Chapter Five
Realizations
"Relena?" Tai nearly dropped the phone. He felt very shaky and yet very calm. Tai sat down on his bed slowly and listened for every word, every breath.
For the past week and a half or so he'd been looking for her. He hadn't found anything either. Where could he start? He had no idea where she was, or what she was pretending to be. It was near impossible and would take years of looking. And despite that Duo had talked him into it, he found himself working harder than he meant to, throwing himself into the search for this girl who'd had such an impact on his life. And now she had called him.
"Relena? Is that really you?"
"Yes" she sounded very happy, almost tearful. "But you are a brainless twit, aren't you? Didn't you think I'd worry about you? You can't justdie like that!"
"I know. I'm sorry. Icannot offer you an excuse. I should have known that you'd hear about my illness and I should have contacted you. I think that I just wanted to dissolve what I was and be a normal person. So I didn't contact anyone who'd make me conspicuous. That was selfish of me and I'm sorry."
It was very silent on the other end and Tai worried that he'd angered her. He was very confused where Relena was concerned. He knew that he respected her for her conviction and strength of will and character, even if he didn't completely agree with her. And to some degree, he admired her. But any more than that, he did not know, nor did he understand. All he knew is that he felt horrible for making her hurt so much and he wanted to make it better. If she cared that much for him, so be it. He'd let her know that he was okay, but that would be as far as it goes. Any more, any further, and he did not know how he would react, how he would handle those types of human relations. And he did not want to screw around with her mind. She didn't need that.
And romantic feelings were so far from anything he'd ever experienced before; he was sure that he would not be able to do anything correctly. He was just barely beginning to understand family love and friendly love, forget anything else. But despite all this, he could not pretend to be so stupid and blind at to no see how she cared for him. She'd chased him all around space and Earth during the wars. She'd trusted him whole-heartedly when her life fell apart—she found she was not who she'd always thought herself to be. She found a brother who was not really a brother at all. She became a ruler of nations then made a single nation. And the entire time she'd looked to him. And he could not ignore that.
Finally, Relena spoke up. "HeeroI'm so glad that you're alive. II still believe in youjust as muchjust as much as I ever did." She sounded shy and but still held her firm, solid voice. She was continually growing stronger.
Tai wasn't sure what to say to Relena about that. He had been so self-confident during the war, but it was living in peace that was the challenge. He could handle war, and her belief in him was we well founded at that time. Heck, he had asked her to believe in him. But now this peace time with civilian living was another matter. He was completely inexperienced and lived by example. He really had no idea what he was doing.
But he just simply said, "Thanks." There was an uncomfortable silence and Tai broke it by turning the conversation's focus away from himself. He never liked talking about himself much. "How are you doing now?"
"Much better that I know you're alive!" Tai could almost hear her smiling at him. How could someone be so forgiving? And so happy? And optimistic?
"Are you going to school then?" Tai knew he was asking leading questions, but he had to get her off of him or else the conversation would end very abruptly and coldly.
"Yes. I'll be graduating after this winter semester. But I'm not sure if work will be any better. I'll still be dealing with annoying old men who think they know everything!" Relena's voice was upbeat despite the confidence she was sharing. Tai was surprised at her insult to her fellow politicians, but did not dwell on it. He had grown softer over the years, so maybe she had grown harder.
Suddenly Tai heard several noises on the other end of the phone and Relena greeted someone who'd walked into the room, then she started talking to him again. "Heero, I'm going to have to go soon—my roommates are coming home, and that makes things a little awkward." She was talking in a quiet voice. "But I mostly wanted to tell you that I really would like to see you again. I was hoping that I could visit you during my fall break. It starts in a week. But if that would be too hard on you, I completely understand. School is pretty rough."
"No" Tai stammered a little. "That would be okay. My fall break is next week too. I could give you my email and you could tell me when you'll be arriving and I'll pick you up. And I think I can find you a place to stay."
"Okay!" Relena sounded happy, if not a little surprised at his quick compliance. Tai gave her the address, but then he realized something.
"Relena, how did you get this number?"
"Oh, a couple weeks ago I ran into a boy who looked just like you and he gave it to me. Is heis he your brother?"
"Yes" Tai was straining to not grit his teeth audibly. "I have a twin brother. I'll explain my family and what happened when you come to visit. I will talk to you later."
"Bye!" Relena hung up sounding as cheerful as ever.
Tai hung up the phone and glared at the wall. Huy had seen Relenaand he hadn't told himhe had spent all that time he could have been studying instead of doing useless searchesand that ditz of a brother had forgotten to tell him that he'd run into Relena. Surely that pea-brain would have recognized and remembered Relena Darlian. That little And he flew out the door.
The dorm building had ten floors. Each floor was arranged as a large box with the bathroom and a "common" room in the middle. There were several of these buildings all bunched together. Some were girls' dorms and others were boys. On the other side of campus were actually apartments with their own kitchens, like where Julie and Kieko lived. But Ai was worried that the boys would be too lazy to cook so she insisted that they live in dorms where food was provided. She argued that as she was paying for their education, they would have to do what she said, despite that they were both on scholarship. But where cafeteria food is concerned, it is always in great quantities but utterly inedible and devoid of any nutritional value besides starch and fat. Huy just used it as an excuse to work out more so that he didn't turn into a scary "white, fat, and utterly unrecognizable humanoid blob." Tai had just grunted and shrugged the entire matter off. He didn't care.
Earlier Huy and Kieko had been studying in the room but got so annoying with their jabbering that Tai had booted them out into the common room. He just hoped that Huy was still there now, because he was going to kill him.
Tai skidded to a halt in the common room. Kieko and Huy were sprawled on a couch with books everywhere and Julie had joined them on the floor. "Hey Tai, what's u.." Huy's voice dropped off as he saw Tai's face. "Uh-oh"
"What?" Kieko looked from Huy to Tai and back again with a perplexed look on her face. Then Huy jumped up and began to run.
"Oh no you don't!" Tai yelled and chased after him.
Huy ran in circles around the back of the couches with Tai right on his heals. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" Huy pleaded one couch length away from Tai. They were playing ring-around-the-rosies with the furniture. "I swear I won't flour your laundry again!"
"My laundry? What are you talking about?" Tai yelled as he leaped over the couch at Huy. Huy shrieked and sprinted across the room. Tai rolled on the floor and jumped after him.
"NothingI don't know about any laundry!" Tai growled. Huy gulped loudly. Julie and Kieko sat in the corner staring. Neither girl had seen the boys like this before. They had especially never seen Tai this active or full of emotion, any emotion.
"Oh yah? Well then what are you apologizing for?"
"Thethe uhfrog I put in your shoe" Huy picked up a lamp to block a flying couch cushion.
"What frog?"
"You mean you didn't find that either?!? Man, you never let me get any fun!!" Huy yelled, panting heavily from the end of another couch.
"What do you want me to do? Run into your traps and scream like a little girl? Ha!" And Tai jumped at him.
Huy rolled out of his way and threw a pillow at his brother, who promptly threw it back so hard that it knocked Huy over. And in less than a second, Tai had him pinned to the floor, straddling his stomach, hands around his throat. "Why didn't you tell me," he growled.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Huy looked panicky.
"You sure were ready to apologize for all that other stuffcan't you remember?" He shook Huy a little.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUT YOU ARE STRANGLING ME SO LEAVE OFF A LITTLE, WON'T YOU?!?!?!" Huy yelled.
Tai grimaced evilly and suddenly Huy had visions of what it must have been like to face Heero Yuy, the Gundam Pilot. He was glad he hadn't had to fight in that war. "I just got a phone call." Tai paused to see if any sign of a sudden revelation popped onto Huy's face. "A girl. That I used to know a long time ago." Huy still looked confused. "She said that she ran into you and you gave her our number."
Suddenly Huy's mouth formed a large "O".
"So you're remembering now?" Tai asked.
Huy nodded. "I did tell you about her! Remember? I was teasing you about her and you couldn't remember her? The red-head with green eyes? I met her at a game a couple weeks ago?"
Tai rolled off of his brother and landed in Indian-style, eyes crunched as he remembered Huy telling him about it. "Are you sure that that was the only person you've run into who you gave our number too?"
"Positive. Why? Does that still not fit her description?" Huy asked.
"No. Unless she dyed her hair and got colored contactswhich would actually make sense That girl didn't tell you her name then, did she?"
"No. I would've told you the first time if she had," Huy told him
"Uhdo you guys care to explain what's going on?" Kieko asked from the couch. Julie was still sitting quietly on the floor with her large, hazel puppy-dog eyes staring at them.
"I ran into someone who thought I was Tai, AGAIN. And I gave her our number because I didn't have too much time to talk to her and that way she could contact Tai herself. But when I mentioned it, Tai couldn't remember her." Huy stopped and directed a sinister smirk at Tai. "But now it seems he does. Who was she?"
Tai looked very preoccupied. "Just an old friend. We met in high school."
"You actually WENT to high school?" Huy asked, incredulous. Tai shot him a death glare.
Julie looked even more confused and Kieko looked uncomfortable. "You didn't go to high school, Tai? I thought that's how you two found each other"
"I went intermittently. Whenever I wasn'tmoving around." Tai was off in what appeared to be a rather painful dream-land again.
"Hey, you okay? You look a little constipated," Huy commented.
"You know who won't be okay in about half a second?" Tai threatened. Huy grinned.
Then Tai got up to leave, but turned suddenly. "Would it be too much trouble if a friend slept on your couch for a week or so during spring break?" he asked the girls. "I totally understand if you don't want to—being an invasion of privacy and all."
Kieko looked down at Julie who shrugged. "No, we don't mind. Is that girl coming?"
"Yahshe wanted to see me. We'vegot a lot ofcatching up to do." And Tai walked off.
"Wellhe didn't even say thank you!" Kieko said crossly. "Does he act like that often?" she asked Huy.
"Actually he used to be like that minus about every social grace known to man when I met him. His vocabulary consisted of grunts and nods and you can forget thank you' or you're welcome.' He was a ROCK."
"Really? That's interesting. He's so nice now, in a quiet, reserved kind of way. He's kind of like the constant shadow that you know you can count on any time. Like he'd go to Jupiter and back for you if you needed it, but never asks for anything back."
"That was something I figured out too, when I first knew him and before I was sure he was my brother. Most people just thought he was a jerk but were nice to him because he was my roommate and I dragged him everywhere with me. But then he started to change as the year went on and mellowed out a bit. And then there was when he seriously save my rear." Huy's voice trailed off as he took a little detour down memory lane.
"Saved you? What happened?" Kieko asked.
Huy snapped out of it and realized the hole he'd dug himself into. "I, uh, was just being my stupid self. Don't worry about it. Let's get back to studying." And Huy settled himself back down on the couch beside Kieko. She looked at him curiously as if she wanted to question him further, but didn't.
No one noticed Julie starting intently down at her text book, hands shaking slightly.
After Deirdre hung up the phone she was greeted by Ianthe's "sneaky" glare as she leaned up against the wall, looking at her. "What?" Deirdre asked innocently.
"You were talking to a boy. And he wasn't Marcus," she said with a touch of smart-alec in her voice.
"So? What's you're point?" Deirdre said in mock annoyance.
"You're cheating on him."
"WHAT?" Deirdre was genuinely annoyed now. "Marcus and I aren't a couple! We never were! So I can do whatever I want with whomever I choose."
"Marcus sure seems to think he's got his hooks in you. And you have been going out with him a lot. Are you just using him?" Ianthe asked.
Deirdre's mouth fell open. "Don't you know me at all?! I'd never do something as low as that. Ianthe, who's been feeding you this stuff?"
"No one's been feeding me anything. You said you were going to go visit this guy over fall break. That sounds like something to me. And you should have the decency to tell Marcus about it, just so he doesn't get led on. Whether YOU think you're leading him on or not is irrelevant. But he thinks you guys are getting along fine. I don't think it's fair not to tell him about this guy."
Deirdre was furious that Ianthe was interfering, and even more angry that she had a valid point. But she hadn't done it on purpose. She hadn't even considered that Marcus might be forming emotional attachments to her. "I didn't even notice that Marcus cared so much! But that doesn't even matter. That guy is just a friend. I haven't seen him since I was sixteen. I thought he was dead, all truth be told. I just found out a little while ago that he's alive and so I wanted to see him. What's so wrong about that?"
"You thought he was dead?" Ianthe asked, her voice dripping with cynicism.
"He had leukemia and I heard through the grape vine that he died, okay?" Deirdre could feel tears rising up. Just talking about it still hurt, and she even surprised herself with how forgiving she was about it all. "Just leave me alone!"
Deirdre ran into her room and grabbed her coat, then headed for the front door.
"Hey, where are you going?" Ianthe grabbed at her shoulder as she passed.
"For a walk. I don't have to listen to you with your bits of speculation and assumptions." And she walked out.
Ianthe just stood in the kitchen, mouth open. Deirdre had never acted like that before, and she'd known her a couple years now.
Amada came out of their room with a confused looked on her face. "What was that all about?"
"I'm not entirely sure. I accused Deirdre of playing the field"
"IANTHE! Deirdre's not that kind of girl! She'd never do that!"
"But it sounded like she was and she mentioned some old friend she thought had died and then she got all choked up and left. Had she ever mentioned a friend who died from leukemia to you before?" Ianthe looked worried.
Amada shook her head. "No"
"She looked like she was going to start crying."
"I guess you guys aren't as good of friends of hers as you thought." Kiki's voice from behind made both girls jump. They hadn't realized that she was home.
"Has she talked to you about this?" Amada demanded.
"Only when I forced her too. She was really upset so I pestered her till she talked," Kiki said simply.
"What happened then?" Ianthe asked.
"I don't have the right to tell you. You'll have to ask her yourself." And Kiki went back to here room.
"What a pain in the"
"She's right. She doesn't have the right to tell us what Deirdre told her in strictest confidence," Amada interrupted Ianthe's swearing.
Deirdre ran down the street, panting slightly. She just wanted to get away as soon as possible, and as far away as possible. She loved her roommates, but sometimes they were harsh. Especially Ianthe. She was the most masculine of any of the girls, the most aggressive and forceful with ideas and actions. Whatever she did, she did all the way and with a lot of force. Subtlety was a lost art with her. If she liked you, you knew it. If she thought you were the biggest moron on the face of the COLONYyou knew it. Sometimes those were valuable traits. But she was out of line just now. She didn't understand the situation. She didn't even bother to find out the situation. She just assumed that Deirdre was just like every other person in the world. And that hurt coming from someone who knew her so well.
Deirdre ran all the way to the little petting zoo that was down the street from the school. It was closed this time of night, but there was a little play-ground out front. Sometimes Deirdre would go and watch children play or swing and let herself be five years-old again, cared for and unconcerned in pink-ribboned pig-tails and matching corduroy overalls. It was a little scary to go to at night but she wasn't thinking about that right now. She wanted to be away from the apartment. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to cry.
Today had been such an emotional day. Finally deciding to call Heero and finding him was bad enough. She had been a little angry when she first realized that he truly was alive, but it had melted away as soon as he said he was sorry. Heero had changed into an openly kind person. And that had made her happier than anything else had in years. But it was also draining because her brain had to adjust to him being alive again. And then Marcus pursuing her, and Ianthe's accusation. And school stress was a constant. It never went away.
She sat against a tree and buried her face in her hands and cried. She couldn't do this any more. All this human relation stuffwhat was she thinking going back into politicsshe must be suicidal. She was tired of doing this on her own, of not trusting anyone, not being able to tell the truth. Hiding her identity, walking around in crowded places only to go home to people who didn't really know who she was, people she had been lying to. She loved them, but things felt so shallow sometimes. She just wanted a peaceful place with someone who would never question her. They'd understand her and accept her for what she was, just take it all in stride, and love her for it. There would be no accusations or hateful words, just peace and understanding. She wanted Heero.
After a little while, Deirdre got up and found the public restroom. She washed her face and took a drink from the water fountain, then started home again. Maybe she couldn't have that little haven she so desired right now, but at least she could be alone for a bit and cry. That would have to do for the moment.
Deirdre started the walk home. She decided to take the long way and walked up and down every little street she could find. She wasn't getting anywhere in her life, so it felt good to at least be moving physically.
"Now what would such a pretty girl be doing walking alone in the dark like this?"
Deirdre jumped and turned to find Marcus' friendly face smiling down at her. "You startled me"
"I seem to be very adept at that. But seriously, what's wrong? You've got your worried, thinking lines working over-time between your eyes."
"It's nothing for you to worry about. I just needed some fresh air," Deirdre said cheerfully.
"You know, it kind of hurts when you don't talk like this. You're so friendly to everyone, but you never let them do the same for you."
Deirdre looked uncomfortably down at her hands. "That's just because no one can help me with my problems. They're a bitunusual."
Marcus made a face. "Do you honestly think your problems are so unique that no one else has ever suffered them? Don't you think that someone could help you?"
"Marcus, don't be cross. That's not it at all. Okay, so some of my problems are like that, but they stem from other ones, which I just can't talk about! I wish I could explain, but I can't. I justI'm so sorry." Deirdre started to take off running again but Marcus grabbed her by the arm and spun her around to look at him.
"Deirdre, I care about you. A lot. And you can tell me anything. Please believe that! I want to help you"
Deirdre shoved a hand over his mouth to stop him talking. "Oh please don't talk like that! I wish you wouldn't like me so much! I wish you weren't such a wonderful person because then it wouldn't be so hard to hurt you!"
"Deirdreyou don't care for me at all like that, do you?"
"I'm so sorry."
"So I've just been fooling myself all this time?"
"Not exactly." Deirdre felt like a slug. A big, fat, slimly, ugly, green and brown spotted slug sliming up someone's nice, clean arm.
"Not exactly, she says. I went away to Earth thinking I was hurting this poor little girl, breaking her heart. And then I realized how much I really did like her and howhow she was such an elegant person compared to everyone else. But I guess I blew my chance then. I should have realized what was here, huh? Now you've found someone else. Can you tell him what you won't tell me?"
"Marcus!" Deirdre forced herself out of his grasp and turned his face to look at her. "That's not how it happened! I did like you then, a lot! But I don't think it was in the way that could turn into anything serious. It was more of a little school girl's crush!"
"So you couldn't take me seriously?" he said bitterly.
"No, I"
"You don't honestly expect me to believe that there isn't anyone else, do you?"
"I already told you, I."
"You shouldn't lie. It's not becoming."
"Marcus! Quit being a pratt and quit interrupting me!" Deirdre burst out, or at least as close as Deirdre ever got to bursting. Marcus looked at her in surprise, but didn't say anything. "I do like someone quite a lot but he doesn't like me at all."
"Then he's a fool just like I was"
"I said don't interrupt," she told him sternly. "As I was saying, if you really must know, I've known this boy since I was fifteen. I met him in high school and he helped me though some very hard times. But he's never liked me like that. I always chased him. Then I lost track of him and heard that he had died of leukemia. I didn't even see him before that. I was miserable, heartbroken, and all that other dumb stuff. I've never suffered like that before and I had already suffered the loss of a parent. And this boy dying was a million times more painful to me. I've been struggling with this for four years. Not long ago I found out that he's alive, that he didn't die. That I had been suffering all this time for nothing and that he had survived. I called him today and I'm going to see him during spring break. He still doesn't care for me like that, but we are friends and I want to talk to him. I haven't seen him in years. So, I don't really have anyone. Marcus, you are a wonderful guy. But I'm sorry."
Marcus turned away. "This guy sounds like a real winner," he said sarcastically.
"You don't know him, thus you cannot judge."
"I do understand that if a jerk like that hurts you like that, he doesn't deserve even another thought from you!"
"Things were complicated, confused. He was confused. He didn't even know that I knew about his illness."
"If he was even ill at all"
"Marcus, I won't have you slander him like that. I won't listen to it. I'm sorry that I'm not overly keen on you any more and I'm sorry that you are fond of me. And I'm sorry that you have to be jealous of a dear friend of mine." Deirdre gasped at her own words and quickly bit back. "I'm sorryI didn't mean to be so harsh."
Marcus shrugged. "What does it matter anyway. I'll walk you home now."
"I was walking just fine on my own before. You don't have to do that."
Marcus forced a smile. "You really are an amazing person, Relena Darlian." Deirdre gasped, eyes as big as watermelons. Marcus laughed at her reaction. "Come on. You know who my father is. And you know where I work. Did you honestly think that I wouldn't recognize you? You still have the same little pretty face."
"No one else has. When did you realize it?" Deirdre asked slowly.
"Well, when I very first met you, I had a very strong case of deja vous, between your appearance and how you held yourself, even how you spoke. It took me about a week to place you, but I decided that what you were doing was good. You were only a high school student when you were working. That's too young. Now you are older, more mature, more experienced, and you actually have a degree in what you will be doing. Before you were just spouting ideas that made sense to you and telling everyone else in such a pretty way with that pretty face so they believed you." Marcus smiled. "I thought you were such a little girl when I met you. I couldn't believe that such a person could rule a world nation. But now I see why. You were just hiding your true self, as was necessary."
Deirdre was concentrating on her shoes. "Have youhave you"
"I haven't shared my revelation with anyone, nor will I. I just wish that I hadn't been so stupid when you did like me."
Deirdre shook her head. "You are a nice person, but it would never have worked."
"So can you tell me this boy's name?"
"It wouldn't mean anything to you. He's just a normal civilian."
"He can hardly be normal if he's captured someone like you."
"Well, I would hardly call it a capture." Deirdre sighed.
"If he showed any interest at all though, you would"
"I would be at his side in a heart beat. I've never known anyone like him before or since."
Marcus nodded sadly. "Let me walk you home." Deirdre nodded and walked quietly at his side. Marcus was a truly good person.
Trowa lay on his back in the black on the bed, legs dangling down, in the trailer room. He threw a blue rubber ball into the air and then caught it, over and over. He watched it spinning, turning, the single white stripe around it twirling.
Heero thump. He caught the all and held it for a second. You confuse me so much, Heero. Why do this? I want to believe that you had everyone's best interests in mind, but this has me over for a loop
He began to throw the ball again, images of Heero's self-detonation in his mind. He remembered carrying the pilot in his Gundam's hand to the circus. Cathy had helped care for him and it had taken a full month for Heero to regain consciousness. Then Trowa had tried to follow Heero's example.
How can something be so right for someone, and work, but be so wrong for someone else? How could it have been the best thing for Heero to self-detonate, but not for me?
Thump. Thump. He caught the ball over and over again. He never missed.
Cathy stopped mebut there was no one to stop Heero. Is that why it was okay? Because people cared about me, but Heero didn't have anyone?
Thump. Thump.
Nothat's not true. Sally was worried about him. Relena cared. Relena has always cared. Duo cared too, and Zechs, in an odd sort of way. But maybemaybe his duty and mission ruled over any love he may have had for them, any thought of their love for him. Cathy's tears stopped me, but no one's tears stopped Heero. They cared, but not visibly, not so that Heero could see. Is that why Heero didn't bother contacting us? Did he think that no one cared, still? Could he not see anybody's tears?
Thump. Thump. Thump. Trowa caught the ball again, the constant beat ceasing allowing the silence to seep into his bones.
That's so sad. I hope he can understand love. Life is not life where there is no love
Trowa smirked to the dark ceiling.
WellI guess I don't need Heero as my example anymore.
There was a beep of his laptop and Trowa sat up and pulled it out from under the bed. He had an incoming video message.
"Hello Trowa. How are you?" Quatre's bright blond hair and the light from the screen suddenly illuminating the darkness blinded him for a moment.
"Fine. Did you get Heero?"
Quatre smiled and nodded. "Yes I did and he agreed to a meeting at Christmas with all of us. He's too busy with classes right now. It would cost him his grades, which I understand. Either right before Christmas or right after would work for him. He'll be with his family on Christmas."
"Family?"
"Yes. He has a family, but he didn't go into the details. He said that he'd tell all of us together at Christmas. So which is better for you? Before or after?"
"I think before would be better. We get a few days off. After is too hectic, with New Years so soon."
"Okay. I've been taking a poll and trying to coordinate times."
"How's it looking so far?"
"Several I don't cares.' Only you have had a personal preference. I just wish that we could get Miss Relena to come. But Zechs won't tell me how to contact her. In fact, I don't think even he knows what school she's at."
"I agree with Zechs on that one. She should just be left out of it," Trowa said solemnly.
"But surly she should know the truth. It's just not fair to her to not know."
"I think it's worse for her to know he'd hurt her in such a way."
"But they were never together. Heero had no real reason to think that she'd care any more than a friend," Quatre said.
"Isn't that enough?" Trowa asked, his voice had an edge to it.
"I thought that you disagreed with Zechs and Wufei about this."
"To a certain extent I agree with them. I feel Heero should be told what he has done and I hope that he feels remorse, but I don't feel that he should be black-listed either as they seem to think."
Quatre shrugged. "We do all have our own opinions. I prefer not to worry about it too much. Everything's okay now. He will never do it again, I'm sure."
"Yahsee you." Trowa decided not to argue with his friend.
"Good bye, Trowa!" And Quatre's still childish face blipped into the darkness.
Well, Quatre can have his determined optimism. But, Heero should at least know what he's done
Kieko came home late that night from the library. It was so hard to concentrate on school when you wanted to spend time somewhere else. She pulled some left-over stew from that weekend out and heated up in the microwave. Then she got an apple and leaned against the kitchen cupboards cutting thin slices for her to eat while she waited for the microwave to finish.
She paused and looked around the small room. Half of it was a miniscule kitchen with the basic appliances plus Julie's toaster and Kieko's juicer filling up the cupboard space. A small table and four chairs sat in the middle of the floor. The other half was a carpeted area with a couch and love seat cutting it off from the kitchen. A television was in the corner in front of the large wall-sized window. Off to the side were two bedrooms, a linen closet of sorts, and the bathroom. It was tiny, but comfortable.
It was just so strange thinking of sharing a place with Huy instead of Julie. She'd been with Julie for so long and now she'd be moving. Part of her was sad, and part was excited. She'd have this new partner for life. It was intimidating—the idea of being completely on your own, making all the decisions, and being a parent. Not to mention making sure that your own personal hang-ups didn't affect the other people you love so dearly, handling all the little quirks of your spouse, and handling even a few bigger ones because you love the person more than you hate them. Love really was only a hairs- breadth away from hate at times. They were both such strong emotions.
She was a little worried for Tai. After finding out his identity, she could see how much he truly needed Huy. And now she was taking Huy way from him. But he was so nice about it. Maybe Tai was more stable than she was giving him credit for. It would be interesting to see this girl who would be visiting. Maybe Huy was right and Tai did have a thing for this girl.
The microwave beeped and interrupted Kieko's thoughts. She stopped and pulled the dish out of the microwave and seated herself at the table.
Julie walked into the room silently and pulled her cup out of her personal cupboard and filled it with tap water. "Hey Julie. How's the studying coming," Kieko asked companionably.
Julie turned and shrugged. "Okay." Then she downed the water and turned to go.
"Hey, you don't mind that girl staying here, right?" she called after her roommate.
"It's fine!" Julie's voice called back shortly. Kieko's senses perked up and she chased after Julie and shoved her hand in the doorway before it could be shut all the way. Julie looked at her smaller, Japanese roommate in shock as Kieko stormed in.
"Are you sure that you're okay?" Kieko demanded in a very dubious tone.
Julie ran to Kieko and started crying.
The two girls sank to the floor and Kieko stroked her friends hair as she sobbed into her lap. "It's okay. Everything's okay" Kieko chanted softly.
Julie hiccuped back another sob and looked up at Kieko. "I don't understand! Why can't I quit liking him! He's nice to me, and he seems to like meI don't know what's wrong! And you'd think that since I do know that he doesn't like me like that, I could just let go. But I can't!"
"Julieyou always get attached like this. And Tai does like you, as a friend. He likes you very much. He thinks that you are a very nice girl but"
"The nice guys and girls ALWAYS finish lastI bet this girl is a total wrench and just chases him!"
"Julie, I'm sure that Tai would never be attracted to someone like that."
"Is that why he doesn't like me?"
"Oh, quit that! That's an entirely different matter! Besides, who's to say who likes who and why? Things just happen, okay? We don't know why or how, they just do. I personally consider any relationship a miracle. That two people can like each other enough to trust despite all the hardships and reasons they have to not trust each other. You will meet lots of people you like but won't like you, and others will like you but you won't like them. Only a few are mutual, and that's when you get married. But even then, sometimes it doesn't happen. Just try not to let it worry you so. And if it will bother you to have this girl here, then we can tell Tai sorry, find her some other place to stay.' He'll understand."
"No" Julie sat up and shook her head, her light brown hair shaking slightly. "I can handle it. And you are right. I just need to get over itsome how."
"It's not going to happen over night, butbut maybe we'll even see that they ARE only friends. Maybe Tai's not just embarrassed over a girl so he's not admitting it. Maybe they really are only friends. Just keep an open mind. And Tai's not the only boy in the world. He's a nice one and you have good taste, but he's obviously not the right one."
"Kieko"
"Yes?"
"This is why you're the one getting married and not me. I'd just screw my husband up with all my insecurities if I got married."
Kieko just laughed. "I still have mine. I just keep them in checksuccessfully!" Then she winked and playfully punched her roommate in the arm. "I'd better eat my goolosh before it cools."
The next morning Deirdre's alarms rang obnoxiously. She sighed and got up.
"What in tarnation are you setting your alarm for on a Saturday?" Kiki groaned from the other side of the room.
"Sorry. I have to really get studying. I'm going to be gone all during spring break."
Kiki sat up in her starched, overly long white T-shirt. "Where are you going?"
"He is alive. I'm going to see him."
Kiki smiled. She understood what Deirdre was talking about. "No hoax then?"
"No hoax."
Then Kiki glared and swore colorfully. "Well, that pain in the rear could have had thecommon courtesy to call you and tell you he's alive! I'm not so sure I think too much of this boy."
"Wellthings are complicated. And I'm willing to let it go. I know he had his reasons."
"I hope you plan on questioning the pooh out of him when you see him," Kiki said humorlessly.
Deirdre smothered a giggled. Kiki was so weird. "I'll be questioning the pooh out of him' about a lot of things." Then she got up to get dressed.
"Ianthe doesn't really think that you're a slut," Kiki said from her dark corner.
"I know. That doesn't have me upset any more."
Kiki nodded. "Good. You're going to have to develop a tough shell if you're going to be in politics. Everyone's going to be feeding you crap and sending around rumors. You're going to have to ignore them and not let anything bother you."
"I know. And most things don't bother me. It was justit was just that she knows me so well on such a personal level that it hurt. But as I said, I'm fine now. And I talked to Marcus anyway. So now he knows about my friend."
Kiki smiled. "Good." And then she curled back into bed. Deirdre smiled at her twisted roommate and suppressed a sudden urge to give Kiki a huge hug. She hoped that Kiki could find the happiness that she'd been missing her entire life.
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A/N Hello! It's you're friendly-not-really-in-your-neighborhood Gundam Wing fanatic! I just wanted to thank you guys for reviewing me. It's really hard for me to write because I'm always working and really tired (I work two different jobs so I can pay for college). And what's more, because I know how my story ends, it's not like I'm driven to finish it, so it's very, very easy to just let go and quit working on it. But getting on line and seeing how much you guys are enjoying this really keeps me going. I didn't feel like writing at all and then I saw my reviews, and I could write. It wasn't very much because my sister decided to grace me with her presence as she succeeded in thoroughly distracting me with her cheerful jabbering, but it still was SOMETHING. Anyway, thank you SO MUUUUUUUUUCH!!! Any questions, comments, or outbursts are welcome (but please have mercy with the outburst part! ^_~.). Toodles for now, Tygerlilee =^,^=