Poor Malfoy
4 Days Until the Wedding
Draco woke the next morning to the voices of Crabbe, Goyle, and Pappy talking about women, which was just the opposite of what he wanted to hear of. He tried to go back to sleep, but Pappy's car kept making these BANG noises, and his bubble wasn't a good pillow. He decided to listen in.
"Don't you ever get lonely?" asked Crabbe.
"Nope," said Pappy. "Never since that son-itch brother of mine stole the only woman I loved: Pin--" BANG.
"Pin--" BANG. "?" asked Goyle.
"Yep. Pin--" BANG. ". She was a nice, little, Asian girl. He done gone stole from under me."
"What kind of name is Pin--" BANG. "?" asked Draco.
Pappy was silent.
"Pappy?" called Crabbe.
Ever silent.
Goyle punched him in the gut, but yet Pappy did not move. He was dead.
"HE'S DEAD!" yelled Goyle.
The car started to swerve around the road, and then it flew the opposite direction of Bulgaria. Malfoy started to cry.
Suddenly, they found themselves in a baseball park.
"Where have we suddenly found ourselves?" asked Draco.
"You're in Comerica Park!" said a Puerto Rican man with a jersey labeled 7: Rodriguez.
"OH, GOD!" Draco yelled. "NOT COMERICA PARK! ANYWHERE BUT COMERICA PARK! WHY COMERICA P-- Wait… What's Comerica Park?"
"It's where we play," said Rodriguez. "The Detroit Tigers. My name's Ivan, but you can call me Pudge."
"And Detroit is… where?" asked Malfoy.
"Michigan, of course!" said Pudge. "Now, could you get your car off the field? We're trying to beat the Yankees."
Malfoy led Crabbe and Goyle out of the stadium and into the streets of Detroit. The crossed the road to the Hockey Town bar.
"What can I get for you?" asked the Asian bartender.
"Something very heavy," said Malfoy. "Vodka on the rocks. NOW!"
The bartender looked at Malfoy in amazement in his drink choice, and then got all the stuff.
"We can save her, Malfoy," said Goyle. "We've still got four days!"
"No, just three," said Malfoy. "The stupid author forgot the bold letters."
3 Days Until the Wedding
"We can do it!" said Crabbe. "All we need is an airplane!"
"Those cost a thousand dollars!" said Malfoy.
Crabbe suddenly wanted to rob the place of $1,000 for some unknown reason. He went up to the bartender and put his wand on his temple.
"I want $1,000!" Crabbe said fiercely.
"You want 1,000 dolla'?" asked the Asian barkeep.
"I want $1,000!"
"1,000 dolla'?"
Crabbe hesitated. "I want… 1,000 dolla'!"
"1,000 dolla'?"
"1,000 dolla'!"
"1,000 dolla'?"
"1,000 dolla'!"
"Okay, here you go," said the barkeep, handing over the money.
"You do know," said Draco. "That I am a multimillionaire?"
Crabbe and Goyle led the drunken Malfoy out of the bar by his rubber bubble arms. They were stopped by Draco's parents.
"Dear, lord!" cried Lucius. "What is my son doing? Drunk in a poor man's town like this? Wrapped in a plastic bubble?"
"We're sorry, Ms. Malfoy!" said Goyle, looking strait at Lucius.
"You better be, idiots!" said Lucius, unnerved by being called "Ms. Malfoy". "Now, I have to pee. I'll be right back."
While Lucius went into the bar to pee, Narcissa looked at the boys oddly.
"What's wrong, Mr. Malfoy?" asked Goyle.
"I know about Hermione," she said to Draco. "If you want, I can set you free."
"You would do that for me, Mom?" asked Draco.
"Of course," she said. "I only ask for one thing in return."
"What's that, Mom?"
Narcissa whispered into Draco's ear: "A nose job." She called someone on her cell phone.
An airplane zoomed over their heads and then circled over them. Lucius ran out of the lavatory as Draco and crew climbed into the plane, trying to stop them.
The plane took off toward Bulgaria.
4/14/05