Haley had never considered herself fake. She had always thought of herself as an honest person who didn't lie or fall into deceit unless circumstances truly called for it and even then, she would always berate herself repeatedly until she nearly drove herself insane.

As she stood there in the center of the party, her smile wide and glittering and her whole persona vamped with energy, she couldn't help but wonder what happened to the small town girl from Tree Hill? What happened to Lucas's trustworthy best friend that wore hideous hats and stayed at home on weekends to watch reruns of Dawson's Creek?

What happened to Nathan's wife? His tutor girl…

Was she still her? Deep inside, Haley wanted to believe that a part of her was. But, she knew she couldn't write off what was happening to her life as mere change. This was more than change. This was a complete, tilt your world off its axis transformation that she was wondering if she should even be undergoing. It was a Thursday night, she should've been at home, studying for her next history test instead of mingling with the music elitists of New York.

But, she wasn't and even as her mind screamed within that something was wrong with the situation that she was in, she found that she couldn't move. All she could do was smile and nod, and pretend that she was listening to the vapid words spilling from the mouths of the nameless faces that made up the crowd around her.

The last time she was at a party like this, she had spent the next two hours crying in the subdued darkness of Karen's Café. This wasn't her. It never was. Even when she threw her own 'coming out' party as Nathan had so bluntly put it, she never felt like she fit. Parties and her just didn't click and she honestly didn't expect them to. She supposed a little part of Lucas had rubbed off on her in that manner. She was much happier staying in and lazing around then going out and partying.

Her actions in the past few months could've vouched differently. She had been playing in clubs, hosting parties and going on tour with world famous people. What had changed? Something was different inside her now. She stood there in, frozen, her smile still firmly attached, reaching out for the answer but withdrawing at the same time.

A part of her didn't want to know. She loved that part of her. The part that stayed at home and appreciated the simple things in life. The part of her that used to play mini golf on top of Karen's Café and used to make fun of the derided pleasures of mindless high school idiots who tainted the party scene.

For the first time in a long while, she missed silence and peace. Her life was a whirlwind of passing follies and colors now, blending together into one big moving painting. All she wanted to do now was just freeze the screen and jump back into a place where she had found comfort.

She blinked back into reality when she heard her name being called. Someone was talking to her, someone she didn't recognize. She managed to respond through the smile. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt now. She coughed loudly and excused herself. She could feel Chris's eyes on her back. She didn't know if he knew her doubts and at this point, she was beyond caring. She had told Nathan the truth when she said this wasn't about Chris. She had an attraction towards him, yes, but she never wanted to pursue it.

This whole experience was supposed to be all about her.

But, all she could think of was Nathan.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"You miss her, don't you?"

Nathan glanced at Lucas blankly for a moment before shrugging, "I think I'm finally adjusting to the silence." Lie.

"That doesn't answer my question."

He shot him a quick glare, "Maybe that should tell you something."

"Call her. She misses you too."

"Is that the reason why she left?" Nathan snorted before opening the fridge. His arm reached in and his fingers wrapped around the cold bottle of beer.

"She didn't leave because of you."

His grip tightened on the glass bottle, "No, she didn't stay because of me," Nathan retorted before sliding onto a stool. "Don't waste your breath on me, big brother, we've been through this already."

Lucas eyed the beer bottle warily before sighing. He glanced at the clock and his mouth twitched in disappointment, "It's not even 10 AM yet."

Nathan shrugged, his fingers still wrapped around the bottle. He should be opening it now, he knew. But, he couldn't. All he could hear in his head was her voice and all he could smell was her. Even as Lucas stood there in front of him, lecturing about something or other, all he could focus his thoughts on were her.

If she were here, she wouldn't want him to do this. He knew that was what Lucas was thinking. It was the truth. But, she wasn't here, Nathan tried to tell himself. He let out a heavy sigh. That didn't mean he should destroy everything in his life because of it. If he really wanted to 'accept' this, he wouldn't be drinking.

But, he couldn't accept it. How could anybody? How could anybody just sit back and let their lives fall apart as they knew it and remain passive? How could anybody just let the love of their life walk away to pursue their 'dreams' without feeling some sort of resentment?

He had every right to be angry and to express his anger the only way he knew how. He struck out and though it was supposed to make him feel better, each and every time he brought someone else around him just a notch lower, the amusement and pleasure was ephemeral, fading away quickly into the emptiness that resided within the depths of his heart now.

His wife had left him.

He couldn't accept that.

With burning eyes, Nathan twisted the cap off in one fluid motion and took a large chug, relishing in the feel of the cold alcohol slipping down his throat.

Yet again, the pleasure was fleeting.