Author's Note: These are things that I found a little while ago. I wrote them when I was 11 years old. I didn't read them over, or revise them. I wanted to post them just the way they were. I hope you like them.
Tears are not few for me and none of them mean I'm happy. I sit here now with tears running down my face. I can't stop them they are too much a part of me. They are unstoppable so I cry and cry. You watch me cry and do nothing for me. I no longer want to see your face I want to you leave and never come back to me. You are nothing to me now. Once I thought you were but you proved me wrong. So never come back. You still have a part of me and I can't take it back if I wanted to. No I won't even try because you have also left me with a part of you. A part that has also become me and no matter how hard I try to get away you will never truly leave me. No matter how much I want you gone and how hard I try to throw you away...you will always be here with me so I'll live my life, my new life, with you in my past but not my future and I'll... I'll be happy.
I like to leave here and be friends with people who only have names. No faces no life. They are my escape from life. I enjoy being with them they are a big part of my life. They can't be taken away and can't be seen by anyone else. My feelings mach theirs and I become a part of them or a friend that stands silently and faithfully by them yet unseen and Unheard by others who escape like me. We all have our ways to escape but mine is written Down on paper and is read. When I am done with one I get another and another one after that no one can stop me it is a part of me and always will be.
Some days I just want to leave here, I want to be gone. When I can leave, I will. Nothing can change my mind. Nothing. I know when I leave I will leave friends and family, and memories. But they can't keep me, I have to leave, I want to leave. And no matter how much it hurts I will leave, because I can't stay here. My roots could never get a firm grip. They need new soil, soil that is not littered in or been used before. So when I can I am going to leave, and when I do I'll start a new life for myself without all the hurt I found in the soil here. So don't try to make me stay in this place, is just not for me, so goodbye, I'll see you again someday...when I have found my soil. I promise.
Sometimes I wonder if you can be put with the wrong family. Like if you just don't fit with them. I'm so different. I like it but it just doesn't go with my family. Then I wonder if family has to be the people you grew up with and live with. Why can't it be my friends or pets? Or maybe my family is just I. I don't know but one day I'll learn then maybe I won't feel so out of place. Maybe one day.