Chapter Eight
Making Memories
"You know, she's not at all like I remember her, Tai. She was so bold andconfident and just different when I met her before. Maybe first impressions are always screwed up. It's just so weird that you'd be such good friends with a girl who's so meek. She's just asking to be run over!" Huy was randomly kicking rocks to the side of the path as he and Tai walked back to Kieko and Julie's apartment.
"She's not as passive and meek as she seemed to be. I think she was just a little shy. But you'll see soon enough that compared to her, I'm nothing." Tai breathed in the fresh morning air. It was a pretty, crisp morning. And nice day to be walking.
"What do you mean?" Huy cocked an eyebrow.
"Deirdre isstrong. She is the strong one, stronger than anyone." Huy was getting the feeling that Tai was talking about something else that had nothing to do with the conversation. But as they knocked on the door and Huy lost his opportunity to ask.
Julie's solemn face answered the door and let them in. Kieko was talking a mile a minute to anyone who happened to be listening while she blended what appeared to be all the leftovers in the fridge. Deirdre was glued to the television, watching a live viewing of some World Nation meeting.
"Huy!" Kieko threw her arms around his neck. He grinned sheepishly as she dragged him over to the messy kitchen to help her with breakfast. The sink was piled high with dishes and orange, green, and brown splattered the cupboards and microwave oven.
"I best be going now," Julie said softly as she left the room.
"Have a good day!" Kieko sang over Huy's shoulder. They were rather engrossed in each other at the moment.
Tai sat down silently beside Deirdre who hardly noticed she was so involved.
"WHAT!" she shrieked, jumping up. Huy and Kieko both looked over in surprise, but Tai hardly flinched. "What is the moron doing!! After all the work I did to get that stupid thing passed! And if allows weapons, mobile suits won't be far behind, and then we'll be back to square one! ARG!! This can't happen!" She buried her face in a couch pillow with an expression of utmost despair.
"Maybe that goes to show that if people want to fight, they will. The people have to bring about peace on their own. You cannot make them do it," Tai reasoned softly.
"But it's what the people want! And he should be representing the people, not his own prerogatives."
"He was elected because the people believed he most closely represented their ideas and would help them to gain what they want. So he is, in fact, fighting for what the people want."
"But how can they change so fast? That man is nothing but a power-hungry thief. Heero, I'm going to fight this. I'm going to stop it."
"Deirdre"
"Maybe I am delusional. Maybe I am a silly little girl. But I know what I believe and I am NOT backing down. Do you still disagree with me on this?" She looked to Tai with large, distressed eyes.
"I never disagreed with you. You may not do what I would do, but that doesn't mean that I don't agree. You are exactly as you should be, and I am as I should be. You are the one who dares to dream and act upon such ideals. You have good thoughts and act for the betterment of the people and their living conditions. But at the same time you are a little naïve about the means to your preferred end." Tai was looking directly at her now, into her eyes. It unnerved Deirdre a little when he looked at her like that, as if he could see her doubt and worries, straight to her soul. And if anyone knew those thoughts, they would lose faith in herto see her weaknesses. But at the same time it was comforting. She liked knowing the he knew about her. That she was human. But only him.
"Then what do you propose I do?"
"Keep trying and working for what you believe. You have convinced so many people to go along with it, with you. You must keep the faith and move on, keep convincing more people so that they will follow you and act on those beliefs. Until the day comes when the majority of the world puts down weapons of their own accord, there will bedisturbances."
Deirdre laughed. "I guess that's what I do. That's all I do."
"No, you do much more than you can ever know," Tai said quietly. "And I think it would be better if you tried to remember to call me Tai, not Heero."
Deirdre gasped and slapped a hand over her mouth. "Did I call you Heero?" She looked over to see Kieko and Huy standing there, watching the exchange with amusement. Deirdre bit her lip nervously.
"It's fine here. They know what I was, but Julie does not," Tai comforted. Deirdre nodded. "Well then, I think we have a busy week ahead of us."
Duo yawned widely at the computer screen. Hilde was shopping with friends so Duo thought he'd work a little over time on the company's budget. It was a mess of receipts and scratch paper and order forms. The in-box was near falling over, completely hiding the sadly empty out-box. He'd been working steadily for two hoursbut he hadn't even made a dent in all the paper work.
Grabbing a bundle of papers, he hit his head on the desk, swore passionately, shook a mass of papers, and rather quickly found himself flat on the floor covered with papers and random data CDs. Then his computer beeped. A message.
"Grr" He propped himself up on his elbows and scooted out from under the mess. Flopping into the chair he clicked the screen open. "If you're a tax-man, selling anything, or a friend of Hilde's attempting to steal her away from me again I don't wanna talk!" Duo declared desperately.
"Well, as I'm none of those, so I guess I'm allowed!"
Duo blinked. The blond hair was almost blinding him. "Hey Quatre! How's it hangin'?" He started thinking fastQuatre was a businessman, maybe he could help with this dumb tax auditing.
"I'm well. And you? And Hilde?"
"Fine."
"Well, I just wanted to ask you a few questions about Heero."
Duo couldn't help but inwardly groan. Everyone and his dog had been calling him to ask about Heero and his alleged death as no one knew his number, but Duo had given it to Quatrewhy was he calling?
"What da' ya' wanna know?" he sighed good-naturedly. At least Quatre was polite, not screaming at him as Wufei tended to. Actually, he hadn't screamed, just talked very slowly and loudly. Hilde had thought a helicopter was landing near by when he called.
"Well, I don't really want to know anything about him exactly. I just wanted to tell you we are meeting at Christmas. Mostly so that we can all see Heero again. We were thinking maybe the weekend before Christmas on L-4. I can arrange a private place so that we don't all attract too much attention."
"Hm. Sounds good. Heero can stand up for himself then. Who all's coming?" Duo asked, scratching an itchy spot on his nose.
"So far, Trowa, Wufei, Zechs and Noin, Sally, and myself. Hopefully you too. I wanted to bring Relena as well so that she'd know about everything, but Zechs is pretty adamant that she be left out of this, at least until she resumes her position as Vice-Foreign Minister."
Duo laughed. "Well, he's a little late for that"
"What do you mean?"
"Uh" Crap! He always got himself into these messes. "I was just thinking that Relena would probably find out through the grapevine. It always happens!" Duo said as cheerfully as he could to mask his nervous laughter. Quatre nodded in agreement. Duo breathed again, he hadn't noticed. Heero probably wouldn't want everyone to know about he and Relena's little visit this week.
"Hey, man, do you think you can get Wufei to chill with his whole justice' routine. He's been yelling at me about Heero for a month now!"
Quatre sighed. "That's because I'm the only other one with his number and Wufei knows I won't give it to him. He probably thinks you'll be easier to manipulate into giving it to him."
"Man, I ought to give it to him. I shouldn't take all this crap for Heero. I'm about deaf from it all" Duo muttered as he wiggled a finger in his ear for emphasis.
"Well, I don't think he should have to worry about this while he's in school. I think that if Wufei needs to speak with him, he can wait till Christmas. I just think he's angry because Heero acted selfishly and injured Relena. Despite everything, Wufei has great respect for Relena, albeit her sex. He has nearly admitted that she's a strong person."
"Wow." Duo sat forward towards his screen. Then he switched the subject back to Christmas. "So we meet at L-4?"
"I'll send you the address once it's finalized."
"Do you think Zechs will murder Heero?"
"No." Quatre's voice was light as ever. They could have been talking about picking flowers, never mind an extremely messy situation. He was always calm and cheerful. "I think that Zechs respects Heero for his skills and wishes dearly for a logical explanation from him. Everyone wants to believe that he didn't do this for selfish reasons. Everyone wants to believe that it was necessary–nobody likes to lose respect for a friend. That's why Wufei yells at you for his number. He wants to see that his respect and trust has not been misplaced."
Duo nodded. "That's a first--Wufei makes some sense. Okay then. I'll wait for your email!"
"Okay. Good-bye Duo. Take care of Hilde!"
"I will!" And the screen went blank. Duo sighed and rubbed his face. He figured he'd have to stand up for Heero at Christmas too. But man, it would be so much more difficult having to face everyone then. He hoped, for Heero's sake, that he had a good explanation ready by that time.
Tai sat silently on a bench in the mall next to his brother. Kieko and Deirdre were in the dressing room with about ten out-fits each to try on. Kieko would come prancing out to model confidently in front of her fiancé, dragging the shy, blushing red-head behind her.
"What do you think?" Kieko asked, attempting a pose of grace, batting her eyes, hoping she looked alluring. Huy stifled a giggle. Tai smirked. She had failed. Kieko supposed red leather pedal pushers with a gothic, fish net shirt, orange boa and pink heels just didn't cut it. "You know, I'm going to make you laugh, Tai Iwasato, if it's the last thing I do." She punctuated each word with a little jab of a stuffed snake she'd picked up from the shelf behind the boys.
"What about making me laugh?" Huy whined, sticking out his lower lip.
"I could look at YOU cross-eyed and you'd giggle yourself breathless. You don't need it. Tai, on the other hand, needs steroids pumped into his facial muscles, as they seemed to have atrophied. Either that or have the rod surgically removed from his rear!" If Kieko was anything, she was fearless.
Deirdre stood behind her, blushing furiously in her pink baggy T-shirt, orange denim bell-bottoms, and fuzzy slippers. "Come on, Deirdre! We have a mission!" Kieko announced loudly and dragged the girl back into the dressing rooms. "He will laugh!"
As soon as the girls disappeared, Huy caught Tai's eye and they both let out a little snort. "Man, I was starting to think Kieko couldn't surprise me any more! But something about Deirdre just seems to make her even more goofy."
"I don't see how."
"Deirdre's pretty bold, especially around you. She's one of the few people I've met who dare to argue with you. It encourages Kieko. Except Deirdre doesn't seem to like this too much."
"She's bold in many ways, but not this one. She's notsilly," Tai said slowly, mulling it over in his mind, attempting to put the appropriate words where they belonged.
"And so you think Kieko is silly?" Huy asked, a note of offence hanging in the air.
"She's marrying you. That should be proof enough."
Before Huy could answer Kieko jumped out in a fuzzy, leopard spotted tank-top and denim shorts with neon green and yellow striped thigh highs and pink, plastic platform shoes, and a large gold chain tied around her waist. "What do you think?" she asked enthusiastically.
"Beautiful. Just beautiful," Huy said, smoothing his laughter.
"Like a twelve-year old slut on acid," Tai told her, a slight grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Wait till you see Deirdre!" Kieko seemed pleased with Tai's reaction. Deirdre gave yelp behind the door as the Japanese girl tried to pull her out. "Come on! Don't be shy!"
The boys could see Deirdre's hands around the edge of the wall fighting. "I'm not coming out in this!" Her voice was soft and utterly mortified.
"Don't be silly!" Kieko gave a final push and Deirdre stumbled out, nearly toppling over Huy's lap. She struggled for balance and looked down at her feet. Huy raised an eyebrow at her red sneakers tied with white lace, knee-length purple and blue striped skirt, white and red polka dotted shirt with full sweeping sleeves, and three pounds of Mardis Gras jewelry.
"The colors are okay, but not exactly your style, huh?" Huy joked.
But Deirdre wasn't listening to him. She was trying to figure out how to get past Kieko to change.
Everyone was laughing as they walked out of the store, the attendants giving them odd stares and customers rolling their eyes. "So what are we gonna do for dinner?" Huy asked enthusiastically.
"Can't you keep your mind off of food for ten minutes Huy?" Kieko asked, affectionately clinging to his hand. Tai and Deirdre walked comfortably side by side.
"Oh come one. I didn't ask once while we were in that store."
"That's because he was too busy laughing at you two prancing around," Tai said dryly.
"But you thought it was funny too, didn't you?" Kieko asked eagerly.
"Not particularly. But whatever keeps you busy and entertained"
"But you did smile once or twice," Deirdre added timidly. She was starting to shake off the embarrassment. She could get up and give impromptu speeches in front of millions and on camera, she could stand up to her brother in the face of war, argue debates, analyze situations and decide the best course of action within seconds during a political crisis. But she could not act like a silly, fluffy girl, she could not boldly play act or pretend to be a silly little girl. She just couldn't. It was totally out of character for her to be silly. She had a sense of humor, but it was very dry. And she was very serious. Probably too serious for her age.
"I'm hungry!" Huy declared again for all the world to know.
"Okay, okay. I say we make something," Kieko decided. "It's more fun than going out."
Huy and Tai looked nervously at each other, but told her that sounded fine. "What's with the faces?" Deirdre asked Tai quietly, surprised at their hesitancy.
"Kieko's determined to learn to cook before they get married. It can beinteresting," he warned her.
"Surely it can't be that bad" Deirdre said thoughtfully.
Three hours later Deirdre was fanning smoke out the door, Huy was attempting to turn off the fire alarm, Tai was pouring baking soda on the small grease fire, and Kieko was shrieking like a banshee. Tai had once thought Kieko was a claming force for Huy's exuberance. Now he was beginning to wonder if it was the other way around. Or else she was being extra goofy to put Deirdre at ease. He hoped it was the latter and not the former.
They worked on scrubbing the messy kitchen and sat down for a "peaceful dinner", followed by a massive operation to do the dishes, consisting of Tai washing, Huy rinsing, Deirdre drying, and Kieko putting away. Somewhere in the mass chaos, Huy managed to get the sink attachment and squirted Tai down, who countered with soap suds, in which Kieko fell in the line of fire and got the full brunt of it. She stole Deirdre's wet towel and chased after Tai, who hid behind Deirdre, laughing as if he did it all the time.
As Deirdre stood still among the laughing and chasing of the brothers and Kieko, she stared at Tai's laughing smiling face. And tears started to form.
She wiped hastily at her face and sat on the cupboard out of harm's way, watching. And her heart was warmed as it hadn't been for years, since she caught Heero–Tai–in her arms as he attempted to shoot Marimeia. He could laugh.
Perhaps renting a romance wasn't the best idea, Huy thought as he looked over at his brother who seemed to be drifting off to sleep. What surprised him was that Deirdre also appeared to be zoning out while Kieko was practically breathless with excitement, she was so involved. Weren't girls supposed to love these types of movies? Keiko did. All his sisters and mother did. What was with this girl anyway? She defied all sets of feminine rules! She couldn't do that. It wasn't fair. It confused him.
But Tai wasn't as asleep as he appeared. He was zoning out–romances weren't exactly his genre, but Kieko had insisted that it was a wonderful movie and Deirdre seemed up for the idea so he had gone along with it. Huy didn't count anymore. He might as well have been an extension of Kieko, sprouting from her hip. They were sprawled all over each other leaning against the floor with pillows and blankets. The funniest part was, albeit the position they were in and the assumptions one would make, they were behaving perfectly. But that was probably just because of Kieko's engrossment in the movie. Huy, on the other hand, was looking around like a five year-old that was sick of sitting still for way too long.
The annoying, whiny girl in the movie started moaning about some tragic star-crossed love-er-other. Tai wasn't paying attention. He'd been dragged to the mall, to the grocery store, the ordeal at dinner, and now this. He just wanted to sleep. It was supposed to be a break for him. But it was already Wednesday.
Deirdre made a little noise beside him and her head flopped onto his shoulder. She seemed almost asleep. Tai looked over at her nervously. He felt like he was having an out-of-body experience. A girl, a very nice girl, was dozing on his shoulder. She looked so innocent and fragile with her pale face and long lashes flush against her skin, eyes closed. The overwhelming urge to wrap her in a protective hug appeared unbidden from the abyss of his mind. She was a tiny girl–how could she have helped to lead the fate of the world and all who lived? This slip of human girl, how did she do it? But then, how could he kill and fight as he had? They both defied expectations of teenagers. And they lived to see this day.
Somehow he couldn't help but watch her sleeping face. Memories unbidden which usually only haunted him in his dreams flooded in. So muchtoo much had happened, destroyed their childhoods. He had never played or romped as a child should and she had learned all to quickly the pain of betrayal and loss. He often wondered if he couldn't kill her all those years ago at that stupid dance because she seemedhe hesitated to think such a thing, but perhaps it was because she seemed so like him. Life was full of twists and turns, and this girl who should have been dancing down a sunlit path through life found herself instead alone and scared. She lost her father to a cruel assassination and at the same time discovered her life had always been a lie.
True, she still had her adoptive mother, but at the same time, she'd never be so innocent again. Then she had boldly walked into her fate, arms open. Vulnerable. And that's why he chose to protect her.
A strand of hair fell across her face and he delicately pushed it back. She smiled in her sleep as his hand brushed her face, and a strange shock of feeling penetrated his chest, a constriction of breath, which he'd never felt before. It was almost painful to watch her porcelain face. How could she stand to lay her by his side when she knew better than any other person who he was, what he'd done, and what he was still capable of. How? She who seemed almost ethereal lying there, with a perfect love of her people, and the gift of forgiveness, yet so annoyingly stubborn. But it wasn't stubbornness, it was more, conviction and strength. Tai cursed himself. He couldn't think of a single bad thing about her, and he needed to think of something so he could stop this tumult of thoughts drowning out all of his senses. What was this?
She snuggled a little closer on his shoulder and started to fall forward. Tai didn't mean to do it. It was automatic. He didn't think at all about it and he knew that he couldn't have prevented it if he were in this same position again.
Her little body started to fall forward, so he gently held her shoulder from behind, pulling her head forward onto his chest, where she rested. She sighed softly and curled her legs up behind her on the couch, his arm still around her shoulders.
Tai looked up, horrified to see Huy looking at him and grinning ear-to-ear. Tai could feel his stomach churning. He knew exactly what this looked like to his brother. He did the only think he could think of. Glare back and hope to pull together what little dignity he might still have when Deirdre woke up.
So he sat there, as far over on the end of the couch as he could get, a beautiful girl leaning on his chest, arm around her shoulder, watching a chick-flick. Perfect. Just perfect.
He looked over at his brother again. He had a camera. Tai felt his heart drop. He looked down at Deirdre, then at his brother again. There was no way he could get out of this without flinging the girl to the ground and running.
He sat down to flip through the manila folders of his recent cases that needed to be filed away. A couple confiscations, a few high-jackings. Nothing really unusual at work as of late. Between all the new laws and guidelines and Lady Une's work, things were more peaceful than usual. But with the political unrest developing, Wufei figured that he'd better enjoy his respite while he still could.
Then he picked up an older folder. The stained, lined manila card-stock was stuffed full and he sat down to lay them neatly back into it, so that it would be easier to file. He flipped through several pictures, but then one made him stop. A boy, a teenager, with an innocent, pale face. He was terrified. He had never known war or death. A child still. And yet he looked just like his antithesis–the Gundam pilot.
Is this what you would have been like, Heero, if not for the war? Wufei wondered. The boy had severe bleeding wounds, but the worst were seen in his large, dark eyes. They shouldn't have had to see all of this, innocents who knew nothing of fighting. They were weak, but only because they never had to be strong, and they could not be faulted for that.
But during the Marimeia incident, Wufei had grudgingly admitted the Heero was strong. He'd begun to have faith in his fellow pilot. But then it fell apart. This man showed himself to be weak just like everyone else, even though he should have been strong. He'd been forced to become strong. But he fell. He couldn't take life as it was and ended it. He was too weak to admit that a disease had nearly killed him, and hidden away. He was too weak to keep on as the Gundam Pilot he'd been and attempt to atone for his wrongs. He was a coward. And he would have to answer for it. Justice was always satisfied.
"Darn it, Yuy. I wanted to fight you again. But you aren't worth it anymore if you can't even face the consequences of your past actions," he whispered to the photo of the boy who was not Heero. There were few people worth having as idols, in Wufei's opinion. Few people to follow, that you could trust to make good decisions. Few people who changed your life and taught you ways to live. His long past wife had been the second of such people, second after his teacher and mentor of his childhood who'd instilled his desire for learning. After that, Treize, in a twisted back-wards sort of way. Then as much as he hated to admit it, Relena Darlian and Heero Yuy. Relena was the strongest person he had seen. She had declared her ideals and never swayed from them. She had hidden herself away, but everyone knew she was coming back. She hadn't left anything uncared for before her departure into the world, where God only knew she'd gotten too. Yuy had shown him many things as well–his fight with Zechs, defeating the White Fang, and during the Marimeia incident. Yuy's words had lodged themselves deep within him.
And now he had fallen from grace. And that hurt worse than anything. Yuy would pay for that loss of faith. He would pay.
Sally walked in and Wufei pretended not to notice as he finished putting the file in order.
She sat down heavily in front of him. "We have another mission. A maniac in L-8 is trying to build a warhead production plant."
Wufei nodded. It would be beginning again. He hoped that Relena would be ready to stop all this the moment she came back. They would need all her strength. Too many whispers, too many arguments. The government head was weakening without a uniting force and small, money grabbing and power-hungry factions were forming. The Preventors were working hard against them, but still, it was difficult to locate them all and stamp them out before they could start to fight.
Wufei could see the pattern. Weakened government unable to control things, greedy people form factions. They fight against each other, absorbing each other's power and money as they defeat another until finally there are two or three very strong ones. And then those have to power to start a war. Wufei never wanted to see a war again. It was ugly. They needed Relena Darlian, and soon. Couldn't she graduate a semester early and come back?
Well, if he had too, he'd become the devil himself once more to show the people how stupid they were. The only problem was, it was futile because he'd just have to do it again a few years later. And when he was gone, someone else would have to fill the role. History and human nature were cruel things.
Deirdre settled herself into her shuttle seat with a sigh. She was tired, achy. She hadn't had a good nights sleep in a week! The woman beside her was chatting away, and Deirdre pretended to be interested. But then the stewards passed around drinks and the woman knocked herself out with about ten gallons of liquor. And Deirdre could quietly watch the stars out the window. She was not nearly so nervous about this departure, not as she had been coming.
It had been such a strange week. First she'd been terrified, then comforted when she saw the young man who'd been confused for so long, but now was much happier. What she saw in him now was what she'd seen only in his eyes on a few occasions several years ago. And Deirdre rejoiced in it. His kindness and strength shone forth. His knowledge of people and how they operate, his wisdom and reserve. There were so many things in him Deirdre admired and respected, things that she'd barely seen before, but now were abundantly clear to any who met him. He'd made much progress.
Before it wasn't that he was silent, but rather hostile, en gaurde. He presented one face to protect himself. And when he had something to say, he said it how he felt like saying it to whomever he wanted to. It didn't matter if he was yelling at Treize, gun in hand, or a crazed Quatre in his Gundam. He spoke his mind if he wanted to.
Deirdre supposed she was like that too–okay, she was like that a lot, but some how different. And now he was different. He was morefriendly. That was the only way to describe it. He was kind and friendly.
Involuntarily, a smile played across her lips as she gazed into the blackness. Huy and Kieko were so goofy. Mostly the four of them, she, Tai, Huy, and Kieko had hung out together, going places, watching movies. She'd fallen asleep on Tai's shoulder and Huy took a picture. Tai about killed him. She remembered being so sleepy and comfortable, she couldn't help it. She just dozed on his shoulder, then she woke up to seeing him glaring at an evilly cackling Huy, camera in hand. But then, he'd had his arm securely around her shoulders, even then. That made her smile.
And playing two on two laser tag or spades and hearts. It had been very relaxed acting as a normal twenty-one year old would. Then she remembered their last conversation. It flooded back into her mind.
Tai had shown up at Kieko's apartment and asked her to take a walk with him. Alone. She'd been confused because never before had the tried to be alone with her. Kieko and Huy had tried to force them into a situation where they'd be alone, but Tai had never made any move toward it. But she'd gone with him, without question. His face was so serious, but then again, it usually was.
They had walked side by side quietly down the street, past some housing subdivisions and little stores randomly situated among the houses. That was the way with them, she and Tai. They did not need to speak. It was enough for her to just be by his side. That's all she wanted, just like Noin. Noin had told her once, years ago, that she just wanted to by her brother's side. Nothing more. It was enough to see him succeed and help him along the way, even if he never showed he cared.
But as they walked together that night, Deirdre felt something was different. Once or twice she thought that he'd allowed his hand to brush hers, but it had more than likely been just her fanciful imagination reacting to her recently realized longing.
It still frightened Deirdre to admit how much she found herself caring about him. She'd needed him before as a friend, and motivation to move on. She fought for peace so he wouldn't have to fight again, so innocent people would not have to bloody their hands. And seeing the result gave her much joy. But now, strange things stirred within her that she did not understand, too deep and too special...too secret. And to air them, to speak of them was certain to ruin such feelings. It would be to defile them.
"Deirdre," Tai spoke suddenly, breaking the quiet. She felt as if their pace was slowing a bit. "I justI wanted to say that I am happy that things have worked out for you."
"What do you mean?" He sounded a little strange, as if he was straining against himself, keeping inside his feelings.
"I fought in those wars for the people, in order to allow them happiness and peace. But I could not give them peace, I merely protected she who could give them peace, she who was strong enough to provide peace. And I am happy that you succeeded and are happy yourself." He was silent again. And Deirdre snorted.
"Maybe. I just wish that it wasn't so difficult to maintain."
"But anything that is so special and important must be maintained. A house, once built initially, does not stay strong and firm for eternity. It must be repaired, cleaned and sometimes complete renovations are necessary."
Deirdre smiled in contentment. He always pulled such things out of a seemingly empty void. He sounded sagacious, ancient almost, and all at once, like a lost little boy. Both feelings drew him to her. The one, created respect and admiration, the other, and endearing feeling of compassion. She responded to his thoughtfulness and wisdom.
"That is very true. But sometimes people move completely don't they? Or else the house is remodeled so that it does not resemble its original form. That is what I must work to prevent. But everyone seems so determined to move."
"As long as it is worth it."
She smiled down at the ground. "It is worth it." And some how, she almost felt as if they were talking about something that had nothing to do with peace and politics. Something entirely different. But that was the forbidden topic. He was her friend and she'd never broach such a topic, never risk losing him.
Deirdre suddenly came back to herself, and she was flying back to school on a shuttle. She could remember the tender look in his eyes as he'd watched her, and their quiet talks. He was informed, and had solid opinions. It was good to speak with one such as him, and one who kept his temper in check so well. But did she dare to believe that he might feel something for her? Years ago it would have been laughable. He would not have been capable of such feelings. But nowit seemedalmost natural.
Remembering his face as he said goodbye gave her hope. It was a sad look, longing in his eyes, like when he'd said goodbye to her in Peacemillion. Huy had come with them. She remembered they stood awkwardly in front of each other, like timid teenagers. Huy had slapped Tai on the back. "Well, give her a big hug you stupid oaf!"
Tai had awkwardly put his arms around Deirdre in a timid hug, as if he wasn't sure he was doing it correctly. But she couldn't help but return it, and with her response, he had relaxed and held her back. It had been brief, but sweet and genuine. Deirdre would give anything to know if he'd ever hug her like that again. She'd longed to wrap her arms around his neck and tell him that she didn't want to leave him, not when things were going so well. She longed to stay with him, by his side always. She would allow him to heal her heart, to enter parts she'd never let anyone else see. And she in turn would keep him safe and love him. She could do it. There was pain in him still, and she wanted to protect him from his own thoughts. If only she could make him see that she would help him. Comfort him.
But she had left. And she would meet Celes at the shuttleport. She dearly hoped that Marcus had decided to go back to Earth. That's where his job was, where he belonged, not pestering and confusing her.
After landing, she carried her bag down the lonely hallway and had to keep reminding herself that she could see him again. This parting wouldn't be forever. But stillknowing he was alive and knowing that she wasn't sharing this time with him hurt somehow.
It didn't matter, she thought firmly. It didn't matter. He was alive and well. He supported her ideals. As long as she had those three things, his safety, happiness and support, she could have the stamina to fight and endure. She would not cry anymore. Everything was all right and as it should be now.
Celes' smiling face greeted her at the exit, Ianthe standing by her, looked a little awkward. They hadn't spoken since her accusation several weeks ago. "How was it?" Celes asked cheerfully, guiding everyone to the parked car.
"Nice. I had a lot of fun," Deirdre told her in her ladylike, pleasant voice.
"Well, you'll have to tell us all about it as we drive home!" She grinned and unlocked the car.
Homewhy is it that no where but where Tai is seems like home anymore. Deirdre smiled and nodded at her roommate. No one's ever told me it hurt to be in love.
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A/N Panthow was that? Has school started up for anyone yet?
And can I say "wow" about fifty times? I've never received reviews like the ones from the last chapter! Thanks for such an over-whelming response! It made me laugh a lot! Anyway, I hope I'm doing a good job and I'm trying to pump out some more chapters. Currently, I'm cursing myself for dreaming up such a long and complicated story. Yet again, like with Blood Bonds, at chapter 8, this story hasn't even gotten started yet. It's very depressing. Anyway, Enjoy!! Toodles for now, Tygerlilee