the Greasy Hairball
Harry was practically bouncing off the walls with happiness as he, Sirius and Remus left Cornelius Fudge's office, today had been one of the best days of his life and little did he know it was going to get even better because events were going to take a surprisingly comical and even more optimistic turn. The reason that Harry was so happy was because that disgusting little piece of filth also known as Peter Pettigrew, had finally got what he deserved, the truth that had been concealed from the rest of the world for so many years had finally been uncovered, thanks to Harry, Professor Dumbledore, Remus, Hermione, Ron and a vial of Veritaserum. Peter Pettigrew was now locked up in Azkaban alone and soulless just as he deserved to be, having received the Dementor's kiss, this meant that Sirius had finally been proved innocent allowing Harry to be able to leave the Dursleys and move in with his godfather permanently.
As the five of them headed for the visitor's entrance/exit of the Ministry of Magic, heads turned, people stared and whispers followed them. Every person looked completely terrified of Sirius; not knowing that he wasn't a murderer, some people were talking in disgusted yet slightly fearful tones to one another, not bothering to keep their voices down, saying things like "I don't know how he dare show his face in public after what he did to all those muggles and Peter Pettigrew" and "I wouldn't be hanging around that man if I were Harry, it's not safe he's a murderer and a madman, you can see it in his eyes", Harry even heard one man say to his colleague "you mark my words Dillis by tomorrow it'll be all over the papers 'Convicted murderer Sirius Black murders the famous Harry Potter', he just cannot be trusted". Neither Sirius nor the others cared about these remarks though because they were all too occupied by happiness and knew that by tomorrow the thing that would be all over the papers was "former convicted mass murderer Sirius Black has been proved innocent" or something to that effect.
Sirius and the others were very much looking forward to returning to Grimmauld Place, to inform the other Order members of the excellent news and throw a huge party in celebration of course. Nothing could spoil their good mood, not even the site of a certain hooked nosed, sallow skinned and greasy haired individual known as Snape. He approached the group glaring at them then turned to Sirius, with hatred burning in his eyes.
"What are you doing here Black, enjoying your last moments before the dementors take you away and perform the little kiss that they've been saving especially for you", he sneered spitefully.
"None of your damn business Snivellus", Sirius replied narrowing his eyes dangerously and reaching for his wand.
"You've never been able to control that temper of yours Black, now look where it's got you, waiting to have your soul sucked out through your mouth", Snape said, amusement evident in his tone. Sirius immediately took out his wand and pointed it directly at Snape's throat.
"You better watch your mouth Snivelly; you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of me would you?" Sirius growled menacingly, still not removing his wand from Snape's throat.
"Sirius leave it, he's not worth it", Remus warned Sirius, who reluctantly shoved his wand back into his robes.
"And for your information Snivellus, Sirius has been proved innocent and cleared of all charges" Harry gloated happily. Snape's jaw dropped in disbelief and he couldn't speak, for a minute he just continued to stand there, unable to respond.
"Right, well, we'll just go then", Remus said looking at Snape in a bemused way, and he then began the remainder of their walk to the visitor's entrance/exit. The others followed suit, slowly walking past the still motionless Snape, all of them looking somewhat amused by the idea of Snape being rendered speechless.
"Ha! Did you see the look on Snivelly's face", Sirius laughed, now thoroughly amused by the situation. They all burst into fits of laughter and had to stop for a moment to regain composure. Suddenly a strange spluttering sound interrupted their laughter; they all turned round cautiously to see what had made the sound. There still in the exact same spot that he had been for the past five minutes was Snape, knelt on all fours, coughing and spluttering, closely resembling a cat coughing up a fur ball. By now the attention of everyone around them wasn't on Sirius but on the wheezing figure of Snape, nobody seemed to quite know what to do, so they all just continued to stare at him. The coughing became worse as Snape struggled for breath slightly, then almost as suddenly as it had started, the coughing stopped. Snape crippled over in a heap on the ground, dead, after coughing up a very large hairball that was made up of black, greasy hairs.
"Well I always used to tell him to wash his hair, guess its too late now", Sirius said with tears of laughter streaming down his face. Everyone began roaring with laughter and Harry doubted whether his day could get any better.